Saturday, July 3, 2010

a little bit blah.

I'm a little bit stressed, and my heart is a little heavy...but God is good, all the time. I know that He will see me through this too.
It's day 16 of my cycle, and still no eggie on the monitory. Though, with Clomid I could ovulate late. My left ovary was hurting yesterday, so maybe that's a good sign? I don't know... I'm just a little disheartened. I had so many hopes for Clomid round three. :( God has a plan, and I know He does! It's just so hard to say that sometimes.
I've gotta quit this stressing though because it's making my heart act up again. I still haven't taken any of the beta blockers, I just don't want to. I hate taking medicine, and I didn't want to do anything that would hurt my chances of becoming pregnant this month. A lot a good that did, huh?
On to another equally stressful subject...I checked the mail Wednesday night, and there was a bill from Carilion. Fun stuff. $388.00. I haven't even called yet, I doubt that they want to deal with a crying, blubbering idiot. I am not infertile...at least not in my head. But then again Dr G has my charts coded as "anovulation" which, the definition of that it pretty much dead on...and it's a common cause of infertility. :(
I'm just so disappointed...I'm aching on the inside to be given what so many people HAVE and don't want.And I'm scared. What if I can't get pregnant again?
I know that there are other options...and Dr G will eventually send me to a fertility specialist. I know that there are some other medications that the specialist can try, and then there is always IVF. But isn't that like extremely expensive?
The government hands out money to women who pop out kids without thinking, so why won't they hand out some money to those who are trying with all that they have to become pregnant, but can't because of financial limitation.
I seriously just want to SCREAM. But I won't. I'll remain calm, and I'll keep praying for God to bless us with another baby. I know that His will will be fulfilled in my life, whatever it may be.
As for the holiday weekend, today we are spending the day with friends and family celebrating my cousins JBs (actually, Clif's cousin...but I claim him too sometimes) 21st birthday. :) Tonight is the big UFC fight, tomorrow morning is church...then lunch at my moms house and then Clif and I are taking a drive to go meet my friend (former boss) at a carnival. I'm going to try to make the most of our weekend together. Monday is sleeping in, house cleaning, and then a cook out with my family at the parents house.
Hope everyone has a wonderful 4th!

6 comments:

Raquel said...

So sorry to hear things are still going rough, Des. :-( Still praying for you guys! We love and miss you both.

Holly said...

I hope it's just late ovulation and that it'll still happen this month for you. I wish that insurances covered all the stuff better.

That corgi :) said...

hugs to you; I don't have any wise words but will continue to pray. I know your/Clif's arms ache to hold your baby and to raise him/her to know the Lord. I know God hears our prayers. I know it is a stressful time wondering and waiting month after month after month. I'm so sorry about it all. It does sound like you have a good weekend planned; I hope you guys have lots of laughs as you spend it with family/friends/each other

betty

Shannon said...

Hey desiree
I wanted to just stop by and say hey. Remember when I was on clomid?? Fortunetely for me my body ovulated but I never conceived on the medicine. I know Its comforting to know that it's doing what it's supposed to... but it adds even more stress. I was in your shoes in this ttc world... And there really isn't any comfort. The only thing that heals it is an answer from heaven. I pray that you would find contentment in his plan. In our church we sing a song that I love. "it is well .. With my soul. He is God in control. I know not of his plans but I know I am in his hands." it's true. You are his. Rest child.

Allyson Shockley said...

I've been thinking about you lately... Love you and miss you. If you need anything you know my number.

elena said...

Still keeping you in my prayers.

many hugs
elena

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