short...sweet...

...and to the point.




Today I went to Wendy's for lunch (and yes, it was semi healthy. Well...kinda. I had a burger and baked potato...though I would have rather had a triple baconator & fries...and I think the babies agreed with me!).

After we said a prayer over our food - I noticed a Virginia State Trooper sit down across from our table. He put his tray on the table, removed his hat, and bowed his head to pray. He didn't speak out loud... though his lips did move. I could tell that he was sincere in what he was praying. This man not only took the time to bow and thank God for his food... but he wasn't concerned about what people might think about him. He took his time... in fact, his prayer lasted such a long time that I was beginning to wonder if he was okay.

Finally, after several minutes... he opened his eyes, unwrapped his burger and ate his lunch. I'm not really sure why this touched me the way it did... but, it did. It was nice to see for a change. :) And it was a bonus that he was a State Trooper... and that he didn't care about what he may look like. I happen to think that it made him look much more like a man. :)

Felt like I should share...

name that baby!

So it's 9:02pm...and I'm eating Wendy's Chili. Not very smart - huh? I actually already had heartburn from the Baked Spaghetti that my mom cooked for lunch.Oh well... what's done is done - if I puke, I puke. :)
The morning started off pretty good today... slept in with my hubby (he had to work last night and didn't get home until about 7:00 this morning!). Got up, ate some breakfast (1/2 bagel & strawberries...YUM) and then got ready and headed out to church.
After church I headed to Mom's house for lunch. When I got there I checked my blood pressure, and it was slightly elevated (though - thinking about it, I HAD just walked up their stairs). Anyway... I got it to come down with just sitting, but it was still higher than I like. So after I finished up there, I headed home to crawl back into bed with Clif and take a nap. :) An hour and a half did me good... and I got up feeling somewhat refreshed. My blood pressure has been pretty good since, mainly because I have been laying around on the couch.
I know I'm probably starting to sound paranoid...and people probably think I'm ridiculous for checking my blood pressure every two seconds... BUT...I think that I have reason. And I think that I am going to have to accept that my bp isn't going to stay 120/75 like I want it to :) Because I have a LOT going on inside me. Three babies is bound to get the bp up a little, right?
Well...with only six weeks or so before finding out what our little Skittles are, we have started to throw around some baby names! It's been fun... and we've settled completely on three girl names - which I will not disclose at this time. Ha! But we've only come of with TWO boy names, one of which I'm not really sold on.
All the names that we have chosen so far start with an "E"... anyone have any suggestions for boy names starting with "E"?
We have also decided on nursery colors, no matter the sex of the babies. :) We will be using a pale green (the same color that we originally painted Lilly's room) and brown. This way if we have girls we can incorporate pink, and if we have boys we can incorporate blue. I figure it's a win win...and that way we can go ahead and get started on things NOW while I am still mostly mobile.
OH! Something cool that happened...Clif recently ran into a nurse from RMH (the hospital where Lilly was born) and recognized her as one of the very few nurses that were kind to me on the floor they moved me to after my c-section. He said that she had taken care of me while recovering from a csection, and she argued saying that I would have recovered on the Labor & Delivery floor (which she does not work on). Clif explained to her that our daughter had been born still, and that the doctors had moved me of the L&D floor. She asked my name, and when Clif told her "Desiree"...she immediately remembered me. And our story. AND she even told Clif the room number that I was in during my stay on her floor. Weird? Anyways...she was really excited as Clif told her that we are expecting triplets in September. :) She went on sharing the news with other nurses...and I'm sure that word leaked to the Maternity Ward.
SO many people have made it known that they are thinking of, and more importantly, PRAYING for us and the babies. And I cannot even begin to tell you how much this means to Clif and I.
Currently I am at peace. I know that whatever comes - God is in control of it all :) I believe that His intent is to bless us...more than we have been already. Oh, are we blessed. And though I am a bit worried about my bp, and the whole idea of carrying three babies...I know that in the end, everything will work out as it should. My God is watching over me. He has plans for my life... and those plans do not include harm towards me.
God is so good...we are blessed...

                                                            ....and I'm sleepy :) Goodnight!

Day 30: a dream for the future.

I do have dreams of the future, and anyone who knows me...or reads this blog already know what those dreams are. I even shared a few before.

My dreams for the future include babies...as many as God will bless us with. I dream of a house full of children to love, but I'll settle for one (living).

My dreams include telling Lilly's story. Starting from when we first found out that she would be coming into this world, then the day we found out she was a girl...and then the day that we saw her in person. The day that she went home to be with her Jesus.

I dream of her story touching lives...lots of them! I can only pray that while the story of Lillian Joy Smith touch the hearts of others, that their hearts may also be touched by the love of God. The people may come to know Him because of my little girl.

I have many dreams for my future, for our future...and I'm just waiting for them to come true.

rain rain go away...

Today is one of those "blah" days. It's raining outside, it's freezing outside and in. It's just one of those days that I feel like going home, getting back in bed, and pulling the covers over my head.

I had a new feeling yesterday. One that I haven't experienced before - or if I have, it hasn't been for a really long time.

I was sitting at the drive thru at work...watching people going by. And a girl walked by carrying a baby car seat with a little boy inside. This baby was newborn. Couldn't be more than a few weeks old. You see, she works in the same building as me, but not for the same company. I've watched her waddle by the bank for MONTHS.

The feeling you ask? It wasn't jealousy...it was something different. When I saw her walking by with her little baby... I couldn't help but think about all the days I watched her walking by, all happy and pregnant...and now I'm seeing her walk by with her perfectly healthy baby boy.

It's hard not to ask God, why not me?? Why could I have had a perfectly healthy baby girl...why couldn't I take her home? Why couldn't I be walking out of the bank, after hours of showing off my little bundle to my coworkers? Why not me??

That was rough - and it hit me out of nowhere.

Another thing...remember Rick & Darla that I asked prayer for a few days back?? She is showing some improvement. Well, it's more like one step forward, two steps back. Check out Rick's sister's blog by clicking ::here::

I read something there today that really touched my heart. It is such a Rick thing to do. He learned of a baby that was recently born, and struggling. He asked his children if they were praying for others as they would want others to pray for their mom. Since learning of this little baby that's struggling, he has asked his children to pray for the baby before they pray for their mama. How touching and selfless is that??

Bleh...I just have so much on my heart today -  I can't get it out. :)

I believe.

I've been thinking. Scary, I know.

I've been thinking about a blog post that I read yesterday, on a fellow bloggers page. Her name is Lori, and she's such an encouragement to me. A wonderful woman of God. You can find her blog : : here : :

Lori's post got me to thinking. About (double)  blessings from God.

Sometimes I think that I view Lilly's death as a loss. Which, I mean...in all reality it was a loss. But I did have nine months with her. After four months of trying, Clif and I conceived a child. She is a blessing. Yes she died, yes we grieve every day... but she was (and still is) a beautiful gift from God.

And I also think that a lot of times the way I come across, that I think that God owes a double blessing to us. I mean, after all we've been through...I should get a re-do, right??

God doesn't owe me anything. Us anything. He doesn't owe us another child. He doesn't owe us explanation of why our first born is not here on earth with us. He doesn't owe us anything.

This is a bit of a different spin on what Lori was talking about... but it's just how it hit me.

I feel that sometimes when I write here, that I may come across the wrong way. I don't want you (my readers) to think that I blame God, that I expect things from God....

However, even though I know God doesn't owe me... I believe with all of my heart that there is something around the corner for Clif and me. I believe that God will bless us...in His own time, in a very special...unique way. I know that God does not intend to hurt/harm us...

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future....

I believe.