I walk the line...

I'm actually quite familiar with this "line", as I see it about once or twice a month. I'd love a change of scenery...but once again I walk the much hated road of negatives.
Somewhere deep down inside, I feel that God will grant us our desires. That one day I'll walk out of the bathroom (just like I did almost two years ago) with a little white stick bearing a pink plus sign. But on the surface...when facing month after month of heartbreak, I can't help but be overwhelmed by a feeling. A feeling that tells me that I'll never experience that joy and excitement again.
I hate this roller coaster of emotions. I know it's not good for me. But what do you do? I don't want to become numb to it all...I know that's not good for me either. So where's the "happy" (
Funny thing is...I was *almost* positive that the test was going to be negative. But there is always that little bit of hope tucked away in the corner of my heart. The same corner that longs to be a mother to a living baby.
*sigh* I have a feeling that it's going to be a long day...