counting eggs before they hatch

No pun intended. :)

But that's what I've been doing all day long...actually, ever since I took this last round of Clomid. From the beginning, Clif and I have had a really good feeling about this cycle.

It's been a long & stressful few days. I'll start off with tell you all about my adventure last night after work >.<
My parents are out of town - they actually went to the beach and are staying the same place that we stayed. Anyway...we still have snow at our house. And so do my parents. And unfortunately, Clif and I live on a hill, and my parents live at the top of a mountain. Needless to say, it's been slick.

Since my parents are out of town...I was elected to take care of their dog. Her name is Cinnamon. When I got off of work last night, I went to let Cinnamon outside & feed her. (I have my parents SUV, so I was in four wheel drive) I made it three quarters of the way up their mountain and got stuck. I knew I was going to have to back down the mountain. That's not the scary part. I started backing down...and of course I started sliding. I slid into a ditch (thankfully I was able to get out)...and almost over a creek bed. I was pretty shaken up. So I called my mom and told her that I would not be going to check on Cinnamon last night.

Then I went to our house...and tried our driveway. Apparently some of it had started to melt yesterday and then froze back over because I didn't get up our driveway either. And I had to back down it too. But it wasn't as bad...thank God! So I ended up driving to where Clif works and sitting in the parking lot until he got off. :) We tried getting up my parents mountain in Clif's truck...and didn't have any luck either, so we headed home. Thankfully we made it up our driveway.

Here comes the fun part. I had to park my parents SVU at a little church on the road we live on. And it's not really within walking distance...at least not when there is snow covering everything. Clif had to work this morning. He has to be at work at 5:45. So I had to get up at 5am to shower and get ready for the day, so that I could ride down our driveway with him. I arrived at Walmart around 5:30ish!! How crazy is that?? VERY!

Whew. Okay, so then I am driving to the doctors office and I realize...oh no! I forgot my Ovidrel shot! :( I didn't have time to turn around and go home...even if I had...I would have had to walk up the driveway. Geez.

I get to the office 15 minutes early, and they weren't even open yet. So I sat in the hallway until they did. I went in and checked in, and talked to "D", the nice lady who helped us with the insurance company the other day. She told me how excited she was for me that they had agreed to pay for five more visits. She also said that she got smart with the lady at Anthem, because of how they treated me when I called. :)

Yet another nurse came and called me back. She was older, and really sweet. I undressed and waited for Dr S to come in. He got the wand, she turned off the lights and ultrasound started. He was down "there" for literally 5 minutes (the longest of my life, I think)...not saying a word. He'd move the wand to the right, then the left...up, and down. He wouldn't even look at me. Just as "freak out" mode started he asked me if I had emptied my bladder before going back to his office. Uh no...I only had like two sips of sprite. So I had to wrap up in a sheet and head down the hall to the bathroom. He told me that he thought what he was seeing was my bladder, but there was a possibility that it was a very large cyst. Oh.My.Gosh.

I got back to the room, he came back in...and within seconds I was relieved! He said that it was,in fact, my bladder. Apparently he couldn't even see my right ovary because I my bladder was so full :) So...as the panic evaporated...a new feeling set in. Excitement. Why was I excited?? Because right after he told me that what he was seeing was my bladder, he started calling out follicle measurements to the nurse. I HAVE MATURED FOLLICLES!!! Actually, I have like five or six matured follicles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you tell I'm a little excited?

After he finished checking out the eggs, I got dressed and went in his office. He said that everything looks good... and that the follicles look very healthy, and they are of good size. He asked if I still had my Ovidrel shot, and I explained that I had left it at home. He said that it didn't matter, I will need to give myself the shot tonight...between 7&9. And then he asked if we would be trying to fertilize the little eggies the old fashioned way, or if we wanted the insemination. Before he could hardly get the question out of his mouth I was telling him that we would be back for the IUI. I go back on Thursday at 8:30. I am SO thrilled.

Now...of course I know that this is not (by any means) a done deal. I understand and accept that there is still a possibility that I will not get pregnant this month. BUT...you have to understand, to my knowledge (and the knowledge of many smart doctors)...these are the first eggs my ovaries have produced in almost two years. TWO YEARS!!! Oh my gosh. After they left the exam room, I couldn't keep the tears from coming to my eyes. We've waited SO long for this.

Even if I don't get pregnant this month I am thrilled that I at least produced not one, but 6 (?) eggs!!! SOOOOOOOO excited. :)

When Dr S was calling out the measurements, he called out one...and then was like, "not to be outdone by ___" So apparently he was pretty excited for me...excited that things look so good. I kept thanking him as I was leaving...I told him that this was the best news I had received in a while. :) He said that he knew, and that this day was a long time coming.

All the way to work all I could say was, "thank You Jesus!" I mean...over and over...thank You, Lord. My prayers were answered.

Now we wait. I think that will probably be the hardest thing about it all. And another thing is... that if I do get pregnant this month... we probably will not share it with anyone (except family) for a while...just to make sure everything goes okay. :)

Thanks to every single person who uttered a prayer for us. :) Please keep them up as Thursday approaches, and the weeks to follow. God bless!

There is a time...

There’s a time to live

And a time to die

There’s a time to laugh

And a time to cry

There’s a time for war

And a time for peace

There’s a hand to hold

In the worst of these

He is with you when your faith is dead

And you can’t even get out of bed

Or your husband doesn’t kiss you anymore

He is with you when your baby’s gone

And your house is still,

And your heart’s a stone

Cryin’ God, what’d You do that for

He is with you

When thinking back on this morning, and my appointment with Dr S... I can't help but sing these words in my head. I know that there is a time for joy...and I am anxiously awaiting that time. :)
It's probably obvious by the positive note of this post that my appointment went well this morning. Or at least I'm pretty sure that it did. While showering and getting ready this morning, I was really dreading it. I went by myself...which is never any fun. And let me just say that a Reproductive endocrinologist's office probably shouldn't be in the same office (and have a shared waiting room!) with about twelve OBGYN's. Seriously not cool. And to you ladies who feel the need to bring your young children with you to the office to see your OBGYN...while waiting to get your Depo shot (or whatever the heck that thing is), ummm you probably should leave them at home. Did you not see the INFERTILITY sign on the door. You might as well prepare yourself for at least one mental breakdown of an infertile while there. I mean, it's like the people with their children are dancing around singing "lalala hahaha we have kids and we are here to prevent having any more!" Geez.

Okay...I'm done now. :)

Anyway... I went in for my baseline ultrasound which I was not looking forward to. Let's just say that I'm on day three of my cycle...and being fondled during "this time" is not one of my favorite pass times. Dr S came in, and asked me what our game plan was again. *Great* I can't really give him a hard time, because he's the only RE around (that I know of). So I told him that we had planned to do the ultrasound, see if there were any large cysts, then we were giving Clomid one more shot. We were in "there" all of 45 seconds when Dr S announced, no cysts...everything looks good! Can you imagine the huge smile that appeared on my face as he left the room so I could dress?
We discussed the Clomid, and when he wanted to see me again. He also asked if I still had the Ovidrel (which I do). As for the Clomid, he told me again that the approved dose is 150mg daily, for five days. Her prescribed me 250mg daily, for seven days. This guy really wants to get me knocked up (and I'm right there with him!). I go back on December 21st for another ultrasound to see if I have any little eggies matured/or maturing. I guess after that *if* there are eggs, we'll get the Ovidrel shot to release the eggs and induce ovulation, and then a possible IUI? Not really sure where we go from there. I'm really praying (praying, praying and praying som more!) that this will be the month for us. That all of this money will be worth it (which it is either way), and that we may be blessed with a Christmas present to remember.
I don't want to get my hopes up...but it's so hard not to. I mean - especially when I receive a good report from the Doctor. *sigh* I'm nervous. Really nervous. I want this so incredibly bad - I'm afraid that I'm going to jinx myself. But above all of that - I am excited. Really excited. :) And not just excited about potentially having a baby... but excited about what God is going to do in our lives. :) So excited about it all.
Please pray for Clif and me as we start this new month. Pray that He would give us the desire of our hearts, and that he would prepare those hearts for whatever answer He may give us.
While driving to the doctors office (alone) this morning, I played this song (on repeat) during my drive. It's sung by Tenth Avenue North, and it's called "Lift Us Up to Fall".

The first verse it the part that always hits home with me...

You move the earth

You hold the stars

Come move in us

Come hold our hearts

You send the rain

And life begins

So rain on us and reign within our lives again

We're waiting here

Waiting for you God

With our hopes and fears

We come empty hands held out

Lord draw us near

Heal these broken hearts

And lift us up to fall before everything you are

You lift the sun into the sky

You lift us up

Open our eyes

To see your face

And what you've done

You took the nails to give us love

And we stand in awe before your throne

There's no where else that we can go

We're waiting here

Waiting for you God

With our hopes and fears

We come empty hands held out

Lord draw us near

Heal these broken hearts

And lift us up to fall before everything you are

Come O Come Emmanuel

Come Lord Here to dwell

Let all your children lift one voice

We're waiting here

Waiting for you God

With our hopes and fears

We come empty hands held out

Lord draw us near

Heal these broken hearts

And lift us up to fall before everything you are

We're waiting here

Waiting for you God

With our hopes and fears

We come empty hands held out

Lord draw us near

Heal these broken hearts

And lift us up to fall before everything you are