Thursday, June 24, 2010

...I've been jumped.

Imagine with me a set of black & red jumper cables. Yup – I had an EKG yesterday. I seriously felt like I was a car being hooked up to jumper cables!!

A little humor…my blood pressure has been fine since I had Lilly. It spikes a little when I go to the doctor, it always has. Dr G hasn’t put me on blood pressure meds yet for that very reason. Well, yesterday I walk into Dr W’s office and they take my blood pressure. 148/95. Niiice. Oh well. The nurse was like, has your blood pressure been up? I just laughed. What else? Yeah it has been up and more than likely is one of the factors in my daughter’s death. Who knows. It’s my body. Story of my life…
ANYWHO…so the doctor came in and talked to me. I’d never met or talked to him before… but I liked him. He maintained eye contact during the whole visit – which was nice, and he asked questioned and seemed to genuinely care! It was a nice change. He asked about home, finances, my job…anything that could be causing stress in my life. I told him about Lilly passing away in November (which he already knew about), and then Clif volunteered finance information. I told him that I don’t find my job stressful, and that I love it.
He told me that it sounded like I just have a lot on my plate, and that it is probably anxiety. He listened to my heart and my lungs and said that my pulse sounded a bit fast, but that some people’s pulses are just higher than others. Then he decided that they should do an EKG to be sure.
It wasn’t bad at all. Had to go in, undress, and then put like a million (okay maybe not that many) sticky things on me. I seriously about busted out laughing when he pulled out the cord that had all the little clips on it. For some reason I found it hysterical. Once he got me all hooked up it only took like two seconds to do the test. And only about 5 minutes after that to get the results. The doctor came out and told me that everything looks good…no extra beats, not skipping beats, and no lack of oxygen. He prescribed me beta blockers to take for two weeks, saying that should take care of the problem. Bleh. I hate medicine.
When we first started talking he said that there are medications for anxiety, but I quickly told him that I wasn’t interested. He had already ruled those out on his own when he looked at my chart and saw that I am trying to conceive again.
So that’s it. Apparently I am a bundle of nerves and am just stressed out. I told him that I stress over random things, but I don’t consider myself really stressed or depressed. I mean yeah, my daughter died, but I’m not quite to the point of shipping me off to the nut house.:)
He wants me to go back in two weeks, the day before my appointment with Dr G. I think I will probably cancel that appointment. #1 I am pretty sure that my employer wouldn’t appreciate me being gone two afternoons in a row, and #2 I can just have Dr G listen to my heart and see what he thinks about it. I am going to get the prescription filled, I think.
Dr W said that it will not counteract with my Clomid, and that it would be okay if I were to conceive while still taking it. :) It’s not a permanent medication, just trying to see what helps. I was just so relieved that it wasn’t anything “serious”.
My dad has had heart problems since a young man, and had surgery several years ago to correct a condition called WPW. Something about he had an extra something or another that caused his heart to race. He should have checked out a long time ago. They sent him home with one of those monitors that you wear and they called him and told him to get to the hospital ASAP. His heart rate was like in the 400s? Maybe even 500s. Either or, it was crazy.
I honestly (as I told you guys) thought that it was anxiety…but and hour and $20.00 later, I feel so much better.
So that was my lovely experience…
After the doctors appointment we went to see Clif’s grandfather and family off. They’ve been visiting from Texas since Friday, and they were leaving out this morning to head back home. I wish that they would just go ahead and move here. :( All the family lives here anyway! But anyways, Clif’s grandpa (Pawpa Clif) had never seen a picture of Lilly. They were not able to come in for the funeral. So we took him a bookmark that the funeral home made for us with her obituary on it, and we took the DVD that I made Clif for Christmas. It’s all of her pictures, the ones that the hospital took for us and the ones that we took with her. I added quotes and Bible verses, and put “Glory Baby” by Watermark in the background. :) I was so happy that we were able to share those things with him.
Pawpa mentioned to Clif that they were going to go to the cemetery but Clif’s uncle (the uncle that Pawpa & family were staying with) wasn’t real big on the idea. So we took him and the family by there on the way to dinner. It was weird, and sounds absolutely horrible – but it was like I didn’t want to share that. The cemetery I mean. It sounds awful, but that’s all that I have left of my little girl. :( I don’t know. But it was an emotionally straining afternoon with all of that. There were also young children with us at the house that asked questions about Lilly. I know they are just kids, and they didn’t mean any harm. It’s just these emotions are still fresh for Clif & me, and certain questions just get me. The kids were really sweet after they had learned what happened, though.
Okay, this has turned into a really long post so I will end.

6 comments:

That corgi :) said...

most little kids are just curious and want to know things; once you give them an answer, that seems to satisfy them; I know kids would ask questions about my daughter who had a physical disability but I was glad they asked because it was better than just staring and not asking, know what I mean? but it is sometimes hard to continually answer especially if it has been a stressful day

glad you saw the doctor and got checked out and all was fine. the doctor does sound very thorough and compassionate too in taking the time to talk and to listen with what was going on in your life.

hoping today is a good one for you :)

betty

Trennia said...

Just happy you are A-okay!

croleyc69 said...

Glad your alright I have been keeping you close to my heart.

Glad you liked the Dr.
Praying always.
Caroline

Holly said...

Well, I'm glad the visit went ok and hopefully your BP goes down. I'm glad you got to share Lilly with Clif's grandpa. I'm sure he is glad you did!

Lori said...

Bless your heart...you have a lot going on, in just that you try to function the best you can each day and that takes a lot out of you!!

Keep an eye on that BP, though!!!! Glad the doctor seemed to make you feel at ease some.

The cemetery issue doesn't sound awful...for some, it is a most private and precious place and when that's a place that you feel is one of the last things that's just 'yours' of Lilly's it makes sense.

Praying for this cycle!

elena said...

Hugs, I am so glad to hear that your appointment went well and everything is looking good heart-wise!

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