my life these days...

It's been a little crazy the last week or so. I have been on an emotional overload...which hasn't helped, I am sure.
Everything is just starting to pile up. Work back in full swing, still dealing with the whole grieving process, trying to live this new life...working daily on keeping the faith, trying my hardest to keep a good attitude towards other people. All this and trying to keep my hormones as leveled as possible, because we are trying to conceive. Geez...
This past weekend really wasn't a good one for us. Emotionally, and not just because of Lilly...but just as a couple, things were rough. Which made for a really long, stressful weekend. When things are good, they are great...but when one thing goes wrong, it all goes to poop.
Church wasn't great yesterday morning either...to add to my overly emotional state. I'd been crying pretty much all weekend, and then had to face babies and toddlers once again. Hearing them behind me, sucking sounds...seeing them...hearing them calling for "mommy"...things that I'll never hear Lilly do. It really just wasn't a good day at all.
On the up side of things, I'm really working on getting my body back to where it needs to be. I don't really care if I lose down to my goal weight before getting pregnant again, because I'm just going to pack the pounds right back on. But I am pleased about the fact that after I lose 3 more pounds, I will be back down to the weight I was when I became preggo with Lilly Bean. ha! I just wish that the weight was as proportioned the same way it was before. Oh well. I'd like to lose about 30-40 more pounds, BUT, I would be more than happy not to lose anymore for a while. Or at least 10 months. =) Not getting my hopes up, but praying praying and praying some more that God may bless us with another child. Back to the doctor in about three weeks or so, looking forward to that...and kind of dreading it at the same time.