Let me start off by saying that I have one of the greatest church families in the world. No lie. Our group may be small, but we are close knit…and everyone is so caring and loving. Clif and I have truly been blessed to be part of such an amazing church.
Last night after our Wednesday night Bible study, one of the ladies gave me a gift. After getting home and looking at it – it was a book. One that I had never heard of… but I have to admit, it was like the title fit my life. :)
I started reading this book today on my lunch break…and well, I’ll just tell you all about it :) The book you ask?
“Calm My Anxious Heart” by: Linda Dillow
“WOW” is all that I can say. I am currently nineteen pages into the book, and already – I have been blessed!
As you all know – since becoming pregnant with triplets, my heart has been very anxious. Along with every other part of my body. And reading those first few pages of this book, I have been shown some things that I need to start working on. Especially to make it through the coming months, until my babies are here safe with me.
In the opening pages, the author, Linda Dillow writes these words…
“At all times, in all circumstances, Christ is able and willing to provide the strength we need to be content. Contentment occurs when Christ’s strength is infused into my weak body, soul and spirit.” (Phil. 4:13)
I want to be content. I need to be content. I need to do something to calm the anxiety constantly rising inside of me. In my heart.
The thing that hit me the hardest had to be the story told of the two monks…
“I need oil,” said an ancient monk, so he planted an olive sapling. “Lord,” he prayed, “it needs rain that it’s tender roots may drink and swell Send gentle showers.” And the Lord sent gentle showers. “Lord,” prayed the monk,“my tree needs sun. Send sun, I pray thee.” And the sun shone, gilding the dripping clouds. “Now frost my Lord,to brace it’s tissues,” cried the monk. And behold, the little tree stood sparkling with frost. But at evening it died.
Then the monk sought the cell of a brother monk, and told his strange experience. “I, too, planted a tree,” he said, “and see!It thrives well. But I entrust my tree to it’s God. He who made it knows better what it needs than a man like me. I laid no condition.I fixed not ways or means.” ‘Lord, send what it needs,’ I prayed, ‘ storm or sunshine, wind, rain, or frost. Thou has made it and Thou dost know.”
“I had failed to make God my trust because I tried too hard. You may be like me or you may be at the other
end of the spectrum. You fail to make God your trust by default. Your life is out of control, so you give up.”
“We miss God. We miss His infusion of strength that leads to contentment”
I have found that maybe I shouldn’t be praying… “God…will you do this? And will you do it this way – and by this time?” But instead, “God… I am putting these babies completely in your hands.” I don’t need to lay conditions. God made these babies that are growing inside of me… and He knows what they need. And He knows the outcome of their little lives. He knows…and I just need to let Him control things.