happy birthday husband!

Happy Birthday, Clif! :) I love you with all of my heart. I hope that you have a GREAT birthday weekend. Enjoy it, because you deserve it. xoxox

11.13.2010

I don't know what it is about this picture, but it's like it says everything that my heart is feeling today. It's going to be a tough day. It will also be another day without her.

It's been a long...hard year for us. We've had many ups and downs, and we've never stopped thinking about and missing our precious little Lilly.

I'm flooded with a million different emotions as I type these words...and yet, for some reason they leave my brain as soon as my fingers touch the keys.

Lillian Joy Smith...though she was only here for 9 short months...will always be my world. She will always have my heart.

Today will be spent remembering her. And if you're reading this... I have a request for you. Remember her with us. As uncomfortable as it may make you...to remember a dead baby... remember her. And honor her by telling someone her story. Tell what an amazing little girl she still is. Tell of the lives that she has touched, and the ones that she continues to touch. And more importantly, tell of the reason that Lilly's Mommy and Daddy were able to make it through that day...and the 365 that followed. Tell of the Comforter. Tell of His love...tell of His death, and the reasoning behind it.

My one wish is that people would come to Him... because of her life. I know that she has already touched the lives of many, and I know that as long as her story is still being told...others will continue to be touched.

Happy Birthday my sweet Lilly Bean...I love you!

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Dear Lilly...

Today Clif and I are celebrating differently than we ever thought possible.

Today we celebrate the life and birth of our beautiful baby girl, Lillian Joy Smith. Lilly was unexpectedly born still on November 13,2009... a little after 10am. She was 5 pounds 9.5 ounces, and was 19 inches long. She had her Mommy's fingers and nose, and Daddy's big feet. She was the definition of beautiful. She was loved.

We never received a fatal diagnosis...we were never told anything was wrong with our little one. She, to our knowledge, died a very healthy (and beautiful...if I do say so myself!) little girl.

It's hard to celebrate something so painful... but how can we not celebrate such a special little girl??

Happy Birthday, Lilly Bean! I'm so glad that you get to spend today (and every day) with the One who made you. We love you...we will never forget you.

You are loved.

emotional mix up.

So tomorrow morning we leave for the beach. I'm excited... and I'm dreading it at the same time. I really think that it's going to be a good thing...getting away, just the two of us - spending time one on one...during a time that we just need each other.
I am so very thankful that it worked out where we could both have a week off, at the same time, and just be able to escape reality for a while.
This afternoon is going to be a tough one. I'm leaving work early, and Clif and I are going to head to the cemetery. I want to go...I know that I need to go...but I also know that it's going to be emotional. Knowing that I won't be anywhere near here for her birthday. I feel like I'm dishonoring her in a way. But...
No matter where I find myself on November 13th...this year, and in the years to come...I know that I will never be able to escape the memories... and the pain.
I bought some fall-ish flowers, but no flower, real or silk, could ever do her justice. I'm so...lost for words. :) You all will be hearing from me at random over the next few days. If you think of us, say a prayer (or two), we'll be needing them.

closer.

It's getting closer. Today is October 21st. It's the day (I'm pretty sure anyways) that Dr G put me on bed rest last October.

Soon it will be my due date... November 9th. The day I return to work after my surgery, and then before I can blink it will be November 13th. My little Angel's birthday.

It's getting closer...

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my dad's birthday. Happy birthday Dad, love you!!!