Thursday, March 11, 2010

Our Reality.











It's in. My little girls headstone. Finally. Geez...it's been four months since she passed away, it seems like we have been waiting for this "little" thing forever! I am so thankful that it's in.
It was installed yesterday, and Clif and I went to go see it last night, but when we got there...the cemetery was CLOSED! At five o'clock. Weird. So we went on our lunch breaks today.
It was an emotional time, but I needed this. I needed to have this small piece of something that says hey! Lillian Joy Smith was a human, she existed...and was important to SOMEONE. That someone was her mommy and daddy...Clif and me...us.
I have to say, it was an emotional time. I mean, it was hard taking that walk again. Walking across the lawn that I walked across four months ago. The day we carried her body to it's final resting place.
It was heart wrenching... it was like it finalized everything. She's really gone...and she's not coming back.
It was also heartbreaking to see all the other headstones in "The Garden Of Innocence" (<---I love that they call it that). There were probably 4-5 recent graves. They don't even have their headstones yet. Just fresh dirt and straw. It's so hard seeing all the names of those young children that never got to live their lives. *sigh* It was hard, but it was good. I'm so glad that it's in...and I'm so pleased with it. Now that all the serious things have been said...I have to tell you all about mine and Clif's blond moment.
If you'll notice... the flowers are laying on the headstone, and I brought them back home with me. I was so upset after waiting for SO long for it to be installed, and they didn't install the vase.
Well, I was talking to my supervisor "A" when I got back to work, and she mentioned that the vase might be inverted. I showed her the pictures, and sure enough. My dad called the cemetery and it IS inverted. =) No big, just means I get to make another trip over there.
Hope everyone had a great week..and has an even better weekend.

8 comments:

Trennia said...

I know for me having Emily's headstone put down was a *HUGE* thing.I remember when the man called us and told us it was there, we went and I felt like everything I could have ever done for her was just that, done.
It's nice having it there letting people know who she is, but it's hard I know.
Lily's is beautiful! (((HUGS)))

croleyc69 said...

It is so very beautiful and so sorry you had to do that walk again. I miscarried both times and sometimes I wish I had a marker to see. So many people act as if it wasn't real but I'm like you it shows that person meant something and was real. I remember the day we got my Dad's I felt like Wow that's really my Dad and I want everyone to know. It is heartbreaking but beautiful at the same time.
I bet I would have made the same mistake about the vase too. I never would have thought.
Caroline

Em said...

The headstone is beautiful. I loved your blond moment! I would have thought the same thing!

Leecee said...

The headstone is lovely. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Lori said...

Bless your heart...we went to the cemetery about a month ago to order the marker and I just have not been able to bring myself to finalize the design. It brings "set in stone" a whole new meaning...I am just having such a hard, hard time. I'm very impressed with your bravery and strength
I often get aggravated when people tell me that I am brave because I feel like breathing from one second to the next just has to happen and it's not bravery that makes me do it.

But you don't HAVE to do a marker so soon...or ever...and that you are brave enough and strong enough to do it and honor her is just wonderful.
Lifting you up!
xoxo

Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

Thanks ladies, and thanks for not giving me too hard a time about our blond moment. :-)
Lori, I don't know about being brave... but I am trying my best. My grandmother gave birth to my uncle who was still born. And all they have is a little number, and that breaks my heart.
I wanted the world to know that Lilly was my daughter, so I felt that I HAD to do it for her.
I will be praying for you that God may give you the strength to finalize the headstone :-)
Much Love to all,
Desiree

Holly said...

I'm so glad it is in. It's a beautiful stone. I know I was so happy when Carleigh's was finally in and that it wasn't empty any longer.

Suzie said...

I think it is absolutely beautiful. Perfect for your precious Lilly. It is a hard thing, for me, when Cooper's headstone was set, I felt like there was nothing left for me to do for him, but then I realized that each and every time I go there, and take care of it, and make it look amazingly beautiful, I am doing it for him. I am letting everyone know that he is loved. That he is thought of each and every day. And most of all, that he did exsist.

I am proud of you for making it throught this difficult step with pure grace. I am sure Lilly is looking down on you and Cliff, and is so proud to have parents like you who love her and miss her with every ounce of your soul.

**hugs**
Suzie

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