Friday, July 22, 2011

blessed + stressed = tired mommy

I'm exhausted. I've been setting my alarm clock two and three different times a night to get up and pump, and we're not even going to bed until midnight or later every night!
Last night was a struggle, and apparently my body was SO tired - that it finally just gave out.Can't say that I blame it... it's been through quite a bit during my pregnancy with the triplets, and a LOT in the last week and a half. I guess it decided to trump my decision to get up and pump and make me sleep. :) I slept through two alarms, that threw off my pumping schedule. Oh well... what's done is done. And I do feel a little more rested.
Yesterday started strong, and it ended with me laying in bed crying. I think the tears were because of several little things all piled together. I was exhausted, I was in a little pain from the surgery and waiting for the pain pills to kick in, I'm hormonal (they said to expect mood swings for a few weeks)...and then there were some little hiccups with the kids yesterday.
When we went to visit first thing yesterday morning, we were told that they had heard a murmur on Easton as well. So an ekg was ordered for both Easton, and Elliana...for her follow up (she finished up her three days of meds). We received the results yesterday afternoon...Easton's is not big enough that they are worried right now, they will just continue to keep an eye on it. Elliana's is still there, but the cardiologist did not write in the chart if it had shrunk at all. She will be undergoing another three day treatment with meds to try and help shrink the murmur. :-/ I'm a worry wart, as most of you know... and I'm so much worried about the murmur (because they are so common)... but, I am worried about her being on a 6 day straight treatment. The medicine that she is on for the murmur messes with the blood flow in her little belly, so therefore they cannot continue to feed her as they had been for the last several days before starting the treatments. She is getting all of her fats and vitamins/minerals through an IV... but still no milk for her until this treatment is finished. It is breaking my heart, and there is nothing that I can do about it. The nurse ensures me that Elliana won't be hungry, she said that it's very rare for them to show signs of hunger because of her age. Plus, she is getting everything she needs in the IV.
I did kangaroo time with her yesterday...and it's all I could do not to bust out in tears. We had friends visiting with us at the time (the friend is pregnant...maybe it was a mix of hormones? ha!)... and I really didn't want to lose it in front of them. Though, I know they wouldn't have cared. When the nurse placed Elliana on my chest, Baby Girl started "rooting" for the first time. She smelled my milk and was nuzzling all around, licking my chest...just like her brother did! My heart ached. And other parts leaked ;) Just knowing that she knew what I had, and the whole point of me not being able to give it to her in ANY way. Whew... so now Daddy has to do Kangaroo Care with Miss Elliana until she is able to start eating again. After lying down in bed last night, I just burst into tears over my baby girl.
Easton has had a few "spells", where he drops his heart rate. We are told that they expect our children to do this, because of their age. They've each had it happen now... and it's just right down scary. Even if it is normal and expected. :) Mommy and Daddy have a hard time handling it. Yesterday he had a spell during kangaroo care when Clif was holding him...my heart was in my throat, and I wanted to scream. It didn't get down too low... but still too low for our comfort. Reason being, he was so comfy on his Daddy's chest, that he had slumped his little head over - cutting off his airway...as soon as they got his head up and spanked his bottom he was good to go. Whew.
Eli seems to be the "good" child right now...not really having any troubles at this point. We had to run some errands yesterday morning and then we saw a movie before heading back to the hospital for the evening & night. When we called we were shocked to learn (and sad because we were not there) that Eli had been rooting around in his bed. His nurse K, said that he had been waking up before feed time... wide awake. He was on his tummy... and she said that he would open his mouth wide and try to suck on the bed. They gave him his pacifier and he went to TOWN on it... he's putting his hands to his face, and sucking his fingers. She spoke with the nurse practitioner on the floor, and the np told Eli's nurse since he was actually showing them hunger signs, to try and feed him through his bottle (instead of his tube) that time. He LOVED it. He finished 14 (I think, maybe 12) milliliters. What a porker! They also gave Easton a bottle, just because if brother is trying it...they wanted him to try too. He took about 11 mil and then went to sleep.
Apparently the bottle wore him out because that's when his spells started up. They said that they really felt that the bottle had tired him. Now Baby Boy Easton is back on the nasal cannula. He's only on .5 liter...so it's barely a little whiff!
All in all, our babies are doing wonderfully. We try our hardest not to complain because we know there are babies in our pod that are MUCH worse than our little ones. Nurses continue to tell us how well our babies are doing for their gestational age...AND their actual age. Which, by the way... they are a week old today (well, they will be at 5:30). I cannot believe my precious little miracles are 7 whole days old. Geez... this is going fast!

6 comments:

L Holloway said...

I continue to pray for you and the little ones as well as Clif. Tose sweet babies will be all better and home before you know it. I can't believe it has already been a week!

belle said...

wow! such wonderful and emotional news:))))) praying over you and hubby and babies until you are all safe and snuggled at home:)

by the way, there is another hormonal hurtle at 3 months.... you'll think you're pregnant again! it's a doozy! :) sleep it off if you can:)

always praying!!!

Melissa said...

Desiree,
Happy to hear an update even with the "expected" issues its hard for a mommy and daddy to watch and not be able to do anything about it. Praying for a good weekend for everyone!

Caroline said...

Always praying for all of you. Hoping you can get some rest. I know you have to be busy & yourself has just went through a lot.

Your babies are so precious. So blessed , have a great weekend. Thanx for the update.

Betty said...

Our church is praying for your little ones and I will keep them updated. We have some awesome prayer warriors. I would have LOST it with that little sweet heart rooting around and nothing you could do. OMG. I dont know how you held it together. Really, I dont. Keep praying and stay rested up. Make sure you are taking care of yourself too.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

How can you not be tired? I was worn out just reading this post.
Three babies and only one mommy to supply them. I know there are hard times watching them as they have issues. They are in good hands and I am glad that they are all doing so well. Keeping them in my prayers. It's okay to cry and be emotional. ((HUGS))

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