Tuesday, February 2, 2010

this and that...

so i haven't blogged for a few days... been sick as a dog! Sunday night I didn't sleep a wink, tossing and turning with an upset tummy. My hubby got up Monday morning for work, and within ten minutes of him being awake, he was throwing up. Didn't really think much of it, cuz he has acid reflux.
I went to work, and within an hour I was throwing up. :-( I haven't thrown up for almost three years!!!! How sad to break that ongoing record! ...so that's where I have been.
Clif had to go to the ER actually, he was so dehydrated..and his pulse was in the 130s, and BP was really really low. So the dr at the urgent care told him that he needed to go. So my mommy came to sit with me, and my dad went to the ER with Clif. Still feel like we are little kids. =)
On the brighter side of things, after almost three months, Lilly's headstone is FINALLY in!! *sigh* I can't even begin to tell you how hard it is to type those words. I mean, most parents are getting pictures taken, or taking their babies to the doctors...or just talking about every day life with their children, and we're talking about her headstone. A big chunk of rock that marks the day that she was born, and the day she died. The day we never witnessed her breathe, the day we held an "empty" body. I haven't seen it in person, but we had it custom made so it should be beautiful! I"m sure it doesn't do her justice though.
Of course, we have to wait for all of the snow and ice to go away, and for the ground to soften so it can be installed. The owner told us that it would only be 6-8 weeks before it would be in and installed, that was on Nov. 18th...the day after her funeral. And we have still yet to have it done. I honestly think that the man forgot to order it. Which has been really hard for me to swallow, considering he told me that he was going to push to have it in for me by Christmas.
Anyways...it's in. I can't wait to see it. I know she isn't there...I know that she is with her Jesus... but I take comfort in knowing that there is a place for me to go where people recognize my sweet Lilly as a human being. It recognizes that she did exist, that she was our daughter...and that she is gone.
I have my good days, and my bad days...and there have been several bad days lately. It's so hard being around all of my friends who have babies...who have hope and a future for their children, and all we have is a few pictures...and fading memories. God is good, and He is sufficient... it just... it hurts. Especially lately.
We miss you Lilly Bean...forever.

6 comments:

Holly said...

We were told 6-8 wks too and it took a lot longer. Carleigh was born the end of March and it was July (I think!) before it was finally up. It was nice to have it there instead of it just being an empty space. When most parents tend to their actual children, all we can do is tend their graves.

I hope you and Clif feel better!

Trennia said...

I understand my friend...(((HUGS)))
hope you both get over the stomach flu.

croleyc69 said...

Praying that you are both feeling better. Also praying for you both. Sending you some {{HUGS}}
Caroline

Em said...

I hope you and your DH get feeling better soon.

I am sorry you are hurting and missing your Lilly. I'll bet her headstone is beautiful. {{{hugs}}}

klarsen said...

So sorry Desiree, but glad her headstone is in. It is so hard to watch others go on, cherishing their babies and fulfilling those dreams. I am right there with you. Hugs and prayers to you with love. His grace is sufficient. But it does still hurt.

Arander said...

Dear Des,
It would be wrong of me to say I understand your pain, so I won't. But I know that you are one of the strongest women I know. I'm sure Lilly's headstone is beautiful! I'm sending you hugs and love right now!

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