Friday, December 10, 2010

There is a time...

There’s a time to live
And a time to die
There’s a time to laugh
And a time to cry
There’s a time for war
And a time for peace
There’s a hand to hold
In the worst of these

He is with you when your faith is dead
And you can’t even get out of bed
Or your husband doesn’t kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby’s gone
And your house is still,
And your heart’s a stone
Cryin’ God, what’d You do that for
He is with you



When thinking back on this morning, and my appointment with Dr S... I can't help but sing these words in my head. I know that there is a time for joy...and I am anxiously awaiting that time. :)
It's probably obvious by the positive note of this post that my appointment went well this morning. Or at least I'm pretty sure that it did. While showering and getting ready this morning, I was really dreading it. I went by myself...which is never any fun. And let me just say that a Reproductive endocrinologist's office probably shouldn't be in the same office (and have a shared waiting room!) with about twelve OBGYN's. Seriously not cool. And to you ladies who feel the need to bring your young children with you to the office to see your OBGYN...while waiting to get your Depo shot (or whatever the heck that thing is), ummm you probably should leave them at home. Did you not see the INFERTILITY sign on the door. You might as well prepare yourself for at least one mental breakdown of an infertile while there. I mean, it's like the people with their children are dancing around singing "lalala hahaha we have kids and we are here to prevent having any more!" Geez.

Okay...I'm done now. :)

Anyway... I went in for my baseline ultrasound which I was not looking forward to. Let's just say that I'm on day three of my cycle...and being fondled during "this time" is not one of my favorite pass times. Dr S came in, and asked me what our game plan was again. *Great* I can't really give him a hard time, because he's the only RE around (that I know of). So I told him that we had planned to do the ultrasound, see if there were any large cysts, then we were giving Clomid one more shot. We were in "there" all of 45 seconds when Dr S announced, no cysts...everything looks good! Can you imagine the huge smile that appeared on my face as he left the room so I could dress?
We discussed the Clomid, and when he wanted to see me again. He also asked if I still had the Ovidrel (which I do). As for the Clomid, he told me again that the approved dose is 150mg daily, for five days. Her prescribed me 250mg daily, for seven days. This guy really wants to get me knocked up (and I'm right there with him!). I go back on December 21st for another ultrasound to see if I have any little eggies matured/or maturing. I guess after that *if* there are eggs, we'll get the Ovidrel shot to release the eggs and induce ovulation, and then a possible IUI? Not really sure where we go from there. I'm really praying (praying, praying and praying som more!) that this will be the month for us. That all of this money will be worth it (which it is either way), and that we may be blessed with a Christmas present to remember.
I don't want to get my hopes up...but it's so hard not to. I mean - especially when I receive a good report from the Doctor. *sigh* I'm nervous. Really nervous. I want this so incredibly bad - I'm afraid that I'm going to jinx myself. But above all of that - I am excited. Really excited. :) And not just excited about potentially having a baby... but excited about what God is going to do in our lives. :) So excited about it all.
Please pray for Clif and me as we start this new month. Pray that He would give us the desire of our hearts, and that he would prepare those hearts for whatever answer He may give us.
While driving to the doctors office (alone) this morning, I played this song (on repeat) during my drive. It's sung by Tenth Avenue North, and it's called "Lift Us Up to Fall".

The first verse it the part that always hits home with me...



You move the earth
You hold the stars
Come move in us
Come hold our hearts
You send the rain
And life begins
So rain on us and reign within our lives again


We're waiting here
Waiting for you God
With our hopes and fears
We come empty hands held out
Lord draw us near
Heal these broken hearts
And lift us up to fall before everything you are

You lift the sun into the sky
You lift us up
Open our eyes
To see your face
And what you've done
You took the nails to give us love
And we stand in awe before your throne
There's no where else that we can go


We're waiting here
Waiting for you God
With our hopes and fears
We come empty hands held out
Lord draw us near
Heal these broken hearts
And lift us up to fall before everything you are

Come O Come Emmanuel
Come Lord Here to dwell
Let all your children lift one voice

We're waiting here
Waiting for you God
With our hopes and fears
We come empty hands held out
Lord draw us near
Heal these broken hearts
And lift us up to fall before everything you are


We're waiting here
Waiting for you God
With our hopes and fears
We come empty hands held out
Lord draw us near
Heal these broken hearts
And lift us up to fall before everything you are

8 comments:

Allyson Shockley said...

Thinking about you and praying for you and Clif always!

Mrs*Popcorn said...

YAY!!! So excited with you! I hope and pray this is the month for you too. That by this time next Christmas, there will be a lil one in your arms :) God is so good. We don't know when (or sometimes how) but he knows what's best for us, even when it doesn't seem like it. I'm so anxious for you and THAT good news. Can't wait girl, i really can't wait!

***PRAYING REALLY HARD***

Mrs*Popcorn said...

YAY!!! So excited with you! I hope and pray this is the month for you too. That by this time next Christmas, there will be a lil one in your arms :) God is so good. We don't know when (or sometimes how) but he knows what's best for us, even when it doesn't seem like it. I'm so anxious for you and THAT good news. Can't wait girl, i really can't wait!

***PRAYING REALLY HARD***

Jessica said...

Oh hun I know that must have been hard to see children. I saw a bunch of children when I came in for my follow up for my D & C after I lost Peyton and I almost broke down I was waiting over an hour around tons of kids. It was awful - downright torture. They could at least give me a buzzer so I can sit in my car! ;) Anyways glad that your appt. went well I hope that it is your month too! God Bless! I'll be praying!!!!

croleyc69 said...

Praying always.

{{HUGS}}

Caroline

starsstripes822 said...

i stalk your blog often. I find your faith in God to be encouraging in the midst of my trials. After 2 miscarriages in the past 5 months I have no praises to sing. you give me hope.
With that being you made a comment in your post that upset me. I know how much is sucks to go to the doctors office and see pregnant women or with young children. i know what it is like to have everyone stare at you when you burst into tears. but i wanted to point out that not all of us with little ones have people here to watch them when we have dr.s appointments, not all women with little ones are there to prevent, some women experience second infertility or worse they can get pregnant, but keep loosing their babies; bodies rejecting the ones they long for so bad. I had to bring my little one with me this week to confirm that I had passed all the remaining tissue of my child that I loss earlier in the week, it was not fun, I wish i had someone to watch my child, but I don't. I would hate to think that there was someone in the waiting room thinking bad thoughts about me, how insensitive I am to bring my child, when they do not know my pain and my struggle. B/c even though I have been blessed by one child, I have lost two, and my hearts desire was to hold them and watch them grow. I go to an RE now to make sure we can still have children, so please remember that we never know the circumstances of the person in the waiting room and appearances are not always what they seem lets have compassion for everyone. I'm sorry I know your blog is a place for you to vent and you have that right, but it is a great place of comfort for many women who have lost as well.
I pray that this month is your lucky month and that you get an early birthday/christmas present

starsstripes822 said...

i stalk your blog often. I find your faith in God to be encouraging in the midst of my trials. After 2 miscarriages in the past 5 months I have no praises to sing. you give me hope.
With that being you made a comment in your post that upset me. I know how much is sucks to go to the doctors office and see pregnant women or with young children. i know what it is like to have everyone stare at you when you burst into tears. but i wanted to point out that not all of us with little ones have people here to watch them when we have dr.s appointments, not all women with little ones are there to prevent, some women experience second infertility or worse they can get pregnant, but keep loosing their babies; bodies rejecting the ones they long for so bad. I had to bring my little one with me this week to confirm that I had passed all the remaining tissue of my child that I loss earlier in the week, it was not fun, I wish i had someone to watch my child, but I don't. I would hate to think that there was someone in the waiting room thinking bad thoughts about me, how insensitive I am to bring my child, when they do not know my pain and my struggle. B/c even though I have been blessed by one child, I have lost two, and my hearts desire was to hold them and watch them grow. I go to an RE now to make sure we can still have children, so please remember that we never know the circumstances of the person in the waiting room and appearances are not always what they seem lets have compassion for everyone. I'm sorry I know your blog is a place for you to vent and you have that right, but it is a great place of comfort for many women who have lost as well.
I pray that this month is your lucky month and that you get an early birthday/christmas present

Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

to starsstripes822...

I will say that I apologize if what I said offended you... but I can't say that I apologize for the things that I wrote.
Before moving on, please let me clarify that when I was talking about my waiting room experience, I in NO way was thinking bad thoughts about the women in that waiting room. In fact, the only thing that I could think of was my daughter, the death of my daughter, and why the heck I was (once again) sitting in a infertility specialists office.
I do realize that people who are part of the babyloss community sometimes (many actually) have other children. And I don't think bad of them for that.
I guess the main thing is that this is my place to express my feelings. And that's just what I did :) I had an emotional draining doctors appointment on Friday, and I wanted to share it with those who care enough to read all of my craziness.
God bless, and thanks for your prayers. I'll be praying for you as well...especially as you are healing (physically & emotionally) from your very recent loss.

Total Pageviews

 
Design by Small Bird Studios | All Rights Reserved