Thursday, July 8, 2010

Going down?

Yup I am pretty certain that today is pity party day. :/ I don't want to feel like this, but unfortunately, today I do.

There's nothing that I can do about it.

I went to the doctor's first thing this morning. Just to get blood drawn. They couldn't fit me in to do my sonogram until next Wednesday. So now we wait. I'll call back tomorrow to get the progesterone results, which I'm pretty sure will not be the results that I want. According to the monitor, I did not ovulate this month.

The only little bit of hope that I have is that my ovaries have been hurting, like cycle cramping almost. That's a good sign, right? I mean...the first day I started testing it said low fertility, and then it went up to high fertility. Maybe that was my peak? I don't know... I'm just in a "blah" state of mind today.

I'm trying to keep my chin up, and have faith. But it's just hard. I'm trying not to get too impatient. I know that God will bless our life when He is ready to do so. It's just hard accepting that His plans are not always identical for ours.

I don't want to have to go to a fertility specialist. Dr G told me that he didn't anticipate any problems with me getting pregnant on Clomid a second time. I know he's not God... but I trust him, and I guess that he just got my hopes up.

We're going to the beach the last week of this month. I was hoping that plans wouldn't work out and we would have to stay home. Ya see, Clif and I agreed that if I got pregnant this month that we would not be going on vacation. Reason being that I don't want to travel.

The day after I found out I was pregnant with Lilly we left for Texas. I was terrified as we made the almost 20 hour trip...without stopping to stay anywhere. And I don't want to do that again.

But it looks like we'll be going. We'll be gone a week. While I love the beach and look forward to it, I really didn't want to be able to go this year. Another case of counting my chickens before they hatch, huh?

I know and have witnessed the amazing things that God can do. And I know that He has plans for my life...for our life. And I know that He had a plan in motion for us when Lilly went to be with Him. He knew that her short life within me would be used, and it has. And continues to be.

Not many mommies can say that their babies have touched the lives of people all around the world, but I can. And I am so proud.


RC cola said...

Hang in there, Honey! Hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, HUGS to you. Keep trusting, keep those faith muscles growing, keep thanking, keep being patient. You're doing everything right! Dont't let the dream disturb you. When thoughts consume you, quote beautiful scripture, even verbally, if need be, to let God put other thoughts in your mind to replace ones that are so troubling. Do you have a single verse in particular to cling to and run to at the tip of your tongue? Pick one out, and wear it like a necklace around your mind and heart. Love you! Aching with you, and praying for you.
- Robby

Dana said...

She certainly has touched lives everywhere.

I am praying that you pregnant soon and that it all goes well.

croleyc69 said...

I'm praying for your trip and a new life within you. I hope that things go well. God is great and God is Good sometimes we don't like to wait but I know God has something great in store for you. Lily has touched a special place in my heart and so have you.


Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

Thanks ladies!!

Trennia said...

To tell ya the truth I was hurting so bad I thought for sure I was going to have to go the the hospital.We was at meijers and I have this sharp stabbing pain in my left side (ovarie) that I doubled over in pain,it took my breath it felt like something was pushing through my ovarie!
Well a couple weeks later I discovered I was pregnant and we was heading to Tenn. to go to Dollywood!
So, it almost sounds like what I was going through, and that was in 2005,and Samuel was born 2006!
I've been praying so hard for you...(((HUGS)))

Anonymous said...

"Not many mommies can say that their babies have touched the lives of people all around the world, but I can. And I am so proud."

YES YES YES. This is SO true. <3 Pity party all you want honey. That's what we're here for. : ) :hugs:

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