Sunday, November 13, 2011

11.13.2011

Today, like any other day, I find myself thinking of my Precious Lillian Joy. She would have been two years old today. But, instead of celebrating her second birthday here on Earth with us, she is celebrating with Jesus instead. :) I must say, as much as we miss her here...I'm sure that birthday's in Heaven are much more exciting than anything I could ever plan.
It's weird this year...having three babies at home, trying to take care of them...all the while being consumed by thoughts of November 13th, 2009.
Lillian Joy's physical body was born into this world on November ninth, two thousand and nine...just a little after ten o'clock that morning. Lilly weighed five pounds, nine and a half ounces and was nineteen inches long. She had Mommy's long fingers, and Daddy's big feet. She was (and still is in my mind) the picture of perfection.
For those of you that don't know, Lilly was born "still". Her little heart stopped beating just hours before I was wheeled into the operating room for my c-section. She may have been born without a heart beat...she may have been born NOT breathing, but... she was still born! She was a real baby...and we were anxious first time parents full of hopes and dreams for our baby girl.
Holding my daughter for the first time was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Hands down. But emotions were mixed that afternoon, it may have been the hardest thing I've done... but it was also one of the most precious times. Seeing the baby that was proof of the love my husband and I had for one another. Holding the child that God had carefully grown in my womb.
The day that was supposed to be a dream come true ended up being a never ending nightmare. There is never a day that goes by that I don't think of our precious baby girl, our first born daughter. And there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about how she changed my life forever...and the lives of so many others.

2 comments:

That corgi :) said...

hugs, I liked how you said she was still born; she definitely is a real baby, a person, and always your firstborn child!

betty

Hannah Rose said...

This is a beautiful entry...I've thought so many of the same things about MY Lily...both our girls were STILL born, even though sometimes it feels like people forget...they changed us forever, and I'd never want it any other way. Happy belated 2nd Heavenly birthday, Lilly!

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