Saturday, January 2, 2010

the beginning...

This is a story about my journey to motherhood. My husband (Clif) and I found out on March 5th, 2009 that we were going to be parents. Some five months later we were told that we were going to have a daughter, a baby girl. And we named her that very day... Lillian Joy Smith. She was due November 9th. She was "born" on November 13th,2009.
Lilly was "stillborn". This is her story...

So,Clif and I married in June of 2007. In April of 2008, when it was time for me to go for my yearly doctors appointment, we decided that we thought it was time to have a baby. Though we hadn't been married for long, a baby had been a desire of both of our hearts for quite some time.
We tried to conceive from April until September with no luck. So finally a friend suggested a doctor to me, and I made an appointment to see what could be done about speeding up the process. As soon as I met the doctor, I absolutely loved him. I knew from the get go, that he really did care about my best interest... and that he would do everything in his power to help me fulfill our dream. So, after my first appointment, Dr.G decided to put me on Clomid, a fertility drug.
I was on this medication October through January. Clif and I conceived our first child in February 2009. I can't even begin to express the joy that filled our hearts the night that we had our first positive pregnancy test.
Clif had been at school, I had been at church. We were leaving for our week long vacation in Texas the next afternoon. He got out of school early that night and arrived at our house about the same time as I did.I had been to the doctor that day, and they had drawn blood so that if the test came back negative, I could get my next round of medications before we left for Texas.
As we were packing some last minute things for our trip, I decided to take a left over pregnancy test...just for kicks. As long as I live, I will never forget the moment that I picked up the pregnancy test after waiting the few minutes you're supposed to. I caught Clif's eyes in the mirror, and at that moment we both knew that in less than nine months, we were going to be "mommy and daddy". Little did we know what God had in store for us.
When I talked to my nurse the next day, she confirmed what we already knew. I was pregnant. Two weeks, to be exact. Most people don't find out they are pregnant until at least one month, but Clif and I were so blessed by finding out early on. I am so thankful for that fact, because we were able to take extra careful measures on our 16 hour road trip to Texas to visit family.
I had an amazing pregnancy, right up until the end. I had no morning sickness, and only suffered with an upset tummy for about a month. I never threw up once during the ten months that Lilly and I spent together.I gained forty pounds over the ten months, which isn't bad for your first pregnancy and for being on bed rest for a month and a half. The only complaint that I had was lower back pain and heartburn (which was explained when I saw her head full of dark brown hair).
Everything went so well until my eighth month of pregnancy...when I started having problems with my blood pressure being high.


Trennia said...

I'm sorry for your loss...
It's hard to say that because "loss" is really not the right word...we know where are babies are.They are with the Lord Jesus.
I know this is such a difficult trying time, as you know my little girl went to heaven May 3,2008 and it has been like 20 months since I said hello and goodbye to Emily. I miss her each and everyday, she is in my heart always as I know your little girl is in yours too.
If you ever need to talk here is my email address, sorry I use my husbands that's why it's under his
you can email anytime you need to.

Trennia said...

Sory to bother you ,but I can't leave comments on your other entries...I don't see where to post comments on them.Just wanted to let you know incase you need to fix it my friend.

Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

Trennia thank you so much for your comments. I really appreciate it, and thanks for the e-mail address as well. I might e-mail you. It's been a rough couple of months, and I know that I still have rough days ahead. But God is good!

Suzie said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there was something I could say to you to make things better. You just started following my blog, missing Cooper, my journey. My pregnancy with him, was much like yours, normal. Until the end.

The only thing I can tell you is that time does make it easier to deal with, but does not heal anything. I have been without Cooper for over 2 years now, and I still miss him with every ounce of my soul.

If you would like to talk sometime, here is my email.

I will be praying for you and your husband!

God Bless you both.
Cooper's Momma

Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

Thanks Suzie! I might just e-mail you! God bless you, and thanks for stopping by my blog.

God Bless,

Paige said...

I just found your blog through a reader of mine...and read your story. I hate that you know that pain that I have felt as well...we lost our first born, Tatum Cate on May 15 of 2008. We have since had our rainbow baby- Callyn Joy. I will be praying for God to send Lillian a brother or a sister when your hearts are ready...and that he will grant you patience in this process.

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog. I am enjoying reading it.

I too found out I was pregnant with my son on March 5th, 2009. I was due with my son Nov. 11th. I had him the 8th.

I will forever remember your story and your strength. I am so glad the the lord was with you on your Journey and continues to be!!!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL(all 6 of you)

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