Happy Heavenly Birthday, Dear Lilly...

Today Clif and I are celebrating differently than we ever thought possible.

Today we celebrate the life and birth of our beautiful baby girl, Lillian Joy Smith. Lilly was unexpectedly born still on November 13,2009... a little after 10am. She was 5 pounds 9.5 ounces, and was 19 inches long. She had her Mommy's fingers and nose, and Daddy's big feet. She was the definition of beautiful. She was loved.

We never received a fatal diagnosis...we were never told anything was wrong with our little one. She, to our knowledge, died a very healthy (and beautiful...if I do say so myself!) little girl.

It's hard to celebrate something so painful... but how can we not celebrate such a special little girl??

Happy Birthday, Lilly Bean! I'm so glad that you get to spend today (and every day) with the One who made you. We love you...we will never forget you.

You are loved.

emotional mix up.

So tomorrow morning we leave for the beach. I'm excited... and I'm dreading it at the same time. I really think that it's going to be a good thing...getting away, just the two of us - spending time one on one...during a time that we just need each other.
I am so very thankful that it worked out where we could both have a week off, at the same time, and just be able to escape reality for a while.
This afternoon is going to be a tough one. I'm leaving work early, and Clif and I are going to head to the cemetery. I want to go...I know that I need to go...but I also know that it's going to be emotional. Knowing that I won't be anywhere near here for her birthday. I feel like I'm dishonoring her in a way. But...
No matter where I find myself on November 13th...this year, and in the years to come...I know that I will never be able to escape the memories... and the pain.
I bought some fall-ish flowers, but no flower, real or silk, could ever do her justice. I'm so...lost for words. :) You all will be hearing from me at random over the next few days. If you think of us, say a prayer (or two), we'll be needing them.