Tuesday, August 3, 2010


This is what I'm feeling right now. Seriously feel like I am going to puke. Either that or blow a gasket. Wanna know what's got me in a tizzy??

Really?? I guess the original post has been deleted? I just can't even begin to tell you how absolutely insane this is.

In the nine months that I have been a member of the babyloss community I have not personally ran into someone who has attacked me. The closest that I can come to this attack is two people telling me that it's been X amount of time and I need to get over it and move on with my life...one saying that I couldn't take it out on them that my daughter is dead. Newsflash - I'm not taking it out on you... it's called grieving. But they don't understand...and hopefully never will. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.

But seriously. Someone needs to hit this chick upside the head with a good dose of reality...and a little bit of SYMPATHY for the hurting.

I love how people want to rant and rave about someone else, when in reality they are doing the exact same things themselves! It really just crawls all over me.

This attack was not on me. It was on one of my sweet blogger friends who has an amazing story to tell. Such a godly young woman, trying to do what's right - but still missing her little Lily. Is that a crime??

Here is the post that started it all:

 Oh, and her adult daughter has an entire blog dedicated to a stillborn baby. Okay, before you unleash the tide of "you heartless bastard!" -- just hear me out: please don't get me wrong, giving birth to a stillborn baby is extremely heart-wrenching and devastating. That woman has every right to grieve. But there is something EXTREMELY disturbing about setting up a PUBLIC blogshrine to a dead baby, replete with photographs of the deceased. I mean, for ___ sake, the poor thing in the photograph is so far gone that it's already showing livor mortis. And to think that everyone went around posing for photos and mourning over this stillborn for... how long, Hours? Where is the respect and dignity for the dead? Since when did heartfelt grief for a lost child become an extremely public affair with photo albums and countdown clocks ("it's been 4 months since we said goodbye")?

I've noticed that there is a strong trend among religious right fanatics to set up blogshrines to their stillborn babies or anencephalic, dying babies. I'm not kidding. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm guessing it's a combination of: "pro-life" (anti-choice) fervor, the belief that a woman's duty is to be an incubator, religious delusion (and thus an incapability of coming to terms with natural death/dying), poor emotional coping skills, and the chance to become a "martyr mom" among fundies. I think that is why these women SNAP when they realize their pregnancy is not viable and they decide to carry to term any way to show off their martyrdom. And there is mental illness involved. I'm not the sanest person in the bunch, but I feel sorry for Ginny and her daughter, as there is obviously a lot of psychological instability between them. But what can you do?

Sigh. And people WONDER why I'm such a misanthrope.

and back to me...

It's so hard to remain Christ-like when you have people like this in the world. People who don't have anything better to do with their time than to hurt others. To belittle our hurt, and the way that we deal with it.
I guess this "Emily" (< if that's really her name??) would love the faces of loss, faces of hope, huh? A site that recognizes not only stillbirth but miscarriage and infant loss? How dare they.

I'm going to pray that this (angry?) person finds the peace that she needs in this world. That God would dissolve the anger that she has in her heart, and the He would protect her from every experiencing what we babyloss moms cope with on a daily, hourly, minute basis. God bless Emily.


JenJen said...

I've left 3 comments on her blog! She just told me that telling her that we'll pray for her is "arrogant" and "ridiculous"...

I called attention to the comment that her mom made about Emily crying over animals for a week and how we can't grieve how we want to for our babies and MAGICALLY that comment is now gone!

You're right though it's really hard to keep your heart in the right place when you're faced with such judgement and hatred!

Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

imagine that. :) glad that I'm not the only one that this has upset. funny how she doesn't mind voicing her opinion on her VERY PUBLIC blog, yet when we comment on it the comments are deleted. Hmm.

Jennifer said...

Ignorance is alive and well and E and her mom prove that! It is very obvious that the apple did not fall far from the tree in that instance. It is also plainly evident that engaging them is only fueling their hatred. Those people can't touch this community. It is too tight knit! We seek to uplift and if you read that girls other blogs, you will see she only seeks to tear down any and everyone who SHE thinks is wrong. The best we can do for her and her mother are pray and know that God can reach them and even use them if he so chooses. Her words were down right hurtful and I for one will no longer validate her ego!

Trennia said...

What the heck is going on?
I'm confused!
Why do people put us mom's that have lost a baby through more?
I'll leave it to the Lord to deal with people who attack us hurting momma's...
(((HUGS))) Jen Jen, and Desiree

Lindsey said...

Wow, that is just SO wrong. To criticize babyloss mommas for remembering their child. If they want to blog publicly about missing their baby,or have photos on their blog, that is their right and its a way of grieving. There's no time limit, and no right or wrong way to do so, and if she doesn't like it, then she should take her little fanny away from such blogs. I suppose the most we can do is pray for her.

I hope you have a better evening Desiree!

Lori said...

Sad, but even more sad that she is representative of so many people in this world.

Just so sad.

Em said...

That is outrageous. She has no clue how hurtful she is because she has never been where we are. I don't think our blogs are dead baby shrines. This community is a support group and extremely therapeutic for thos of us who are suffering. Good for you for sticking up for all of us!

Hannah Rose said...

Yes, Jennifer. This community is so tight-knit! I love you all so much. Thank you for all the love, support, and encouragement.

JenJen, I CANNOT BELIEVE that she mentioned that she cried over an animal for a week. Under what context would that make a point? It's honestly somewhat laughable.

I believe God can turn these women around. Emily has a lot of spunk and passion. Just imagine what the the Lord could do with her!!

Hannah Rose said...

p.s. Desiree, I love the cute polka dots! :)

Anonymous said...

I gave her some comments too. What a cruel cruel person. And so arrogant herself. She speaks in that superior huffy tone only someone who has never TRULY been knocked on their ass can. She has hurt so many beautiful women with her words.

The Blue Sparrow said...

What a cruel cruel woman! I'm speechless(almost)! She is just another example of the fact that people who havent been in our shoes will never ever get it. And hey, I can even give her the fact that her opinion is her opinion but why publicly attack BLM's? Why does she even care? Its not like Im attacking her blogs on her opinion on Pro Choice now am I? Im not out here blogging that she's mentally unstable am I? She's a coward is what she is, did you see that she disabled her comments? Seriously if you cant take the heat then dont start the flippin' fire lady! Stepping off my soapbox now, thank you and goodnight!

Just Breathe said...

Hi Desiree, I came over from Jennifer at The Blue Sparrow. It is hard to believe that there are people in our world like Emily. Why would she even want to write a post like that. What purpose does it serve. I have been following BLM's for over a year now. I have given a piece of my heart to all of you. I have a blog called For Your Tears where I send out a handkerchief to catch your tears. I grieve with all of you for your loss. I was naive when I first started blogging and had no idea how many babies pass each year. I believe in your blogs and I am so happy that you have others to share with, others who can help you as you grieve. Each person has their own way and time but having support is important each step of the journey. I pray for all of you each day. We know that their is evil in our world and your faith in God is the best gift you have been given. ((HUGS))

Holly said...

I think it is very sad and inappropriate that that person wrote those posts. They have no idea whatsoever and don't even seem to even want to try and care or even understand. They need prayer, that's for sure.

Once A Mother said...

i won't pray for her, but i will pray for any child unfortunate enough to be in her life, since she clearly values a child's life based solely on their length of time on this earth.

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