Friday, April 15, 2011

Seventeen without L.J.S

Today marks two years since the day that we saw our little Lilly Bean for the first time, at least in my belly. J April 15th, tax day… a day that MOST people dread. But it’s a day that holds a special place in my heart.

I have to admit that even though I was thrilled to find out that two of our babies are boys, Eli & Easton, it was bitter sweet on Wednesday. Getting an ultrasound… finding out the sexes of two out of three of our babies… and knowing that two years ago we were experiencing the first little bit of excitement over our first born. I was just unexpectedly… hard.

I keep wondering about the three babies that are growing inside of me now. Will they look like Lilly? How will I handle everything?

Honestly? I think I’m going to be fine. I know some mothers stress about PPD… but I don’t. I’m the type of person who might get stressed out… I might even let me stress show sometimes. But for the most part I suck it up and deal with what’s going on – and get things done. And I really honestly think that’s how I am going to be when the triplets arrive.

Don’t get me wrong. I think that it will be hard, and emotional – for both me AND Clif. But I know that our God will never give us more than He can give the strength to handle. J And He hasn’t given us anything that we weren’t able to make it through thus far – I don’t see it happening in the near future.

I keep thinking about how much I miss her. And how much that I wish she were here to experience this new chapter with us. BUT…as I’ve told myself a million times I can’t allow myself to live in the land of what if’s.


TanaLee Davis said...

Thinking of you.
Your posts are always so honest and thought provoking. I can't relate to all of your new woes but I can however from a small standpoint see how this would be hard.

Raquel said...

I can't imagine the hurt you and Clif must still feel. BUT, it is so amazing to read your posts day after day and see the amazing trust in God you have. :-D Your love of Christ shines through you and it is so refreshing to see.

That corgi :) said...

I like the names Eli and Easton. When you find out for sure your other little one's sex and name him/her, if you feel comfortable with it on your blog (or email me could you please say who is Baby A, Baby B, Baby C because that is how I pray for them right now, Baby A/B/C. It would be nice to say Baby A is Eli (or whoever, etc) although I know God knows who is who.

I have a dear friend who "lost" a baby at 25 weeks, a little girl. She got pregnant shortly after and delivered a healthy boy (her fourth) later that year. She described it as bittersweet. She was thrilled with this new baby but still wished her little girl was there as part of their family they would be raising here on earth. I can't imagine how it will be for you and Clif, but I do know that you are right, God will be right here with you as you continue to walk this journey of your life with him as your guide and sustainer and hope.


Allyson Shockley said...

You're one of the strongest people I know! Love you dearly, thinking of and praying for you always! Btw, Eli and Easton are GORGEOUS names! So happy for you guys! <3

Caroline said...

Prayin for all of you so much.
Love the names you picked !!!

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