Funk.

This is where I found myself last night. It was weird, nothing really happened that upset me, or should have depressed me. But I was in a funk. It was like a new wave of grief hit me. I hated it. I didn't cry...I didn't talk about it. My heart just ached way down deep. Like a toothache that just won't go away.
Maybe it's because my cycle should be just around the corner? I don't know... but it was bad. I laid in bed and just stared at the collage of pictures that I made for Clif (for Christmas). It's the lyrics to Lilly's song (Glory baby), and all the pictures from the positive pregnancy test, to my belly shot the day before I went to the hospital. And then all of her pictures too. Our hospital arm bands... pictures of Clif and me while I was pregnant. Nine months of memories that will forever haunt me. So that's what I fell asleep to. Looking at her pictures, reliving every moment of November 13th, and the days to follow.
=) I don't feel that I am moving backwards, I just... I guess I was just sad. I wanted to be sad, all by myself. And I was.