So right after I went back to work this past January, I had one of my customers say, "Honey, aren't you due yet??" I had to tell him (through tears) that I had already delivered, and that Lilly had quietly passed away in my womb just a few hours before I was to be induced. Heartbreaking.
This same customer came in yesterday and while talking about the holidays, he asked, "do you have any children?" Really? Wow. I told him no. And then I felt guilty. But I just didn't want to go through all the explaining AND the questions that everyone always asks. Oh, what happened? I don't know. How far along were you? I was four days PAST my due date. BLAH blah freaking blah. Then on top of the "kid question", he was like...well, how long have you been married? Going on four years. Well...he didn't leave it at that. He went on to tell me that I'd been married for almost four years...it was probably about time to start having kids.
Wow. All I could do is smile and say that we were thinking about it. How do you tell a (practically) complete stranger. Well, my only child died a year ago...and my husband and I HAVE been trying to get pregnant (again) for a year now with no luck. That since last November we have struggled with heartache AND fertility.
Geez. I know that these "old" people (no offense to anyone) mean well... but my gosh... a heart can only take so much before it completely shatters into a million pieces.
And you know what's sad?? It's not even Christmas yet...and I'm already dreading May/Mothers day. I wish that I could just skip every holiday known to man. I hate being asked painful questions...can't they just all go away?
And as for December... I'm pretty sure that it can just go away too. Life would be so much easier, and less painful. And then on the other hand I feel so guilty for thinking these things. It's Christmas... the time of year that we celebrate the birth of our Savior. How could I want to SKIP that? *sigh* I don't... I think it's because what the world has made Christmas into. About the family...the gifts...all the hoopla. It's making me resemble the Grinch more and more every day. :)