more than we deserve.

I can't help but smile after a good doctor's appointment. :) And yes, I'm smiling today! Our appointment with Dr.G (yes, we actually got to see him!!!) went wonderfully.
I was squeezed in for an ultrasound with Miss V to check fluids & heart rates. Everyone looks good, and heart rates are god as well. :) Miss V says that there are plenty of pockets of fluids around babies important parts. All three little ones have stayed in the same position, for the most part. Though - I think all three of them have turned over. Their heads are in the same spots...so that's a plus. I don't know how much more my poor belly can take.
Last night was a rough night... actually, all evening... into last night. Babies were very active. And normally, that does nothing but make me smile. Last night? Not so much smiling going on. I really thought that Elliana's foot was going to pop out of my...well, you know. Seriously. It was really painful. No contractions... but lots of movement and pressure "down there".
After telling my nurse, J, about this... she told Dr.G. :) Which led to a pelvic exam. FUN STUFF. :( Not. Talk about uncomfortable. Bleh. Anyway... he said that sometimes things are going on, and women don't realize it, so he wanted to check and make sure that everything was okay. Cervix is still clamped shut, but softening. :) Now to see if the exam jump starts anything...
We discussed the steroid shots... I was hoping to possibly get one this week, and then one at 33 weeks just to help their lung development. Dr.G said that they used to do repeat shots, but after some study done on sheep (his exact words) they no longer like to do it. Apparently there was some neurological findings. ANYWAY... so unless they foresee problems before 33 weeks, we will get the shot then.
Dr.G knows that I'm getting really uncomfortable, and expresses that he wants the babies out just as much as I do! I think we all will be able to sleep better at night once these babies get here! Just a few more weeks to go.
Dr.G told us something today that at first really upset me until I understood him better. He is leaving his current practice in August. :( He's going to stay in the area but will be over a group of interns. Which is cool for him...but I was seriously about to start crying. I thought he said (Clif later corrected me) that it might take place before my post op appointment, to have my staples & such removed...and that I might have to see another doctor. I was wrong. :) He will still be seeing his private patients...and what he said was, that I might have to go to another office to see him. Which is awesome, because I couldn't imagine seeing another doctor after being with him for so long. But it's also sad... because I want everyone else at that office to see our babies too! :( So yeah, bitter sweet.
After everything was said and done, Dr.G left the room for me to get dressed. After getting ready, Clif and I were walking out when he decided he was going to stop by Dr.G's office and say "thank you". Well, apparently Clif went in his office and started thanking Dr.G not only for everything he has done during this pregnancy, but everything he has done for us in the last two years. Which...really, it's three years that I've been seeing him. Clif told Dr.G that he had exceeded our expectations as a doctor, and that he had gone above and beyond what his actual job is. Needless to say, Clif might have made our doctor cry. Dr.G told Clif that we are a very special family of five... but quickly corrected himself, "six, with your little girl". I am SO thankful that I wasn't in there because I would have lost it. He recognized our Lilly as part of our family. Not something that many doctor's do.
*sigh* Every time I see Dr.G I can't help but think about how much I LOVE that doctor! He has been nothing but good to me. And to think that there are many people in my life that think I should have switched doctor's after losing Lilly... I couldn't imagine being followed so closely by anyone else. Dr. G has been a tremendous blessing to me, and my family. :) I can't wait to see him hold our babies!!
Well... I think that's it for now. We have another appointment at the prenatal center on Friday morning. And then an appointment with T next Monday morning... :( We can't see Dr.G because he's not in the office that day...or the next. BOO!
Actually, from what I can tell...all of our appointments are scheduled for the next three weeks. It makes everything real and scary! :) we are going to have three babies here in THREE WEEKS...and two days, but who's counting?

**Prayer Requests**
-Please pray for a friend of mine (pregnant with twins) that has been having strong contractions for *almost* two weeks now. :( She is 37 weeks pregnant, but isn't progressing much in the dilation department. Hopefully they will induce soon!
-Please pray for a young couple who said goodbye to their baby girl a week or so ago, there was a graveside service held for this precious angel today.

I will not faint :)

Whew! What a day :) Not complaining, it's just been a challenging one...physically!

First off, last night was MUCH better than the night before. I actually was able to go right to sleep when we went to bed, and actually stayed that way for probably three hours or so! Then it went back to being restless, BUT...it was improvement. MIGHT have had something to do with the Tylenol I decided to take before I went to bed?

Seven thirty came early this morning... but I knew that I had to get up and get moving so I wasn't late for my doctor's appointment. Clif was sweet...while I was taking a shower and getting ready (which takes a lot longer than it did a few months ago), he scrambled me eggs and made toast!! The babies were very happy about this, or at least...I think they were because they were bouncing all over on the way to the doctor's office.

We arrived right on time...though, of course it's Friday...and we didn't get called back on time. We were scheduled for a quick ultrasound...just so they could check fluid levels and heart rates, which generally only takes about fifteen minutes. After we looked around and found out that Easton has flipped once again (yes, completely...his head is in my side again), she started listening to heart rates. Two of the babies were in the 160s and the other 140s...which she said all were completely normal. About half way through listening to the heart rates I started to feel light headed...and became extremely hot. I brushed it off, telling myself that it would only be a few more minutes and  it would be over. After a few seconds I decided that there was no more waiting...and quickly told Miss V that I had to sit up or I was going to pass out.

Never in my twenty three years have I ever fainted. Passed out. Whatever you want to call it. But I almost did today. Laying on my back, the room started to spin, and when I started seeing spots... I knew it was time to speak up. Then when I sat up, I felt like I was going to throw up. :) What an experience! I always wondered why V asked me constantly, "are you okay sweetie? You let me know if you need to sit up". Now I know...and I don't ever want to experience that again. Apparently it happens quite often? She said it's all the extra weight from my belly pressing down on my lungs and such, plus I'm not getting good blood flow to the brain. Hence the light headiness. Bleh. From now on, if she has to check heart beats anymore... it will be from my side! Needless to say, our two hour ultrasound should be eventful on Monday. I'll let them know what happened, and hopefully they can either do most of what they need with me laying on my side - or maybe even sit me up.

Anyway...moving on! Heart beats, as I said, are considered normal... and their fluids look good according to V. So that was a blessing and answer to prayer :) Of course, after that little episode... my blood pressure was up. It was borderline but definitely not "horrible". The whole passing out thing really freaked me out, good! We also stopped and talked to my nurse, J, for a while... Clif asked her about the specialist and why we were being sent there.

She reassured me that there is nothing "wrong" that they can tell...that Dr.Garcia just really wants to take every extra precaution possible with me. Especially with my blood pressure, and past pregnancy history, and "fetal demise" so late in pregnancy. I hate that phrase. :( So that made us both feel a lot better.

The appointment with Dr.F was actually good. He's definitely not my favorite doctor. I saw him once during my pregnancy with Lilly, and he seemed to have about as much personality as...Clif's big toe nail (I would say mine, but it does actually have some personality right now...it's painted a deep blue and has a pretty little design...HA!) However, this visit was quite the opposite. He came in, and introduced himself to Clif. He asked me if we had met before, and I told him that I had seen him one time during my previous pregnancy. Thank God Dr.F had done his homework, because he knew all about Lilly...and was actually rather nice about the whole situation. He told me that normally a situation like that is a freak thing, and more than likely had something to do with the cord. I told him Dr.G's theory about the fluids getting low and her rolling over on the cord and going to sleep.

Oh, and he pretty much called me a freak. Ok, maybe he didn't call me a freak. But it was still funny. He asked if I had artificial insemination...and I told him that I took Clomid and had an IUI. :) I seriously with that I could have taken a picture of his face. He thought we had gone through IVF. He looked at me and was like, "seriously? Clomid doesn't normally produce triplets...and you just had an IUI? Weird!" I told him that was Dr.Slackman's reaction as well...considering he had never seen triplets come from Clomid either. Then Dr.F told me that me getting pregnant with triplets off of Clomid was a freak accident. Ummm...pretty sure that nothing to do with my babies were accident. :) I prefer "miracle"... but whatever.

He was pretty excited that I'm going to the prenatal diagnostic center... and told me that each baby will get a "score card". Not only will they keep up with fluids and growth, but they will also monitor each babies "breathing", movement...blood flow, ect. So that was pretty exciting to hear!

:) He didn't even bother measuring me... he said that I looked great to be carrying triplets, especially for twenty seven weeks along! "No need to place my hands on your belly, or push around on it", he said.

All in all...a really good visit, once again. Praise the Lord.

Oh, weight gain. Yeah... I accidentally on purpose almost "forgot" to mention that part. >.< six pounds. Can you believe that? In ONE WEEK! Clif was really excited about it. I was excited that I gained more than a pound and a half in a week... but geez. Definitely cannot keep that up! So we are up to twenty seven weeks, and a whopping forty five pounds. :) Grow little babies grow!!

Thank all of you for your continued prayers for me, Eli, Easton and Elliana. :) If you think about it, say a quick prayer for us concerning our appointment on Monday with Dr.D (and pray that I don't pass out on the table!!!)

Blessings

So I heard this song for the first time this week. And I absolutely LOVE it. What if our blessings come through raindrops? What if yourr healing comes through tears?
Every word of this song speaks the words my heart has been trying to say for a long time. I know that our blessings came through a lot of "rain" and "storms", and our healing came with MANY tears. I don't know, this song just really has spoken to my heart, and  I wanted to share it with you all :)

Blessings ~Laura Story

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we’d have faith to believe

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know that pain reminds this heart

That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

What if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are your mercies in disguise

Incredibly BLESSED.

Wow. So I encountered this woman today - and I will admit that at first sight (actually I have seen her several times), I wouldn't think of her as a real "lady". I know that sounds horrible - but it's just the way that she carries herself.
If I had to guess, she is probably in her mid to late sixties - and just from the looks of it, she has led a really rough life. But she's always sweet as can be...to everyone that she comes into contact with.
ANYway...back to my point.
So I was helping her with some things - and upon seeing my stomach (oh my gosh - I feel like I have gotten SO much bigger in the last week... I don't think I have any room left to pop) she asked when my baby was due. :) I love when people ask when my baby is due, because I always reply with... THEY are due September 14th, but will more than likely be joining us in August. So I said my line - and she looked at me, and I nodded. "Yes, there is more than one. Actually - I am having triplets.
I wish you could have seen this woman's face light up with excitement...for someone that she doesn't even know! She immediately started asking questions. Do I know what they are yet? If I had to choose, what would I want? How am I feeling? Do the doctors foresee any complications?
And then she asked me the question that 90% of people ask. "Are these your first?" My answer varies - just depending on the person, and the situation. But most of the time I answer with, "This is my second pregnancy". I think most people get the clue from that. I always feel bad for not telling people that this is my second pregnancy, and that our daughter passed away almost seventeen months ago. But I also hate making people feel uncomfortable. So...the "this is my second pregnancy" answer is normally how I answer their questions.
Moving on. So after this dear woman asks me the question, she asks if they were naturally conceived. Getting kind personal! But oddly, I really didn't mind answering. I told her that they were conceived through fertility treatments.
She smiled and then he eyes glazed over. She stated, "Well... I am so happy for you - and wish you the best! The Lord never blessed me with children. But if He had... I know that my life would have been completely different, and that I would have loved them with everything I am." She went on to say that she had prayed and prayed for children, that all she wanted was to make her father a grandpa. And that he had died before she had the chance.
And then she told me something that broke my heart. After telling me that the Lord had not blessed her with Children, and that she had desperately WANTED a child - and that her dad had died, never knowing the joy of being a grandparent...she told me that, thirty five years ago she delivered a still born baby boy. She didn't say much about him, just that he would always hold a place in her heart. And how she wished that he had lived, and how much she would have loved him.
Seriously? Okay with everything that Clif and I have been through in the last year...PLUS my raging pregnancy hormones... I'm really lucky that I did not absolutely LOSE it right then and there. And I thought that she would cry too.
But she went on to say that God must have had a purpose for taking her son. And that she would see him again one day.
The thing that broke my heart was... for the first half of that conversation she didn't even acknowledge that she had children. She didn't mention having a baby boy.
From what I hear, thirty five years ago... still birth was not spoken of. Many women who experienced that horrible situation are ASHAMED, almost. Like it's a big dark secret that they are never allowed to talk about. Many women never even were able to SEE their child, let alone hold, kiss, mourn. They have nothing left of those children except memories of their pregnancies that they store deep inside.
How sad! She said that she hadn't even thought about how long it had been until seeing me today.
I wanted so badly to tell her my experience, and tell her all about my precious little Lilly. But I didn't. I don't think that I could have held it together - and I don't really think that it was the time or place.
All I can keep thinking is how SAD that is. Any loss is heartbreaking - but to experience something like giving birth to a still baby...and things being like they were back then. *sigh* It hit me deep inside.
I am so very thankful that I was given the opportunity to hold my baby girl. So thankful that Clif was able to see her, and kiss her. Thankful for the nurses on the thirteenth floor of RMH that took pictures of our Lilly Bean for us to cherish forever. Thankful for the sweet lady at the funeral home that prepared Lilly's body for her funeral... taking extra care, just to make me feel better. So thankful for the support of loved ones...and complete strangers.
I can't imagine being alone at a time like that. And I can't imagine not thinking of my baby every single day of my life.
In the midst of our sorrow...we were so incredibly blessed. And we still are. And this lady helped me see that today. :)

calm my ANXIOUS heart

Let me start off by saying that I have one of the greatest church families in the world. No lie. Our group may be small, but we are close knit…and everyone is so caring and loving. Clif and I have truly been blessed to be part of such an amazing church.



Last night after our Wednesday night Bible study, one of the ladies gave me a gift. After getting home and looking at it – it was a book. One that I had never heard of… but I have to admit, it was like the title fit my life. :)


I started reading this book today on my lunch break…and well, I’ll just tell you all about it :) The book you ask?


“Calm My Anxious Heart” by: Linda Dillow


“WOW” is all that I can say. I am currently nineteen pages into the book, and already – I have been blessed!

As you all know – since becoming pregnant with triplets, my heart has been very anxious. Along with every other part of my body. And reading those first few pages of this book, I have been shown some things that I need to start working on. Especially to make it through the coming months, until my babies are here safe with me.

In the opening pages, the author, Linda Dillow writes these words…
“At all times, in all circumstances, Christ is able and willing to provide the strength we need to be content. Contentment occurs when Christ’s strength is infused into my weak body, soul and spirit.” (Phil. 4:13)
I want to be content. I need to be content. I need to do something to calm the anxiety constantly rising inside of me. In my heart.


The thing that hit me the hardest had to be the story told of the two monks…


“I need oil,” said an ancient monk, so he planted an olive sapling. “Lord,” he prayed, “it needs rain that it’s tender roots may drink and swell Send gentle showers.” And the Lord sent gentle showers. “Lord,” prayed the monk,“my tree needs sun. Send sun, I pray thee.” And the sun shone, gilding the dripping clouds. “Now frost my Lord,to brace it’s tissues,” cried the monk. And behold, the little tree stood sparkling with frost. But at evening it died.


Then the monk sought the cell of a brother monk, and told his strange experience. “I, too, planted a tree,” he said, “and see!It thrives well. But I entrust my tree to it’s God. He who made it knows better what it needs than a man like me. I laid no condition.I fixed not ways or means.” ‘Lord, send what it needs,’ I prayed, ‘ storm or sunshine, wind, rain, or frost. Thou has made it and Thou dost know.”



Linda says:


“I had failed to make God my trust because I tried too hard. You may be like me or you may be at the other
end of the spectrum. You fail to make God your trust by default. Your life is out of control, so you give up.”


“We miss God. We miss His infusion of strength that leads to contentment”


I have found that maybe I shouldn’t be praying… “God…will you do this? And will you do it this way – and by this time?” But instead, “God… I am putting these babies completely in your hands.” I don’t need to lay conditions. God made these babies that are growing inside of me… and He knows what they need. And He knows the outcome of their little lives. He knows…and I just need to let Him control things.

blessing after blessing...

Clif and I both feel...incredibly blessed. In these past few months, God has given us SO much to be grateful for. First, the gift of pregnancy. After losing Lilly, I honestly didn't know if I would ever become pregnant again. So pregnancy in itself was a huge blessing. Then we were doubly blessed when we found that we were expecting twins. A week later, God caught us by surprise once again. Pregnant with TRIPLETS. We couldn't believe it...too good to be true. :)


I've done a lot of thinking these past three weeks. It had been three whole weeks since I saw our three babies and their little blinking heart beats. Three weeks since I fell head over heels in love with our precious blessings. But three weeks is a long time. I kept thinking, a lot can go wrong in three weeks. With much prayer, I kept most of these negative thoughts at bay - but of course, just like every other situation... there were always a few lurking in the dark waiting to jump out and grab me. I've been really anxious these last few days...the anticipation enough to KILL me. But as we were driving to the doctors office, I felt a peace. For the first time in weeks, I really felt like everything was going to be okay.

At one thirty, the ultrasound tech, V, came to get us from the waiting room. We went into her TINY (and I do mean tiny) room and I plopped myself up on the table. V asked if I had been given a due date by Dr S. I told her no, and that I was fairly certain that I was 9 weeks 5 days pregnant. She plugged in all my numbers and dates, and sure enough - I was right on the money. And so were our three little Skittle's. All three babies measured exactly nine weeks and five days. Fluid levels are good, and all three babies are very active. Especially Baby A (I think that s/he really liked the grilled chicken with honey mustard that I had eaten for lunch!).

I have to say that there is absolutely nothing like hearing your babies heart beat for the first time. It has to be the most magical feeling in the world. Definitely on the top of my favorite things to listen to. I always love to hear about girls that are pregnant for the first time going to the doctor and hearing the heart beat. It seriously just melts you. I cried. Three times :) Everytime V let us listen to another heart beat, all I could do was send up silent praises and let the tears roll down my cheeks. I had been so scared... and there were all three of my babies, unharmed, and doing wonderfully! Speaking of heart rates... I have to tell you that I think we are having two girls and a boy, or very possibly three girls. Ha! Clif says two boys and a girl. The only reason that I am leaning towards more girls than boys is because of how fast their little hearts were beating. Baby A's was at the top with 188bpm, Baby B was right behind at 185bpm, and Baby C was right there with them at 178bpm. Amazing :) Oh, and did I mention how excited V & Dr G both were that all three babies have their own sacks...and their own placentas? V said that since they have their own placentas, that we shouldn't have to worry about all three babies fighting for survival, if you will :) They all have their own source of food. Of course, she said that in some rare cases they will try and steal from each other - but it isn't likely. That made us REALLY happy.

I think that the best part of being in the room with V was that we are fairly sure that she is a Christian. She's always been very sweet, and I've never heard her say an ill word - but yesterday was great. Right when she was about to start the ultrasound - she asked if we just had the one baby at home. I explained to her (again) that our last pregnancy resulted in a stillbirth at 41 weeks. She immediately apologized for not remembering - and I assured her that it wasn't her fault. I mean, imagine how many patients she sees. She couldn't possibly remember them all. Anyway...Clif told him that we had been praying for a long time, and that God had really blessed us. She went on saying that God had very special ways of blessing us, and that God is good :) It was so nice to have that little connection with her.

My appointment with Dr G was supposed to be at 2:15. Well apparently, one of his patients was in labor at the hospital - so he had to go and see how she was progressing. Which meant I didn't get to see Dr G until *almost* 3:30. But that's okay. I kind of thought that it might be a slightly negative appointment...ya know, Dr G discussing all the risks and such. But it wasn't like that AT ALL. It was wonderful. He was SO positive and upbeat about almost everything. We could really tell that he was genuinely excited for us. It made me feel really good. And he had really good stories to tell us about his last set of triplets. He delivered them in December... and the mother made it to THIRTY EIGHT WEEKS. Can you imagine?

Of course it really just depends on how the babies progress and grow. If they start to run out of room, they will go ahead and take them. Otherwise, as long as I am fairly healthy and my blood pressure is good... they will let me carry as long as possible, up to 36-37 weeks. More than likely, the way Dr G talks... he seems to think that they will probably get too big to carry, or that I may go into labor early. Just depends :) Either way I am really looking forward to meeting our little ones in person!

Oh, and the blood pressure issue. *insert smile here* Dr G put my heart and mind at ease, which was nice for once. He said that in the first trimester, elevated blood pressure really doesn't pose any threat. Also, he said that it normally drops back down in the second trimester and then back up in the third. With my history, and the last pregnancy... he decided to put me back on the Labatelol that Dr W put me on for anxiety attacks :) Just 100mg, once a day. He said that should be plenty for now... to take it first thing in the morning, and that it should get me through the day while at work. And by the time it wears off I will be home off my feet anyway. So he wants to see me again in two weeks to check and see how my body is reacting to the meds.

For once, in a long time... I am happy. Really happy. Again, I feel so incredibly blessed I can barely contain it. And I can't believe that we're going to have THREE babies. Oh and FYI - my official due date is September 14th :) Which, we all know that I won't make it to then... but it's nice to have.

Now I will shut up so you can enjoy some pictures of our little angels :) Thanks to each of you for your love, support, and prayers!!

I'm back...and boy do I have a lot to talk about!!! :)

As I am sure most of you have noticed, I have been missing in action for quite sometime now. :) I feel loved though. Even though I've been gone, I have continued to receive comments, page views, AND new followers. How cool.


I told you all in my last post, brb :) that I would be MIA for a while, that I didn't know when I would be back, but that I WOULD be back. I also said not to worry, that nothing was really "wrong". Well... I'm back now! And I'm here to tell you why I left in the first place.


As you all know, Clif and I had our first IUI procedure done on December 23rd. Of course we told ourselves (and one another) that we would not get our hopes up. And of course, we did. I'm really bad about doing that. In fact, you all know that for the last *almost* year... every time I go to the doctor, whether it be Dr G or Dr S, I always get my hopes up. And I always crash when disappointment hits. *sigh* Such is the story of my life. But you gals (and possible gents?) have been great. Comforting me along, when times of disappointment arise. It's been a really rough past year+. We've had so many ups and downs, it's not even close to being funny.

**Yes, I really had Clif take a picture of this!**

I still believe that God has a very special plan for our lives, and I am anxiously awaiting for that plan to unfold - and be revealed to Clif and me. We are fully trusting in Him, and know that our desires will be fulfilled in His timing.


So the week of the 1st, I started experiencing some cramps. They weren't horrible, but I knew that AF was right around the corner. You see, the month before I got pregnant with Lilly, I ovulated. But I didn't get pregnant. It was disheartening to say the least. But that next month, the month that I did get pregnant, AF started on it's own. I didn't have to take Provera. So even though I was very disappointed the first week of this month, I held tight to the hope of next month being the month for us. If AF was going to start on her own, maybe eggs would mature on their own too!



Tuesday, January 4th was day 28 of my cycle. We had planned on testing on Thursday the 6th. I was terrified to test too early, again, because of the disappointment that would come along with a negative pregnancy test.



This is where I have to get honest. I "felt" like I was pregnant since New Year's Eve. Deep down in my gut, I just had the feeling.



Clif worked on the 4th, day 28 of my cycle. So after work, I went to Wal*Mart, picked up a box of three pregnancy tests...and went home. I battled with myself the whole ride home. Would I test, would I wait. Clif actually called me during my drive, and asked if I would test when he got home the next morning. That was one day sooner than what we had talked about. I agreed, and that was that.



When I arrived at the house, I decided that I was going to test. I unwrapped the test as I drove up our driveway (I really had to pee!!), and ran inside to take the test. I was praying the whole time, please Lord, just let my gut feeling be right. After a few seconds....I opened my eyes. Disappointment??



I think not. There, alone in my bathroom, on January 4th... two lines appeared on my First Response pregnancy test. I was in absolute shock. I was pregnant. I am pregnant! :)

No, you don't need to adjust your eyes, or your computer screen. You read right! Clif and I are expecting our second bundle of joy sometime around September 15th,2011.



As soon as it sunk in, I headed back to town. I printed out pictures of the positive test, and bought Clif a pair of white, unisex baby shoes. Oh, and a sign for the car window. It's a monkey sitting on a banana and it says "baby inside". I thought it was fitting.



Clif was working night shift, so I wouldn't see him until the following morning. :) I woke up bright and early the next morning, took a shower, got ready for work...and waited. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity...he walked in. He gave me a puzzled look, and I said "don't be mad". He asked why. I told him that there was something that I wanted to give him for Christmas, but wasn't able to. But I wanted to give it to him now. I pulled out a wrapped box from under the covers. It was wrapped in left over Christmas paper, which helped since I told him it was a belated Christmas gift. :)



When he opened it, he just stared. And then it hit him. He couldn't say a word - all he could do was hug me.



So, it took a lot of typing for me to finally get to this point, but we are expecting another little Smith! :) Please pray with us that this pregnancy would be a smooth one for me, and that God would protect me, and more importantly, the....BABIES? Yup that's right...God has given us a double blessing. TWINS!!! Meet "Baby A" and "Baby B". :)

~Baby Smith A~

~Baby Smith B~

I called the doctor that morning, the 5th, and they sent an order in for labs. They of course, wanted to check my hcg levels. :) They called me back within a few hours to let me know that I was at 355, which was normal. Dr S wanted me to come back on the following Monday, the 10th, for more blood work. This is routine for all patients. So, I went back on the 10th (five days later) and my hcg levels jumped up to 2,709!! Needless to say - I was more than excited. I thought for sure that he would see me that same week for my first ultrasound, but he made me wait until Wednesday, January 19th. Talk about an eternity!



As far as feelings go... I felt pretty good last week, but around Thursday things took a turn for the worse :) Which I would take every single day, for the rest of my life. Puking has not yet begun, but I think if it did... I would feel a lot better! Oh, and I feel like every five seconds I am headed to the bathroom. I had a lot of bathroom visits while pregnant with Lilly, but this time, it's like, I can look at water and have to pee. :)


Today, we went to the doctor. Everything looks great, according to Dr S! We are so thankful!!! He said that if we had gone two days earlier, he wouldn't even have been able to see the babies. Just the sacks. So heartrate of Baby A was 96 and Baby B is 94!! Which, is on the lower side, but he said that it's completely normal...especially with me still being so early on! We go back next Friday at 10:00am for another ultrasound, to make sure that babies are growing like they should - and then Dr S is shipping me back off to Dr G! I cannot even begin to express how excited we are. And how very grateful we are, to God.

Now, having said all of that... I must say. We know that these children do not belong to us. This precious blessing is from God, and no other.I want to say up front that we, Clif and I, will not be taking this special gift for granted. We have prayed for what seems like forever for another child. Another chance to be parents. God has graciously answered our prayers, and no matter what happens in the coming months, we will forever praise Him for what He has given us.These children are not ours...they belongs to the Lord. We are vowing to one another and more importantly to God, that we will bring these children up in the Lord. From an early age, these little bundle of joy's will know Who their creator is.

blessings in pill form :)

I can't let this go without sharing it with you all :) It was a total and complete GOD thing. There is no other explanation...only Him.

This past Friday, as most of you know, I went to the doctor. Dr S that is, he is my RE & Infertility Specialist. I received good news...along with a mighty hefty dose of Clomid to be filled.
I dropped my prescription off at the pharmacy on my lunch break, and then had to go back after work to pick it up. When I dropped it off, I asked the Pharmacist if they had it in stock - and if she could tell me how much it would cost. I explained that I knew it would be a pretty penny - and that my insurance doesn't pay anything towards it. She then told me that it was in stock, and for the thirty five pills that I need - it was going to be $90.88. Those meds only lasting seven days. I was okay with this, and prepared to spend a hundred dollars on the meds.
That afternoon when I returned to pick up the pills, there was different pharmacist working. She was busy when I first walked in, and she told me that she would be right with me. Next thing I know - me & the lady, J, and practically best friends (though she doesn't know it yet!). I gave her my name, and when she took a look at the bag, she was like..."Hun, you know that your insurance doesn't cover this, right?". I told her that I knew, and that I was also prepared to pay for it. Then she asked me, "has anyone ever told you about the Walgreens Prescription Savers Card?" Uh...NO!
The savers card costs twenty dollars a year. I don't even really understand what it is... but the way I grasp it is, that it's almost like a second form of insurance?
I don't know. But she explained to me that if I were to be prescribed something that is not covered by my insurance that I can use this card in the future to purchase medications not covered by Anthem. So the membership cost me twenty dollars. Anyone want to take a stab at how much the prescription cost me??

Ready???


TWENTY EIGHT DOLLARS! :) So, I got a year membership with the savers card...AND thirty five Clomids, and it only cost me forty eight dollars.
Needless to say, that totally made my night...

Overwhelmed.

So I was reading a post by Lori this morning. It was about a precious family who lost their daughter, Emma Grace. And how that they aren't able to afford a funeral for this little girl.

Then, there is the whole thing going on with Darla - who lost her little baby, and is now fighting for her life.

Oh, and don't forget about the family that buried their little one month old son "X" a few weeks back. The one month old that had a heart attack.

Maybe (before losing Lilly), I was oblivious like the world that surrounds us. I didn't realize that babies die. I never thought about women and men struggling with infertility.

And even since losing Lilly I am still oblivious to some of the costs.

I'm slightly embarrassed at all the help that we received after she died. The amount of money that was sent... the things that were taken care of without us having to do anything.

The funeral home that we chose doesn't charge (anything) for infant funerals. Otherwise it would have cost us several thousand dollars. We didn't even have to pay for her casket. We were given the number to a cemetary (where my great grandparents are buried) where they have donated plots.

Her headstone was a couple thousand dollars, but with all the donations we didn't have any out of pocket expense.

My doctor was/is amazing. I was only charged a small amount for my hospital stay and surgery. It's already paid off.

I feel incredibly blessed for the things that God has given us. I am thankful for the people that the Lord has sent into our lives.

And I hate that such tragic things are reminding me how greatly blessed we are.