Saturday, May 15, 2010

a little discouraged, but still looking up.

Wow. That's pretty much all I have to say right now. :) On one hand I feel like throwing in the towel. This is too stressful, to emotional...and too painful. Add expensive to that equation, you blame me? could I quit now? After God has blessed me so much...after He has given so much, supported us. Loved us. How could I just stop trying now?

"I know the plans I have for you..."

These are the only comforting words that I have right now. I know that God has a plan for mine and Clif's life. And I hope and pray that a baby is included in His future for us. :)

If you are reading this and think that I am writing about you, I can assure you that I'm not. It's just life in general that's getting me down. I know that it's the devil trying to make me stumble, and I refuse to let him.

Clif and I went to the NC Zoo last weekend, as I had mentioned before. During our day there, we saw at minimum 50 pregnant women. That was hard. Not really because they were pregnant, but because I'm not. Does that make sense? I don't have any BAD feelings towards those who God has blessed with children, it just makes me want another one even more. Ya know?

I hope that I'm not coming across as rude, or resentful. :) Just sharing my feelings... and no, I'm not giving up...I am gonna keep on keeping on.
I am on my second round of Clomid as we speak. And I'm emotional, which probably explains the majority of this post. I am still using the fertility monitor as well. So if you think about it, just say a prayer for me...that God may bless us with another little bundle of joy.
I am looking up, and waiting for great things to happen in our lives. He has plans for us!! And I can't wait for those plans to finally begin to unfold...


Holly said...

I understand what you're saying. It does hurt to see preg women b/c you want that too. I think it also hurts b/c they seem so happy and unaware and carefree.

Lori said...

Absolutely, positively understand...
Pregnancy--growing and loving a precious little life--it's like a drug and you just WANT it.

And when you feel like you had it and it and that joy that was with it was STOLEN--and you are just left with an empty nursery and a broken makes you almost desperate to have that hope and joy again. To remember what it feels like and that it DOES exist.

I know God is a God of miracles. And He's still giving them all the time. Praying for yours so very, very soon!
Lots of love!

belle said...

yep- the nc zoo does that to me too.... sigh... i went this time last year all smiles and happy and looking forward to what was coming.....

praying with you friend.

Kathi said...

I too hope you are blessed with more children. It is really tuff trying month after month when everyone else seems to fall pregnant with relative ease, so you are allowed to feel any emotions you want.

croleyc69 said...

Hey it's ok. I believe God has a plan for you and Cliff. I'm praying everyday for you. I went to many Dr's before when I was young and was always told I could never carry a child or bear one but finally at the age of 35 I had my first and then two more. Then I walked a road of two losses in a row. Why me ????? Then I thought Lord you have a plan for the Why ? Then I had my little rainbow girl. I believe that one day you too will have a rainbow and I'm praying for you.

elena said...

I am praying for you and your family. There is no need to apologize. You are definitely entitled to your feelings.

love and prayers

That corgi :) said...

((hugs to you)) I understand about your feelings seeing pregnant women; I used to be like that when we were dealing with infertility; I was happy for them, but sad since I didn't have that in my life. keeping you in my prayers; God always does know what is best for his children; we'll just keep hoping it includes a little one in your household to raise


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