Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I walk the line...

I'm actually quite familiar with this "line", as I see it about once or twice a month. I'd love a change of scenery...but once again I walk the much hated road of negatives.
Somewhere deep down inside, I feel that God will grant us our desires. That one day I'll walk out of the bathroom (just like I did almost two years ago) with a little white stick bearing a pink plus sign. But on the surface...when facing month after month of heartbreak, I can't help but be overwhelmed by a feeling. A feeling that tells me that I'll never experience that joy and excitement again.
I hate this roller coaster of emotions. I know it's not good for me. But what do you do? I don't want to become numb to it all...I know that's not good for me either. So where's the "happy" (
Funny thing is...I was *almost* positive that the test was going to be negative. But there is always that little bit of hope tucked away in the corner of my heart. The same corner that longs to be a mother to a living baby.
*sigh* I have a feeling that it's going to be a long day...

9 comments:

butterflymom said...

I'm sending you love and many prayers of positive thinking. I hear you, hun, and I feel for everything that you are going through. Hang onto that hope...and hang on tightly. Something's gotta give. ((hugs))

Katie said...

I have been folling your blog for a while now. I have really been thinking about you lately and am hoping that whatever happens today... happens quickly. I know the wait is horrible.

Betty said...

It's so hard to see that single lonely line month after month. Hang in there.

Trennia said...

So sorry sweetie, in God's timing it will happen.(((HUGS)))

Jessica said...

I'm irrational too - AF is late and we have been trying not to get pg because i have to get a surgery but part of me still thinks I COULD be - but all i get is negatives too and this nagging want to get AF so that I can move on. It's been a hard couple days for me - I feel for you. (((hugs)))

Mrs*Popcorn said...

i know that feeling, where you KNOW it's going to be negative, but when it actually shows up negative, it literally feels like your heart is in your throat. God is good though, and he will bless you when it's time. And i feel in my heart it's coming soon. i really do and i'm not just saying that. I love ya girl! <3

croleyc69 said...

Hoping you see that extra line soon. I'm praying so hard.

Love you
Caroline

Lori said...

So was wishing it would be the line that comes with that teeny piece of hope tucked away....I so remember many, many years of that--the expectation of negative, but always just a little spark of "but maybe I'll be shocked this time!"...praying for some comfort to surround you as you face this and go forward....xoxoxoxo

elena said...

Hoping, praying, and sending positive thoughts your way as well as many many hugs.

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