Lillian Joy Smith {year three}

Dear Lilly Bean,
 It's hard to believe it's been three years since the day I first laid eyes on you. Three years since we held you in our arms for the first time...and three years since the last time we held you in our arms.
 The last three years have been a rollercoaster of emotions, and events. But in everything I do, no matter what happens... there is never a day that my thoughts don't come back to you in some way.
 The pain that Daddy and I felt on that cool November day are still incredibly vivid in my mind. It feels like it was just yesterday that we heard Dr.Garcia utter those earth-shattering words, "no heartbeat".
 But...as much pain that still lingers...we rest in knowing that you are safe in the arms of Jesus. We'll never have to worry about this evil world bringing harm to you. I find great comfort in that promise. And even more comforting, I know I'll see you again!
 I miss you, Little Girl. I feel like I miss you more than anyone could ever imagine. So many times I'll catch my self feeling genuinely happy...and can't help but think that the only thing missing is, the only person missing - is you. A little three year old you... which is odd thinking about...because you'll always be a chubby-little-five-pounder-baby-girl in Mommy's mind. A little girl who is forever a part of me. A little girl that I will always carry in my heart.
 Rest safe in His arms, Baby Girl. Until we meet again....

-Mommy

November 9,2012

It's November 9th...2012. Well, at least it will be in the next hour or so.

I don't even know where to begin. I haven't been here consistantly for such a long time.

Yes, I'm busy... but I find time to do just about everything else...yet, I never make time to write down my thoughts anymore. I can't tell you how many blog posts I've started and never finished. Not because I didn't want to...I guess I just felt like I ran out of things to say. There's no time like the present...I guess...right?

I'm going to be honest. I've been dreading November...well, pretty much all year. I scheduled myself off of work months ago. I don't know what's different about this year...but it's like someone stuck a big piece of heavy duty duct tape on an open wound, yanks it off, and repeats...and repeats...and, well... you get the picture. Why is this year so much more painful?

Sometimes...when I'm really happy...when I find myself just enjoying life with my family, I catch myself thinking about what it would have been like if Lilly had lived. What would it be like with her here now? I sometimes picutre what it would be like for 16 month old Eli, Easton & Elliana playing with their *almost* three year old sister.

Forgive me... but I'm having one of those, "Why isn't she here with us? She was my world before she was even born, and she was ripped away from me before I even got the chance to know her. Why why why?" kind of days. Don't get me wrong, I still have peace. I know where my little girl is, and Who she is with. I know and believe with all of my heart that there is a reason for everything. But I can't help but feel "down" (for lack of better word) every now and again.

I haven't had a good cry in a while. There are so many emotions that I have felt in the last three years, sometimes I feel like a nut job :) But tonight... in the quiet of my bedroom...I let the tears fall. Hard. And lots of them! I listened to music that brings back memories of my precious Lilly Bean, and looked through her hospital pictures. The only pictures that I have of my little girl.

As Lilly's birthday quickly approaches, I find my heart aching...an ache like I've never felt before.

That moment that changes your life...forever.

So I was riding down the road listening to a local Christian radio station - when they started talking about their upcoming topic for their morning show tomorrow morning.

Moments that changed your life.

Two moments immediately popped into my head. Let me tell you about those moments.

November 13th,2009

This picture was taken just hours after the most life-altering, dream-stopping, heart-shattering moment of my life. 

Just a few hours before my husband and I had arrived at Roanoke Memorial Hospital to induce labor, and give birth to our first born child, Lillian Joy. Shortly after being checked into a room...that moment took place. The moment that will forever be burned into my heart...the moment that my doctor looked at my husband and me and said the two words that will never cease to bring tears to my eyes..."no heartbeat". Our  world came to a screeching halt when we were told that our unborn child, at 40w4d gestation, had died inside my womb. The same child that had woken me just three hours before...willing her way out. She was gone. And there was nothing we could do except to cling to our Loving Savior, and to one another.

January 27th,2011

That moment when Dr.S said something along the lines of, "Looks like we missed one, you're having THREE pregnancies." What? At the same time? In that moment I knew that God had heard our prayers and that He had answered them, three fold!

There were most definitely times during my struggle with PCOS & infertility that I thought I would never become pregnant a second time. That the only child He blessed us with would forever live with Him.

God is faithful to his children. And my family is living proof.

Though it didn't necessarily pop into my head first thing, there was definitely a third moment that came tumbling into my mind soon thereafter. 

July 15th,2011

The day that Eli Zayne (4lbs.06oz), Easton Layne (3lb13oz), and Elliana Rayne (2lb15oz) came kicking & screaming into this world.

After a journey like ours...enduring the pain and heartache of losing a child... it was the most rewarding feeling to hear three cries...and to watch three seemingly healthy babies be born into this world.

Moments like these changed my life forever. Some for the good, and some for the bad... but a day never goes by that I don't believe with my whole heart that all the above mentioned was in God's master plan for mine and Clif's lives.

Only God Can Bring Forth Rain To Smother Pain's Flames

**Warning** If you don't like or agree with tattoos, you probably will not want to read this post**

So for our five year wedding anniversary...we decided to spend the day with our favorite tattoo artist ( check out some of his work here). Kind of an odd way to spend our anniversary - but we had a blast, and it was definitely a memorable day!

I've been trying to come up with a tattoo that could symbolize my journey. My journey through infertility, through loss, and through happiness.

Before seeing Andy last Saturday morning I had decided that I wanted a storm scene with a rainbow scene at the bottom of the tattoo. A storm to symbolize the hard times...or the "storm" in my life, and a rainbow scene to symbolize the happiness and my three precious rainbow babies.

When arriving at the shop, Andy explained that he really didn't feel comfortable with the rainbow...and that he had drawn up a little something to see if I liked it. I loved it. I was perfect.

So...after about three hours of needle to skin...this is what we've got...

The "eye of the storm" is located at the top of the tattoo. One single tear symbolizing my precious Lilly Bean. Storm clouds and lightening symbolize not only the storm we experienced when we lost our precious baby girl, but also our journey through infertility. The three cherubs symbolize the triplets (of course!) holding up my aching heart, consumed with flames caused by all the pain and heartache. The rain is to show that God does answer prayer...that he brought the rain that helped smother the pain of my heart. The quote, "Only God can bring forth rain to smother pain's flame" came from a rap song (yes...don't even. I hate rap, but heard the lyric and it has stuck with me ever since). I am so pleased with how well it all fit together :)

One year of blessed craziness.

A blog title has never held more truth than the one above. For the Smith household...the last year has been crazy...but most definitely blessed. More than blessed.

I cannot believe that time has passed so quickly. It's SO hard to believe these precious {not so} little babies are one year old. :) It's such a bittersweet feeling. I am so thankful that they made it to a year, that God saw fit to watch over them as they were growing in my womb...and as they were delivered into this world. He kept His loving hands on them as they were in the hospital - and continued to do so every single day of their lives.

Starting with July 15,2011 and every single day since...my life (as well as Clif's) has been filled with such joy! Watching the children - products of our love for one another - grow and advance with each passing day. Witnessing them discovering new things, developing into the toddlers they are today.

Eli Zayne Smith. What a Mama's boy! :) And I love every single second of it. Eli weighed in just shy of 22 pounds at his one year appointment, big boy! It's so hard to believe that he started off at just four pounds!

He's so smart! :) He's been walking for the past month or so, but not long lengths. He still eats a ton, but is growing pickier by the day. Eli's favorite past time is to bite his brother and sister...and mommy...and daddy... and well, anyone else that happens to get in the way. It started out because of teething, and has continued as a form of retaliation. Ugh! :) Little Booger has ten teeth (including two molars - that came in about  months early) and two others trying to break gum. He still has thing brown hair, and hazel eyes. He is my little Chunky Monkey...short and plump.

Easton Layne Smith. Spaztastic for short. This kid is the picture of energy...and never ever stops! Powder blond hair and crystal blue eyes that will melt your heart in an instant. LOVE this little Ham. Easton weighed in just shy of pounds, making his weigh gain a little over 16 pounds in one year. Not too shabby! Easton loves to get his hands on everything that he knows he's not allowed to play with. Mischievous little thing. Easton took off walking about two weeks ago, but like his big brother - he gets bored with it easily. Easton has eight teeth, is cutting his canines, and two molars. Whew! Needless to say, he is taking after Eli in the biting department. :)

Elliana Rayne Smith. What can I say? That's my daughter! :) This is the face we are greeted with continuously through the days. She is such a goof ball...and SO happy. Definitely our good baby. Elliana weighed in at 17 pounds 2 ounces. She's made it quite a ways since her 2lb15oz debut a year ago. Little Princess is finally getting some hair in, and it's absolutely beautiful - definitely compliments her chocolate brown eyes that light up any room she enters. Elliana walks as well, and is getting better and better each day.

She has eight teeth and is also cutting her molars. Elliana had her follow up appointment with her cardiologist last week, and still has a slight leak in one her valves - which has also thickened. Dr.W doesn't think that it will effect her in the future, and says that she should lead a normal childhood. She will see him once a year to make sure nothing changes. We are so blessed that the Lord saw fit to heal her little heart. Oh this little girl!

We have been so blessed.

Doctor Doctor...

Uggh!! Why oh why is my body so jacked up? I think somewhere deep inside, I thought that if I had a "normal" pregnancy that somehow my body would just snap into where it should be. HA! Not this ole body.
I have done everything I know to change my day in and day out to help with my PCOS. I have lowered my sugar intake, my carbs..ect. I've been on weight watchers since September, and lost 51 pounds. I am officially three pounds lighter than I was on my wedding day, and with just seven pounds to go... I will weigh what I did when I was 17 years old.
Unfortunately, I don't think any of that has helped my symptoms. But that's okay... I feel so much healthier, and just better in general.
One thing I've been told a million times about PCOS is that symptoms can improve by losing just 10% of your body weight. They also say by losing that ten percent, you could become fertile >.< ha! ;)
Speaking of which...I had an extremely vivid dream a few weeks back that I was pregnant. Not only did I have the dream and wake up in a panic...when I fell back asleep, I had the same exact dream again. This dream was SO convincing that I went out and bought pregnancy tests. Whew! This was one time that I wasn't so disappointed to see that lonely one line on the result screen.
I had to call Dr.Garcia's office (let me just say...when you have a doctor that is a private practice... they are not easy to get in touch with!) last week with some (what I thought) major issues with my birth control. By the time I convinced myself to call the office, I had also convinced myself that I may possibly have something more than PCOS.
To my surprise (and delight) it was Dr.Garcia that returned my call. Is it weird that I was excited to talk to him? He didn't express too much concern, at least not enough to where he thought that I should come in. I initially thought that I should go in for an ultrasound to check out my ovaries...since nothing has really been looked at since having the babies. Makes me kind of nervous. He said that it could be a number of things, one being that my uterus lining is thicker than usual. He also said that it could be something as simple as my body has not yet adapted to Sprintec, seeings as I have only been on it for two months (three months?). He hesitated... but then told me that though it was unlikely, he wanted to know if I had accidentally missed any pills...because what I described COULD be the signs of early miscarriage.
I'll be honest... this crossed my mind more than once. But the fact that I've had the same issues two-three months in a row... I was pretty sure that was ruled out. So I had to break down and tell Dr.Garcia about my crazy realistic dream, and that it was so real I took a pregnancy test. He was so relieved when I told him that it was negative, and he said that he felt a lot better about my issues.
So...I guess I just deal with them. Dr.G said that if they continue, or if I am uncomfortable that he may reconsider seeing me. Bleh. I think it's just a case of Desiree's body is screwed up. :)
And that concludes my little rant about my body and PCOS. Thank you :)

NINE months!

On April 18th, Clif and I took the babies for their nine month check up with Dr.Craft. That in itself was eventful.

Let me just say that we do not plan on going to the doctors office 3 babies vs. 2 parents again for a long while. We are already making plans to have a third set of hands for their one year check up. :)

All three babies are completely healthy. Dr.Craft says that he could not be more pleased. And the kids could not possibly look any better. **enter sigh of relief here** They were nine weeks early, born at 31 weeks. At nine months old, Dr.Craft says that size wise, and developmentally... they are that of a full term eight month old. Only a month behind? Not too shabby.

Eli weighed in at a whopping 19lbs6oz...and 27 inches tall! Such a BIG boy, and full of energy. Though Eliw as born first, Easton has normally been the leader in "new" things. But not lately! It seems just like yesterday that Eli started sitting up on his own by accident...and then sitting up on cue...then pulling up. NOW...if you saw him, you might just call CPS on us. This poor Chunky Monkey has so many bruises on his poor little noggin. :) He is on the move ALL THE TIME. No lie...crawling, pulling up... I honestly believe that he will be walking by one year if not before. Eli has EIGHT teeth...and LOVES to bite Mommy, Brother, & Sister.

Easton isn't too far behind Eli! Easton weighs 18lbs6oz, and is 27 1/4 inches tall. This little boy will steal your heart with one glance. Something about those crystal blue eyes and powder blonde hair. Easton is also on the move! It's so hard to keep up these days. He is a dare devil, and his new found favorite thing is finger foods and Elmo. :) Easton has *almost* five teeth...and has been relieving some of his pain on daddy's overgrown hair.

Elliana is still petite but is gaining on the boys. Miss Prissy Butt weighed in at 15lb11oz, and 25 1/4 inches tall. What a little princess! Her hair is thickening...and her poor little bald spot on the back of her head is almost completely covered in hair :) Elliana is ALSO on the move...going anywhere her little heart desires. She LOVES to explore everything within reach by scratching it. Elliana has *almost* four teeth...and is slowly but surely realizing that she can finally bite her big brother Eli back! Elliana also recently started saying "Mama"... actually, she has been saying it for almost a week now (she said it for the first time last Sunday morning)! Also in her vocab, "Baba"...we aren't a hundred percent sure if she is saying bottle, or "bye bye". Either way it's adorable. :) She also loves to clap her hands.

All three babies are beautiful gifts from God and we seriously could not feel more blessed to have them in our lives. :)

breathe in...breathe out...repeat

:) I think life is about 95% back to full swing.

Crazy. Gotta love it.

Though I hate being away from my family, I have to admit that I have enjoyed being back at work. Being part of the real grown up world again. Definitely tough, but something that I knew I would have to do eventually.

Clif continues his position as "stay at home dad" for the time being. Please be in prayer with us as we are waiting to hear back about a job that he applied for. It's been a long process... and we both fully believe that God will provide. I honestly think that Clif will be offered this job, it just takes forever for everything to go through. It was around a three month hiring process for his former job. :) We are almost at three months since he sent in his application. They just finished up another portion of the hiring process, and we are awaiting a phone call from the person with the final say. Please pray with us that if this be His will, that Clif might even get a phone call on Monday saying that he has the job!

Clif left his former place of employment for the better of our family. We both were completely at peace with the decision. Fully trusting that God would provide. And He has in so many ways, and I know that He won't stop here! :) It was easy at first, but it's slowly getting a bit stressful. We do have three children to provide for...:) And HE knows that. All will be well. I have no doubt.

The babies are doing wonderful! :) We took them for their nine month check up on the 18th of April (post to come).

Clif and I have big plans for our five year anniversary...which is coming up FAST (not to mention our precious little ones turning ONE)!! My parents have agreed to keep the babies for the entire day. We'll be getting up early, heading out for a nice breakfast...and then a road trip out of town! We're heading to Harrisonburg...to give our gifts to one another. New INK!

I am beyond excited. FINALLY...after all these years of saying that a certain person would tattoo me (because I know him)...he's finally going to do it! Appointment is set, and tattoo idea is in my head. YAY! I would share more... but I don't want to spoil it.

Well, basically... I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm still alive. I have so much to say... but never enough time to say it. :) Don't give up on me!

Twenty-Nine Months in Heaven

Friday the 13th.

Again.

Every.single.time. the 13th ends up on a Friday...it stings a little bit more than it did the time before.

Twenty nine months since we said hello...

Twenty nine months since we said goodbye...

...nothing changes it. And nothing makes it better.

Happy 29 months in Heaven, Lilly Bean. Mommy & Daddy love you.

Happy Easter!

I feel like I am completely out of touch with everyone and everything. And while I hate it, it's what I've gotten used to. I've finally come to the conclusion that life is not going to get any less hectic anytime soon. So I might as well embrace the craziness and move on :)

Today is Easter, well...at least for the next couple of days. We had a busy day, and are just settling in at home. Babies bathed, fed them dinner, played, bottles...and now all three are sleeping soundly in their cribs.Thank goodness!

This Easter was most definitely different than any in our past. :) A good different. I so enjoyed having three very special little ones with us today!

On a day like today (Easter) I cannot help but think of our Sweet Lilly Bean. Not because she isn't with us today... but, because He is risen...we will see our little girl again someday. 

It's been a while since I've been here...and I feel like there are a million things that I want to catch up on. :) But never seem to have the time...

Poor babies have been sick for a week and a half now :( They had a nasty cold (Dr.C said that it could be a slight case of RSV). Easton & Elliana had ear infections...and Eli had to get a nebulizer. Yuck! Needless to say it's been a long stressful for Mommy & Daddy this week. Whew...

My parents came over Friday night and baby sat so that I could take Clif out for his birthday! I took him out for Japanese and then to see "The Hunger Games". Great night! Plus...Mom and Dad spent the night, so we were able to get seven hours of consecutive sleep for the first time in almost two weeks!! Soooo thankful for parents that are willing to help out!

Being back to work has been good for me, I think... but stressful on all of us. Clif is still without a job, so he's been playing Mr.Mom for a month now. >.< Please pray with us concerning this as he is waiting to hear back about a job. We are praying praying praying because he would be able to stay in the same line of work, BUT, it would be a Monday through Friday,8-5 schedule. :) Not to mention all federal holidays!! It would be SUCH a blessing, but most definitely leaving it in God's hands.

i miss my friend(s)

I miss my friends. Ha! Isn’t that an old country song? Hm. No…seriously I really really miss my friends. I realized while getting ready for work this morning that I feel so incredibly disconnected from my friends. And at first thought, I was like…”I don’t know how it got like this”. But then again… I guess it all started when I found out that I was pregnant with triplets. Anyone that knows me at all knows that I was pins and needles, especially for the first 12 weeks or so. I watched every single thing that I ate, I didn’t drink caffeine, I didn’t eat an abundance of sodium. I didn’t lift anything over 10 pounds. I made sure that my seatbelt wasn’t too tight…that I didn’t go over bumps to quickly…that I didn’t sleep on my belly. Sheesh! I get all nervous just talking about how careful I was. I remember being terrified to even RIDE in a car, let alone drive. Especially after we hit a deer (going 60+ MPH) when I was just 5 weeks pregnant! I was afraid to do anything, or go anywhere. And then by the time I was past that stage, I was too fat & tired to do anything. An hour of being on my feet and I was completely exhausted. That lasted right up to the time that Dr.G took me out of work. And that’s when my seven weeks of bed rest began. Ugh! And then I really couldn’t do anything. For the four-five weeks that the babies were in the NICU, we were able to get together with a few people for dinner, ect… but it was always rushed because we were always in a hurry to get back to the hospital to see the babies. Not only do I feel disconnected from my friends…but my family…oh and don’t even get me started on my church family. The last time we were in our church as a family was the day before Thanksgiving. >.< Since then, we have switched off Sundays…and it’s either me, or Clif that goes. Thank God for RSV season coming to a close! I am SO ready to get back into the full swing of my life. Please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. I love my life, and I would not trade it for the world. Seriously. I love my babies, and I love being a Mom. And I also understand that all of these feelings I am having are all part of parenthood…with a little added because of the babies being nine weeks early. Honestly, if I think about it… I get really depressed. But in the same breath, I get it. Ya know? I don’t even know if I’m making sense. J I feel like everyone thinks I have cut myself off from them…and I hate that they might think that, or feel like that. I promise it hasn’t been intentional. *sigh* I really hate this. Now with me being back at work, there is even more to juggle. And since everyone KNOWS that I’m trying to juggle, I feel as if everyone has just taken another step back from me…in a good way, to give me my space. BUT… I don’t want my space. I still want to talk to friends, get together with friends…it’s just a little more hectic than it used to be. I guess I should apologize to you all. I know you all know who you are. I promise I have not TRIED to distance myself. Life has been crazy, some days I am so completely overwhelmed that I can’t breathe. I still care… I’m just learning how to do all this. Please don’t give up on me.

Green means GO!

And they're off...!!!

My {not so little} babies are growing...way too fast for my liking,. They are all on the verge of crawling... all three can get into the crawling position and rock back and forth. Eli has actually crawled a few inches. All three can sit up for a good while...and....
                                                    Eli got himself from the laying down position to the sitting up position...
                                                                 

all by himself.

Boo. :) I am thrilled that our children are developing {almost} right on "schedule" compared to what a full term baby would. But I am definitely not liking the fact that they aren't tiny little five pounds babies that need me to do EVERY LITTLE THING for them anymore. I don't think I'm ready for this. Ha!

I finished up my second week of work as of yesterday. :) The second week was most definitely better than the first. I managed to keep the tears at bay, for the most part. I also felt a little more confident doing what I do, so that helped too!

Being back at work doesn't change anything...life still proves to be insanely busy, all the time. Monday started with running late leaving work, going to the funeral home for visitation of a sweet little lady that passed away.

The rush rush rush to grab dinner and zoom home in time to help Clif finish feeding the babies dinner. Whew.

And that's pretty much how every single day went this week, minus the funeral home thing.

I did manage to try a new, REALLY GOOD crock pot recipe. Compliments of Pinterest.com, aka: my new obsession.

Here it is: Shredded Chicken Tacos. Boneless chicken breast, jar of salsa...package of chicken taco mix. DONE. Throw it in the crock pot, high for four hours. YUM-O! Oh my goodness. We put it on warm tortillas with cheese (fat free!) and low fat sour cream. Accompanied by my Chipotle Copy Cat Guacamole & baked tortilla chips. Cheap, easy and sooooooo good :) Perfect for the working Mommy.

Ugh, I forgot to mention that we had our first accident involving a baby this week. Monday...midst the craziness of every day life, Eli...fell off our kitchen table. Yes yes, we're horrible parents. lol At least that's how Clif felt. He was the one home with them when it happened. He was strapped into a bouncer chair type thing, and...BOOM...leaned forward...and fell off. Thank GOD there was a chair that caught him. He had an instant goose egg, but was fine...and yes, we called the doctor. Three times I think. :)

Today is St.Pattys day. Daddy is still in bed, babies are in the floor fighting sleep. After lunch time bottles, we are headed out for the day. Lunch for Mommy & Daddy, and then shopping for the whole family. :) I am loving this warm weather, and that RSV season is coming to a close.

Rest in Peace.

Just got word that one of our precious church members made her way to Heaven, sometime around one o'clock this morning. <3
We'll miss you, Mrs.Conner. We love you.

I {think I} will survive.

...so far, I have. :) Survived my first week back to work, that is.

It was long...and emotional...and just down right HARD to be away from my babies. BUT... the Lord is good, and has provided wonderful people to talk care of the kids. My mom, and of course... Clif! I am SO proud of how Clif stepped up this week and helped out SOOOO much. Until Wednesday he had never had an entire day where he was responsible for EVERYTHING that had to do with the babies! BUT...he did it, AND had dinner started. :) Love my husband.

Please continue to pray that God would open a door for Clif, job wise. He's been hitting the pavement ALL week long, and had a few leads... but nothing huge. We are continuing to trust that there is something SO much better out there!

Well, I'm off of here to go spend some time with my Love's. :) I think my first week of work calls for lunch & shopping (grocery that is) Ha!

Be blessed.

Excitement!

:) I'm excited. About several things.

First, I'm really excited about our family date today! With RSV season coming to a close, we are celebrating by having a little outing... just the five of us! I was able to find a lady on FB with a double stroller for sale, and my Dad and I met her last night to pick it up! Now we can take the kids out, Boys in the double...Elliana in her single, and not have to stop every five steps because we have a massive triple stroller. If you have multiples, you know what I mean. I love that people want to look at my kids, but I can't get anything accomplished when I have to stop for every single person to look and ask, "oh, triplets?"

Second... I have been attending weight watchers since mid September. I'm hit or miss to the meetings because of babies, and soon to be work....but...I stick to the ww plan regardless. It's been a long road... but the end is in sight!! I'm sooooooo excited. As of this morning, I have lost 44 pounds with weight watchers, and a total of 80 pounds since having the babies! I actually feel good on the INSIDE for once, and it's a GREAT feeling. I have given up sodas, #1 because they are horrible, #2 because I think it will help with my weight loss. :) I ordered Clif and I some new jeans (did I mention that Clif has been on Weight Watchers since the week before Christmas, and has lost like 25 pounds? AND almost two pant sizes?) from American Eagle last weekend, because they were having a great sale! I ordered both of our jeans a size smaller than we normally wear...I told him they were our "dream jeans". They arrived...and we BOTH are wearing our new jeans out today!!

Third...I'm to the point where I am ready to work out. Like, I WANT to work out. I am comfortable with my weight (though, I still have 16 pounds to go before I meet my goal)...and I really want to tone everything up! Sooooo I am working on that now. :) This might be TMI, but since I'm going back to work on Monday, I'm going to search out a tanning salon and try to tan (just a few sessions) on my lunch break, in hopes that it will help hide some little stretch marks brought on by two pregnancies. HA! I am HOPING that this will do the trick on my inner thighs... I know, TMI and gross... but oh well. If it doesn't do the trick, I am going to be talking to a dermatologist (I think they are the ones that do it) about laser removal. I know, that sounds crazy. But...I am serious. ANNNNNND...IF I can get the results that I want from either one of those options (plus tone tone tone up!)... I am THINKING about getting a VERY meaningful tat. I have it all in my head and I am at the about to bust, squeal, and jump up and down point. :) I grew up around this guy that works in a shop a few hours away from where we live. He has done two tats for Clif, one on his back in memory of Lillian Joy, and then a cover up. He does AWESOME work. Soooo...I am thinking about calling him in about a month or so and getting him to go ahead and draw it up for me. I have always always always wanted Andy to tattoo me... and with every single one I have gotten, I still haven't managed to get him! :) I wanted him to do my Lily tat, but he was booked solid (which he normally is), so his friend did it for me. This time, I'm not letting anyone do it but Andy. And I am SOO excited. Even though I haven't totally decided to get it done.

WHOA...too much caffeine in my tea?? I am all hyped up. Better jump off of here and put this energy to use! A family day date involves a very detailed check list. And yes, you can laugh at me for that. :)

hit me baby one more time.

Sometimes it hits me.

Like a ton {or two} of bricks.


I absolutely...with all of my heart, until the end of time...love my children.


Yes...I complain sometimes. And I always feel guilty for doing so...I feel as if I shouldn't complain when I've been so blessed. Blessed with what I begged God for, for what seems like forever.


But then there are nights like tonight. Nights when someone {Eli} cries out in their sleep, and I get to hold and cuddle him for a few minutes. Just the two of us. I love it. Holding him tonight...him looking so innocent. :) Kissing his cheek and watching him grin his toothy little grin. Ah, melt my heart!

I had a moment like that with my Easton last night... while I was giving him a bath, of all things! As I was washing his hair (which is coming in pretty think nowadays!), and it just hit me...how beautiful he is...and how blessed Clif and I are.

Oh how I love these precious little babies of mine. I literally cannot imagine life without them. I don't think there are enough words to describe how they fill each and ever second of every day with joy!

Yes, I have my rough days when I feel as if I may pull out every single strand of hair on my head. :) I don't think I would be a true mom if I didn't have those kind of days. But for the most part... I enjoy my days with the babies. Especially now that their little personalities are in full swing!

Only a few days left... and I return to work. And to be honest, I'm trying not to think about it. I keep telling myself (and everyone else) that I will be okay. It won't be that bad...Clif is going to be here...my mom will be here. I knew it was coming. Me returning to work has been inevitable from the very beginning of my pregnancy. I'm pretty sure I can talk it up until I am blue in the face...but Monday is probably going to be on up there on the list of hardest days of my life.

Ugh! Leaving my babies. Not being the one to take care of every little thing? Oh goodness I'm going to have a panic attack before I can finish this post! I guess...if I can get through my meeting with Human Resources Monday morning without breaking down in tears, I'll be doing good. HA!

two things:

One : praying praying praying my heart out for a dear blogger friend, Lori. <3

Two : TODAY IS OUR LAST SYNAGIS SHOT!!! WOOOOO HOOOO for the nearing end of RSV season. :) Which means we can FINALLY get the kiddos out of the house without being absolutely terrified!
Of course...getting out of the house DOES entail actually going out with three infants, so it will probably not be that often...but, I'm just excited about the THOUGHT of being able to go out...with my whole family. I hate separate trips out (for Clif & me).

Ahhhhhhhh...never been SO excited for Spring!

Peanut Butter Granola Bars :)

So this was my first attempt to make homemade granola bars...and other than it being a little crumbly, it's pretty tasty.Well...before I say how tasty it is....let me explain that I found a recipe, and pretty much changed the whole thing to make it lower calorie/less weight watcher points. So...it's pretty tasty, considering what it is.

{please excuse the horrible photo...as it was taken from my {not so} smart phone}

Recipe?

Peanut Butter Granola Bars

4 cups rolled oats

1/2 cup peanut butter, melted (I use Peter Pan Whipped Peanut Butter)

1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce

1/8 cup + 1 TBSP honey

1/4 cup chopped peanuts

1/4 cup mini chocolate chips

1/4 cup shredded coconut

*Preheat oven to 350*

Mix all dry ingredients together. Add honey, applesauce and peanut butter. Mix well,

press into a greased (I greased my pan heavily with canola spray) 13x9 inch pan. Bake for 20-25 minutes.

(I used wax paper to press "dough" into pan evenly)

YIELD: 20 granola bars

Weight Watchers Points+: 3points (1/20th of pan)

***This recipe could definitely use more peanut butter, honey or applesauce... or all three! It would help it stick together more than the above recipe... BUT... I'll stick with my three point snack, thanks!)

i miss her.

Today has been a weird day for me.

I ended up cleaning out Lillian's nursery MONTHS ago... sorting through all of her things, packing away things that I felt would always belong to her and only her, and passing down items to her sister (and brothers) that I thought they would be able to benefit from.

Today... my mom came over and helped me do another clean out. I never realized how quickly kids would grow out of things. Not just clothes, but sooooo many other baby items. It cracks me that all these must have baby items only last a few months and then you have absolutely NO use for them again.

Anyway, in honor of me going back to work... I realized that I needed to do a major clean out so that things didn't continue to pile up at home. And that's what we did.

What I didn't realize what that not only did I struggle with emotions of passing Lilly's things on to her siblings... but now I deal with the emotions of selling/giving these items to complete strangers. 

I had one of "those" moments today, with Clif. I still have Lilly's car seat. It's brand new, never been used. It has left our house two times. The first, on November 12th, the night before Lilly was born... and then again sometime in July, when we took it to the hospital for Elliana.

I'll admit, I was secretly happy when Clif and I decided to purchase a new car seat for Elliana before she was discharged from the hospital, to match the boys' car seats, that way we wouldn't have to deal with different bases, ect.

*sigh* Well, my moment was... I don't want to get rid of the car seat. But how do I justify KEEPING the car seat?

Okay... I admit, the above sounds really stupid when I put it on paper. Or, well... computer screen. ;) Lilly never once touched her car seat. In my mind, she should have, but... in the end... she didn't. Yes, the car seat was purchased for her... it was hers, is hers? But... I can't hold on to every little thing. Can I? Ugh.

And on top of not being able to keep every little thing, it's also selfish. Well, at least I think it is. Why keep perfectly good baby items that someone could USE, while me keeping them isn't doing anything but collecting dust. :-/

Clif doesn't open up and talk about "things" very often... not that he keeps anything bottled up, he's just not that type of guy. But when confiding in him about these things before he headed off to work, he responded with: we both have SO many things that remind us of Lilly.

Not only do we have physical things (a lock of her hair, the blanket she was wrapped in, pictures, footprints...a ring that she wore...), but we have SO many memories. Kind of odd saying that we have SO many memories when she never breathed a breath on this Earth, huh?

It's not just the car seat. It's sooo many things. Things that she never used...things that the triplets didn't even get a chance to use.

I don't know... I just feel like I am not being true to my baby girl, and maybe... I'm just letting myself hurt a little.

Life has been so incredibly hectic these past months...well, year, really... I honestly haven't had much time to stop and just miss her. And oh do I miss her. More with each passing moment. I can't help but wonder what life would be like. I have to say...I wouldn't trade the happenings of my/our life, for anything. As horrible as that makes me sound. I feel with everything that I am, that everything that has happened has happened for a reason. Everything that we have experienced was part of His plan.

*sigh*

Please Pray For...

A blogger friend of mine who had to say goodbye to her little one...way too soon. :-/ This is her third loss, and while it may have been early on...a loss is a loss, and I know that it hurts <3 Thoughts, prayer and love to you, A.

Two complete strangers. I have a few friends that know them, and made me aware of the situation. There is a young couple, around my age, that lost their seven month old little baby boy. <3 This hits home more than I would like to admit, because my three are seven months old.

Another blogger friend that's currently waiting. :) You know who you are, and know that I am praying for you and your newest little blessing!

A lady in our church, Claudia. She was flown to Richmond on Saturday. She had been in ICU for a week or so, with an infection. As of now, she waits for a liver transplant.

A little girl, M, who has been fighting a tumor. She's been on this journey for more than a year now. She had surgery some time ago to have the mass removed, and they were able to get 90%. It came back soon there after. She had an xray done last week, and the tumor seems to have decreased in size. She is seven (I think) years old... due to her illness/surgeries, she had to re-learn how to talk, walk...ect. She is a little fighter! :)

what do YOU think?

I'll be honest. Normally, I am not the type person to really think twice about what people may or may not think about me.
But I have recently stumbled upon a subject that I might just care about what people think.

Pregnancy.Children. And me.

So many people have followed our story. Our struggle of getting pregnant with Lilly, our journey through the grief of losing Lillian. Our long road (or what seemed like it) of becoming pregnant again, and the {what seemed like} eternity that I was pregnant with the triplets. There are so many people that stood by my side through this last pregnancy. So many people prayed on a daily basis for the safety of myself, and our three precious babies that I carried.

Yes, we lost our first child due to pregnancy complications, caused by my unexplained high blood pressure. Yes, we prayed, prayed, prayed to become pregnant... and after overcoming many things, we did become pregnant. Yes, I had some of the same struggles with my triplet pregnancy that I did with my pregnancy with Lilly. It was scary, and there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't pray that God would bless the tiny little beings that I carried within me.

I know that there were people who thought our babies would never make it into this world alive. I know that while people smiled at me on the outside, there were negative thoughts running through their minds. I couldn't deliver ONE baby into this world safely, what made me think that I could deliver THREE?

All of that plays a part, but is definitely not what I worry that people may judge me about.

Not saying that we are...not saying that we are not... but... what if, in time...there is a possibility that Clif and I would want to try and become pregnant a third time. What if we decide that we want a fifth child?

Is that selfish? Our Lillian Joy left us too soon, we prayed for another blessing... and God blessed us with three. Would I be a horrible person if I wanted more children?

I'll be honest... I do want more children. Crazy, I know. In fact, as several people I know are announcing that they are expecting... I feel a little {very very tiny}bit of jealousy. BUT...before you judge, let me say that I get over the jealous feelings VERY quickly. I don't in any way envy anyone that is pregnant right now. Clif and I have been incredibly blessed with four precious children, three of which are here with us on Earth. Three that keep me busy all the time! Not to mention that I feel like I have been pregnant for the last three years of my life. Which really, since I was 21 years old (just turned 24), I have either been trying to become pregnant, been pregnant, or recovering from a pregnancy. I'm actually loving the fact that my body is mine again. No pregnancy, no fertility drugs... no charting, counting, blah blah blah. I have finally lost ALL my baby weight, from both pregnancies... and I am 7 pounds away from being the same weight I was the day I was married to my love <3 I still have 18 pounds to go until I reach my goal, which is the weight that I was when Clif and I got together almost seven years ago! I'm excited. I feel healthy for the first time in years. I didn't go on any crazy crash diet...I chose weight watchers, a change of life. A change of eating. And it has worked wonders.Not only that, but in the last couple of weeks I have begun to exercise. Not a lot, but, I do run on the elliptical six days a week...for at least 5 miles at a time. I know that's not huge... but when you go from doing absolutely NOTHING, I think it's a pretty big step.

All that to say that I'm happy with where I am in life. I'm happy with me for the first time in a very very long time. So no, I don't "want" a baby right now. If it were to happen, it would most definitely be a "God thing"... and we wouldn't be upset... but, it would really have to be His will to make it happen.

But...I have said since becoming pregnant with the triplets, that I might would like to have another baby when the triplets start school. They would be five, I would be 28ish. We definitely would not go the IUI route again, but...who knows! Now this is just talk...I promise. We are most definitely NOT talking about having another baby. There are absolutely NO plans, and NO talk. :) But... it's just a thought that crossed my mind the other day that made me wonder. If my kids start school, and I decide...hey! I want another baby...would that be...selfish? Would it be asking too much? Hmmmm...

{Completely random side note, but do I have any artist readers that would want to sketch something for me? A possible tattoo...but maybe not...it's something that I'm toying with... but I don't have an artistic bone in my body! IF so, email me!!! :) smithfam07@hotmail.com}

Smith Happenings :)

All I can say is... wow!


Never in a million years did I think that life could become more hectic and crazy than it has been in the last months, but this past week proved to be!
It all started with Clif getting a phone call saying that one of the places he applied for a job at wanted to interview him. I have to say that I am SO proud of my husband. He applied at a place that you can't just walk in and get a job, in fact... you pretty much have to know someone to get a job there. There were 31 applicants, and only six got interviews. And my hubby was one of them! :) Though, in the end... he still didn't get the job... but we're okay with that. He interviewed better than` he ever has, giving God all the glory for everything we have, and where he is in life. :) <----proud wife here, can you tell??
The week flew by, packed full of craziness. Like, last Sunday...we lost our electricity...had to pack in the dark, and go to a hotel (definitely was not thrilled about the babies staying in a hotel...so we ended up going to the newest, nicest hotel that was near us)...Clif had his interview that next morning, all five of us were sick with a nasty cold... I had to take the babies to the doctor...not only do I have three teething babies (Eli has 6 teeth, Easton 2, Elliana 2) but they were all sick with a cold, and Easton has a pretty bad ear infection. I know an ear infection isn't a HUGE deal, but...first of all, he doesn't handle pain very well, and second...he doesn't handle having to take medicine very well. So it's been a humdinger of a week! It has taken two people to hold him down to give him his antibiotics, and I won't even go into the ear drops. :)
On Thursday, Clif and I ventured out of town to pick up our new (well, used) stroller. I found someone on Craigslist (two hours away) that was selling a Peg Perego Triplette Stroller... for way less than I have EVER found one. So we took a road trip! We made it back home, and made a quick stop by the mail box where we found a letter saying in short, that the place Clif applied was very impressed with him and they encouraged him to apply again when another position opened up... but that they had chosen a more qualified candidate. :)
Whew...so where does that leave us? He has one more "big" application out, but we won't hear anything for another week and a half or so. >.< They had several applications, and won't be setting interviews until sometime next week I think. Aside from that, Clif has begun applying at places basically for a in between job. Which is kinda scary. I know that everyone must think we are so irresponsible... but when it boils down to a father missing important milestones, and missing quality time with his wife...is it really worth it?  If Clif were to stay with his current employer, he would see the kids for maybe an hour a day, and with me starting back to work next week... he and I would see each other one DAY every other week. I would be leaving for work as he would be coming home, and he would be gone to work before I even got home from work. :(
Not only is family time a big factor, but his current job really has an effect on his overall attitude. The type of people that he deals with on a daily basis just brings him down on many different levels.
With that said, I ask again that you all be in prayer with us as we continue to look for a job for Clif. Please pray for guidance and wisdom concerning these things.
Our precious little ones are doing wonderful. As I already mentioned, they are all in full teething mode. Eli has had four teeth for over a month now, and the other night while feeding him dinner, I found two more coming in! Easton has been working on his lower two for a few weeks now...and they STILL aren't all the way through. Last Tuesday I jokingly started snooping in Elliana's mouth because she was extremely fussy and all but refused her bottle...only to find that she has her two lower teeth too! Whew! Fun stuff! I am definitely dreading next Monday, leaving my babies. They are the highlight of every single day...even on days like today when they have had me up since 4:30, all are fussy... and they know it's just me, because Daddy is sleeping in preparation for his last round of night shift with his current job.
Entering back into the working world will be a difficult transition, but it's one that I've known I would have to make since discovering that I was pregnant with the triplets. I have been SO blessed to have been able to stay at home with my children. I've been out of work since May 2011, due to bed rest... unemployed since September 2011, and been able to spend almost 7 months at home with my little ones. I wish that we were financially able for me to stay at home forever... but, hello! We have three kids, own our house (well...paying for it ha!), cars, insurance...INSURANCE! That's a good enough reason to go back to work...geez. Anyway, though I'm dreading it... I am thankful that I was able to stay out longer than we ever anticipated. And I am kinda looking forward to entering back into the "real world" again. Looking forward to actually earning a buck or two, and not feeling like a complete bum. :)
While Clif and I are kind of switching roles... me going to work, and him entering the unemployed realm... my income will not be as much as his...which means, we need to find something fast! Please please please be in prayer! Also, if you are local and know of ANY jobs that you think that would possibly work out for Clif, please please please give Clif or myself a call.
Oh! One last thing... when we took the babies to the doctor...and they were weighed....Eli was 17.7, Easton 17.4, and Elliana 14.6 :)

Wow. Will life ever slow down?? I seriously feel like every time I think it is, something else pops up.
Before I go into the happenings of life in the Smith household, I'll ask that you please say a prayer for our family. Clif has an interview on Monday. If things were to work out the way we are praying, it would be SUCH a blessing.
Also, please pray with us as we prepare for me to go back to work. >.< I start on March 5th...and while I'm looking forward to being in the big people world again... I'm dreading leaving my babies. Thank the Lord we have my mom...she'll be babysitting for us! (<We asked her four years ago, before we even started trying to have babies!)
So definitely a lot of change going on around these parts ;) We are currently working on some updates with our house (we added a new roof, and porch that goes across the length of our house during the summer)...we are working on the kitchen and master bath. We have purchased new counter tops, we're painting, working on the cabinets, and putting down new flooring. We intend to put it on the market come Spring (oh my! We are almost there...)...and we figure, if we can't sell it right now...at least we are making it nicer for ourselves!
What's going on with babies? Eli now has four teeth, and I swear there must be another one coming in somewhere because he has been extra needy these last few days. As mentioned before, he is the baby that stopped breathing after he was born. He had a few different medications,but never had any other problems. But... apparently, preemies are prone to have a wheeze due to immature lungs. Well, his "wheeze" has gotten worse over the course of the last week...so I got to spend Valentine's day at the doctor, and pharmacy with Eli. The doctor said that this time of year, the wheeze will get worse... said it was nothing to worry about, and gave him some oral albuterol. :)
Easton now has two teeth...and we are currently (as in, as I am typing) his very first goose egg. :( This kid is EVERYWHERE...all the time. He even moves around in his sleep. He isn't quite crawling, at least.... not like someone would normally crawl. He gets his knees up and scoots on his forehead (pretty cute). Anyway, this kid LOVES to roll back and forth...and while he was rolling this afternoon, he rolled over and cracked the back of his little head on the hardwood floor. >.< After talking to my mom, my hubby, and my best friend... the convinced me that I didn't need to call the doctor. :) You know that over protective Mom that annoys everyone to no end? Yep...that's me.
Elliana still is all gums, and even more attitude! Such a Feisty Little Diva! No lie. She is a Mommy's girl all around...and I absolutely love it, and secretly enjoy when she comes to me instead of Clif ;)
Clif continues to be the wonderful Daddy I always knew he would be.His love for his family amazes me over and over each and every day. Love that man SO much!  I love how he provides for his family, even when it's not how he would choose to do so. :) He truly is a wonderful man, and I am so very blessed to have him in my life... and that he is the father of my four beautiful children.
Me...I'm still me. :) Looking froward to get back into a work routine, and looking forward to two incomes again! I'm still doing weight watchers, have lost 77 pounds since 7/15, and 41 since starting ww. These last two weeks have been a constant struggle for me, because for the first time since September, I have gained weight. Only a pound... but it's about to drive me CRAZY! I'm fairly certain that it's my new bc causing the issue...which I'm not loving at all. :/ So...because of this, I've started working out :) Praying that this does the trick... because I'm not really suffering from any side affects, and feel decent. We shall see. :)
Any Mom's have any schedule suggestions for me? Also, any suggestions on how many meals they should be getting? Right now, they get lunch and dinner... but when I try to add in breakfast, it throws them for a loop every time. Here is how our day goes as of now:

7:45 - wake up, diapers, snuggles, ect.
8:00 - bottles :)
8:15-9:30 - play
9:45 - naps (normally lasting anywhere from 20-45 minutes. I would like this to last from about 9:45-11:15)
11:45 - bottle,diapers
12:00 - lunch (normally consisting of a veggie & fruit - sometimes oatmeal/fruit)
12:30-1:45 - play
2:00 - nap (again, anywhere from 20-45 minutes... would like to have this 2:00-3:30ish)
wake up -3:45 play
4:00 - bottles,diapers
4:15-6:00 - play
6:15 - diapers & dinner (consisting of a fruit, veggie & oatmeal/cereal)
7:00-7:45 - wind down, diapers, clothes change...ready for bed (every other night is bath night)
7:45 - bottle
8:15 - bed time

It's a "Dude that Sparkles" kind of day!

Okay, Okay...I know. I'm officially fourteen years old. But I am sooooooooo excited about "Breaking Dawn, Pt 1" coming out tonight (at midnight).
In fact... I'm so excited, Clif is going to walmart at 12 to buy it! :) I don't know what it is that I love SO much about these movies (actually, I loved the books WAY more).


YAY!

change.

Something that I have come to realize I don't take to well. :) I think that I'm getting better than I used to be... but still.
There are a lot of changes taking place in our lives these next months, and along with the change comes a lot of uncertainty. Something else I'm not awesome at handling.

*sigh*

I know and believe with all of my heart that God will provide, and take care of us in each situation that we face - it's just so hard to trust sometimes.
I feel like I've already blogged about these feelings... and if I have, please overlook me :) These days, I don't remember most of what I am doing/ have done.
As of now, I'm still not 100% comfortable with putting all of the changes out here for all the world to read (if we're close friends you probably already know what's going on, and if not...all you have to do is drop and email and I would be happy to explain further about what's going on...and get a few more specific prayers going up!).
I will say that it includes Clif's current career/job, future career/job, and me going back to work. Let me just say, I'm not looking forward going back to work... but then again, I am.
I guess what I mean is: I don't want to leave my kids. Plain and simple. I have been home with them for *almost* six months now. They will be seven months old on the 15th of this month. BUT... I do look forward to getting back into the swing of things, re-entering the "real world". I have known since I was pregnant that we would not be able to afford for me to stay at home, not with the way we live (not that it's extravagant in any sense of the word...), the things that we have, and with the THREE babies we have. :) It takes more than one person working when you have three mouths to feed, and three butts to diaper. ;)
Please pray for me...that God may calm my nerves and my heart.
For the last three days or so, I have had some pretty hefty anxiety attacks. Like the ones I had between pregnancies. At first, I chalked it up to me being on yet another bc (had it changed last week due to some issues with the last one)... and thought that maybe it was messing with my body. Big surprise. But then, it occurred to me... there is a LOT going on with us right now...and though I don't feel "worried"... I guess my anxiousness about everything going on is taking a toll on my body? Who knows... we all know that I'm not exactly "normal"!
Also, if you think of it...please pray for Clif and I as a couple, that we may have wisdom and discernment in the decisions that we may face in the coming days.

*almost* seven months :) :(

I cannot believe our precious little babies are almost SEVEN months old!! Enjoy photos from our seven month photo shoot, a few days early!

in His hands...in His time.

Ugh! Sometimes letting go of your own life is one of the hardest things to do. But Who better to hold your life in the palm of their hand than Him?
I haven't been stressed for a while. And I do mean a while. You're probably checking the header of this page to make sure that you logged on to Desiree Smith's blog. :) Don't worry...you're in the right place.
If you know me...really, even if you don't know me but have read a good bit of my blog posts...you know that I have a worrying problem. Seriously. In the past I have worried about e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. No lie.
Oddly enough, since our babies were born back in July... my stress level has gone WAY down. Weird, I know...but that's me for ya...weird!
Anyway...on the reason for this post. I have never been good at dealing with uncertainty. Ever. And while Clif is better than I am... he doesn't do the greatest with uncertainty either.
As it stands, a lot of things in our lives are changing. For the good...at least, I think it's for the good. We are trusting that it's for the good. 
Stepping out on faith is something that you always hear about someone else doing. Not yourself. Clif and I have done a ton (literally) of praying, thinking, talking through things... and it looks like there may be a LEAP for us. And soon.
Please pray with us that we may make the right decision concerning these things. And also, that we may put our full trust in the Lord, and not look back.

prayer, jobs & teeth!

Another jumbled blog post...please hang in there! :)

 First off, please pray for a little boy that is in our local NICU, born at 36 weeks, and has underdeveloped lungs. <3 Also, a friend went to visit this baby... and met another family that had a little baby born at 23 weeks. I cannot imagine. I do have to say that hospitals, doctors, and nurses AMAZE me. And how far the medical world has come...
Did anyone read the article about the 9 ounce ( I think that is right ) baby that was born last summer and just went home a week or so ago? Simply amazing...

 Second, please pray with us concerning a possible lead on a job for Clif. I can't go into too much detail because...well, I'm sure you all understand, BUT...we put in his application and resume yesterday, and it just so happens that we know about five people that "know" someone within the organization...and they are all making calls or sending emails to the "Top Dog" for us. :) He actually put in two applications yesterday. We are praying praying praying that something will come from one of these, and quick! Two and a half months of night shift is nearing...

 Third...EASTON HAS TWO TEETH!! :) Well, kinda. They both have broken gum, but we still have a little ways to go. Eli has two that are completely through, one that  is partially, and one that is about to break gum and day now! :) Poor Little Princess has ZERO... but her gums have definitely thinned...and she's starting the teething process, just like both boys did.

 While it is exciting to have teeth coming in...and to have THREE babies...it's a little less exciting when they are all three teething. It's been a tiring few days around the Smith household. And it continues to be interesting with Clif currently working two weeks of nights >.< But...we are managing :)

hunt.

For a job that is. Not for me...for my hubby. Well, possibly. His schedule since starting at his current place of employment has been two weeks days (12 hour shifts), and two weeks nights (12 hour shifts).
A few months ago, the employees were told that they would be going to permanent days or permanent nights.
Last week they informed my husbands shift that starting in March,  they would be on 2 1/2 months of straight nights.
This doesn't work for us. At all. Especially if I were to go back to work this Spring... I would literally NOT see Clif for two months. Except for *some* of his weekends off.  Needless to say, in our eyes it would be really hard to maintain a marriage and family if he is never home at night.
So, with that being said...if any of my local readers are reading this... and know of a GOOD job, good benefits, and at LEAST $15hr (preferably 8-5,m-f) please let me know. You can email me at smithfam07@hotmail.com, or call if you have my number. I know that it seems like we are picky with what we are looking for... but we have to be. Why would he want to go somewhere where he is going to work crazy shifts for less money?? He could do that at his current place...for the same money.
Please pray with us concerning this situation...

Thanks!

a little bit of this...a lot a bit of that.

:) I know, I know... I'm getting pretty bad with this whole blogging thing. I have a million things rolling around in this head of mine that I would like to get pecked out on here... but to be honest, the majority of it probably won't make it.
My "spare time" (HA!) these days is devoted to: cleaning (aka, doing NOTHING other than baby laundry, baby dishes...and well, that takes up all my time), making baby food, feeding babies...changing babies...playing with babies...holding screaming babies! Speaking of screaming babies...there are currently three non-stop screamers that reside at my house. >.< Yep...you guessed it. Three teething babies. Poor Elliana has yet to bust one out, BUT... her gums are thin and swollen...she acts hungry, but doesn't want to eat...and yeah, she's teething. Eli has two bottom teeth completely through, one top that's half way there and the other top that should break gum any given moment. :) Easton's bottom right has finally broke gum... and whew boy! Let me tell ya... he hasn't been taking it well.
Okay, I am only two paragraphs into this post and already I am bouncing around. Let's see...
Tomorrow I will be 24 years old. Wow. Not a big number...but I'm here to tell ya I feel SOOOOO much older than that. Four, almost five years of marriage and four babies later...tends to wear a young body out.
Clif and I actually were able to celebrate my birthday this past weekend. We went out by ourselves for the first time in like five and a half months. :) We left the babies with our mom's and future sis in law. Definitely on the list of the harder things that I've had to do concerning the babies.
For my birthday, Clif got me a tattoo...some cute chunky bracelets to cover said tattoo (whenever I decide to enter the dreaded working world again >.<), some new clothes (more on that in a second), and dinner at Kabuki.  We celebrated over the weekend because Clif is on night shift... and working tomorrow night. :( More on that too...
Let's go with the good first! I am really shy about talking about this, because I don't like the attention that it draws... BUT...Since July 15th,2011 I have lost 73 pounds. And since starting weight watchers I have lost 37 pounds. Very personal information here... but, I guess I can't be too embarrassed seeings as I did have THREE humans living inside me for a while ;) I started out in July in a size 14 (and it was TIGHT). Seriously, the biggest I have ever been. I didn't take it well, but it was soooo worth it. On Saturday, I slipped on my first size 8 jeans...in about 3 1/2 years. :) :) :) I'm pretty excited about seeing results! I have about twenty two pounds left to lose before I hit my "goal" weight...which will be what I weighed when Clif and I got together.
And the bad...Clif received word last week that his shift is changing. Drastically. He will be working night shift for extended periods of time. And as I'm sure most of you can imagine...we are not happy about it. To put it lightly. Not only are we "not happy" about it, but it just is not going to work for our family. Well, let me put that a different way. We know that if this is God's will...and He wants Clif to remain where he is... that the Lord will provide...and make it work. However, in my head...I don't see it working. ;) Guess that's why I'm not in control of my own life, huh? Please pray with us concerning this change. We are leaving it in the Lord's hands...with our desire being that there may be an 8-5 position open for Clif, so that he may not only be able to be at home with us every night... but also that we would be able to be in church together as a family every weekend.
Time is ticking away, and I know that I will find myself in the "job hunt" status soon. It's been wonderful staying at home with my three little blessings, but said blessings don't come cheap! We have been incredibly blessed in so many aspects, one way being that we have been financially able for me to stay at home. And while it's been amazing... Clif and I both know that it cannot be permanent. So...it looks like sometime after RSV season passes, I will be looking for a job :( Please pray with us that something may open with the company that I worked at previously when the time comes.
Speaking of RSV, Praise the Lord that our children have remained relatively healthy this winter...with the exception of a few little colds here and there. :) Clif and I are SO looking forward for the "rsv season" to be over and done with so we can get outside with these kids and breathe in some FRESH air! :) Not to mention that we've been locked up inside our house for way too long. We take the 3 E's to the doctor on Wednesday for their February Synagis shot, and then only one more for March! YAY! Soooo excited for it to be over with!
Well... I know this was a weird, all over the place post... but...that's me now-a-days! :)

Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus || Spoken Word

A Cup Of Cake

In attempt to keep my sanity...I have started baking cupcakes :)

It all started when my mom moved back to her own house, and I was left to care for all three babies while Clif pulls 12 hour shifts. :) That was the plan all along, right?

Well... it has proven to be a little crazy at our house some days. It's a semi-rare thing to find three happy/content babies at one time. Though, I do have to say I think I have some of the easiest babies EVER! Actually, even our doctor said that our babies were very low maintenance.

Anyway, back to the cupcakes. When the babies were in the hospital, Clif and I stumbled upon a local cupcake shop. Gourmet cupcakes. Oh.my.goodness. SO good cupcakes. And a regular cupcake is seriously the size of two of your average-joe cupcakes put together. Mmm. Okay...anyway. So after eating these a few times (before the weight watcher days)... I got the urge to make some of my own yummy cupcakes.

I don't know if it will go anywhere... but I have ordered some business cards, and a car magnet... and I'm trying to sell some of these yummy cupcakes! I've had a few people place orders, but mainly... I'm just having fun. :)

Here is the link to my blog (for cupcakes) : http://acupocake.blogspot.com/

Below are some of the cupcakes I have created thus far:

Peanut butter cupcakes with chocolate icing, lemon with raspberry icing, chocolate with almond joy icing...peanut butter with whipped peanut butter icing.

Andes :) YUM! Chocolate cupcake with chocolate-mint filling, topped with a mint butter cream icing and andes candy!

Pumpkin cake, cream cheese filling, topped with a cinnamon butter cream and chopped pecans.

Chocolate on chocolate...and OOOOOH so yummy. :) I think I have seriously found the BEST chocolate cake recipe!!

Mmmmm...Chocolate Peanut Butter Surprise. These were soooo yummy. Chocolate cake, peanut butter ball center, topped with cream cheese - peanut butter icing. The icing tastes like my mom's peanut butter pie! YUM!

Coconut cupcake, chocolate-almond filling, topped with cream cheese - coconut icing. Not as yummy as they look, but were not bad. Definitely looking for a new coconut cake recipe.