Sunday, February 7, 2010

broken heart...

My heart hurts. Actually...it really hurts. And not just for the normal everyday reasons, not really anyways.
Yes, it hurts because I am continually missing my daughter. But today it hurts even more so than normal. And I'm not entirely sure as to why. I do know that some of my pain and sadness comes from this morning. My dad has pictures on his cell phone from the hospital, pictures of Lilly...and all of us holding her...crying. Well, he mentioned the other day about how he wanted to get them off of his phone in case something were to happen. Ha! My dad isn't the best with computers, so he asked me to take care of it for him. So I had to deal with that this morning. Looking at those pictures as I uploaded them to the computer and such. It was just hard on me... not that I don't love looking at pictures of her - because I do! It was just weird today.
And then there is some hurt that I am not able to voice on my blog, just for personal reasons. But I am really struggling with this area. I don't know what to do or say, or how to fix the situation. I don't know how to voice my opinion without it ending in argument and more hurt. So what do I do? I've been praying, but don't have clear answers yet. Maybe I am thinking too hard? Maybe it isn't that big of a deal? But it is to me!! It means so much to me, and the person on the other end of this situation knows how I feel about the subject, yet...it's almost as if it doesn't matter. As if I am invisible in this...as if I don't really matter.
*sigh* so yeah, my heart is heavy...please pray that this too will pass. That this issue will be resolved...not necessarily to my favor, or his...err theirs...but that it will be God's will that will have the final say.
On the bright side of things, Clif bought me a new car this week. Well, not new...but new to me! It's a 2008 Dodge Avenger. It's beautiful!!! :-) I'll have to post a picture of it when the snow clears...haha it's white..and well, just kinda blends into our driveway.
God bless you all, and I pray that you all have a wonderful weekend...and a great work week.

"Sometimes miracles arrive so tiny that we cannot feel the weight of them - and yet we are still changed, and we are blessed none the less."

4 comments:

Trennia said...

(((HUGS)))
Just got home from my inlaws just alittle while ago and read your posting.Thiniking about ya & praying for you too.You've been heavy on my hear this weekend for some reason,but I've been praying.

croleyc69 said...

Praying for you so much.
Caroline

Em said...

I hope everything works out and that you can be happy again.

Holly said...

Saying some prayers!

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