Day 4: I am SO thankful

Today I reflect on how truly thankful I am that God allowed me to experience pregnancy. :) Of a singleton AND a triple pregnancy!
Both were so very unique in their own ways, and I wouldn't change either experience if I could.
It might have been uncomfortable...painful, and even miserable at times...BUT...I enjoyed ever second of both.
Many women can say that they have experienced pregnancy... but not too many (what? 1 in 8,000?) experience a triplet pregnancy! :) I have to say, I feel pretty special that He gave me the chance to experience it. And what an experience it was.
So...not only am I thankful for my four beautiful children, I am thankful that He allowed me to experience something I have dreamt of for a long time: pregnancy!

Day 3: I am SO thankful

Today, I am especially thankful for the friends that have stood by my side over the years. Especially during our darkest times, these past two years. I love you guys... you know who you are ;)

Day 1 & 2: I am SO thankful

Day 1 - I am so very thankful for the Godly husband that He has blessed me with. Clif has been such a wonderful part of my life for the last {going on} seven years. I love him so much...sometimes even I can't believe it. :) Clif has been an excellent provider for our {not so} little family, and I will forever be grateful. Not only is Clif an awesome husband AND Daddy... he is an amazing friend. The best one I've got. I can tell him anything, literally...and I know I can always do so without being judged - though he does give me feedback, most times. All this to say, I am thankful for the man that the Lord has blessed me with. I love you, Clif Smith!!

Day 2 - I am overwhelmed at how thankful I am for the children that God has blessed us with. Not only the three precious {sometimes CRAZY} babies that are here on earth with Clif and me, but for our first born daughter, Lillian Joy. I am especially thankful for Lilly, because I feel as if it wasn't for her... we wouldn't be where we are today. For as long as I can remember all I have wanted is to be a Mommy (and wife). And March 2009, that dream came to life <-- when we found out I was pregnant with Lilly. That same dream was renewed in January 2011, when we were told I was pregnant with TRIPLETS! We have been incredibly blessed... and for that, we are SO thankful :)

Now...if you all will bare with me. I really do plan to keep these posts up for 30 days :) But just remember I have three infants...and that it may be challenging at times!

Remembering LJS

As November 13th draws closer, I can't help but being overcome by memories of these days...two years ago.
It's weird the things that you remember. Small things that don't even matter. Like...laying on the couch, texting Clif while he was at work. Telling him all about the crazy movements that Lilly was making inside of me.
Black jack tacos. Yes, tacos. Laugh if you want :) but Clif and I ate at Taco Bell every single day (literally) for the last two weeks of my pregnancy. Black jack's were by far the best taco that they EVER invented... and when I asked about them this last pregnancy, they told me that they had such bad feed back on them - that they wouldn't be bringing them back! So sad... but funny that even something as silly as a limited time taco will forever remind me of my little girl, and that it will always be something special between me and her...because apparently, no one else liked them!
The highlight of Halloween two years ago? :) Waiting for Clif to get off of work and take me into town (this was a treat considering I was on bed rest... I lived for car rides) to Sonic and get 25 cent corn dogs! Can you tell that a lot of my first pregnancy revolved around food? haha.
I remember sitting on my parents couch, every day that Clif was working, spending HOURS on facebook. Playing brick breaker...or something like that. A very addictive game...it was to the point of addiction for a while.
There were Chinese food runs, foot rubs, late night phone calls to my dad begging for ice pops...and the biggest highlight of my every day life then, my nightly shower. :)
And then there is the night of November 12th. I had been to the doctor that day, Dr.G checked me...and I was barely dilated a 1 cm (stupid cervix), and Lillian Joy sounded wonderful. Dr.G told us to go out and enjoy one last dinner before becoming parents. And we did. Logan's Roadhouse... I remember sitting in the booth across from Clif, feeling incredibly uncomfortable...but not complaining, because I knew it would all be over the next day. I also remember barely fitting in the booth...haha!
Most of all, I remember Lilly. I remember the thoughts running through my head as I experienced pregnancy (in all it's glory) for the very first time. I was so scared... but so excited. I remember feeling flutters for the first time...yes Clif, at the catfish ponds. ;) And I remember the day that Lilly (though we didn't know SHE was a SHE yet) woke me up kicking for the first time. *sigh* There are so many good memories of that little girl... in fact, all the memories I have of her are good...all except the memory of losing her. The memory of the nurses searching for her heart beat. The memory of them calling Dr.G, him coming in with the ultrasound tech, lights going off... and I am haunted by the memory of seeing her lifeless little body on the screen.
God is bigger though! Through losing our precious Lilly, we have learned SO much. We have learned to lean on Him more than ever, and we've learned to lean on one another. We learned not to take things or people for granted. We learned to let go. Ah, that little girl has taught us so much in the last two years... and continues to do so.
Though I dread it, I look forward to celebrating Lillian Joy's second birthday in Heaven, two weeks from today.
Clif and I plan to take the triplets to the cemetery...to "meet" their big sister, though we know that meeting won't come until Heaven. I've already picked out what we will fill her vase with. :) No flowers this year, just sparkly leaves.
I guess with every passing year, we take little steps towards healing. This year, I think I will make cupcakes in memory of her birthday...I'll talk about her more. I'll make sure everyone knows it's her birthday...and I'll tell of how a little girl that never took a breath, this side of Heaven, changed my life forever.
We love you Lillian Joy...and we always will, Baby Girl!

I'm Alive!

So much happening...and so little time to write about it :)

Life with triplets has definitely proven to take up 100% of my time. Most days I don't even get a chance to SHOWER until 9pm or later. It sounds horrible, but taking a shower is one of the things I look forward to the most... a whole 5-10 minutes to myself (well, sometimes).
Would I change my life? Absolutely NOT! I love my life, my husband, and my children. These triplets might keep me on my toes 24 hours a day, 7 days a week... but it is so very worth it.
God has truly blessed me with the things (and people...big and small), and I will forever be in debt to Him.
Last Sunday was the debut of my Three Precious Peas (at church, anyway). I think it is safe to say that GBC is in love... but how could they not be? Ha! Enjoy a few pictures from the babies first church service...

It was a wonderful time introducing our children to so many people who have been such a huge part of my life for...well, most of my life! We chose to have our dedication service last Sunday as well, which went wonderfully :) That's why you see us sitting at the front of the sanctuary. We were able to voice our thanks to our church family, for all the prayer and support for the last three years. My dad (the pastor), Mr.Mason (deacon) and Sam Jr (my brother), all had prayer with us/ prayed over the triplets. My Mom sang...and it was just an all in all good service. It took us a long time to get to that point, so it was a very special time.

Last Saturday, I participated in the S.H.A.R.E Walk To Remember. It's put together by our local hospital's perinatal loss council. This was my second year, and it always proves to continue to help the healing process. Though through tears, I was able to share a little about Lilly this year - which I was not able to physically do last year. So that was a step in the right direction for me. Clif wasn't able to go this year, because of the triplets - but I was accompanied by my Mom, soon to be sis in law, Kristy, my niece Katie, and my sis in law Traci :) I was so lucky to have these four special gals by my side.
While at the walk, I was able to see and talk to one of the nurses that was a huge help during our loss of Lilly. Her name is Heather - and she is an amazing woman! I don't remember if this was mentioned or not, but while on the operating table waiting for the triplets to be born - in walked Heather :) That was huge! Not only was she there during our dark time, but she was with us during our time of joy as well.
Also, I encountered another RN from the hospital - and still do not know her name. She remembered me from the delivery room with the triplets, but not only that...she remembered me from the delivery room with Lillian :) She remembered all about us, right down to the purple dress that Lilly was put in for pictures...also the same dress she was buried in. That truly meant a lot. Not only did she remember us, and the dress, but Lilly's name. She'll never know how much that meant to me.

There are so many other things that I want to share! Things the babies are doing (Easton & Elliana rolling over...Easton holding toys...them starting to REALLY see ect.). There are emotions that need to/should be worked through as these next few weeks come at me... but there isn't time.
Will write more soon :)
If you are reading this, please pray for a fellow bloggers son, Cooper. Cooper is in the PICU with RSV. :( Praying for your precious little boy, Jen!

October 15,2011...we remember.

Remembering our Sweet, Lillian Joy today...and every day. We miss you Baby Girl...and love you more than you could ever know.

An apology from the Smith's.

To Whom It May Concern:
Let me first off start by saying that there are probably many of you out there. And...I feel horrible for that fact. But, it's life...and it will eventually get better. I promise. Well, it has potential to - if you allow it.
I married my husband going on five years ago. Even before marrying, I longed to be a mother. It's been my dream for a long time, and I would have literally given up anything on this earth to fulfil that desire. Anything. And now, after three long years... I am finally living my dream...though it was not easy getting to this point.
Towards the end of my pregnancy with Lilly, things took a turn for the worse. I won't say that I had the worst pregnancies that I've ever heard of... but you could say that both of mine were definitely not routine. Blood pressure sky rocketed, and there was nothing that I could do about it. I spent the last month of my pregnancy with Lilly, parked on the couch - doing everything that I humanly could to preserve her little life. Never in a million years did I think that my baby would die. But she did. November 13th,2009 was the most uncontrollable situation that I've ever experienced in my life. Unless you have been through it first hand...as in, it literally happened to you, you can never know the pain. You will never know how it feels to go into an operating room, to deliver your baby...your dead baby. And you'll never know the heartache of still expecting to hear that shrill cry of a newborn babe...and even know that sound will not fill your ears, you still will it to with all of your heart. You pray that the doctor's missed something...you beg God that your baby is okay. But she's not.
That day in November turned mine and Clif's world upside down. And the helpless feeling that filled our hearts that day will haunt me forever. My heart literally begins to ache, just thinking about it.
Fast forward to January 4th,2011. The day we had been waiting for. The day we got our first pregnancy test with the triplets. Talk about mixed emotions. Clif and I were overcome with joy, and thankfulness... but along with those feelings came fear.
Soon into my pregnancy with our triplets, my blood pressure became an issue once again. At week ten of my pregnancy, I was already on medication to help control it.
A triplet pregnancy in itself is high risk... not to mention my already existing history/problems. I feel as if there was not a split second that I wasn't asking God to protect our precious little ones growing deep within my womb.
There were several scares during my pregnancy with the three E's. Doctor's were called numerous times, not to mention all the times we called the emergency room & doctor on call. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I was sure that I would lose our three little blessings.
Throughout my whole pregnancy, I continuously bathed it in prayer. And an every day struggle for me was giving my children over to the Lord. A friend at church gave me a book that helped a lot... and showed me that God put these babies in my womb, and that He would take care of them. They weren't (and aren't) my children. They are His.
From January 4th,2011 until July 15th,2011 I silently stood by... waiting for the bottom to fall out. It's almost as if I expected something bad to happen. But God was faithful, as He always is. I only wish that I had trusted more.
Our little miracles arrived (semi-smoothly) on July 15th,2011. They all had minor issues at birth, but all in all - they did wonderfully. We couldn't have asked for a better outcome to have been born at thirty one weeks... not to mention that they are TRIPLETS!
As July 15th drew near, Clif and I talked a lot. Talked of things that may or may not happen...worst case, and best. We admitted to one another that we wouldn't experience relief until we heard our babies cry for the first time.
I cannot even begin to tell you the relief that we felt as Eli was born, followed by Easton and Elliana. All three screaming. Though, once Eli was born screaming...he stopped and was "touch and go" for a while, according to the doctors. He was given some medication soon after birth, and the day after.
Oh what a joy to give birth to three LIVE babies. Again, unless you have lost a baby yourself... you could never understand the feeling. Clif and I went through a lot, and my body went through even more... it took us three years, and a lifetimes worth of tears to bring three beautiful, relatively healthy LIVING, BREATHING babies into this world. It took a LOT to get them here. And we fully recognize that it was nothing that either of us did, it was all Him.
Clif and I believe with our whole hearts that Eli Zayne, Easton Layne & Elliana Rayne are gifts from God. And we realize that we cannot be selfish with our children.
That being said, please read on with an open mind.
Our babies spent close to six weeks in the neonatal intensive care unit. Our first triplet born was given medication to help his lungs because for a short time, he was literally not breathing. He, Eli, still has immature lungs - according to our doctor, as of two weeks ago. Our second triplet born had a hole in his heart. Since then, Easton was given medication to assist in closing that hole. Praise the Lord, as far as we know - he has no hole...and he is probably our healthiest baby. Our third born triplet was born with a very large hole in her heart, known as a PDA. Elliana underwent two rounds of medication to assist the closing of the hole. Neither rounds worked...at all. When Elliana was two weeks old, she had heart surgery to correct her PDA - as it had begun effecting her respiratory system. We were told weeks later that the surgery that has a 1% failure rate, did not work for our daughter. As of September 6th, our daughter still has an existing PDA...which has also caused her left heart to be enlarged. In the future, if this problem does not correct -we are looking at having to take her to UVA to have this permanently corrected.
Clif and I were extremely blessed in the sense that our babies were not as bad off as the doctor's may have thought that they would be. BUT...none the less, our babies were still sick.
And that's huge. There is nothing in this world that is more important to Clif and I than the health and well being of our children. And in the process of trying our best to protect them, we have hurt many feelings along the way. Of family, and friends alike. And though we cringe every time we have to face yet another awkward situation involving our children, and other people - it's what's best for our kids.
We learned SO much during our stay in the NICU. And where we may seem like over protective parents, we are doing what we know best... the best we know how. We had a very talented staff of doctors, nurse practitioners, and registered nurses that taught us much. Among the things we learned, we were given many pointers to live by - especially for the first two months of our babies being home with us.
Things that we learned include, but are not limited to:

*don't be afraid to tell people no.
*if someone is sick, don't allow them to be near the children.
*school age children should not be allowed to be near the children.
*smokers (of cigarettes or anything else) should not be allowed near the children.

While in the NICU, we were told about RSV (a respiratory Virus) that is extremely dangerous to preemie babies. Anyone with a common cold (or even if you don't know that your "sick") can carry it, and give it to the babies. If our babies were to develop RSV, it could very possibly land them back in the hospital. In our eyes, our babies spent enough time in ICU, and we don't want them going back there. Therefore, we have been extremely cautious when allowing visitors into our home.
People probably think that we are whacked because of how cautious we are. We screen our visitors before they come, and ask that they "scrub in" with the antibacterial soap that we have seemed to buy stock in. Call us crazy, but it's what we feel is best protecting our children.
Basically, it is what it is. We hate that we have hurt feelings along the way - and we pray that we will be forgiven. We are new parents...and maybe we are wrong in the way that we are caring for our children...but that's just that. They are our children.
Right now, we just ask that you bare with us. As of this week, we have two sick babies. Elliana is still just considered to have a cold. Eli on the other hand, has a cold...he is wheezing (on medication for it), and has an ear infection (on medication for it). Praise the Lord that Easton is still well, which we are trying to keep that way!
So, after all of that we ask that:

*if you have been sick, you're getting sick, or you have been around someone that is sick - that you not visit until the incubation period has passed.
*if you are a smoker, live with a smoker, or have spent a significant time with someone who has smoked in close quarters...that you not visit the babies.
*if you have children - you are more than welcome to visit, just not with your children.
*if you do visit, please respect our wishes - washing hands upon arriving, not wearing strong perfumes/colognes, avoiding contact with the babies face(touching,kissing,cuddling ect).

I know this seems bogus... but right now, with sick babies and flu season on it's way to full swing - these are our requests. These requests are not more Clif than myself, and visa versa. We both fully agree in the above stated.
We hope and pray that you can be open and willing to understand our fears when it comes to these babies. And pray that you will not be offended.
In the weeks that the babies have been home, there has not been a single night that we wake up and scramble to watch (or feel) our babies breathing. To make sure that they are okay. Not only does that come from them being early, and sick... but it comes from losing our first born. We feel that the situation we faced with our Lillian Joy, could not be controlled by us. And while we know that our children are not in our hands, but His, we feel that we have a little more control on their health... on their lives.
Even though they are all home, we continue to face every day scares. Them becoming sick, them choking and not breathing, SIDS...everything the average parent worries about - we worry about times three. So, just because they are home, does not mean the worry ended at the hospital.
God gave us these children, and we believe that He will take care of them. We also believe that we are here to see that these children are taken care of, and doing what we feel is in their best interest.
Basically, all we are trying to convey with this post is that - we are sorry if you have been, or will be offended by us. We ask that you forgive us, and love us in spite of the situation. We don't expect everyone to know what we are feeling, but we ask that you try to put yourselves in our place...and just imagine how you would be.
It won't always be like this... but for now, it is.

The Smith's (minus one)

this and that...and me :)

Do you ever just feel...off? Not like yourself? Yep... that's how I've been feeling for about three weeks or more.
I want to blame it on the new birth control that Dr.G put me on... it just makes me feel weird, I hate it! I really believe that it's screwing with my body :( Just called his office, and am waiting for a call back...hopefully getting it changed - and possibly going to see him about some issues that I've been having the last few days.
Anyway... back to not feeling like myself. Clif asked if I thought it was PPD, and honestly... I don't think that it is. I think it's more than likely a mix between exhaustion and November 13th rolling around...and this stupid birth control messing with my hormones (and body).
Bleh... I'm hoping that Dr.G's nurse will call me back - switch my medicine, and that I will be back to normal in no time!
Ugh, speaking of the birth control...you always hear about weight gain (fun stuff) when you go on it. Well, since I am currently going to Weight Watchers, it's not making it easy on me. That, mixed with my PCOS = a tough time trying to shed some pounds! BUT... I am determined. I don't want these babies to have a fat mama...ha! Slowly but surely, the pounds ARE coming off. It's taken work and dedication... but I've lost 8 pounds in the last three weeks. Doesn't sound like a lot, I know... but trust me... with my body, eight pounds in three weeks is awesome! Only eight more pounds and I will be back to my pre pregnancy weight... and then only 40 pounds to reach my goal weight. Don't know if I'll ever make it there again... but it's where I would like to be. Man, oh man... the things two pregnancies and four babies will do to one's body, huh?
Well...Monday is the day that our little family of five has been dreading. Clif going back to work... on night shift. Not the most awesome thing in the world, but we knew that it was coming... and I guess we might as well get used to it. My Mom will be helping out for a while, and I've had a few friends offer help as well. :) I think I can do it myself, if I can just get someone here during the day to let me sleep.
Actually, the babies have been doing much better at night! Oh Lord, hope I didn't just jinx myself. They slept almost five hours, and then a three hour stretch...so last night, we were actually able to get some good sleep! I'm hoping that this is a sign of what's to come... and that me being home alone at night will be a smooth transition. :)
Speaking of Clif going back to work, and me NOT going back to work...insurance. Omg. I guess I never realized the expense of insurance.The babies were added to my policy upon birth (don't even get me started on the headache that caused...and is still causing)... but I have to reimburse the company that I was working for, because I was out on UNpaid leave. Two months = almost $700. Ouch. THEN, Clif went and had me and the kids added to his insurance, effective Oct. 1st. He is currently on UNpaid leave, so we will have to reimburse the company that HE works for...actually, it will just come out of his first two checks. *Almost* $500 a month for our family plan. Wow. Insurance is ridiculous. BUT...can't go without it... so I guess it's just one of those things.lol.
Oh!
On the home front, we are doing some home improvements! Oh the joys of being home owners. Can you sense the sarcasm there? We discovered a few weeks ago that our roof is leaking... and that it would cause some major problems (on the inside of our house) if we don't get it taken care of. So, for the last week...we have been searching out the best deal for having our shingles replaced. Talk about expensive! But, we will be having that done in about two weeks (the soonest they could get to us). Currently, though, Clif and one of his relatives (too confusing to even say how he is related) are adding on to our deck covering. I guess that's what you call it. We have this small covered area on our back deck, right outside the back door. We are tearing that down, and taking the covering all the way across our deck - the length of our house. This has to be completed before the roofers come, because it will be covered with shingles as well. We've been doing a lot of home improvements lately... mainly because we plan to try and sell in the next two years, and everything we are doing is adding property value. Something I AM looking forward to...one of my dad's friends is going to come and plow our field. For those of you who know don't know where we live... we have about 3.11 acres of land. Past our yard, we have a very large field-type thing. It's been grown up (for the most part) since we bought our house, but Clif and my dad have been working on it this past month and have cleaned it all up (mowed it, cut down trees and bushes...dug up stumps, ect). This guy that my dad knows is going to come plow, and seed the whole thing...so hopefully, by next summer... we will have one HUGE yard. :) He is going to level it with our yard, so it will be one level slope. Pretty excited about having a larger area for the kids to play in. Well, okay... they aren't big enough yet... and probably won't be next year... but still.
Ah, well... enough blogging for me today! I have two babies waking up, ready for their bottles! Oh the joys of Motherhood. Sorry for all the babbling, and jumping around of subjects! More to come :)

what doesn't kill you...

...will make you sleepier?




:) Though it sounds like it, I'm really not complaining. God has blessed me us with so much... and I know He won't give me anything more than I can handle. BUT...three babies might be a little more than I had anticipated.

If someone had told me a year ago that I would be as tired as I am... I would have just laughed. Wouldn't have believed them for a second. Now...oh my gosh. I have never been so completely exhausted in my whole entire life.

Clif and I (and my mom that has been "living" with us since Easton came home) have a pretty good fair system going at the moment. We all stay up until after the 11pm/12am feeding - and then go to bed. If one or more babies will not go to sleep, Clif takes them to the living room and stays up with them until the 2-3am feeding. For the most part, Clif handles this feeding on his own. The only time Mom or I get up is if more than one baby is screaming. I can't tell you how awesome it is that Clif takes care of that feeding... I struggle (really bad) with getting up at 2am. So after that feeding, Clif will go to sleep and I get up for the next feeding around 5-6am. Some mornings I'll go back to sleep for a while after this feeding, sometimes I don't. Just depends on how well I rested the night before - and if the babies decide to go to sleep. My mom has been helping with the 5-6am & 8-9am feedings, because Clif is generally sleeping until at least 10.

The bad part? This will all change as of October 10th. >.< That's when Clif goes back to work. And that's when things are going to get real "hairy". On top of us having to get used to the idea of him going back to work, he will be going back to work... on night shift :( For the first two weeks. Of course, I guess it doesn't really matter... because even when he is on day shift, he really won't be able to help much during the night because he has to be up at 5am for a 12 hour shift.

So...prayers would be appreciated! I don't know how much longer I will be able to keep my Mom at my house. Which, really... I need to learn to do this on my own. It will be hard, and I might {feel like I'm going to} die... but I know that I can do it.

Life will be SO much a little easier when the triplets start sleeping for longer periods of time. Right now, on average - they sleep for three hours. Sometimes (like this morning), they will sleep for four hours. God bless them.

I have another prayer request, and I know that it will sound completely selfish. Clif and I were talking about him going back to work...and looking at the calendar... and it looks like (unless his boss will consider giving him the day off) he will be working on November 13th... and the 17th. The 17th isn't as big of a deal as the 13th... but it's still overwhelming to think that I will be home, by myself with three babies on these days.

For those of you that don't know, November 13th will be the two year anniversary of our first born daughter's (Lillian Joy) death. The 17th? The two year anniversary of her funeral. I'm starting to pray now that Clif's boss will have compassion and let him have at least the 13th off.

I have not been looking forward to November for a while now... especially since the triplets were born. Mainly because of doctors appointments. I'm sure the receptionists think I'm a fruit loop when they give me a date in November and I have to check the calendar to make sure that I won't flake out while in the office.

So far, our appointments for November aren't the greatest of dates. I take Elliana to the cardiologist for her follow up on November 9th... my due date with Lilly. THEN, the kid's four month check up (and second round of shots) is scheduled for November 17th. Whew...talk about a challenge.

Well...that's all the writing for now :) My Lil' Peanut (Elliana) is awake and fussy (imagine that). Looks like it's time to start bottles!!!

two months...ten days late :)

And there they are! :) I feel kinda bad because I don't know for sure if I took an actual picture on the "two month birthday". But this one was definitely taken just a few days before when they went and met Dr.G for the second time!!
Their two month appointment went wonderful!! Clif and I (and Dr.C, the kid's pediatrician) couldn't be more pleased with how well they are doing!! Dr.C told us that if there were a picture of what a preemie's growth should look like at two months, it would be a picture of our triplets. ;) I think he likes them! He definitely loves babies... you can really tell that he enjoys his job!
I guess it's kind of hard for the doctor to give us numbers like he would give most parents. Like, your kids is in the ___% for this, that ect. He told us that it will more than likely take about a year for them to catch up to where they would be had they stayed in my belly until September 14th!
Again...feel like a bad mommy... but I don't have lengths, and head measurements ect... but I do have their weights!

On July 15th, 2011....

Eli weighed 4lb.06oz

Easton weighed 3lb13oz

Elliana weighed 2lb15oz

On September 20th, 2011...

Eli weighed 8lb1oz

Easton weighed 8lb8oz

Elliana weighed 6lb2oz

They have all more than doubled their birth weights, and we couldn't be more pleased at how well they are doing!
As of today we have two sick babies...at least we think they are. Just a cold or something, they are headed to the doctor first thing in the morning... and we also have THREE teething babies. OH my. :)
I also took Elliana to the eye doctor this past Thursday, and though she is still considered stage 1 - there has been no change since the last time we saw Dr.F (three weeks ago) and do not have to see him again for six months... unless we think that she is not seeing as she should! Praise the Lord!!!

life with three.

Life with three is...hectic. For the most part, I enjoy it more than I can express. Then other times it's completely overwhelming and I find myself wondering if life will ever be "normal" again.

Doubtful.

But that's okay. Clif and I have longed for this life for a long time now. Longer than I'd like to dwell on. It took us a long time to get to this point in our lives, a long time... and lots of bumps along the way.
I always wondered how it would be...having more children after losing Lilly. And it has proven to be...well, odd. But I guess deep down, I expected that. There still is not a single day that goes by that I don't think of our precious {first born} baby girl. If it wasn't for her...I don't think that we would be at this point in our lives. *sigh* I am overwhelmed at how much a little girl that I never got the chance to know {outside of my belly} continues to impact my every day life.
Having triplets attracts a lot of attention. Naturally. :) But along with attention comes many awkward situations...and questions.
This week, I found myself caught in the middle of one of the above mentioned situations. One that went like this..."Oh, triplets! Do you have any other children at home?" (no... it's not "good". Yes, we have a "ready made family"...but that doesn't take the sting away when people say things such as, 'oh what a blessing that you don't have any other children!' Please. I am content with three, but there isn't a day that goes by that I wouldn't give my own life (or anything else for that matter) to have all FOUR of the children that God blessed us with here with us, on earth.
That's another thing. Since finding out I was pregnant (and then finding out twins...then triplets), people have acted as if the triplets are a "fix" to our "problem". Like, all the sudden our grief and pain over losing Lilly would just evaporate into thin air. Some days it makes it easier to bare...and other days it just makes it worse.
As November draws near...my heart begins to ache a little more. I find myself wondering what she would have been like, what about looks? Would she still look like me...or would she have looked like Clif by now? Would her hair be brown? What about all the milestones that parents take for granted??? All the milestones we missed. Her first smile, her first word...starting to crawl...taking her first step...
Whew. Talk about an overwhelming feeling. All the things that I missed with the child we never knew.
It's okay :) I'm not losing it... I promise. Maybe a bit hormonal? A very good possibility. Dr.G gave me a new type of birth control that has been wreaking havoc on my post partum body. Bleh. Last night... I actually felt....well, pregnant! Ha... not exactly a feeling that I want to feel after having just been pregnant with TRIPLETS! Luckly, Dr.G didn't give me any refills, so I am just going to call him up in a week or so and ask to be switched. I heard there are a few types of birth controls out there that can help with the symptoms of PCOS...so considering just asking him for a specific kind!
Speaking of doctors, Clif is taking two out of three babies to the doctor in the morning. >.< Elliana and Eli have been hoarse for about twenty four hours now...and though we have called a few different times, because of them being preemies...and having had respiratory issues...we don't want to mess around with it. I'm trusting that everything will pan out, and that it will in fact just be a "cold" like they think.
OH! And they went for their two month appointment this past week. It went wonderful! Though it will be kind of backwards, I think I'll do a post about that next :) God bless!

going down?

My weight that is :) As of today, I am down 40 pounds since I gave birth to our triplets. It's been a struggle too!! I think it was harder than it could have been, due to the fact that Clif and I were eating out 2+ meals a day while the babies were still in the hospital. I remember how easy (and quickly) weight came off after having Lilly. BUT, thinking back... most of my weight gain with her was fluid. I was SOOOO swollen. :) And I think that a lot of my weight gain with the triplets was actual weight! Just twelve more pounds and I will be back to my pre pregnancy {though, still very over} weight.
I joined weight watchers a week ago today. I'm doing the plus points plan. Basically, it's a fancy way of counting calories. So far, so good. :) It's working! I went to weigh in this evening and I am down 3.2 pounds since last Monday! Yay!
In honor of my new "life change", and losing weight... Clif ordered me an elliptical machine! Okay okay, Clif gave me his debit card and told me to order the one that I wanted. But still! It should hopefully be here by next week. I am SOOO looking forward to it. I had told Clif a few weeks ago that if I could just walk to our mailbox (a LONG way with a very steep driveway!) once a day - it would be great. Since saying that, I have discovered that actually getting to do that... not happening. By the time I would get the babies down to sleep...get dressed...go, and come back...the kids would already be awake and screaming! This way, I can break it (my workout) into smaller times throughout the day - and I can even exercise while the babies are awake and being entertained by swings & bouncers. Who knows... it might amuse them! Anyway, I can't wait!
I've been really concerned about weight loss, due to my PCOS. Poly cystic ovarian syndrome has caused me nothing but trouble in the past...and I am praying that I kick it where it hurts this time! Aside from having to fight the PCOS, I'm fighting weight gain from birth control. Fun stuff! Dr.G put me on the first months pills, and they were safe with breast feeding. But now that I am finished with that, he switched me again. Oh the joys. I told Dr.G that we definitely did NOT want to chance me getting pregnant again... and knowing my body, as soon as we're NOT trying to prevent... I'll get pregnant. :) I hate birth control, and I hate the way that it {generally} makes me feel.... BUT you gotta do what you gotta do. :) As much as I love my babies...I am definitely not in the market to add a fourth one to our home!
Clif and I opted not to get my tubes tied while Dr.G had me open...mainly because of me being only 23 (almost 24!!!), but also because I said that you never know when we might want another. Ummm...it's looking like no. :) We plan to call it quits with two pregnancies, four children, and three on earth. Whew... these kids wear me out! I seriously DREAM of the day when we can sleep through the night!
On a more serious note... I have a major prayer request. A young mommy that Clif knows through work lost her baby girl on Saturday. She was 37+ weeks pregnant... was found unconscious, and when taken to the hospital... the baby had already passed. The last we heard was that the doctors don't know what happened. The young mommy was/is in ICU, and we are told she was in a coma. She has since "come to"... but I don't know any other details. Please pray for this young lady, that God may wrap his arms around her. At times like these, I find myself saying... "I can't imagine". But I can. :-/

due date.

Today was my due date with the triplets :) Though, after finding out we were having multiples, I knew that I'd never make it to this day. BUT...this is the day that I gave when people asked, "when are you due?"
I cannot believe it's been 9+ months since Clif and I found out that we were expecting... can't believe it's been 8+ since we found out we were having twins, then triplets! :)
This has been such an adventure...one that I've loved every minute of. Not to say that there haven't been scary times that I wish we didn't have to go through, but all in all... I wouldn't change anything when it comes to our triplet experiences!
Clif and I were talking this morning, and I can't even begin to wrap my mind around still having these three babies inside my womb. We're talking close to 22 pounds of baby! Now that's an uncomfortable thought... giving birth to DOUBLE the weight that I gave birth to two months ago.
Speaking of, our babies are going to be TWO months old tomorrow!! I can't believe it. They have come SOOOOOO far. And I still can't say enough, just how incredibly blessed we are!
We've had a busy week... and I feel like I haven't been able to sit down and *really* blog for ages. :) It'll get better...right? If not... don't tell me!
On Monday morning we all went out for our first family outing! Granted, it only lasted about an hour and fifteen minutes... but it was still a big step for us. AND...Mommy and Daddy were starting to go a little crazy I think, staying at home... and not being able to leave the house together. Only a few more weeks, and we won't have to worry about that anymore!
Anyway, back to Monday. What was our family outing, you ask? We took the triplets to meet Dr.G for the first (really, second) time. :) Below is a picture of him with the babies.

Though it wasn't for long, we really enjoyed our visit with him. Can't wait to take them back when they are older :)
Now, something quick that doesn't really have to do with the babies... though it has everything to do with the babies.
Clif applied for a job (within the same place he works now) a few weeks back. Last week, he was called for an interview. Please pray with us that if it be the Lord's will... that he may get this job. It would be a 7-4, Monday-Friday, and all Holidays off position. Which would be a HUGE blessing with three babies at home, and his current position requiring two weeks of NIGHT shift per month >.< I know that God will provide, and everything will happen in His timing. :) Please pray with us that He may make this possible for our family.

Elliana's Heart...again...and again.

Okay...I'm a few days late, but I just wanted to update on Elliana's heart murmur (PDA).
I took her to the cardiologist on Monday afternoon - and we were told after an echo that the PDA is still very much there. She still is getting along very well, despite the PDA - so they are not too concerned.
Dr.W said that it was a small PDA, and that there is still a possibility that it may close. We have a follow up in two months to check it again. The doctor said that if it's going to close, it should be closed by the next time we see him.
Something that they were semi-concerned about was that Ellliana's "left heart" is slightly enlarged. Dr.W said that it could be that the PDA is beginning to close, and that he heart has not had time to shrink back to it's normal size. The reason he was so surprised over the enlargement was because her PDA is so small...normally you see something like that with larger PDA's.
Like I said, we take her back in two months and we will go from there. We were told that if her heart remains enlarged, there is a procedure that can be done (at UVA) to close the PDA.

:)

Well...it's been a while since I have been able to just write. For me. Life has been absolutely crazy these last few months...and I don't anticipate things slowing down any time soon. But that's okay. I'm loving life, and my {not so} little family.
These past *almost* two months have been a blur. A blur of happiness, excitement...fear, not fear of having three babies... but fear of the unknown :) But, as I have said many times since July 15th - we are blessed, and God is good. All the time!
My surgery (csection) was much different this time. With the csection I had when Lilly was born, I didn't allow myself to show pain. I just pushed through it... "enjoying" the fact that I could at least feel something. This time... I was a bit more of a sissy. I think that the worst pain of all was the trapped air (gas) in my stomach. Almost the most painful thing I've ever felt (the worse being when I had my ovarian drilling back in November). But all in all, it was a good experience. As good as having your stomach cut open can be :)
I guess you'd say that I'm completely healed now? I feel great...my scar looks wonderful. Dr.G pretty much just combined me two scars, so it doesn't look horrible either. :) AND...the way that things are looking now, there won't be a third scar. At least not for a baby to come outta there!
Clif said from the time he found out that I was pregnant with triplets, that he didn't want any more children. I said that I was undecided. HA! I think I've pretty much made up my mind, unless for some reason God sees fit to change our minds! I'd say three is enough. And where our NICU experience was nothing but wonderful, I don't think that either of us could handle the stress of that again. Well, actually... I know that with God - we could handle it, but at this point in our lives, we don't want to. :)
My milk? It's gone. I started taking reglan, Dr.G gave me a prescription when I saw him last week. I would pump for 20-30 minutes, and get an ounce (where before I would pump for 20 minutes and get 8-10 ounces). So I decided... though it was tough, to stop. I was wasting time...and not getting NEAR enough milk to sustain one baby, let alone THREE.
I beat myself up over it for a few days... I hated that my babies had to be switched to ALL formula. BUT... they have taken to it well, not to mention it gives me so much more time with them - and time to do other things to!
Weight loss is...getting there. But not at the speed that I would like. I've lost 35 pounds since they were born. I'm *almost* back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. But even so, I have a LONG way to go before I am to the point that I want to be. I would like to lose 50 pounds. Then I'd be happy with myself :) We will see. I am joining "Weight Watchers" with my Mom next week, and am praying that it will be effective with my PCOS. That's what's fought against me in the past in losing weight.
NOT to mention... I'm on birth control now. >.< Awesome. I'm on some kind of weird BC that you can take while nursing, but considering I'm not nursing anymore... I will be calling Dr.G next week to switch to something that will help with my PCOS. Fun stuff.
Work. Hm, what's that? I feel like a bum. I haven't worked a day since May 27th. That's a LONG time. But it was for a good cause... actually, three good causes. And, for the time being... I'm not going back.
I won't go into detail - but God has and is continuing to work out the details that are allowing me to stay at home with our three little blessings. At least for a while. Clif and I are planning for me to go back to work sometime in January. Please pray with us that God will open a door with the same company I've been with for the last three years. I wouldn't know what to do if I had to get to know all new co-workers!
Some other prayer requests include Elliana. I took her to the eye doctor this week, and we were told that she has developed something to do with immature retinas? I honestly don't remember what it's called... but apparently it's something that is fairly common. I have to take her back on September 22nd for a follow up visit. Also, I will be taking her to her follow up with the cardiologist this coming up Tuesday. I am praying that they do an echo and find that her heart murmur/pda has closed.
Little Mr.Easton goes on Wednesday for his car seat study...we're really hoping that he still fits in his car bed so that he has a way of getting there! :)
And Eli...well, he's doing great. Other than spitting up through his nose on occasion and scaring the poop out of his mommy and daddy!
A few HUGE praises and I will close.
It looks like (as far as we can tell)... that the babies stay in NICU will be taken care of by my insurance, and whatever they don't cover will be picked up by Institutional Medicaid. There was a lady from NICU that called last week and asked if we would be interested in applying for it. The only stipulation was that the baby(s) had to be in NICU for at least 30 days. Easton was discharged during his 30th day, and Eli & Elliana followed him. Clif went and met with the lady at the hospital yesterday to fill out the applications. Just to show you what a huge blessing this is - we got an itemized list of what it would have cost for each boy WITHOUT insurance. Let's just say it's a combined total of $134,000. And I don't even want to think about what the total of Elliana's stay will be - especially with her having surgery! God has been faithful, and He continues to be!
Other praise seems so small compared to the hospital bills...but a few days ago, we received three cases of the Enfamil Enfacare formula that the triplets are on. I thought it was 16 cans, but Clif was quick to correct saying it's actually 18 cans. Which saved us $275!!! Which is awesome considering they are already going through a can+ every day!
Well... I decided to write this blog during my first time of being at home alone with the babies. It worked out really well until a few paragraphs ago. I currently have one baby that rousing in her bassinet, and another {very} hungry baby on my chest, rooting around on my face for food :) I am SO blessed, and enjoying very much this gift they call Motherhood!

July 15th, 2011...the story of three.

So, I've been meaning to write about the day that our precious peas were born... but, as I am sure that you can imagine... I haven't exactly had much time. :) But, today... I figured that I would give it a shot!
Everything really started on the Monday before they were born. Well, Sunday night. The whole night, I felt as if Eli was going to kick...well, OUT. Seriously felt like the kid was going to poke a hand or leg through the exit at any given time. I had an appointment with Dr.G that morning (Monday). When I explained my discomfort, saying that there was a lot of pressure - and that I felt like a baby was going to come out, the doctor decided to do an exam...just to make sure nothing was happening. We were told that my cervix had softened.
On Tuesday night, I was still experiencing a lot of pressure "down there"... accompanied by spotting, and braxton hicks contractions. Clif called the ER, and talked to Dr.F about it (who at first was convinced I was in labor). He said to rest, drink plenty of fluids...and call Dr.G in the morning to fill him in on things. I called first thing that next morning (Wednesday), and he wanted to see me. When he did his exam, I was told that my cervix had shortened...but I was not dilated. Dr.G sent me to triage to be monitored for contractions. I was having contractions, but they were few and far between and only lasting for 10-20 seconds each. Nothing to write home about. SO, I received my first part of the steroid shot - and Dr.G told me that he thought the babies would be here within 7 days.
By the time I was discharged, and we arrived home... I thought that I would have to go back to the hospital. I was having more and more contractions. But they subsided...and I made it through the night. Thursday started out uneventful...we slept late, and then headed to the doctor (again) to get the second part of my shot. After getting the shot, we went and got dinner... and then headed home.
Thursday night was not a good night. I struggled for several hours with whether or not I should call the emergency room. I knew who was on call - and I didn't want that doctor to be the doctor to deliver... so I waited it out. I had contractions all night long, sometimes 15 minutes apart...sometimes an hour. So nothing that was really timeable. My back ached...and I was feeling horrible. I was awake the majority of Thursday night, well into Friday morning.
Funny thing, Thursday night - I had told Clif that I thought we should pack my hospital bag... but he said that we would do it the following afternoon. Friday morning, I decided for myself that we should go ahead and pack the bag before leaving for the doctors office...Mother's intuition I guess.
Again, upon waking (or rather just getting out of bed)... I called Dr.G's office and told his nurse what was up. I actually had an appointment with the specialist, Dr.D that morning...so they told me to let them know there and have them check me. We thought we were  going to be seeing the male, Dr.D (older doctor) - but ended up seeing the female, and very blunt Dr.D. Which we are so thankful for. We first had an ultrasound and were told that the babies looked really good...and all three were super active. I told the ultrasound tech about the contractions - and she said that the doctor would be in to do an exam.
Nope...Dr.D came in and announced that she wouldn't do a pelvic exam. She explained that since Dr.G had been doing the exams, she didn't want to miss something and think that there was no progression... or a lot, when there really wasn't. SO, she sent me back to triage to be examined by Dr.G, who just so happened to be the doctor on call that day. Yay!
When we arrived at labor and delivery, we were told that triage was full so they put me into a room. Which I was excited and nervous about all at the same time! I honestly think they had forgotten about me at one point, but FINALLY...the ball started rolling. They hooked me up to monitors and I was told that I was having 9 contractions every ten minutes. I was in full blown labor and had absolutely no clue. I mean... I was experiencing some discomfort... BUT... I would have never guessed that I was in labor.
Dr.G came in the room for my exam, and announced that I was 1cm dilated. Which was pretty big considering my *very* stubborn cervix. :) He told us that there were medications he could try to give me to stop labor, but with my contractions...and my progression over the last few days - that if he sent me home, I probably would be back in by that night. Reality kicked in at this point, and Dr.G told us that he advised going ahead with the csection...that day. He left to put me on the OR list...which took some time, because there were a few people ahead of me...AND not to mention that I would need two OR's.
Needless to say - much of the rest of that afternoon is a blur to me. Nurses were in and out of my room, preparing me for surgery. They started an IV and started pumping fluids through me like crazy...so I had to make a couple of trips to the bathroom :) They came in and gave me some anti nausea medicine (the same as I got before...yummy sour stuff!)...and told me that I was next on the list.
Dr.G came in a few times to keep us updated - and they let us know that the neonatologist that was on the floor would be coming to talk to us... preparing us for things ahead of us. Dr.P came in to meet us, and explain things that may or may not happen that afternoon. We talked about respiratory issues...along with about a million others. We asked him a ton of questions...and he said he'd see us later that afternoon.
Next in was the anesthesiologist. He left a lot to be desired. Definitely not like my very first experience with an anesthesiologist. :) But that's okay. I signed the consent forms...and they began rushing me around for surgery.
Poor Clif's nerves had been shot since Wednesday morning when our nurse, J, told us that Dr.G said if I was the least bit dilated, it was baby day! Needless to say, during the time we were in the room before surgery...Clif bladder went through a lot! Seriously, you would have thought that he was the one that was pregnant!
Oddly enough, during that whole time... I remained completely calm. I wasn't nervous about the surgery... I wasn't nervous about the babies being okay... I was calm. I had peace. I had prayed for this peace my whole entire pregnancy...and God granted it to me. I knew that this day, like any other, and our children were in His hands.
Clif and I got one last picture together, and then I was taken to the OR. Whew. One of two OR's reserved for my delivery. They explained that the first baby out would be taken to the second OR.
I walked in the doors of the operating room, and immediately saw Dr.G. Any nerves that I may have been feeling were gone. I knew that he would take care of me.
He was actually HILARIOUS... because he was walking around doing the NURSES jobs. He said that if he didn't help them with their jobs, that he would be pacing outside the door. :) I guess he was nervous too? He helped me up on the table... took my blood pressure, got out the doppler...found the babies heart rates...and then it was time for my spinal block. >.<
When I had my csection with Lilly, the spinal went smoothly. This time... not so much. The anesthesiologist started by sticking the needle in...telling me to arch my back. Really? He kept telling me to lean forward...lean forward...arch my back. I wanted to be like, "dude...have you SEEN the belly on the front of me? I only can "lean forward" so much!". Geez. Dr.G stood by my side the whole time...first just with his arm around my shoulder,rubbing my back...telling me that it would be okay. And by the time that the second needle poke on my spine didn't go correctly (did the needle bend?) and he had to ask the nurse for a new needle... I thought I was going to pass out. It hurt. BAD.  At this point, Dr.G was standing in front of me...arms around me, up on a stool...holding on to me, to be sure I didn't fall off the table from leaning forward so much. It was super sweet...while holding me on the table (did I mention that he was having to BRACE himself on the stool? Embarrassing)... he continued to talk to me...he knew it hurt, it would be okay...ect ect. He even rubbed my belly! :) FINALLY, they finished with the spinal... and laid me down.
Things went pretty fast from that point. The nurses put in my cath... and the anesthesiologist placed an oxygen mask over my mouth (saying it was for the babies). That's when I freaked out. I'm claustrophobic...bad. And I hate having ANYTHING placed over my face. I literally thought I was going to pass out. I couldn't breathe...which is funny if you think about it. I was really about to have a panic attack when a nurse came to my side. She had a mask, and scrub hat on her head. She leaned down and whispered my name and said how happy she was for me...asked how I was... ect. I was thrown off by her talking to me, and then she whispered..."it's me. It's Heather". Omg. She was in the OR with me during my first csection. She checked on me numerous times during my stay in the hospital during November 2009. She is part of the S.H.A.R.E group in our area, and she participated in the Share Walk To Remember that Clif and our family went to last year. She heard that we were there...and WANTED to be there. At least, that's what I gather. How awesome is that?
I started to calm down, but still had an overall sense of panic. And then I saw him...Clif. Go ahead, you can gag now. But as soon as he was by my side...holding my hand... I was okay. At least one of us was! Poor Clif was hysterical. When he saw me, he started tearing up. Seriously thought we were going to lose HIM! He actually thought he was going to have to send my mom into the OR to be with me.
When he sat down next to me - we immediately started talking about how we were feeling...and then I heard Dr.Garcia say something about my bladder being out. I'll never forget looking up at Clif and saying, "umm...have I already been cut open?" Before I could finish my sentence...I heard them say that Baby A was out, and gave the time of birth...and then I heard Eli scream for the first time. Clif and I both burst into tears...well, I burst into tears...Clif CONTINUED to cry...and then sobbed. :) It was a precious time for our little family. Things went FAST then. We were able to peak over the sheet and see each baby coming out (once, Clif looked too soon and saw Dr.G's arm shoved in my abdomen up to his ELBOW!). What a precious experience that we will NEVER forget.
Dr.G should seriously get a reward for record time triplet csection. From the time he cut me open (without me even knowing it) until the time he sewed me up...twenty one minutes. Wow!
Our triplets entered the world...

"Baby A" - Eli Zayne - @5:28pm - 4lbs.06oz - 16 3/4 inches
"Baby B" - Easton Layne - @5:29pm - 3lbs13oz - 15 3/4 inches
"Baby C" - Elliana Rayne - @5:30pm - 2lbs15oz - 15 inches

Clif left me in the OR and went with the babies to the neonatal intensive care. We had arranged for my mom to come into recovery with me. I think that the average time in recovery is 1-2 hours. I was there for 45 minutes ;) I came out of surgery just fine, though I was told later that I did lose a good amount of blood. Though, it wasn't to the point of needing a transfusion. Praise the Lord!
After what seemed like forever... I was wheeled to the 14th floor. NICU. I was taken in, and was introduced to my precious babies for the very first time in person. They were absolutely BEAUTIFUL. I couldn't help but cry. Ahh...thinking back on it now just gives me chill bumps!
After twelve hours, both boys were off of CPAP... and on room air. Elliana followed the day after. Doctors and nurses were shocked out the size of our 31 weekers...and at how well they did.
The only one that really had immediate problems was Eli. Apparently he came out screaming, and then stopped. They gave him a dose of surfactin for his lungs, and the following day - a dose of caffeine because of his heart rate dropping. But other than that, the babies did wonderfully.
Clif and I were/are so incredibly blessed with a wonderful staff that cared for both me (during and after my pregnancy), and for our children. Dr.G will never fully understand how thankful we are that God placed him in our lives. In our children's lives. All four of them (at one point, don't remember when...Dr.G did acknowledge that we have four children).
As for the NICU staff...we couldn't have been more pleased. They were ALL absolutely AMAZING. Of course...we did have our favorites... :) And they know who they are!
Another way we have been blessed is with a wonderful group of prayer warriors. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all the family, friends, and complete strangers that have prayed ( and continue to do so) for our children.
God is good...all the time...and we are living proof. He held our hearts through the biggest storm of our lives...and on January 4th, 2011 (actually if you want to be literal, December 23rd,2010)...he blessed us with not one, not two, but THREE rainbows.

Got Milk?

**warning** Breast feeding talk ahead - probably TMI... but I need to get on my soap box for a sec. :)
Okay, first I have to say that I feel so incredibly blessed that God allowed me to exclusively feed my three little one's for the last *almost* six weeks. Today was the first day that I had to supplement...and it killed me.
I know that six weeks is awesome, considering there are THREE babies to feed. BUT... I hate that I can't continue to provide it for them.
Don't get me wrong... I plan to continue nursing/pumping until there is nothing left to pump.
I have been searching for different things that I can do to help increase my breast milk supply. I think that a lot of the cause of decrease was/is, lack of rest/sleep...not eating like I should (as busy as we are - I forget to eat half of the time), and not pumping as much as I should. Which, pumping every two hours...? Please. Who has time for that? Especially when you not only have three babies, but when you're living out of a hotel for five weeks... and then having to stay at home and run back and forth to the hospital for a week. Hm. Not easy. So yeah, I've been having a bit of a pity party over the milk issue. :(
Good news is... I'm still trying! People have suggested fenugreek...which the lactation specialist said not to use because it can mess with the babies' blood sugar, and make them gassy. Also, been told about "Mother's Milk"... but haven't had a chance to track that down.
My friends friend suggested that I ask Dr.G for a script called, reglan. Well... I went for my follow up yesterday and mentioned that my supply had decreased significantly. He suggested reglan right away! Yay. And though it's nowhere close to what it was, I can already tell a difference in my supply.
Speaking of Dr.G and my follow up/post partum appointment. :) I had that yesterday, before I headed to pick Elliana up from the NICU. It was my first visit in his new office, and it actually left a little to be desired. Ha! The office is just really outdated, and I am not entirely sure if the office has been in use. It's sad and depressing compared to his old office. And though his nurse is super nice...SO not 'J'. I'm gonna miss everyone at the other office.
Everything with the appointment went well. Dr.G did my exam, and said that everything is healing wonderfully -  and he has lifted all restrictions. WHICH... I have to say, I definitely did not listen like I did following my first c-section. :) But still thankful that everything looks a-ok.
As I mentioned, he gave me a prescription for reglan. It's an anti nausea medicine that {for some reason} increases milk supply. Who woulda thought? Also on the menu at the pharmacy? BC. The first birth control that I've taken in...well, almost four years. I had started BC right before we got married, and was only on it for a few months before I decided to go off of it.
Dr.G did kind of freak me out a little bit - saying that I could get pregnant, even if I didn't have a period. Actually, he said that I'm more likely to ovulate if I don't pump {at least} every four hours. >.< I am a firm believer that God never gives you more than you can handle...I just think that I would absolutely lose my mind if the doctor told me, oh... by the way - you're pregnant. Whew...what a nightmare.
Oh, as I'm sure you all have gathered...Elliana is home, safe and sound :) Last night was her first night home with us, and though Clif and I didn't get to sleep together...we were able to sleep in shifts and get some rest. Thank God! :)
Well, it's 10 and the kids don't start their next round of feedings until 11:15, SO... I think Mommy is going to lay down and get a little nap. Yay!

coming home :)

Going to my post partum appointment at Dr.G's office...then going to pick up my baby girl!!

this week...

Talk about a busy week ahead of us!! I figured that I had better post about it now...just in case I don't have time to post later on in the week! :)
First off, if everything goes well...Elliana should be coming home this week. Possibly even Tuesday! Right now, the only things that she has to do is keep taking bottles & keep from having any spells! Her spell countdown will be over on Tuesday...she passed her carseat study last night - AND her feeding tube is out (she decided she didn't need it anymore and yanked it out for herself!). She has been doing wonderfully on her bottles... which is a huge improvement from just a few days ago! :) We are so excited for our little girl to come home to us!
So...tomorrow is pretty normal, just going to the hospital to visit Elliana...and taking care of the boys at home.
Tuesday morning, I have my 6 week post partum appointment with Dr.G (at his new office). That's at 9:15am, so if Elliana comes home - I will be going to my appointment and then going to pick her up from the hosptial. :)
Wednesday morning, Clif is staying home with Eli while I venture out to take Easton for his carseat study. Fun stuff! If everything goes as expected, and Elliana comes home on Tuesday... looks like I will be taking them BOTH to the doctor. Whew.
:) We are overwhelmed at how blessed we are. Cannot believe that my pregnancy is over, THREE babies are here safe and healthy... and that by the end of this week... I should have all three of them home with me!
God has blessed us SO much...

Elliana's Heart...again.

I feel as if my sweet baby girl has all odds working against her. But she's a fighter!! We received a call from the cardiologist yesterday, explaining to us that Elliana still has a PDA (heart murmur). From what we can gather (it's hard understanding all the medical terms), her PDA was so large that the clip just couldn't hold it together and close.
Yep, that's right... we were told that Elliana is included in the 1% of PDA Ligation surgeries that do not work. The cardiologist that Clif spoke with yesterday said that he had never seen it in the ten years he has been performing the surgery, and the surgeon that performed Elliana's surgery said it's 1 in 100. Wow.
Praise the Lord though, because though the PDA is still there... and the hole is still very much open, it is now considered "small to moderate" where as before it was "moderate to large". From what we gathered before her surgery, it was a very large murmur.
Easton's murmur was also considered "small to moderate" before his round of medication, then it went to "tiny". Before he was discharged on Saturday, we were told that his echo came back "normal". So... there IS hope.
As of now, the plan of attack is nothing. Really, just waiting and keeping an eye one her. Monitoring her breathing (watching for the labored breathing like before her surgery), and her amount of spells. The cardiologist told us that they were not considering surgery, or any more medication because Elliana is not symptomatic. ALSO, the nurse practitioner told Clif today that she would call Elliana's PDA "restrictive"...meaning that the hole is trying to close. :)
The only plan as of now, other than just watching her to see how she handles it all - is performing another echo before she is discharged, and setting up a follow up appointment with the cardiologist three weeks from now.
We were also told today that Elliana is on her "spell countdown". She has not had a spell since the 15th, and if it stays that way - and she increases her bottle feedings... we are looking at bringing her home on the 23rd. If she continues to have spells, the nurse practitioner told us that it is a possibility that she may come home on a heart monitor. Whatever it takes to bring my baby girl home where she belongs. :)
We continue to praise God for the things that He has done, and is continuing to do in our children's lives. He hasn't given us more than we can handle, and we don't look for Him to start now!!
Thank you in advance for your continued prayers for our baby girl. Please pray that this PDA might very well be trying to close itself, and that when she has her follow up PDA before discharge - that it may already be closed. <3

there's no place like HOME

And that's where we (Clif and I) have been since Friday night! :) It's weird being back in house, but a nice weird, definitely.
Easton has been home with us since Saturday afternoon, so two...going on three nights with Mommy and Daddy. The first night (Saturday) went a lot smoother than I thought that it would. Clif and I slept in shifts...me sleeping through the first half of the night and Clif taking care of him, and then Clif sleeping the latter part of the night and into the morning. Thank God for a wonderful husband who allowed me to catch about four hours of sleep Sunday morning, into the afternoon! I wouldn't have been able to function if he hadn't have.
Last night (Sunday) was a little more challenging. Clif hadn't slept but a few hours over a twenty four hour period...so he was extremely tired. As was I. We decided trying to sleep, both of us at the same time - with Easton in a crib by our bed. It worked out pretty well, except I seemed to be the only one getting up with him. Apparently Clif was sleeping really well. >.< I got up for the 2:15 feeding, took his temperature (he wasn't quite warm enough so I had to undress him and add another layer, then dress him again), change his diaper, and feed him his bottle. I then put him in the cradle, and pumped for twenty minutes. By the time all was said and done, my 2:15 feeding didn't end until 3:45. I was able to get Easton back into the crib in our room, and myself back in bed by 4. The alarm (Easton AND the actual alarm) went off around 5:30...and I had thought that Clif was going to get up with him. Well...we both ended up getting up. And I've been up ever since. *sigh* I feel decent, but I'm wearing down...fast.
Currently I am the only person in the house that isn't snoozing. Mom & Clif are taking naps, and so are the boys! I feel very left out... and very sleep deprived!
Clif, my mom, and his mom headed to the hospital at 7:30 this morning to pick up Eli - and were back sometime after ten. :) It's so nice to have both of my boys home, and I am anxiously awaiting my little girl being able to come home too! Eli actually passed his second car seat study, so he was able to come home in a big boy car seat! :) Everything went well, and he is beginning to adjust.
Yesterday was a rough one, emotionally. It was hard knowing that I had to stay at home and take care of Easton - but also knowing that I had two more little ones at the hospital. I wanted to visit them so badly, and had planned on getting to the hospital around 2:30... I didn't end up getting there until 4:15, and was only able to stay an hour or so before having to come back to be with Clif and Easton.
Yesterday seemed to be a good day for Elliana. Apparently, a light bulb went off in that precious little head of hers - and she started taking her bottles MUCH better than she has in the past. She finished two whole ones, and then the most of several others. When I left, she hadn't had any "spells" all day, reflux related - or other. But they said as soon as I left, she had a pretty bad one. Talking with the nurse this morning, seems like it was more than likely related to reflux. *sigh* AND she has had two today. SO...we're looking at a minimum of eight more days before she can come home. I'm praying big, but I'm thinking that she might even be there longer than that! I just want her well, and home with me, her daddy, and brothers. It's so hard being away from her.
With today being our first day with the two boys home, I won't get the chance to go and see Elliana. And to be honest, it's eating at me pretty good. :( I miss her so much... and hate that I am not able to spend quality time with her, like I want.
I'm not going to lie... though I've only been doing the whole "two babies at home" thing for a few hours - I know that it's NOT going to be easy. :( Clif went to take a nap, and I had to wake him up within an hour because the boys woke up an hour early fussing because they were hungry. And yes, hungry is the only thing that I can figure because they both ate - and are now sound asleep.
Tomorrow is their doctor's appointments...I'm excited. And nervous - only because I'm not super excited about taking them out in the car. Whew... though, I know that God will give us strength...not to mention hold our hands all of the way!
I'm happy to announce that though I don't know exactly how much - I have lost a LOT of my pregnancy weight! My tummy (though flabby) is just about flat again! So nice, considering I was asked several times during my first week of postpartum, "Awww when is your baby due?" Yeah. Not so pleasant.
I'm not sure when I will head back to the doctor... Dr.G is moving offices, and is not taking appointments yet. But health wise, I'm doing just fine. :)
Clif and I have been incredibly blessed... and if you hear me complain too much (or read about it), please remind me of just how blessed I am!
One more thing, and I will close for now...not because I want to, BUT...I need to pump (story of my life). My milk supply has decreased significantly. Does any one have any suggestions on how to get it back up? The babies are catching up with me and my supply...and it makes me sad! I want for nothing more than to be able to continue to supply milk for my little blessings... but it's getting harder! If I did have to switch to formula...I could honestly say that I gave it my best "go"...and did as much as I could. Right now our deep freezer is full of bottles of milk...and so is the freezer at the hospital. :) So yes, suggestions please!!!

a stressful kind of day.

I hate to sound like a broken record, but...whew! What a day! :) Little Sir Easton is supposed to come home today. We've been here (at the hospital) since 7:45am...and we are still waiting.
This morning was a stressful one, that's for sure! We arrived just in time to do Elliana's care time (temp,diaper & feeding). So, I got on it right away. Today was picture day for all three of them too, so I went ahead and dressed her in her new outfit and pretty pink bow (LOVE it). After feeding her, I moved on to Easton. We knew that there was much to accomplish this morning, and as I was getting ready to move to Eli, in walks to the picture lady. She announced that she had a very busy schedule...and that we would have to take them to a different room, since there are three of them. Fun stuff. SO...our nurse said that she could feed Eli so that we could take the other two to start their pictures.
As we were getting ready to put Easton's picture outfit on, in walks the lady to do his echo (they wanted to do a follow up to make sure that everything looked "ok" before sending him home. If his PDA/murmur is still open he will have to have a follow up appointment with the cardiologist. We didn't want to hold the echo up, because we have to wait for the results before he can be discharged...so they started with him, and I started feeding Eli.
We finished up and wheeled Elliana & Eli down the hall to start their pictures. Needless to say, I wasn't impressed with the photographer. I didn't like her handling my babies... and I just, well... actually, I just all around didn't care for her.
After Easton's echo was finished our nurse brought him into the room...and we got a move on with the pictures. We got a lot of cute ones... but it stressed the babies out (well, all but Easton...he stayed asleep the whole time).Ha! Eli & Elliana had both just finished eating, and decided to spit up a few times... which scared Daddy, I think. He was ready to get them back to the nursery so that they could be plugged back up to their monitors. :)
We finished up with the actual picture taking in no time, and Clif wheeled the kids back to the nursery. Right after they hooked Elliana up to her monitor, she had another "spell"...and then threw up. Reflux. :( I'm really praying that she will grow out of this quickly.
The experience with the photographer after all of that was horrible. BUT...we got it done, that's what's important. Well, that... and my order being correct when it's delivered next week >.<
So that's our day so far. Currently, Easton is in the middle of his car bed study...which, we don't have high hopes for. Not only does he have to keep his heart rate up - he also has to keep his oxygen levels up...which he is struggling with. We are praying that he will pass and be able to come home with us this evening, BUT, if he fails...he will have to stay here until Monday at the least. *sigh* All in God's timing...and His will be done :)
Thank you all for your continued prayers for our babies! :) We so appreciate them. If you don't mind, please remember to lift Elliana up in your prayers concerning her reflux related spells. Please pray that she would be able to tolerate the food...and that she will be home with us soon, too! <3

together again...and homeward bound.

Yesterday, Elliana got her first bath... and her brothers were able to come and visit her afterwards! :) What a precious time to have all three of my babies together again! They really enjoyed it!
On the news front (which I'm going to make quick because I am going back to sleep for a while... just up for pumping!)...we were told yesterday that Easton is on his "spell countdown", and so is Eli. Just so happens that Easton's spell countdown is over on Saturday. Yes, as in tomorrow. And Eli's is over on Monday. Oh.my.goodness. :) SO... as long as Easton & Eli behave themselves...they will be coming home in the next few days. >.< We are looking to have Easton discharged Saturday morning, and then back to the doctor on Monday morning! I can't believe the day of taking a baby home are finally arriving.
Sweet little Elliana is still behind her brothers. She is catching them in weight, but she's a lazy NICU baby...and doesn't want to take her bottles. SO, as soon as she can catch up with the bottle feeding...and get rid of this reflux which is causing spells...she will be home too! I really am hoping that it will only be a week or two past her brothers coming home.
It's going to be so stressful trying to take shifts going to the hospital when the two boys are home. But it has to be done. My heart already aches as I think about leaving her behind on Monday morning. *sigh*
Saturday morning, the babies will get their official hospital pictures! YAY! :) We are so looking forward to their first real photo shoot...not looking forward to the money spent ;)
This has been a dream of mine for a long time...bringing a baby home, I mean. And it's been a long time coming. I know that Lilly is up there smiling down on us :)
And what better day for her little brother to come home, but the thirteenth. <3

:) 3 E's

Our babies are doing wonderfully. Actually, I can't believe how well they are doing. :) It makes me smile, and continually reminds me of how I should constantly be down on my knees thanking God for the three precious blessings he blessed us with *almost* four weeks ago. Whew... I can't believe they are twenty seven days old!
Okay, let me give you a quick update on everyone...

~Eli Zayne~
Eli is doing great, and is one step ahead of his brother and sister. Though his brother is bigger than he is - Eli has been consistent in weight gain, eating, and staying warm in his open crib. :) Such a big boy. He weighs four pounds, nine ounces now! He passed his hearing screening last week, and yesterday he was circumcised. Eek! He actually handled it rather well. Minimal crying, and a lot of grunting. The bad part was changing his diaper a little later in the day :( They tried doing a car seat study on him last week - but he decided to let them know (real quick, mind you) that he was too little. He had a spell within five minutes. So that's really all that he has left to do...he's in an open crib, he is maintaining his temperature...he has no feeding tube, he's taking all of his feeds... so that's about it, other than growing out of the "spells" that preemies are famous for.

~Easton Layne~
Easton is doing wonderful! Though he had his minor set back last week with his PDA, and had to go back into an open crib...and stop eating..., he has bounced back just fine. He is taking most of his bottles, but still has his feeding tube for lazy days when he doesn't want to finish his minimum of 35ml. The medicine for the PDA worked, apparently. His PDA went from "small to moderate" to "tiny" after the first round of medication. The other day we were told by the nurse practitioner that she could still hear the murmur, but it was not large. They are still hoping that it will close on it's own. Easton also got the little "snip snip" yesterday - but unfortunately didn't take it as well as his brother. Clif and I both were almost in tears due to him screaming at the top of his lungs. I was heart broken. BUT...all went well, and other than diaper changes he is fine. Easton was finally able to go back into an open crib the night before last - and has been maintaining his temperature perfectly! OH! And Easton is our big boy, weighing in at four pounds, thirteen ounces!

~Elliana Rayne~
Considering everything she has been through these past few weeks, Elliana is doing tremendously well. She's one tough cookie, that's for sure. After her surgery, she has bounced right back - full swing. She is now over four pounds, four pounds one ounce that is. :) She is up to full feeds too... now if she would just take her full feed, or even half, from her bottle. She is an all around NICU baby...SOoooooo lazy. :) She'll get there. Our only "concern" with Elliana as of now is that she is experiencing reflux. :( It wouldn't be so bad - but it's causing her to drop her heart rate. She continues to do well, and pull herself out of most of the spells... but it's still scary! The nurses tell me that she should grow out of this, and I am SO praying that she does! Elliana didn't have to get the big "snip" (of course...she was telling her brothers, "I am glad I don't have one of THOSE")... but she had a big day yesterday, too! She started her day with an eye exam. The doctor had to numb her eyes, and clamp them open. Can you guess why we didn't go to the hospital until after that was over? She has a follow up in three weeks...but the doctor did not see or anticipate anything being wrong :) She also passed her hearing screening yesterday afternoon! We are so proud.

Clif and I couldn't be happier with how well our babies are doing!

three weeks :)

I feel like I don't have time to think, let alone write a blog post (or even pee for that matter). Having one baby in NICU is hectic, I am sure... but having THREE? Absolutely insane.
I've been nursing Eli for a little over a week now (I think), so we try to be at the hospital as much as possible so that he can get used to nursing! :) I've nursed Easton before, but since he had to go on the medication for his PDA, I haven't been able to nurse him - because he had to start over with his feeds. BUT he is back up to full feeds so I can start nursing him again tomorrow. YAY! Little sister is almost to full feeds...and I will be able to start nursing her soon too!
Babies are doing wonderful. Eli has been in an open crib for several days now, and has been maintaining his temp! He also got his very first bath this past Friday :) He loved it.
Elliana moved to an open crib last night, and had her picc line removed this afternoon. Easton had his IV taken out either last night or this morning, and is trying his best to keep his temp up so that he can move back to HIS open crib. All three babies are considered to be doing "perfect" by the doctors and nurse practitioners. :) It makes me feel SOOOOO good.
Their weights as of last night are:

Eli - 4lb8oz
Easton - 4lb10oz
Elliana - 4lb0.2oz

LOVE them <3

We're still here...

:) Just wanted to say that we are still alive! Things have been hectic, but continue to go well.
Thanks for all the prayers for our precious little Easton. The first round of medication seemed to do the trick, and his PDA (murmur) shrunk. They first ruled it "small to moderate"... and when he was looked at again yesterday, they said that it's considered "tiny". We are praying that it might not cause any issues in the coming days - and that God may just close it completely! Elliana says that she's praying too... because she doesn't want anyone to take attention away from her! I tell Clif that she is going to use the whole, "I had heart surgery when I was 3 pounds and NOT EVEN two weeks old" card a LOT in her future. Ha!
Thank you for your continued prayers for me,Clif, and most importantly our babies! <3 Check out facebook (Desiree Joy Smith) for pictures!!

Short & Sweet...

Busy busy busy... I feel as if all we have been doing is running around here lately!

Saturday, Easton was able to move to an open crib - and was followed by Eli yesterday! :) Such big boys! Elliana continues to do well since her surgery, her respiratory rate has been up and down - but they are saying that it's due to left over fluids AND the fact that she had to work so hard for so long to breathe. They started feeding Elliana again on Saturday (PTL!), and yesterday while we were at church...she took her first bottle! And drank it ALL (tho...she still only gets a VERY small amount). She managed to take another bottle during the night, and the nurse told us that she really wanted more after she had finished! :( That breaks Mommy's heart. She probably will not go up on her feeds for a few days yet.

Please say a prayer for little Easton. We were told a week an a half (?) ago that both Easton AND Elliana had heart murmurs. Easton's was small - and they said that more than likely it would close over time. We were also told that unless he started showing symptoms from the PDA (murmur), that they would not do another echo. Well, this morning we went in - and they heard the PDA again during his morning assessment. SO, they have an echo ordered for today. They don't seem to overly concerned. The nurse said that it's not loud enough to cause worry, but they just want to take a look at it. The "good" thing is that Easton has not been treated with the medication - so, if it gets to that point we are praying that the medicine might close it and that he will not have to go through the same surgery as Miss Elliana. :) We are trusting God with this situation, along with all others.

Another thing on the news front... the boys have begun nursing! Easton get's very frustrated...and normally ends up screaming, and being given his bottle (which by the time he gets to the bottle... he is so tired from screaming, it gets poured down his feeding tube!). Eli on the other hand is a Mommy's Milk Man. He nursed on and off for almost thirty minutes yesterday evening. They didn't even give him anything else down his tube because he nursed for so long, AND I'm producing a TON of milk. Not even kidding... I pump on average, nine ounces in less than 15 minutes. Yes, I'm a cow. I can't wait to see how Elliana will do once she gets to that point! <3

Well, that's all for now... we are headed back in to do the care times with the kids! God bless you all, and thank you for your continued prayer!