Thursday, December 2, 2010

you're a mean one...Mr. Grinch.

So right after I went back to work this past January, I had one of my customers say, "Honey, aren't you due yet??" I had to tell him (through tears) that I had already delivered, and that Lilly had quietly passed away in my womb just a few hours before I was to be induced. Heartbreaking.

This same customer came in yesterday and while talking about the holidays, he asked, "do you have any children?" Really? Wow. I told him no. And then I felt guilty. But I just didn't want to go through all the explaining AND the questions that everyone always asks. Oh, what happened? I don't know. How far along were you? I was four days PAST my due date. BLAH blah freaking blah. Then on top of the "kid question", he was like...well, how long have you been married? Going on four years. Well...he didn't leave it at that. He went on to tell me that I'd been married for almost four was probably about time to start having kids.

Wow. All I could do is smile and say that we were thinking about it. How do you tell a (practically) complete stranger. Well, my only child died a year ago...and my husband and I HAVE been trying to get pregnant (again) for a year now with no luck. That since last November we have struggled with heartache AND fertility.

Geez. I know that these "old" people (no offense to anyone) mean well... but my gosh... a heart can only take so much before it completely shatters into a million pieces.

And you know what's sad?? It's not even Christmas yet...and I'm already dreading May/Mothers day. I wish that I could just skip every holiday known to man. I hate being asked painful questions...can't they just all go away?

And as for December... I'm pretty sure that it can just go away too. Life would be so much easier, and less painful. And then on the other hand I feel so guilty for thinking these things. It's Christmas... the time of year that we celebrate the birth of our Savior. How could I want to SKIP that? *sigh* I don't... I think it's because what the world has made Christmas into. About the family...the gifts...all the hoopla. It's making me resemble the Grinch more and more every day. :)


Betty said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. So aweful. I wish people were more sensitive to others' feelings.

AHB said...

Oh Desiree..that is so awful..I am so sorry that you had to endure that. It is just so unfair that people can be so selfish in their thinking sometimes. As you know..we know to never ask anyone if they are planning on having kids because you don't know their story..unfortunately most of the world isn't that bright about that subject..As for being the Grinch..we can be twins because my husband lovingly has nicknamed me that this holiday season. I think about you every day and what you are going through because it feels so much like my own story..Keep your head held high..God will provide the desires of your heart. You just have to continue trusting him. I used to sit frogs all around my room so I would see them as soon as I woke up to remind me to "Fully Rely On God." I have them out again..Praying for you..

Holly said...

I'm sorry you had to deal with that guy. They don't realize that the 'simple' questions just aren't so simple for some.

croleyc69 said...

So sorry you had to deal with that. Praying for you.


Lori said...

Sending you love....

elena said...

Ouch! I'm sorry that you had to endure those questions. Sometimes peopls just don't get it.

I agree what Christmas has been turned into has especially gotten to me this year. I am adding reading the nativity story to our tradition of reading the night before Christmas. I feel the meaning got lost along the way and I want to get it back.

Jessi Dawn said...

I want to skip Christmas, too. I'm all for celebrating Christ's birth... but can we leave too many toys, decorating the tree, hanging the lights, baking cookies, fake smiles, Santa and Frosty behind???

I'm a Scrooge this year, for sure.

Praying we both find JOY this year under the tree,

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