Tuesday, January 19, 2010

You want me to WHAT?

So after we found out that our Lilly Bean was gone, I had to face delivery. Dr.G recommended that I have her naturally - which had been the plan all along. Though, I was only between 1-2 cm dialated. He told me that they would give me an epidural and any pain meds that I wanted, so that I didn't have to feel any pain. He also told me that it could take anywhere from 8-16 hours, or even more... for me to deliver.
At that point, I told Clif and the doctor that I absolutely COULD NOT have her naturally. No way was I going to labour for HOURS and have no reward in the end. Though, in the long run...my reward was seeing the beautiful daughter that the Lord had blessed us with.
So after being advised by the nurses that I should go ahead with the vaginal birth, the doctor came back in to talk with me. I knew that c-section wasn't going to be good for my body, and I knew that recovery was going to be longer. BUT, mentally I just couldn't. Looking back, I think that I could have done it... but I wouldn't be quite as far down the road of healing as I am. Dr G came back in to talk to me about my final decision, which was, I was having a c-section. Once again, he urged me to do it naturally from a medical point of view. But as someone who cared about my emotional well being, he told me that the c-section would be ok. So...that was it. We waited for the OR to open up, and I was next in line.
I'll never forget that long walk to the room where they would take my baby from me. Yes, I walked. Tears streaming, all alone....I walked.
I had never been in the hospital before.Ever. I had been to the doctor very few times before my prenatal care. So I had absolutely no idea what to expect.
As I walked into the room, I started freaking out more than I already had been. It was huge, machines sitting all around, BRIGHT, and SO cold. The nurse helped me up onto the table as the anesthesiologist came in. He asked me if I wanted some medication for my nerves (he could see that I was about to lose it), so I agreed. He put that into my IV, and then proceeded with my spinal block. That's the last thing that I remember until I woke up in recovery...freezing and itching.
I spent about an hour or so in recovery, and then was wheeled to my room (on labor and delivery floor)where all my friends and family were waiting. After getting situated...it was time to see my baby girl. Sweet Lillian Joy...


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