Thursday, February 18, 2010

To: Lilly, From: Mommy

Dear Lilly Bean,
Even though I try my hardest, I can't believe it's been THREE whole months since I held you in my arms...three months since Daddy and I said goodbye to you, three months since Daddy carried you to your {body's} resting place. But I know that you aren't there, Lilly... I know that you are in Heaven with Jesus. And that's the one and only comfort that I have in this world, in this life without you.
Baby girl, some days... I don't think that I can go on. I don't think I WANT to go on without you. But I do... I've got your Daddy, and he has been SO strong for me. He misses you though... more than anyone could ever understand.
We still talk about you all the time...still miss you, still cry for you. Sometimes,my body even tricks me into thinking that I feel you wiggling around. Those times are hardest for me. I miss you so much much that it hurts. Constantly.
I think I put on a pretty good smile most days, and I'm doing okay...really I am. But I will never get over you. Ever. A lot of people expect me to I think, but I can't...I won't. I love you too much to just let it go, let YOU go. Yes, Daddy and I are moving on with our lives... but we are moving on with you your memory in it, you are part of our lives.
We'll always consider you our daughter, and our first born. I am a mommy...and I have a daughter...she is just in Heaven. You are just in Heaven. And you will FOREVER hold a place in my heart, in Daddy's too.
I love you Lillian Joy Smith, with all of my heart. I'll never forget you, and always miss you. Forever Baby Girl. Mommy and Daddy will meet you on the other side...



Trennia said...

People may want or even tell you to move on and is what I say, I am moving on, I'm living but see all in a different way.My child is not here and I miss her, yes I'm going on with life,but it's a new way, a way I didn't want nor choose so if you don't like my so called new life then you don't have to be apart of it!
(((HUGS))) my friend...

croleyc69 said...

What a beautiful letter and I can just feel the love. It's hard to go on and it doesn't go away it is always there. I know that sometimes I think of my 2 angels and wonder what they would look like or sometimes I wonder how things would be if we were all together. Those extra footsteps that should be in our home. It is a new way of life and I agree with what Trennia said if you don't like our new life than don't be a part of it.
Prayers and {{HUGS}}

Holly said...

Your letter to your daughter is so sweet and beautiful.

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