Sunday, September 25, 2011

life with three.

Life with three is...hectic. For the most part, I enjoy it more than I can express. Then other times it's completely overwhelming and I find myself wondering if life will ever be "normal" again.


But that's okay. Clif and I have longed for this life for a long time now. Longer than I'd like to dwell on. It took us a long time to get to this point in our lives, a long time... and lots of bumps along the way.
I always wondered how it would be...having more children after losing Lilly. And it has proven to be...well, odd. But I guess deep down, I expected that. There still is not a single day that goes by that I don't think of our precious {first born} baby girl. If it wasn't for her...I don't think that we would be at this point in our lives. *sigh* I am overwhelmed at how much a little girl that I never got the chance to know {outside of my belly} continues to impact my every day life.
Having triplets attracts a lot of attention. Naturally. :) But along with attention comes many awkward situations...and questions.
This week, I found myself caught in the middle of one of the above mentioned situations. One that went like this..."Oh, triplets! Do you have any other children at home?" (no... it's not "good". Yes, we have a "ready made family"...but that doesn't take the sting away when people say things such as, 'oh what a blessing that you don't have any other children!' Please. I am content with three, but there isn't a day that goes by that I wouldn't give my own life (or anything else for that matter) to have all FOUR of the children that God blessed us with here with us, on earth.
That's another thing. Since finding out I was pregnant (and then finding out twins...then triplets), people have acted as if the triplets are a "fix" to our "problem". Like, all the sudden our grief and pain over losing Lilly would just evaporate into thin air. Some days it makes it easier to bare...and other days it just makes it worse.
As November draws heart begins to ache a little more. I find myself wondering what she would have been like, what about looks? Would she still look like me...or would she have looked like Clif by now? Would her hair be brown? What about all the milestones that parents take for granted??? All the milestones we missed. Her first smile, her first word...starting to crawl...taking her first step...
Whew. Talk about an overwhelming feeling. All the things that I missed with the child we never knew.
It's okay :) I'm not losing it... I promise. Maybe a bit hormonal? A very good possibility. Dr.G gave me a new type of birth control that has been wreaking havoc on my post partum body. Bleh. Last night... I actually felt....well, pregnant! Ha... not exactly a feeling that I want to feel after having just been pregnant with TRIPLETS! Luckly, Dr.G didn't give me any refills, so I am just going to call him up in a week or so and ask to be switched. I heard there are a few types of birth controls out there that can help with the symptoms of considering just asking him for a specific kind!
Speaking of doctors, Clif is taking two out of three babies to the doctor in the morning. >.< Elliana and Eli have been hoarse for about twenty four hours now...and though we have called a few different times, because of them being preemies...and having had respiratory issues...we don't want to mess around with it. I'm trusting that everything will pan out, and that it will in fact just be a "cold" like they think.
OH! And they went for their two month appointment this past week. It went wonderful! Though it will be kind of backwards, I think I'll do a post about that next :) God bless!


That corgi :) said...

first of all, love your new blog design! Very nicely done!

Second of all, like I said on FB, good that you are going into the doctor (well Clif that is) with Elliana And Eli. Like I said, if it is only for peace of mind, then it was good to go in. That was one of the biggest things I struggled with our kids, when they should be seen or not, especially at this young age like yours. When they get older and can verbalize more, then it will be easier.

I can't relate specifically to your situation with having lost Lilly and then having the triplets and people thinking your "problem" was solved because I know the grief of Lilly's loss will always be with you with "what ifs, what will she be like, etc". But I do know there will always be that sense of loss and grief. My two are adopted and they were wonderful gifts from God, but there was still that sadness of not being pregnant, etc. So in a little way, I do understand and I think every Novemember and every day will bring those wonderings on your part.

will continue to pray for you all, for all your needs to be met by God, spiritual, emotional, physical, etc.


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