Wednesday, April 27, 2011

20 weeks and a melt down :)

So...I had a slight melt down today. Not huge... it almost didn't happen. But then it did :(




Hormones have been treating me pretty good this pregnancy. Really good, actually. I can't think of any major break downs (other than when we hit a deer when I was 4 weeks pregnant). But today - I woke up feeling hormonal... and boy did that feeling show true at work!



I encountered someone today that wasn't aware that I was pregnant again, let alone with triplets! So after chatting a few minutes, saying that I was 20 weeks along (although I appear to be like eight months!)... and that we are having at least two boys. I shared about going to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully finding out what the third is, and then I was asked the question. "What are you going to do? You already have one at home, right?" Ouch. But I handled it pretty well, saying no... we don't, that our daughter passed away in November 2009. This person immediately apologized (and remembered) and felt awful. I felt pretty awful too. I always hate springing that on people... even if it's someone that I "know". So I finished the conversation and went about my way.

When I turned my back to leave... unannounced tears sprung to my eyes. They really surprised me, because I've been handling that question rather well during this pregnancy. I brushed it off and tried to get my mind off of it. I shot a quick email to a friend at work about it, and felt better.

THEN, I had to go and talk to someone else in our office... and this person mentioned how awful the person felt for asking me about Lilly. I said that it was no big deal, and that normally I don't think anything about it. They told me that I had handled the situation really well... and went on to say some other stuff, and all of the sudden the tears came back and this time...they won. They just started spilling out - and there was nothing that I could do to stop them. Embarrassing! Or, at least it would have been my boss for the first *almost* three years I have been at my job.

I was hugged, consoled... and then cried some more. :) Maybe I needed it? I don't know... but it was so out of character for me (at least ME here lately). Oh well. I was upset at myself for breaking down those. Geez. *sigh*



Whew. So needless to say, it's been a day (and a half!) and I am so thankful to finally be home, resting...and spending time with my Honey (and getting ready to watch American Idol!) HA!



Tomorrow is the big day... our anatomy scan, and HOPEFULLY the day that our Baby No Name (aka Baby B) reveals it's privates!! I'm so ready to stop calling it an "IT" and calling him or her by name! Please pray that all goes well, that each baby is developing as it should, and that they all have all the right parts! Also, please especially pray for good fluid levels :) And...I selfishly ask you all to pray for little girl parts! I really really really want my little girl... but will be JUST as excited about three little boys.



Praying for a good appointment...and will update tomorrow evening (probably somewhat late, because I have to go to the dr and then back to work until six). :) Wish me luck!

6 comments:

Raquel said...

Des...you are such a strong woman! :-) Don't be upset at yourself for getting upset...I know how bad pregnancy hormones can be (but YOu have TRIPLE the hormones...yikes)...and those mixed with being asked about Lilly...WOW! I believe you handled it quite well. *hugs*
We are praying that your appointment goes GREAT tomorrow! Can't wait to hear the news and praying that little one cooperates.

Raquel said...

Des...you are such a strong woman! :-) Don't be upset at yourself for getting upset...I know how bad pregnancy hormones can be (but YOu have TRIPLE the hormones...yikes)...and those mixed with being asked about Lilly...WOW! I believe you handled it quite well. *hugs*
We are praying that your appointment goes GREAT tomorrow! Can't wait to hear the news and praying that little one cooperates.

TanaLee Davis said...

Dont feel so bad about breaking down...i'm surprised you haven't yet.
You have been through a lot so give yourself some slack.

I'm sorry that today was rough.

Hope tomorrow goes well and that a second daughter is hiding in there. :)

Hugs-
Felicia

That corgi :) said...

I am excited to see if Baby B "shows" themselves tomorrow! (as I know you and Clif are anxious to know too).

I think you handled this well; it was a "mini" melt down, I think these will always be part of your life; some times it will be easier to talk about things, some times it won't. Not to compare with what you have been through, but I know there are days I can talk about my mom (she died 4 years ago) without tears and there are days when I talk about her and I tear up. I think it is "part of life"; I think you are doing the best you can!!

(watching American Idol as I type this; we are on the West Coast, trying to figure out who we will vote for!)

betty

Caroline said...

Praying for you so much.

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

That sounds like a really hard day!

I hope all goes well today with the ultrasound, and that everyone's fluid levels are just perfect!

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