A year of BLESSINGS

One year ago today, I wrote asking all of our blogger friends to pray that God may bless Clif and I with a second child (and possibly third).
Little did I know, as I sat there typing those words...there were three tiny babies beginning to grow inside my womb.
Today...one year later, I am sitting on the sofa snuggling my sick Eli, listening to my daughter giggling uncontrollably at her Daddy... and watching my Precious Easton sleep in his swing.
God has blessed us SO much during the year 2011. I only can begin to imagine the blessings to come in 2012.
Biggest (and best) highlights of 2011?

January 4th - Positive pregnancy test. :) I was wondering why I was SOOOO tired during our New Year celebration at Clif's aunts house...

January 5th & 10th - both blood tests with good results, and increasing Hcg levels!

January 19th -  the day Dr.S told us that on or around September 14,2011 we would we be welcoming TWINS.

January 27th - the day Dr.S told us that he "missed on" and that we were really having triplets. :) This was also a sad time as he took us to his office and offered us an appointment with "Dr.Christmas" for fetal reduction. Really? Eat your heart out, Dr.Christmas! We have three HEALTHY babies...and they would have willingly gotten "rid" of one for us? Whew...don't get me started. I can't imagine life without my Three Precious Peas.

April 28th - the day God answered my prayers. Two boys and one precious little girl.

July 15th - the day that God delivered our three beautiful and relatively healthy babies into this world. :) And that he led us to one of the most amazing doctor's EVER to be here with us every step of the way (SO thankful for Dr.G).

July 28th - the day that the Lord saw fit to see Elliana through her heart surgery!

August 13th, August 15th & August 23rd - when we brought each one of our babies home.

November 7th - the day we were told that Elliana's PDA was closed. :)

I know there are SO many other dates that don't come to mind. The truth is, God has given us new blessings every day. Whether we have seen them as blessings or not.

This past year has had many ups and downs... but I would have to say it's been one of the best years of my life. The only thing that could possibly make our lives any better would be having Lillian Joy here with us, but as we've said before...we know that losing her was in His plan...though we still find ourselves searching for answers sometimes.

God is good, all the time. :) Here's to 2012...may you all be blessed the way that God has blessed our family in 2011.

a peek into our Christmas

1,2,3 little snot nosed babies.

:( Yep...our three little ones are sick. Well, Clif and I say they are sick. Dr.C still says that they are the picture of health.
Ha! Just little sniffles and stuffy noses... but they've never been this "sick" before. Poor little Eli is pitiful. Not only is my little guy stuffy-nosed (having to suction his nose every 45 minutes to an hour)...now he has a cough an is slightly hoarse. Not to mention he is teething...hard core. You can now see the tops of both of his little teeth. I must say... absolutely PRECIOUS.
Easton & Elliana are sick too, but thankfully not as bad as Eli. Little Princess is sleeping a ton, and her nasal congestion just continues to get worse. Easton actually seems to be getting over it. Thank God!
Sometimes I find myself wondering what it would be like to have just ONE baby go through one thing or another. :) But, three babies is all that we've ever known. I'm sure that having one sick baby is exhausting... but let me tell you...THREE? They've been sick since 1:00ish Monday morning...and Clif and I are dead on our feet.
I'm sure that Dr.C has to laugh a little after our appointments with him. He must think that we are the most over-reacting parents ever. Thankfully he is a very kind doctor, and just smiles. :)
Our babies are five months old. They have been home for four months. I bet we have called Dr.C's office at least twenty five times, not to mention a dozen calls to the on call doctor during non business hours.
Calls to the doctor/on call dr have included:
-our babies haven't pooped in almost 24 hours! (Go ahead, you can laugh. We have now learned that it takes a LOT longer than that to get a dr concerned...little Elliana is an every 3-dayer.)
-I used hand sanitizer and then 5 minutes later, Elliana sucked on my finger. Will she get alcohol poisoning? This also resulted in a phone call to poison control.
-Eli has vien looking indention's on the sides of his head. Is he okay??
-{Enter baby name here}'s temperature is 99.0...should we bring him/her in?
Those instances don't even begin to touch it. Clif and I have to look back and laugh at ourselves for some of the calls we have made in these last months.
All in all, our babies could not be more blessed. Dr.C continuously tells us that our babies are the picture of perfection. :) So far, at 5 months old (and going through flu/cold/RSV season)... Eli has had a very minor ear infection, and all three have had MINOR cold. And now this litte sniffly business. Considering that they were 9 weeks early...Clif and I couldn't be more pleased with how well they have done. And continue to do.
Those we don't mind, these last few months have come with a lot of HOME time. Unfortunately, the babies won't be leaving the house (other than doctor's appointments) until spring time. I know that many people may see this as extreme... but Clif and I believe with our whole hearts that this is what is best for Eli, Easton & Elliana.
We've offended many people along the way...and we feel horrible for doing so. BUT our main concern is the health of our children.
Along with keeping the babies at home until Spring, comes missing church. A lot. Clif works every other Sunday. The Sunday's that he works... I stay home with babies... and am not able to attend services. On his Sunday's off... we have decided that each of us will attend a service. It's stressful. First of all, we don't like missing church period. But then, we really don't like going to church without the other. >.< It's been such a long time since Clif and I were able to worship together.
Needless to say...we are really looking forward to Spring, RSV season being over, and being able to have our entire family in church - where we feel that we belong!
I hope and pray that each of you had a blessed Christmas surrounded with family, and all those that you love!

What's going on with the kids?

Well... Easton is the most mobile out of the three. :) He is rolling over from belly to back and back to belly ALL the time. He loves it! Today I was in the kitchen and heard Elliana laughing...I peak around the corner, Camera in hand...and happened to capture the first picture above. First, he burped in her face...which is what she was laughing at, and then they were just sitting there grinning at one another.

The second picture? Well...those are Eli's little teeth that are getting ready to cut through. Thankfully he hasn't really fussed too much with them. He wakes up around 4am every morning (Tylenol wearing off?)... but other than that, he's a pretty happy baby.

One year ago today...

This is where I found myself. :) One year ago today, is the day our Three Pea's came to be!

Merry Christmas, Mrs.L.

This morning I got word that a lady I've known my entire life, and is very dear to my heart... passed away this morning.
I was shocked when I got the phone call. I knew that she had been having some health problems, and that she had moved in with her daughter a few months back - but, to my knowledge,no one was expecting this. At least not now.
She was probably one of the strongest women I knew. She battled so many illnesses (including cancer, if I'm not mistaking)... she lost her husband YEARS ago...she was just an all around AMAZING woman.
She will be missed by so many. But I can't help but think about what a wonderful Christmas this year, in Heaven...spending it with her Saviour. Not to mention her hubby that she's lived without for so long.
Merry Christmas, Mrs L. We love you.

We Wish You A Merry CHRISTmas!

Merry Christmas from the Smith's!

Here is a preview of what our Christmas cards looked like this year. We didn't send many...mainly just to the doctors and nurses that had a hand in our three little miracles being with us for Christmas 2011.

Speaking of, I can't think of this time of year without thinking of a year ago. This time last year I had just gotten the news that my insurance company had agreed to pay for five more visits with Dr.S. Turns out... I didn't need them. On the 21st, I went back for my mid cycle ultrasound...and the 23rd?? On December 23rd,2010... our triplets were conceived. :)

I love to think that as we were celebrating Christmas with our families last year...as we were celebrating the birth of our Lord Jesus...our three little bundles of joy were burrowing down into their new home. I love to think about how this is "technically" our babies' second Christmas.

Clif and I are SOO overjoyed that we have extended our family, and that this year... we have three little blessings to celebrate this very special time of year with! We are so incredibly blessed. I'm completely overwhelmed at the blessings that we continue to receive.

I hope and pray that each one of you has a very Merry CHRISTmas. Just in case I don't get around to posting before then ;) As you prepare for the 25th of December, before all the festivities begin...please take a second and stop to reflect on the true REASON that we celebrate this day at all. JESUS! God bless you all...

day 760.wow.

Yep. Seven hundred, sixty days since we said hello...,and goodbye to our precious first born daughter. It's so hard to believe. 25 months ago...I didn't know if I would be able to go on.
If it wasn't for God, my husband, and my family... I have no idea how I would have been able to make it through that first week.
I remember even months after her death I would wake up out of a dead sleep, sobbing. At first I would be confused as to why I was crying... but reality always had a way of coming around and reminding me. It's good for that.
Twenty five months out...are we doing any better? Of course we are. We have learned how to live our lives without her, but that doesn't mean that it's any easier. We still think of her every day, and normally...somewhere in conversation, speak her name. Her picture is displayed throughout our house...along with many reminders of her short, but beautiful life.
The holidays are especially hard...every time I see a child that would be around her age, a little piece of me aches deep inside. I can't help it. She'll always be a part of me...
Happy 25 months in Heaven, Sweet Baby Girl. Mommy and Daddy love you even more today than we did on that cool November day...

five months?...already?

I cannot believe that our precious little ones are going to be five months old in just four short days.
Life is crazy these days (why in the world would our life with three infants be crazy?), so I opted to go ahead and post tonight while the babies are somewhat calm!
The last five months have been some of the best times of my life. My dream has always been to be a mommy...and now that I have been given the gift of mothering three children on earth. Did I mention the three children on Earth happen to be absolutely breath-taking beautiful?? I'm totally not biased.
I have had a blast with our monthly photo shoots. First of all, it means that I get to keep my babies at home, opposed to taking them out and having some photographer at {insert random portrait studio} put their hands all over them...especially during the RSV season. Second, Clif bought me an expensive camera - and is wanting to buy me the professional flash to go with it - so I might as well put it to good use, and I am saving us money in the long run! Or...maybe I'm just paying for my camera.
Of course, I know that my pictures aren't "studio quality"...BUT... I enjoy it. The babies are in an environment that they know - and that's all that matters!
I am so thankful for these days that the Lord has allowed me to stay home with my precious little babies!
Happy {almost} five months, Eli, Easton & Elliana. Mommy loves you with all of my heart, and more.

1.28.2012

The date has been set.

January 28th,2012.



This is the day that we (Clif and I) plan to leave the babies for the very first time. Yikes!

I know that sounds silly... but, we have never (both, at the same time) left them (other than in the NICU). I'm nervous...already. Ha! And it's over a month away. BUT...it will be just a few days before my 24th birthday, and I Clif and I really want to celebrate together. Just the two of us.

SO...the plan is to leave the triplets with my mom, his mom, and our soon to be sister in law (that doesn't know about it yet...)

AH! The funny thing is, we are literally going 20 minutes away to a Japanese restaurant an probably will only be gone for two hours tops. But that's a start...I mean, our babies are going to be six months old by then...and I think it's time. :)

Okay, okay...you can stop laughing at me now. But, if you know Clif and me on a real life basis...you know how we are, how we have been, with these babies. This is HUGE for us!

Though I don't even want to think about leaving our babies... I am really looking forward to time out with my husband...even if it is just for a few hours. Yes, I'm a mommy now...BUT...I'm still young, still {kinda?} newly weds...and we just need a little bit of "us time".

round TWO...

My little boogers are headed to the doctor's office this afternoon for their second synagis shots :(
I love the fact that they qualified for the shots - and thankful that we were able to work it out where they can get them! But... I hate Hate HATE seeing them scream in pain. And this shot is SO much worse for them than their regular shots. Well, at least the initial shot is.
I've been in a baking frenzy, making cupcakes to take to the office today! On the menu? Andes cupcake (chocolate cake, chocolate mint filling, and mint butter cream icing. And of course, topped with an andes mint!) and Chocolate Peanut Butter Surprise (chocolate cake, peanut butter centers, topped with cream cheese peanut butter icing) YUM!
We thought that we'd take some goodies since it's so close to Christmas - and we won't be going back until after Christmas (for the babies 6 month appointment, and 3rd synagis shot). Also - we just want to express our thanks to Dr.C for being such a wonderful doctor! I can't tell you how excited we were when he chose to take the triplets on as patients! We've heard nothing but good about him...and we have experienced even more first hand. He is WONDERFUL with our babies. :)
On the prayer request front: I can't go into detail... but just please pray concerning some decisions that we have coming up.

This is not where I belong.

I've heard this song a few times...and then I really heard it yesterday. I'll start by letting you read the lyrics.

Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive
I will keep searching for answers that aren't here to find

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.
Courtesy of lyricshall.com

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

When the earth shakes I wanna be found in You
When the lights fade I wanna be found in You

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong


Where I belong, where I belong
Where I belong, where I belong

It says it all, doesn't it? I do sometimes feel like I'm on the outside. And even after all this time I sometimes find myself searching for answers that won't be found, this side of Heaven. And you know what? I can't help but take comfort in the words, "All I know is I'm not home yet. This is not where I belong".

This world is not where I belong. And when I finally check out of this world, I know where I'm going. Do you?

Ah...and then the words, "Take this world but give me Jesus". So many times I get consumed with things of this world. This time of year is perfect example. People (myself included) find themselves overwhelmed by the crazy happenings of the Christmas season. But that's just it, Christmas. I'd gladly give it up just to be with Him. Nothing in this world matters. Take it all...just give me Jesus!

what do YOU suggest??

Okay Faithful Readers... I need some suggestions!
I don't know how exactly it started, but since Clif and I have been together... I've always made a homemade gift for him for just about every holiday. And since we have been together for almost seven years, you can understand why I am running out of ideas. :)
I always like it to be meaningful... and this year I would like to incorporate the triplets (of course)! But I am completely stumped as to what to do. Any suggestions??
Also...any suggestions on poses for the babies monthly photo shoot with Mommy?? I want to do a Christmas theme, but it will be for their five month pictures! :)

christmas time

Looking at this constantly reminds me of how ever so thankful I am that there are three extra stockings hanging from our mantle this year.
The past two Christmases were SO sad in that aspect. I fully recognize that Christmas is NOT about gifts, or trees, or decorations... or about how many children you have... but it's just right down depressing when you think of what could have been, and isn't.
This year there will still be sadness... but the sadness will be mixed with a huge dose of happiness.

Here is Lilly's portion of our tree. :) The angel came from a blogger friend of mine, the heart is an ordament that I found last year that says "My daughter, My Joy", and the shell is an ordament that I made last year that says, "Every life leaves something beautiful behind"

And here is the triplets portion of the tree :) Little booties from a family on our church.

Day 30: I am SO thankful

Today I am thankful for all the little things that God does for me, some that I don't even think twice about.
I'm thankful to God for providing for our needs. Not always our wants...though, most times those too, but our needs have always been met.
I'm thankful for our hot water heater, and for hot showers :) Especially after a long day. I'm thankful for our refrigerator...for a freezer with food in it, for the washer and dryer He provided for us after the babies were born - our old hand me downs would have never lasted with all the baby laundry we do!
Oh, I'm thankful for baby laundry...for toys all over the floor, and for poopie diapers!! We have waited soooo long for babies to fill our house...and man oh man is it filled now!
:) I am just so overwhelmed by the blessings I am given each day.

Day 29: I am SO thankful

Today I am thankful for lazy mornings with my hubby...and cinnamon roll pancakes! Um, YUM! :)

Day 28: I am SO thankful

Today I am thankful for time spent with my {not so little} family :)

week of fun!

I'm pretty excited about this week. These last few days have been trying, mainly because there has been a major shortage of sleep in the Smith household. But that's okay, and this too shall pass. :)
I look forward to tomorrow and Tuesday, because Clif isn't working. YAY! He's going hunting first thing in the morning... and then when he gets back we are going to do some cleaning, and then get out the Christmas decorations! I'm really excited about getting the tree out and decorating it... I'm sure the babies will love to look at it. I was already excited and then remembered that I bought new decorations the year before last, black, silver and hot pink! Ha :) I don't know if I'll be adding the pink this year or not, but I am excited about getting our home ready for Christmas either way. I'll be sure and add pictures!
Wednesday and Thursday will be spent getting everything in order...and...packing! Yep... we are going to Tennessee for the weekend. Ah, a much needed getaway! I wasn't sure about taking the kids on such a long road trip - or really, just about taking them out of town. But we asked Dr.C when we took the kids in for their Synagis shots, and he said that he thought it would be okay as long as we kept them out of crowded places, and stayed in a cabin opposed to a hotel. :) I'm really really excited about getting away for the weekend. :) At least if we are out of town, I can fuss at people that won't leave my kids alone and not feel bad about it. haha!
Christmas is near, and I'm really looking forward to it!! Not for the lights, not for the gifts, but just for the reason we celebrate Christmas in the first place!!!

Day 27: I am SO thankful

Today... I am thankful for my salvation :) My relationship with the Lord has been the ONLY thing that has truly gotten me through these last two years.

Day 26: I am SO thankful

Today I am thankful for my couch...where I intend to spend most of my time today! This is one exhausted Mama!

First Family Pictures :)

Day 25: I am SO thankful + Thanksgiving Day Recap

Today I am thankful for fussy babies! :) I happen to have three of these... but at the moment, they are all FINALLY asleep. Thank goodness!

Yesterday, Thanksgiving Day (and actually, the day before), was... stressful. To say the least. :-/ I knew it'd be different with three infants...but my goodness! First of all, Dr.C told us that we should stay at home as much as possible during the winter months. Not to mention that he told me, "God will forgive you if you don't take your children to church until Spring."

I have a hard time offending people. Especially people I love. BUT... I've had to learn that my children's health and well being comes before all others. That's a hard pill to swallow.

At this point, Clif and I have decided that we will be attending church in shifts until Spring, keeping the babies at home. Just to keep from offending/hurting people, and keeping our babies out of harms way. It stinks, and I don't like it at all...but it is what it is, and that's just how it has to be right now.

Yesterday was stressful. At both mine & Clif's family get together, we kept the babies out of sight. >.< At my family gathering, we stayed on the second level of my parents house, taking shifts eating and visiting with family. When you have 20-30 people packed into one house, it's sooooo stressful trying to keep excited helping hands off your children. I hate being in uncontrolled environments with our children. At Clif's family get together, I ended up staying in a bed room with all three babies for 99.9% of the time. I was literally out of the room for 5 minutes before Eli woke up.

Apparently our babies (especially Eli) don't do well when they are not at their own house. Eli was awake (with the exception of 15 or so minutes) from 11am-6pm. I would get him to sleep, try to lay him down...and he would wake up FREAKING out within seconds. But as long as he was touching me, he was fine. I LOVE that feeling... knowing that just my touch is comforting to my baby, but it was frustrating at times... I felt as though we were being snobby, not passing our babies around to hold... or even to let them be in the same room as everyone (including a LOT of kids). But again, that's the way it is. Our babies safety is #1...even if it does make us look like brats. *sigh* I am so glad that it's all over with now.

In addition to all of that, we have decided that as far as my extended family get together (for Christmas) goes...we won't be attending :( Our gathering always takes place in a *very* tight space, and an hour away... and we just can't do it with the babies >.< We are praying that our friends and family are still speaking to us by the time all is said and done.

Day 24: I am SO thankful

Today I am thankful for time spent with family, though it was very short lived due to babies ;)

Day 23: I am SO thankful

Today I am thankful for a warm bed to sleep in :) And I'm also thankful for the sleep that I've been getting in my bed here lately!

Day 22: I am SO thankful

Today I am thankful for days at home with my babies! :) I am so thankflul that God has given these children to Clif and I - and I am extra thankful that the Lord has made it possible for me to stay at home for the first part of their lives! SOOOO thankful. I am blessed.

where did YOU conceive?

Okay... I'm not really asking you that. Just trying to make a point.

Triplets are cool. And I realize... it's not every day that you see a set of triplets. BUT... don't be so dang nosey people!

Where is all of this coming from? We were out eating with family & friends yesterday when this couple (and their teenage son) walk by. They see the babies...which we had hid in the corner, and exclaimed... "TRIPLETS?" Us: "yep"...them: "Oh! You're so blessed...blah blah blah...did you use fertility treatments?"

Why why why does it matter if my children were conceived by the use of fertility drugs? They are three beautiful, living breathing HEALTHY babies. And really... if you think about how personal INFERTILITY is, well... you wouldn't ask such crazy questions! Not only that... but when I said, "yes...but very little drugs" the lady looked at her TEENAGE son and was like, "oh, well our son was a "test tube" baby!" REALLY? Oh my gosh... I would never say that period, but about my son? My teenage son? While he is standing right beside me? Whew.

I'm sorry... but infertility and the use of fertility medications/procedures is a very personal thing that you DON'T ask complete strangers about. Like I said, I know that triplets is not an every day thing... and I will even go as far as saying that I understand that THAT question pops in your head. But you definitely do not ask it.

Now...you might be reading this and be like, "Desiree! You shared every little detail about your infertility journey on the internet!" Yeah, well... I know. Ha! And I know it seems silly. I control what goes on this blog, and if I feel like sharing it I do. :)

I'm still baffled at how complete strangers will ask you such personal questions! Geez...

So my friend and I decided that when people ask me that, I should start saying "Yes. Yes I did use fertility drugs. And where was your child conceived? My three were in Dr.S' office on December 23rd,2010." :) :) :)

Day 21: I am SO thankful

Today I am thankful for early morning baby snuggles :)

Probably not the BEST thing... but I've kind of started a bad habit, that I love. As long as I'm fully awake, when the first baby starts stirring in the morning they get to come lay on the bed with Mommy. :) I love getting my early morning baby snuggles!! Love love love them!

Day 20: I am So thankful

Today I am thankful for visiting friends :)

Day 19: I am SO thankful (post 500!)

Today I am thankful for weekends home with my family! With the field that Clif works in, he is required to wok crazy shifts...which include three day weekends every other week. He also works 7 days of (12 hour) nights and 7 days of days >.< So not only is time together precious, but three day weekends together is even more precious :)

On to other news? This is my 500th post! :) I can't believe it...well, yes I can. I remember how I would sometimes post more than once a day when I would be going through rough patches, and how all my sweet followers would comment with words of encouragement! :) You guys have been the greatest of audiences! It takes a pretty awesome person to listen to my every day drama, and to keep coming back for more!!

This blog has been one of grief, of comfort, of healing and of joy. Thank you for taking the time to read!

Day 18: I am SO thankful

Today I am thankful for health insurance. As you all probably know, we've gone round and round with them many of times... but I'm still thankful!!

Four Months :)

So the triplets had their four month check up this morning :) And as usual, everything went wonderfully!

Eli - 12lb8oz, 22 inches long
Easton - 12lb7oz, 22 inches long
Elliana - 10lb, 20 1/2 inches long

I hate that the weight thing isn't uniform across the board. When we took the babies for their Synagis shots last week, the nurse that weighed them didn't deduct any weight for their diapers. Today, Dr.C's nurse deducted 3 ounces. :( So I'm sure they gained weight?

Oh well, Dr.C said that our triplets are the picture of perfection - the words that every Mommy loves to hear! All three babies are caught up with "normal" babies their age, well...length & head measurement wise. Dr.C said that they always catch up in measurements before they do in weight :)

Everything on my "question list" (don't laugh!) turned out to be "normal"...which it almost always does. Dr.C said that the only thing that was definitely NOT normal is that they sleep eight hours a night. :) He says that it's rare to see a singleton baby that sleeps 8 hours, and that he definitely has not seen multiple babies so young that sleep like that! Nothing to worry about at all, he says that we must have the magic touch. :) I explained that we have been able to keep them all on the same schedule since coming home from the hospital!

We are finally getting a little bit of a break - as the babies are not eating every 4 hours (most feedings, anyway) instead of three! :)

Also on our list of "yay" is that the babies no longer need their premature formula!! Woo hoo! :) We are switching to Similac Advance...yay! Of course, I'm going to let them finish up our formula supply of 20+ cans first!

All in all, another wonderful appointment!

Something cool that happened...while one of the boys was getting weighed, this nurse walked up to me and asked if we were the triplets...or if I was the triplet mom, or something to that effect. :) She said that she had seen their names, and knew it had to be me. Yep, I got to meet one of my blog followers today. Thought that was pretty cool... the very first time that I ever met one of my blog followers! :) So if you're reading this, I really meant it when I said that it wasn't creepy at all...it made my day!

On to another subject: I wasn't thrilled about having to take the babies to the doctor today. In fact, I would have much rather stayed at home...pulled the covers over my head, and slept all day long.

Two years ago today, I was sitting in our churches fellowship hall...picking at food on my plate, that my {awesome} church family had put together for Clif and me, and our families.

Two years ago today marks the day that we buried our baby girl. I can't help but play the events of that day over in my head. I remember waking up that morning, willing everything to be a bad dream. I remember struggling to get ready, not only mentally/emotionally, but physically, as I had just had surgery days before! I remember being mortified that Clif had to shave my legs for me, because I couldn't even bend over! *sigh* I remember the drive to the funeral home, and our arrival. I remember walking into the chapel with our family - many members seeing Lillian's little body for the very first time. I remember the feeling when I saw policemen standing in the intersection, stopping traffic, tipping their hats to us. I remember the drive to the cemetery...I remember walking beside my husband and he carried her tiny white casket, and I remember leaving her there.

That was probably {one of} the hardest thing I have ever done. I know she wasn't "there"... but her body was. Her perfectly formed, beautiful little petite body was there. And I was turning my back and walking away... leaving her to be put into the Earth.

I'm heartbroken all over again as I think of that day. But I am overjoyed knowing where she really is. I still get tingly all over when I think of all the love and support of our friends & family, and even people we never met. It's because of you {and our Saviour} that we made it through that dark dark time. And it's because of Him, and friends and family that we continue to make it through life on a daily basis. :)

Well... it's off here to take care of some semi-fussy little babies. And here's to praying that they don't react to the shots like they did at two months >.<

Day 17: I am So thankful

Today, even though it may sound cheesy, I am thankful for our heat pump. I realize that there are so many people that don't have a warm place to go. Some people have the place, but not the money to pay for the {expensive} heat.
God has provided for us, and I am so thankful.

Day 16: I am SO thankful.

Today I am so very thankful that God has provided for us, so that I could stay home with the babies for their first few months at home.
It's going to KILL me when I have to go back to work in January (if I am able to get a job), but I'm thankful and enjoying my time now!

November 13th, 2011...in pictures.

I have had a BLAST playing with my new camera that Clif surprised me with a few months back. :) Pictured above is one of the lilies I bought in honor of OUR Lilly!

Cupcakes made in honor of Lillian Joy's birthday, and a letter from Mommy.

Happy Birthday {sparkle} leaves and balloons from Mommy & Daddy

Lilly's little siblings :)

Cupcakes made for Lilly <3

pictures of our tats and jewelry that we wear every day to remember our precious baby girl.

triplets visiting their big sister's {body's} resting place.

Day 15: I am SO thankful

Today, as crazy as it may seem, I am thankful for microwaves. :) Ours died yesterday... well, I might have killed it.
I was warming a cup of water, and it might have spilled and shorted the microwave out. Not only did I mess up the microwave, but apparently spilling that water caused the electric/power not to work on that side of the kitchen. Appliances on that side of the kitchen include: Toaster, coffee pot, REFRIGERATOR, microwave and deep freezer :) And I had just mixed up a days worth of formula...so you can imagine how upset I was that our fridge wasn't working!!
Oh well, as silly as it sounds - I am thankful for microwaves. You don't realize how important they are until you don't have one!!

Day 14: I am SO thankful

Today I find myself thinking about how thankful I am for the parents that the Lord blessed me with. They both have always been so supportive of me. I'm thankful for them both, and for everything they have done and continue to do for me.

Day 13: I am SO thankful

Today I am thankful for the almost ten months that God allowed me to spend with my daughter, Lillian Joy. Thankful for those months of time with her growing inside my womb.
I am thankful to Him for giving Clif and I the experience of parenthood with Lilly, before any other.
I am thankful to Him for putting an amazing doctor in my path that cared for me before, during, and after my pregnancy with Lilly.
Most of all, I am thankful for my beautiful little baby girl that changed my life forever. I love you Lillian Joy, Happy Heavenly Birthday!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Sweet Lillian Joy!

Dear Lilly Bean,
 It's been a while since I spoke that name. Lilly Bean. Oh how Mommy misses you, Baby Girl. There is never a day that goes by that I don't think of you...think of the things that could have been.
 I used to find myself saying, "the things that should have been"... but, God had different plans for your life.
Mommy will forever be thankful for the *almost* ten months that had with you. During those months, I watched you (and myself) grow. You went from being a little "bean" (blob, really)...to being my Lilly Bean...my beautiful baby girl.
I'll never forget the moment when I knew you were gone. Nurses were working around me, trying to find your heart beat...and I knew deep inside that you had already slipped away. All the hopes and dreams Daddy and I had for you had slipped through my fingers like sand.
I pray that you knew how much Mommy and Daddy loved you, Lillian. And still do! You were the first of my children to steal my heart... and you will forever have a very special place in it.
Who would have ever guessed that a little girl that never even breathed a breath this side of Heaven, could change the lives of so many. Including mine, baby. You have changed me...for the good. Never again will I look at life the way I used to. Never will I take the gift of life for granted.
It's so hard to imagine what you'd look like today...a two year old. Would you have blond hair, or brown? If you're anything like you're Mommy... you'd have pin straight hair. Would you be short?...tall? But those are things I can only dream of. You'll forever be my baby...and that's how I'll always see you. My little 5 pound, 9.5 ounce baby girl. The little woman that changed my life forever.
I love you Lillian Joy, forever...for always. And nothing that happens in this life will ever change that. You're my daughter, my first born...and I will never forget.

I love you,

Mommy

11.13.2011

Today, like any other day, I find myself thinking of my Precious Lillian Joy. She would have been two years old today. But, instead of celebrating her second birthday here on Earth with us, she is celebrating with Jesus instead. :) I must say, as much as we miss her here...I'm sure that birthday's in Heaven are much more exciting than anything I could ever plan.
It's weird this year...having three babies at home, trying to take care of them...all the while being consumed by thoughts of November 13th, 2009.
Lillian Joy's physical body was born into this world on November ninth, two thousand and nine...just a little after ten o'clock that morning. Lilly weighed five pounds, nine and a half ounces and was nineteen inches long. She had Mommy's long fingers, and Daddy's big feet. She was (and still is in my mind) the picture of perfection.
For those of you that don't know, Lilly was born "still". Her little heart stopped beating just hours before I was wheeled into the operating room for my c-section. She may have been born without a heart beat...she may have been born NOT breathing, but... she was still born! She was a real baby...and we were anxious first time parents full of hopes and dreams for our baby girl.
Holding my daughter for the first time was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Hands down. But emotions were mixed that afternoon, it may have been the hardest thing I've done... but it was also one of the most precious times. Seeing the baby that was proof of the love my husband and I had for one another. Holding the child that God had carefully grown in my womb.
The day that was supposed to be a dream come true ended up being a never ending nightmare. There is never a day that goes by that I don't think of our precious baby girl, our first born daughter. And there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about how she changed my life forever...and the lives of so many others.

Day 12: I am SO thankful

Today I am thankful for Doctor's. You don't hear me say that very often. I've never really "liked" doctors. Actually... it's not that I dislike doctors, I just hate going to them. The whole "white coat syndrome" thing, I guess.
First on my list, I will forever be thankful for Dr.G. He has been one of the wonderful things about my pregnancies! He has done nothing but make the best choices possible for me, and for the welfare of my babies. All four of them.
I'll never forget his reaction when we lost Lilly. I'll never forget the compassion that he showed towards us. The support.
And then the way he cared for me during my triplet pregnancy! He was a-mazing! He promised me when we lost Lilly, that if  I were to get pregnant again... that he would do things a lot different. And he did (it might have had to do with the fact that there were THREE babies...ha!). Wonderful wonderful wonderful doctor. :) And so much more. That man has always gone above and beyond that which a doctor should. I will forever be thankful for him.
Next, Dr.S... and joining us on our road of infertility. I'm thankful for him as a doctor, and for the knowledge he has on PCOS. I'm thankful that he didn't give up, and that he decided to let me try that one last round of clomid before the shots! :) What a wonderful doctor, doing wonderful things for women like me!
Dr.D & D :) Remember... there are two! They both were wonderful! I am so thankful for female Dr.D, and how she sent me to the hospital the afternoon of 7/15. And I'm also thankful for how closely they watched my babies and me!
Dr.C, the babies pediatrician. He is a excellent doctor! Definitely couldn't have asked for a better doctor than him. We LOVE him. Just the other day - when we went to get the synagis shots, we weren't even scheduled to see the doctor, but when he saw us walk by...he followed us just to see the babies and see how they are doing! :)
Last but not least, Dr.P & S from the NICU. Dr.P met with us the afternoon the babies were born, before my c-section. He most definitely did NOT sugar coat anything. In fact, he had me terrified... yet, I was still calm. He was by far the most blunt doctor (even more so than female Dr.D!) I have ever met. He's also the doctor that told us the week Easton was discharged, that if our babies were in the Olympics... they would be preemie gold medalists! Both of these doctors were wonderful! :)

Day 11: I am SO thankful

Today I am SO thankful for NICU nurses like the ones that took care of our triplets during their NICU stay.
It takes a very special person to care for babies the way that they do, and I am so thankful for what they do!!! :)
If you were one of our NICU nurses, and you are reading this...THANK YOU! You all are awesome...and you will never know how much it means to us that you took such good care of our children!

Day 10: I am SO thankful

Today I am thankful for sleep. Well, really... I am thankful for a husband who let me take a two hour nap last night before bed... for babies that slept for eight hours straight, and for a husband and babies that let me take another four hour nap this morning!
I wasn't feeling well last night, and haven't been feeling the best this morning... so it was awesome of them to let me catch up on some much needed sleep!! :)

Miss you every day...miss you in every way.

...but we know there is a day when we will hold you. I can't wait for the day when we will see you.

Today, November 9th is exactly two years from my due date with our precious Lillian Joy.

The above picture was taken on November 9th, 2009. Looking at this picture reminds me of that day...I remember how excited I was. How anxious. I couldn't WAIT to meet my little girl.

And though just a few short days later, I did meet her... it wasn't the way I expected at all.

Today I'm remembering my precious baby girl. I love you, Lillian Joy!

Day 9: I am SO thankful

Today I am thankful that though it was extremely stressful, we were able to work out the issues with the delivery of the babies synagis shots!
We will be taking them to see Dr.C this afternoon, at two to recieve their first shot! :) Please pray for us, because the last time they had shots...Mommy and Daddy didn't sleep for a few nights!

Day 8: I am SO thankful

Today I am thankful for a wonderful husband who provides for our family. Going back to work after thirteen weeks with me, and twelve with the babies, was hard. It just about killed the both of us, ha! Probably one of the harder things that Clif has ever had to do. But he continues to do it, because he knows that it's what needs to be done.
Please pray with us about some upcoming decisions...and if you think about it, you can go ahead and start praying for me as I am looking at going back to work after the first of the year >.< Pray that He will prepare me, and my heart - and that there will be a position for me to go back to!

Day 7: I am SO thankful

Today I am thankful for my baby girl's HEALTHY heart! Elliana and I went to the cardiologist this morning, and LOVED the report we received! Her PDA is closed!! Praise the Lord! We don't go back until her one year birthday, because she has a slight leak from one of the valves in her heart <3 Praising God for this wonderful news!

Day 6: I am SO thankful

Today I am thankful for God providing a new (to us) car. Well, okay... not a car... because we all know I'll never drive a car again. At least not until my kids are grown! I'm thankful for our Ford Expedition. The Lord worked out many details and made it possible for us to be able to purchase this vehicle - and to trade in our other two, paying off what we owed!
Our "new" car may not be the newest, or the prettiest... but it's what we needed. Once again, God has proven to provide what we need. And for that, I am thankful!

Day 5: I am SO thankful

Today (and every day) I am thankful for my church family. Not too many people have been in ONE church as long as I have. Almost twenty four years now! And not only that, but many people that are still members of our church were there before I was born... and joined my parents in prayer (for nine years) for a chance at having a baby girl.
My church family has been an amazing support system for SO many years, especially these last few. :) If you're reading this, and you're a member (or used to be) of Gospel Baptist Church - I love you! And thank you from the bottom of my heart for always being there. I am thankful for YOU!

Day 4: I am SO thankful

Today I reflect on how truly thankful I am that God allowed me to experience pregnancy. :) Of a singleton AND a triple pregnancy!
Both were so very unique in their own ways, and I wouldn't change either experience if I could.
It might have been uncomfortable...painful, and even miserable at times...BUT...I enjoyed ever second of both.
Many women can say that they have experienced pregnancy... but not too many (what? 1 in 8,000?) experience a triplet pregnancy! :) I have to say, I feel pretty special that He gave me the chance to experience it. And what an experience it was.
So...not only am I thankful for my four beautiful children, I am thankful that He allowed me to experience something I have dreamt of for a long time: pregnancy!

Day 3: I am SO thankful

Today, I am especially thankful for the friends that have stood by my side over the years. Especially during our darkest times, these past two years. I love you guys... you know who you are ;)

Day 1 & 2: I am SO thankful

Day 1 - I am so very thankful for the Godly husband that He has blessed me with. Clif has been such a wonderful part of my life for the last {going on} seven years. I love him so much...sometimes even I can't believe it. :) Clif has been an excellent provider for our {not so} little family, and I will forever be grateful. Not only is Clif an awesome husband AND Daddy... he is an amazing friend. The best one I've got. I can tell him anything, literally...and I know I can always do so without being judged - though he does give me feedback, most times. All this to say, I am thankful for the man that the Lord has blessed me with. I love you, Clif Smith!!

Day 2 - I am overwhelmed at how thankful I am for the children that God has blessed us with. Not only the three precious {sometimes CRAZY} babies that are here on earth with Clif and me, but for our first born daughter, Lillian Joy. I am especially thankful for Lilly, because I feel as if it wasn't for her... we wouldn't be where we are today. For as long as I can remember all I have wanted is to be a Mommy (and wife). And March 2009, that dream came to life <-- when we found out I was pregnant with Lilly. That same dream was renewed in January 2011, when we were told I was pregnant with TRIPLETS! We have been incredibly blessed... and for that, we are SO thankful :)

Now...if you all will bare with me. I really do plan to keep these posts up for 30 days :) But just remember I have three infants...and that it may be challenging at times!

Remembering LJS

As November 13th draws closer, I can't help but being overcome by memories of these days...two years ago.
It's weird the things that you remember. Small things that don't even matter. Like...laying on the couch, texting Clif while he was at work. Telling him all about the crazy movements that Lilly was making inside of me.
Black jack tacos. Yes, tacos. Laugh if you want :) but Clif and I ate at Taco Bell every single day (literally) for the last two weeks of my pregnancy. Black jack's were by far the best taco that they EVER invented... and when I asked about them this last pregnancy, they told me that they had such bad feed back on them - that they wouldn't be bringing them back! So sad... but funny that even something as silly as a limited time taco will forever remind me of my little girl, and that it will always be something special between me and her...because apparently, no one else liked them!
The highlight of Halloween two years ago? :) Waiting for Clif to get off of work and take me into town (this was a treat considering I was on bed rest... I lived for car rides) to Sonic and get 25 cent corn dogs! Can you tell that a lot of my first pregnancy revolved around food? haha.
I remember sitting on my parents couch, every day that Clif was working, spending HOURS on facebook. Playing brick breaker...or something like that. A very addictive game...it was to the point of addiction for a while.
There were Chinese food runs, foot rubs, late night phone calls to my dad begging for ice pops...and the biggest highlight of my every day life then, my nightly shower. :)
And then there is the night of November 12th. I had been to the doctor that day, Dr.G checked me...and I was barely dilated a 1 cm (stupid cervix), and Lillian Joy sounded wonderful. Dr.G told us to go out and enjoy one last dinner before becoming parents. And we did. Logan's Roadhouse... I remember sitting in the booth across from Clif, feeling incredibly uncomfortable...but not complaining, because I knew it would all be over the next day. I also remember barely fitting in the booth...haha!
Most of all, I remember Lilly. I remember the thoughts running through my head as I experienced pregnancy (in all it's glory) for the very first time. I was so scared... but so excited. I remember feeling flutters for the first time...yes Clif, at the catfish ponds. ;) And I remember the day that Lilly (though we didn't know SHE was a SHE yet) woke me up kicking for the first time. *sigh* There are so many good memories of that little girl... in fact, all the memories I have of her are good...all except the memory of losing her. The memory of the nurses searching for her heart beat. The memory of them calling Dr.G, him coming in with the ultrasound tech, lights going off... and I am haunted by the memory of seeing her lifeless little body on the screen.
God is bigger though! Through losing our precious Lilly, we have learned SO much. We have learned to lean on Him more than ever, and we've learned to lean on one another. We learned not to take things or people for granted. We learned to let go. Ah, that little girl has taught us so much in the last two years... and continues to do so.
Though I dread it, I look forward to celebrating Lillian Joy's second birthday in Heaven, two weeks from today.
Clif and I plan to take the triplets to the cemetery...to "meet" their big sister, though we know that meeting won't come until Heaven. I've already picked out what we will fill her vase with. :) No flowers this year, just sparkly leaves.
I guess with every passing year, we take little steps towards healing. This year, I think I will make cupcakes in memory of her birthday...I'll talk about her more. I'll make sure everyone knows it's her birthday...and I'll tell of how a little girl that never took a breath, this side of Heaven, changed my life forever.
We love you Lillian Joy...and we always will, Baby Girl!

I'm Alive!

So much happening...and so little time to write about it :)

Life with triplets has definitely proven to take up 100% of my time. Most days I don't even get a chance to SHOWER until 9pm or later. It sounds horrible, but taking a shower is one of the things I look forward to the most... a whole 5-10 minutes to myself (well, sometimes).
Would I change my life? Absolutely NOT! I love my life, my husband, and my children. These triplets might keep me on my toes 24 hours a day, 7 days a week... but it is so very worth it.
God has truly blessed me with the things (and people...big and small), and I will forever be in debt to Him.
Last Sunday was the debut of my Three Precious Peas (at church, anyway). I think it is safe to say that GBC is in love... but how could they not be? Ha! Enjoy a few pictures from the babies first church service...

It was a wonderful time introducing our children to so many people who have been such a huge part of my life for...well, most of my life! We chose to have our dedication service last Sunday as well, which went wonderfully :) That's why you see us sitting at the front of the sanctuary. We were able to voice our thanks to our church family, for all the prayer and support for the last three years. My dad (the pastor), Mr.Mason (deacon) and Sam Jr (my brother), all had prayer with us/ prayed over the triplets. My Mom sang...and it was just an all in all good service. It took us a long time to get to that point, so it was a very special time.

Last Saturday, I participated in the S.H.A.R.E Walk To Remember. It's put together by our local hospital's perinatal loss council. This was my second year, and it always proves to continue to help the healing process. Though through tears, I was able to share a little about Lilly this year - which I was not able to physically do last year. So that was a step in the right direction for me. Clif wasn't able to go this year, because of the triplets - but I was accompanied by my Mom, soon to be sis in law, Kristy, my niece Katie, and my sis in law Traci :) I was so lucky to have these four special gals by my side.
While at the walk, I was able to see and talk to one of the nurses that was a huge help during our loss of Lilly. Her name is Heather - and she is an amazing woman! I don't remember if this was mentioned or not, but while on the operating table waiting for the triplets to be born - in walked Heather :) That was huge! Not only was she there during our dark time, but she was with us during our time of joy as well.
Also, I encountered another RN from the hospital - and still do not know her name. She remembered me from the delivery room with the triplets, but not only that...she remembered me from the delivery room with Lillian :) She remembered all about us, right down to the purple dress that Lilly was put in for pictures...also the same dress she was buried in. That truly meant a lot. Not only did she remember us, and the dress, but Lilly's name. She'll never know how much that meant to me.

There are so many other things that I want to share! Things the babies are doing (Easton & Elliana rolling over...Easton holding toys...them starting to REALLY see ect.). There are emotions that need to/should be worked through as these next few weeks come at me... but there isn't time.
Will write more soon :)
If you are reading this, please pray for a fellow bloggers son, Cooper. Cooper is in the PICU with RSV. :( Praying for your precious little boy, Jen!

October 15,2011...we remember.

Remembering our Sweet, Lillian Joy today...and every day. We miss you Baby Girl...and love you more than you could ever know.

An apology from the Smith's.

To Whom It May Concern:
Let me first off start by saying that there are probably many of you out there. And...I feel horrible for that fact. But, it's life...and it will eventually get better. I promise. Well, it has potential to - if you allow it.
I married my husband going on five years ago. Even before marrying, I longed to be a mother. It's been my dream for a long time, and I would have literally given up anything on this earth to fulfil that desire. Anything. And now, after three long years... I am finally living my dream...though it was not easy getting to this point.
Towards the end of my pregnancy with Lilly, things took a turn for the worse. I won't say that I had the worst pregnancies that I've ever heard of... but you could say that both of mine were definitely not routine. Blood pressure sky rocketed, and there was nothing that I could do about it. I spent the last month of my pregnancy with Lilly, parked on the couch - doing everything that I humanly could to preserve her little life. Never in a million years did I think that my baby would die. But she did. November 13th,2009 was the most uncontrollable situation that I've ever experienced in my life. Unless you have been through it first hand...as in, it literally happened to you, you can never know the pain. You will never know how it feels to go into an operating room, to deliver your baby...your dead baby. And you'll never know the heartache of still expecting to hear that shrill cry of a newborn babe...and even know that sound will not fill your ears, you still will it to with all of your heart. You pray that the doctor's missed something...you beg God that your baby is okay. But she's not.
That day in November turned mine and Clif's world upside down. And the helpless feeling that filled our hearts that day will haunt me forever. My heart literally begins to ache, just thinking about it.
Fast forward to January 4th,2011. The day we had been waiting for. The day we got our first pregnancy test with the triplets. Talk about mixed emotions. Clif and I were overcome with joy, and thankfulness... but along with those feelings came fear.
Soon into my pregnancy with our triplets, my blood pressure became an issue once again. At week ten of my pregnancy, I was already on medication to help control it.
A triplet pregnancy in itself is high risk... not to mention my already existing history/problems. I feel as if there was not a split second that I wasn't asking God to protect our precious little ones growing deep within my womb.
There were several scares during my pregnancy with the three E's. Doctor's were called numerous times, not to mention all the times we called the emergency room & doctor on call. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I was sure that I would lose our three little blessings.
Throughout my whole pregnancy, I continuously bathed it in prayer. And an every day struggle for me was giving my children over to the Lord. A friend at church gave me a book that helped a lot... and showed me that God put these babies in my womb, and that He would take care of them. They weren't (and aren't) my children. They are His.
From January 4th,2011 until July 15th,2011 I silently stood by... waiting for the bottom to fall out. It's almost as if I expected something bad to happen. But God was faithful, as He always is. I only wish that I had trusted more.
Our little miracles arrived (semi-smoothly) on July 15th,2011. They all had minor issues at birth, but all in all - they did wonderfully. We couldn't have asked for a better outcome to have been born at thirty one weeks... not to mention that they are TRIPLETS!
As July 15th drew near, Clif and I talked a lot. Talked of things that may or may not happen...worst case, and best. We admitted to one another that we wouldn't experience relief until we heard our babies cry for the first time.
I cannot even begin to tell you the relief that we felt as Eli was born, followed by Easton and Elliana. All three screaming. Though, once Eli was born screaming...he stopped and was "touch and go" for a while, according to the doctors. He was given some medication soon after birth, and the day after.
Oh what a joy to give birth to three LIVE babies. Again, unless you have lost a baby yourself... you could never understand the feeling. Clif and I went through a lot, and my body went through even more... it took us three years, and a lifetimes worth of tears to bring three beautiful, relatively healthy LIVING, BREATHING babies into this world. It took a LOT to get them here. And we fully recognize that it was nothing that either of us did, it was all Him.
Clif and I believe with our whole hearts that Eli Zayne, Easton Layne & Elliana Rayne are gifts from God. And we realize that we cannot be selfish with our children.
That being said, please read on with an open mind.
Our babies spent close to six weeks in the neonatal intensive care unit. Our first triplet born was given medication to help his lungs because for a short time, he was literally not breathing. He, Eli, still has immature lungs - according to our doctor, as of two weeks ago. Our second triplet born had a hole in his heart. Since then, Easton was given medication to assist in closing that hole. Praise the Lord, as far as we know - he has no hole...and he is probably our healthiest baby. Our third born triplet was born with a very large hole in her heart, known as a PDA. Elliana underwent two rounds of medication to assist the closing of the hole. Neither rounds worked...at all. When Elliana was two weeks old, she had heart surgery to correct her PDA - as it had begun effecting her respiratory system. We were told weeks later that the surgery that has a 1% failure rate, did not work for our daughter. As of September 6th, our daughter still has an existing PDA...which has also caused her left heart to be enlarged. In the future, if this problem does not correct -we are looking at having to take her to UVA to have this permanently corrected.
Clif and I were extremely blessed in the sense that our babies were not as bad off as the doctor's may have thought that they would be. BUT...none the less, our babies were still sick.
And that's huge. There is nothing in this world that is more important to Clif and I than the health and well being of our children. And in the process of trying our best to protect them, we have hurt many feelings along the way. Of family, and friends alike. And though we cringe every time we have to face yet another awkward situation involving our children, and other people - it's what's best for our kids.
We learned SO much during our stay in the NICU. And where we may seem like over protective parents, we are doing what we know best... the best we know how. We had a very talented staff of doctors, nurse practitioners, and registered nurses that taught us much. Among the things we learned, we were given many pointers to live by - especially for the first two months of our babies being home with us.
Things that we learned include, but are not limited to:

*don't be afraid to tell people no.
*if someone is sick, don't allow them to be near the children.
*school age children should not be allowed to be near the children.
*smokers (of cigarettes or anything else) should not be allowed near the children.

While in the NICU, we were told about RSV (a respiratory Virus) that is extremely dangerous to preemie babies. Anyone with a common cold (or even if you don't know that your "sick") can carry it, and give it to the babies. If our babies were to develop RSV, it could very possibly land them back in the hospital. In our eyes, our babies spent enough time in ICU, and we don't want them going back there. Therefore, we have been extremely cautious when allowing visitors into our home.
People probably think that we are whacked because of how cautious we are. We screen our visitors before they come, and ask that they "scrub in" with the antibacterial soap that we have seemed to buy stock in. Call us crazy, but it's what we feel is best protecting our children.
Basically, it is what it is. We hate that we have hurt feelings along the way - and we pray that we will be forgiven. We are new parents...and maybe we are wrong in the way that we are caring for our children...but that's just that. They are our children.
Right now, we just ask that you bare with us. As of this week, we have two sick babies. Elliana is still just considered to have a cold. Eli on the other hand, has a cold...he is wheezing (on medication for it), and has an ear infection (on medication for it). Praise the Lord that Easton is still well, which we are trying to keep that way!
So, after all of that we ask that:

*if you have been sick, you're getting sick, or you have been around someone that is sick - that you not visit until the incubation period has passed.
*if you are a smoker, live with a smoker, or have spent a significant time with someone who has smoked in close quarters...that you not visit the babies.
*if you have children - you are more than welcome to visit, just not with your children.
*if you do visit, please respect our wishes - washing hands upon arriving, not wearing strong perfumes/colognes, avoiding contact with the babies face(touching,kissing,cuddling ect).

I know this seems bogus... but right now, with sick babies and flu season on it's way to full swing - these are our requests. These requests are not more Clif than myself, and visa versa. We both fully agree in the above stated.
We hope and pray that you can be open and willing to understand our fears when it comes to these babies. And pray that you will not be offended.
In the weeks that the babies have been home, there has not been a single night that we wake up and scramble to watch (or feel) our babies breathing. To make sure that they are okay. Not only does that come from them being early, and sick... but it comes from losing our first born. We feel that the situation we faced with our Lillian Joy, could not be controlled by us. And while we know that our children are not in our hands, but His, we feel that we have a little more control on their health... on their lives.
Even though they are all home, we continue to face every day scares. Them becoming sick, them choking and not breathing, SIDS...everything the average parent worries about - we worry about times three. So, just because they are home, does not mean the worry ended at the hospital.
God gave us these children, and we believe that He will take care of them. We also believe that we are here to see that these children are taken care of, and doing what we feel is in their best interest.
Basically, all we are trying to convey with this post is that - we are sorry if you have been, or will be offended by us. We ask that you forgive us, and love us in spite of the situation. We don't expect everyone to know what we are feeling, but we ask that you try to put yourselves in our place...and just imagine how you would be.
It won't always be like this... but for now, it is.

The Smith's (minus one)

this and that...and me :)

Do you ever just feel...off? Not like yourself? Yep... that's how I've been feeling for about three weeks or more.
I want to blame it on the new birth control that Dr.G put me on... it just makes me feel weird, I hate it! I really believe that it's screwing with my body :( Just called his office, and am waiting for a call back...hopefully getting it changed - and possibly going to see him about some issues that I've been having the last few days.
Anyway... back to not feeling like myself. Clif asked if I thought it was PPD, and honestly... I don't think that it is. I think it's more than likely a mix between exhaustion and November 13th rolling around...and this stupid birth control messing with my hormones (and body).
Bleh... I'm hoping that Dr.G's nurse will call me back - switch my medicine, and that I will be back to normal in no time!
Ugh, speaking of the birth control...you always hear about weight gain (fun stuff) when you go on it. Well, since I am currently going to Weight Watchers, it's not making it easy on me. That, mixed with my PCOS = a tough time trying to shed some pounds! BUT... I am determined. I don't want these babies to have a fat mama...ha! Slowly but surely, the pounds ARE coming off. It's taken work and dedication... but I've lost 8 pounds in the last three weeks. Doesn't sound like a lot, I know... but trust me... with my body, eight pounds in three weeks is awesome! Only eight more pounds and I will be back to my pre pregnancy weight... and then only 40 pounds to reach my goal weight. Don't know if I'll ever make it there again... but it's where I would like to be. Man, oh man... the things two pregnancies and four babies will do to one's body, huh?
Well...Monday is the day that our little family of five has been dreading. Clif going back to work... on night shift. Not the most awesome thing in the world, but we knew that it was coming... and I guess we might as well get used to it. My Mom will be helping out for a while, and I've had a few friends offer help as well. :) I think I can do it myself, if I can just get someone here during the day to let me sleep.
Actually, the babies have been doing much better at night! Oh Lord, hope I didn't just jinx myself. They slept almost five hours, and then a three hour stretch...so last night, we were actually able to get some good sleep! I'm hoping that this is a sign of what's to come... and that me being home alone at night will be a smooth transition. :)
Speaking of Clif going back to work, and me NOT going back to work...insurance. Omg. I guess I never realized the expense of insurance.The babies were added to my policy upon birth (don't even get me started on the headache that caused...and is still causing)... but I have to reimburse the company that I was working for, because I was out on UNpaid leave. Two months = almost $700. Ouch. THEN, Clif went and had me and the kids added to his insurance, effective Oct. 1st. He is currently on UNpaid leave, so we will have to reimburse the company that HE works for...actually, it will just come out of his first two checks. *Almost* $500 a month for our family plan. Wow. Insurance is ridiculous. BUT...can't go without it... so I guess it's just one of those things.lol.
Oh!
On the home front, we are doing some home improvements! Oh the joys of being home owners. Can you sense the sarcasm there? We discovered a few weeks ago that our roof is leaking... and that it would cause some major problems (on the inside of our house) if we don't get it taken care of. So, for the last week...we have been searching out the best deal for having our shingles replaced. Talk about expensive! But, we will be having that done in about two weeks (the soonest they could get to us). Currently, though, Clif and one of his relatives (too confusing to even say how he is related) are adding on to our deck covering. I guess that's what you call it. We have this small covered area on our back deck, right outside the back door. We are tearing that down, and taking the covering all the way across our deck - the length of our house. This has to be completed before the roofers come, because it will be covered with shingles as well. We've been doing a lot of home improvements lately... mainly because we plan to try and sell in the next two years, and everything we are doing is adding property value. Something I AM looking forward to...one of my dad's friends is going to come and plow our field. For those of you who know don't know where we live... we have about 3.11 acres of land. Past our yard, we have a very large field-type thing. It's been grown up (for the most part) since we bought our house, but Clif and my dad have been working on it this past month and have cleaned it all up (mowed it, cut down trees and bushes...dug up stumps, ect). This guy that my dad knows is going to come plow, and seed the whole thing...so hopefully, by next summer... we will have one HUGE yard. :) He is going to level it with our yard, so it will be one level slope. Pretty excited about having a larger area for the kids to play in. Well, okay... they aren't big enough yet... and probably won't be next year... but still.
Ah, well... enough blogging for me today! I have two babies waking up, ready for their bottles! Oh the joys of Motherhood. Sorry for all the babbling, and jumping around of subjects! More to come :)