Friday, February 26, 2010

Loss...

Almost four months. I can't believe it. I can't wrap my mind around it. It's been almost four months since we lost our little girl. I accept it, but I still don't like it. And still, there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. It's been almost four months since I heard the words that turned my life upside down.....NO HEARTBEAT.
Yesterday, friends of ours heard those same words. No heartbeat. Though, she was still in her first trimester, but it's still heartbreaking. I know exactly what she's going through and then some. And still, I'm not sure of what to say. She is in surgery as I type, and I am heartbroken for her and her husband.
When we received the news last night, I didn't know what to say. Didn't know what to do. I didn't expect for it to feel like it did. And please know that I am not making this about me, or Clif. But hearing of their heartache brought memories (still fresh) flooding back. It hit Clif hard. I mean, real hard. He was so devastated for their loss. To know exactly what someone is going through... I think it's worse than NOT knowing how it feels.
I'm at a loss as to what to do for her. What to say. I'm headed to Hallmark to get them a card, and a Willow Tree Remembrance Angel...but that's not near enough.
I know that some people would brush this off, she was early on...it's not that big of a deal. But that was HER baby, her baby that she'll never meet...never hold...never. I mean, at least I held my daughter. I'm not sure what is worse.
Needless to say, I'm walking around with a VERY VERY VERY heavy heart.
I know that this is a horrible situation, and with Lillian's death still fresh on my heart it's going to be hard to have the words to say to our friends. BUT, I am praying that God may use Clif and me in a very mighty way. That He may use us to help our friends during their grief process...

4 comments:

Trennia said...

I said a prayer for your friends...it is hard both ways.To have held your child and not to have have held your child.I miscarried twins in July 2001 alittle over 13 weeks along...and then we loss Emily.Both hurt so bad, not knowing if our twins where boys,girls, one of each in which that what we choose to believe one of each and we named them Hunter and Heather.I think with Emily holding her,watching her take her last breath in my husbands and my arms was devastating.I don't know, but a loss of a baby or child hurts beyond words.I pray God will feel you with the right words of comfort my friend, as He did me, see Emily passed away in May 2008 and my friends 2 year old son passed away in Nov. 2008, God feeled me with words of comfort and gave me the peace I needed to attend another child's funeral, to be strong for another grieving mother and to Him I am thankful.(((HUGS)))...ps my step daughter miscarried sept.2008 and God was so gracious to give me words to speak and He gave me the encouragment I needed to encourage other hurting mommy's...He do the same for you my friend.

Em said...

{{{hugs}}}

croleyc69 said...

I so agree loss is so hard either way. I never got to see my babies and sometimes I wish I had. I know it is tough either way. I think that the day I go to heaven it will be great to get to see them there. I know my first one was a little boy but Mommy thinks of both of them so much. I have been having a tough time with it lately but God is there and will be always to carry us through. I'm praying for your friend tonite and for Cliff and you to. I know that I'm a stronger person today but sometimes I don't always feel like it.
{{HUGS}}
Caroline

Carrie said...

I have been up all night unable to sleep just thinking about my precious baby. I decided to read your blog from the beginning and my heart just breaks over your precious Lillian. Then I read this post. Thank you for giving her the willow tree remembrance angel for this same person gave me one as well and it was such a comfort to me...a memorial of sorts.

You are such a strong woman desiree--I don't know how you made it through. I only had my little bean for a month and a half and my world just seems upside down. I am so thankful that God blessed you with three precious healthy babies.

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