Tuesday, July 13, 2010

another month passes...

Eight months. 241 days. By this time of the day exactly eight months ago... I was surrounded by friends and family in my spacious room on the labor & delivery floor.

                               I was still in shock...and in a way, think I still am.

I can still see the heartbreak written on everyone's faces. This is something you hear about happening to people you've never met. This type of thing isn't supposed to happen to people that you know...people that you love. Babies don't die...

        But in reality, this does happen to those we love. And babies do die...without warning, without reason.

My heart is so full of grief and pain... it's so hard to handles some days. Today is one of those days. I just want to go back home and crawl into bed...and sleep. Sleep my life away. But I know I can't. I've gotta face this...and I have to deal with it.

Though my heart is still full of pain, I do have hope. Hope for a future. Hope for happiness. And a hope that Lillian's life will continue to touch lives of others. Lives of others that I love and care for. That her story might bring people to Christ. Maybe her story will teach parents to really appreciate the lives of their children.

My Lilly Bean has changed people in a big way. I'm so proud of that.

But I still hurt. No matter how proud, or how many lives her little life touches... I still ache inside. Today, just like any other day...is hard.


mommy4boys said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your Lily. And I am sorry for how hard this day is for you.

April said...

I will never forget where and how I heard those words that day. I said the dumbest thing possible, "You are kidding me??!!!" Like anyone would joke about something like that. I just went to bed the night before, thinking about you guys and knowing that in the morning, you would finally meet your Lilly. I just could not comprehend a single bad thought associated with you and Lilly. I just hung up the phone and cried. Just walked around completely stunned for the rest of that weekend. Eight months later, and I still can't believe it. She is the prettiest baby I have ever seen. You are absolutely right doll... too beautiful for earth.

That corgi :) said...

hugs to you; I'm so sorry.....praying for you all


Jennifer said...

Hugs and prayers coming you way. The missing and longing are so difficult everyday. One moment at a time.

croleyc69 said...

prayers and {{{HUGS}}} always !!


Lori said...

Hurting for and with you...hard to believe so much time has passed and yet, it still feels like yesterday and punches me in the gut in JUST the same way!

It's hard. You're right. Every day is hard. Never a day that you don't want her back, no matter how many wonderful things that have happened.

Thinking of you!

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