Peanut Butter Granola Bars :)

So this was my first attempt to make homemade granola bars...and other than it being a little crumbly, it's pretty tasty.Well...before I say how tasty it is....let me explain that I found a recipe, and pretty much changed the whole thing to make it lower calorie/less weight watcher points. So...it's pretty tasty, considering what it is.

{please excuse the horrible photo...as it was taken from my {not so} smart phone}

Recipe?

Peanut Butter Granola Bars

4 cups rolled oats

1/2 cup peanut butter, melted (I use Peter Pan Whipped Peanut Butter)

1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce

1/8 cup + 1 TBSP honey

1/4 cup chopped peanuts

1/4 cup mini chocolate chips

1/4 cup shredded coconut

*Preheat oven to 350*

Mix all dry ingredients together. Add honey, applesauce and peanut butter. Mix well,

press into a greased (I greased my pan heavily with canola spray) 13x9 inch pan. Bake for 20-25 minutes.

(I used wax paper to press "dough" into pan evenly)

YIELD: 20 granola bars

Weight Watchers Points+: 3points (1/20th of pan)

***This recipe could definitely use more peanut butter, honey or applesauce... or all three! It would help it stick together more than the above recipe... BUT... I'll stick with my three point snack, thanks!)

i miss her.

Today has been a weird day for me.

I ended up cleaning out Lillian's nursery MONTHS ago... sorting through all of her things, packing away things that I felt would always belong to her and only her, and passing down items to her sister (and brothers) that I thought they would be able to benefit from.

Today... my mom came over and helped me do another clean out. I never realized how quickly kids would grow out of things. Not just clothes, but sooooo many other baby items. It cracks me that all these must have baby items only last a few months and then you have absolutely NO use for them again.

Anyway, in honor of me going back to work... I realized that I needed to do a major clean out so that things didn't continue to pile up at home. And that's what we did.

What I didn't realize what that not only did I struggle with emotions of passing Lilly's things on to her siblings... but now I deal with the emotions of selling/giving these items to complete strangers. 

I had one of "those" moments today, with Clif. I still have Lilly's car seat. It's brand new, never been used. It has left our house two times. The first, on November 12th, the night before Lilly was born... and then again sometime in July, when we took it to the hospital for Elliana.

I'll admit, I was secretly happy when Clif and I decided to purchase a new car seat for Elliana before she was discharged from the hospital, to match the boys' car seats, that way we wouldn't have to deal with different bases, ect.

*sigh* Well, my moment was... I don't want to get rid of the car seat. But how do I justify KEEPING the car seat?

Okay... I admit, the above sounds really stupid when I put it on paper. Or, well... computer screen. ;) Lilly never once touched her car seat. In my mind, she should have, but... in the end... she didn't. Yes, the car seat was purchased for her... it was hers, is hers? But... I can't hold on to every little thing. Can I? Ugh.

And on top of not being able to keep every little thing, it's also selfish. Well, at least I think it is. Why keep perfectly good baby items that someone could USE, while me keeping them isn't doing anything but collecting dust. :-/

Clif doesn't open up and talk about "things" very often... not that he keeps anything bottled up, he's just not that type of guy. But when confiding in him about these things before he headed off to work, he responded with: we both have SO many things that remind us of Lilly.

Not only do we have physical things (a lock of her hair, the blanket she was wrapped in, pictures, footprints...a ring that she wore...), but we have SO many memories. Kind of odd saying that we have SO many memories when she never breathed a breath on this Earth, huh?

It's not just the car seat. It's sooo many things. Things that she never used...things that the triplets didn't even get a chance to use.

I don't know... I just feel like I am not being true to my baby girl, and maybe... I'm just letting myself hurt a little.

Life has been so incredibly hectic these past months...well, year, really... I honestly haven't had much time to stop and just miss her. And oh do I miss her. More with each passing moment. I can't help but wonder what life would be like. I have to say...I wouldn't trade the happenings of my/our life, for anything. As horrible as that makes me sound. I feel with everything that I am, that everything that has happened has happened for a reason. Everything that we have experienced was part of His plan.

*sigh*

Please Pray For...

A blogger friend of mine who had to say goodbye to her little one...way too soon. :-/ This is her third loss, and while it may have been early on...a loss is a loss, and I know that it hurts <3 Thoughts, prayer and love to you, A.

Two complete strangers. I have a few friends that know them, and made me aware of the situation. There is a young couple, around my age, that lost their seven month old little baby boy. <3 This hits home more than I would like to admit, because my three are seven months old.

Another blogger friend that's currently waiting. :) You know who you are, and know that I am praying for you and your newest little blessing!

A lady in our church, Claudia. She was flown to Richmond on Saturday. She had been in ICU for a week or so, with an infection. As of now, she waits for a liver transplant.

A little girl, M, who has been fighting a tumor. She's been on this journey for more than a year now. She had surgery some time ago to have the mass removed, and they were able to get 90%. It came back soon there after. She had an xray done last week, and the tumor seems to have decreased in size. She is seven (I think) years old... due to her illness/surgeries, she had to re-learn how to talk, walk...ect. She is a little fighter! :)

what do YOU think?

I'll be honest. Normally, I am not the type person to really think twice about what people may or may not think about me.
But I have recently stumbled upon a subject that I might just care about what people think.

Pregnancy.Children. And me.

So many people have followed our story. Our struggle of getting pregnant with Lilly, our journey through the grief of losing Lillian. Our long road (or what seemed like it) of becoming pregnant again, and the {what seemed like} eternity that I was pregnant with the triplets. There are so many people that stood by my side through this last pregnancy. So many people prayed on a daily basis for the safety of myself, and our three precious babies that I carried.

Yes, we lost our first child due to pregnancy complications, caused by my unexplained high blood pressure. Yes, we prayed, prayed, prayed to become pregnant... and after overcoming many things, we did become pregnant. Yes, I had some of the same struggles with my triplet pregnancy that I did with my pregnancy with Lilly. It was scary, and there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't pray that God would bless the tiny little beings that I carried within me.

I know that there were people who thought our babies would never make it into this world alive. I know that while people smiled at me on the outside, there were negative thoughts running through their minds. I couldn't deliver ONE baby into this world safely, what made me think that I could deliver THREE?

All of that plays a part, but is definitely not what I worry that people may judge me about.

Not saying that we are...not saying that we are not... but... what if, in time...there is a possibility that Clif and I would want to try and become pregnant a third time. What if we decide that we want a fifth child?

Is that selfish? Our Lillian Joy left us too soon, we prayed for another blessing... and God blessed us with three. Would I be a horrible person if I wanted more children?

I'll be honest... I do want more children. Crazy, I know. In fact, as several people I know are announcing that they are expecting... I feel a little {very very tiny}bit of jealousy. BUT...before you judge, let me say that I get over the jealous feelings VERY quickly. I don't in any way envy anyone that is pregnant right now. Clif and I have been incredibly blessed with four precious children, three of which are here with us on Earth. Three that keep me busy all the time! Not to mention that I feel like I have been pregnant for the last three years of my life. Which really, since I was 21 years old (just turned 24), I have either been trying to become pregnant, been pregnant, or recovering from a pregnancy. I'm actually loving the fact that my body is mine again. No pregnancy, no fertility drugs... no charting, counting, blah blah blah. I have finally lost ALL my baby weight, from both pregnancies... and I am 7 pounds away from being the same weight I was the day I was married to my love <3 I still have 18 pounds to go until I reach my goal, which is the weight that I was when Clif and I got together almost seven years ago! I'm excited. I feel healthy for the first time in years. I didn't go on any crazy crash diet...I chose weight watchers, a change of life. A change of eating. And it has worked wonders.Not only that, but in the last couple of weeks I have begun to exercise. Not a lot, but, I do run on the elliptical six days a week...for at least 5 miles at a time. I know that's not huge... but when you go from doing absolutely NOTHING, I think it's a pretty big step.

All that to say that I'm happy with where I am in life. I'm happy with me for the first time in a very very long time. So no, I don't "want" a baby right now. If it were to happen, it would most definitely be a "God thing"... and we wouldn't be upset... but, it would really have to be His will to make it happen.

But...I have said since becoming pregnant with the triplets, that I might would like to have another baby when the triplets start school. They would be five, I would be 28ish. We definitely would not go the IUI route again, but...who knows! Now this is just talk...I promise. We are most definitely NOT talking about having another baby. There are absolutely NO plans, and NO talk. :) But... it's just a thought that crossed my mind the other day that made me wonder. If my kids start school, and I decide...hey! I want another baby...would that be...selfish? Would it be asking too much? Hmmmm...

{Completely random side note, but do I have any artist readers that would want to sketch something for me? A possible tattoo...but maybe not...it's something that I'm toying with... but I don't have an artistic bone in my body! IF so, email me!!! :) smithfam07@hotmail.com}

Smith Happenings :)

All I can say is... wow!


Never in a million years did I think that life could become more hectic and crazy than it has been in the last months, but this past week proved to be!
It all started with Clif getting a phone call saying that one of the places he applied for a job at wanted to interview him. I have to say that I am SO proud of my husband. He applied at a place that you can't just walk in and get a job, in fact... you pretty much have to know someone to get a job there. There were 31 applicants, and only six got interviews. And my hubby was one of them! :) Though, in the end... he still didn't get the job... but we're okay with that. He interviewed better than` he ever has, giving God all the glory for everything we have, and where he is in life. :) <----proud wife here, can you tell??
The week flew by, packed full of craziness. Like, last Sunday...we lost our electricity...had to pack in the dark, and go to a hotel (definitely was not thrilled about the babies staying in a hotel...so we ended up going to the newest, nicest hotel that was near us)...Clif had his interview that next morning, all five of us were sick with a nasty cold... I had to take the babies to the doctor...not only do I have three teething babies (Eli has 6 teeth, Easton 2, Elliana 2) but they were all sick with a cold, and Easton has a pretty bad ear infection. I know an ear infection isn't a HUGE deal, but...first of all, he doesn't handle pain very well, and second...he doesn't handle having to take medicine very well. So it's been a humdinger of a week! It has taken two people to hold him down to give him his antibiotics, and I won't even go into the ear drops. :)
On Thursday, Clif and I ventured out of town to pick up our new (well, used) stroller. I found someone on Craigslist (two hours away) that was selling a Peg Perego Triplette Stroller... for way less than I have EVER found one. So we took a road trip! We made it back home, and made a quick stop by the mail box where we found a letter saying in short, that the place Clif applied was very impressed with him and they encouraged him to apply again when another position opened up... but that they had chosen a more qualified candidate. :)
Whew...so where does that leave us? He has one more "big" application out, but we won't hear anything for another week and a half or so. >.< They had several applications, and won't be setting interviews until sometime next week I think. Aside from that, Clif has begun applying at places basically for a in between job. Which is kinda scary. I know that everyone must think we are so irresponsible... but when it boils down to a father missing important milestones, and missing quality time with his wife...is it really worth it?  If Clif were to stay with his current employer, he would see the kids for maybe an hour a day, and with me starting back to work next week... he and I would see each other one DAY every other week. I would be leaving for work as he would be coming home, and he would be gone to work before I even got home from work. :(
Not only is family time a big factor, but his current job really has an effect on his overall attitude. The type of people that he deals with on a daily basis just brings him down on many different levels.
With that said, I ask again that you all be in prayer with us as we continue to look for a job for Clif. Please pray for guidance and wisdom concerning these things.
Our precious little ones are doing wonderful. As I already mentioned, they are all in full teething mode. Eli has had four teeth for over a month now, and the other night while feeding him dinner, I found two more coming in! Easton has been working on his lower two for a few weeks now...and they STILL aren't all the way through. Last Tuesday I jokingly started snooping in Elliana's mouth because she was extremely fussy and all but refused her bottle...only to find that she has her two lower teeth too! Whew! Fun stuff! I am definitely dreading next Monday, leaving my babies. They are the highlight of every single day...even on days like today when they have had me up since 4:30, all are fussy... and they know it's just me, because Daddy is sleeping in preparation for his last round of night shift with his current job.
Entering back into the working world will be a difficult transition, but it's one that I've known I would have to make since discovering that I was pregnant with the triplets. I have been SO blessed to have been able to stay at home with my children. I've been out of work since May 2011, due to bed rest... unemployed since September 2011, and been able to spend almost 7 months at home with my little ones. I wish that we were financially able for me to stay at home forever... but, hello! We have three kids, own our house (well...paying for it ha!), cars, insurance...INSURANCE! That's a good enough reason to go back to work...geez. Anyway, though I'm dreading it... I am thankful that I was able to stay out longer than we ever anticipated. And I am kinda looking forward to entering back into the "real world" again. Looking forward to actually earning a buck or two, and not feeling like a complete bum. :)
While Clif and I are kind of switching roles... me going to work, and him entering the unemployed realm... my income will not be as much as his...which means, we need to find something fast! Please please please be in prayer! Also, if you are local and know of ANY jobs that you think that would possibly work out for Clif, please please please give Clif or myself a call.
Oh! One last thing... when we took the babies to the doctor...and they were weighed....Eli was 17.7, Easton 17.4, and Elliana 14.6 :)

Wow. Will life ever slow down?? I seriously feel like every time I think it is, something else pops up.
Before I go into the happenings of life in the Smith household, I'll ask that you please say a prayer for our family. Clif has an interview on Monday. If things were to work out the way we are praying, it would be SUCH a blessing.
Also, please pray with us as we prepare for me to go back to work. >.< I start on March 5th...and while I'm looking forward to being in the big people world again... I'm dreading leaving my babies. Thank the Lord we have my mom...she'll be babysitting for us! (<We asked her four years ago, before we even started trying to have babies!)
So definitely a lot of change going on around these parts ;) We are currently working on some updates with our house (we added a new roof, and porch that goes across the length of our house during the summer)...we are working on the kitchen and master bath. We have purchased new counter tops, we're painting, working on the cabinets, and putting down new flooring. We intend to put it on the market come Spring (oh my! We are almost there...)...and we figure, if we can't sell it right now...at least we are making it nicer for ourselves!
What's going on with babies? Eli now has four teeth, and I swear there must be another one coming in somewhere because he has been extra needy these last few days. As mentioned before, he is the baby that stopped breathing after he was born. He had a few different medications,but never had any other problems. But... apparently, preemies are prone to have a wheeze due to immature lungs. Well, his "wheeze" has gotten worse over the course of the last week...so I got to spend Valentine's day at the doctor, and pharmacy with Eli. The doctor said that this time of year, the wheeze will get worse... said it was nothing to worry about, and gave him some oral albuterol. :)
Easton now has two teeth...and we are currently (as in, as I am typing) his very first goose egg. :( This kid is EVERYWHERE...all the time. He even moves around in his sleep. He isn't quite crawling, at least.... not like someone would normally crawl. He gets his knees up and scoots on his forehead (pretty cute). Anyway, this kid LOVES to roll back and forth...and while he was rolling this afternoon, he rolled over and cracked the back of his little head on the hardwood floor. >.< After talking to my mom, my hubby, and my best friend... the convinced me that I didn't need to call the doctor. :) You know that over protective Mom that annoys everyone to no end? Yep...that's me.
Elliana still is all gums, and even more attitude! Such a Feisty Little Diva! No lie. She is a Mommy's girl all around...and I absolutely love it, and secretly enjoy when she comes to me instead of Clif ;)
Clif continues to be the wonderful Daddy I always knew he would be.His love for his family amazes me over and over each and every day. Love that man SO much!  I love how he provides for his family, even when it's not how he would choose to do so. :) He truly is a wonderful man, and I am so very blessed to have him in my life... and that he is the father of my four beautiful children.
Me...I'm still me. :) Looking froward to get back into a work routine, and looking forward to two incomes again! I'm still doing weight watchers, have lost 77 pounds since 7/15, and 41 since starting ww. These last two weeks have been a constant struggle for me, because for the first time since September, I have gained weight. Only a pound... but it's about to drive me CRAZY! I'm fairly certain that it's my new bc causing the issue...which I'm not loving at all. :/ So...because of this, I've started working out :) Praying that this does the trick... because I'm not really suffering from any side affects, and feel decent. We shall see. :)
Any Mom's have any schedule suggestions for me? Also, any suggestions on how many meals they should be getting? Right now, they get lunch and dinner... but when I try to add in breakfast, it throws them for a loop every time. Here is how our day goes as of now:

7:45 - wake up, diapers, snuggles, ect.
8:00 - bottles :)
8:15-9:30 - play
9:45 - naps (normally lasting anywhere from 20-45 minutes. I would like this to last from about 9:45-11:15)
11:45 - bottle,diapers
12:00 - lunch (normally consisting of a veggie & fruit - sometimes oatmeal/fruit)
12:30-1:45 - play
2:00 - nap (again, anywhere from 20-45 minutes... would like to have this 2:00-3:30ish)
wake up -3:45 play
4:00 - bottles,diapers
4:15-6:00 - play
6:15 - diapers & dinner (consisting of a fruit, veggie & oatmeal/cereal)
7:00-7:45 - wind down, diapers, clothes change...ready for bed (every other night is bath night)
7:45 - bottle
8:15 - bed time

It's a "Dude that Sparkles" kind of day!

Okay, Okay...I know. I'm officially fourteen years old. But I am sooooooooo excited about "Breaking Dawn, Pt 1" coming out tonight (at midnight).
In fact... I'm so excited, Clif is going to walmart at 12 to buy it! :) I don't know what it is that I love SO much about these movies (actually, I loved the books WAY more).


YAY!

change.

Something that I have come to realize I don't take to well. :) I think that I'm getting better than I used to be... but still.
There are a lot of changes taking place in our lives these next months, and along with the change comes a lot of uncertainty. Something else I'm not awesome at handling.

*sigh*

I know and believe with all of my heart that God will provide, and take care of us in each situation that we face - it's just so hard to trust sometimes.
I feel like I've already blogged about these feelings... and if I have, please overlook me :) These days, I don't remember most of what I am doing/ have done.
As of now, I'm still not 100% comfortable with putting all of the changes out here for all the world to read (if we're close friends you probably already know what's going on, and if not...all you have to do is drop and email and I would be happy to explain further about what's going on...and get a few more specific prayers going up!).
I will say that it includes Clif's current career/job, future career/job, and me going back to work. Let me just say, I'm not looking forward going back to work... but then again, I am.
I guess what I mean is: I don't want to leave my kids. Plain and simple. I have been home with them for *almost* six months now. They will be seven months old on the 15th of this month. BUT... I do look forward to getting back into the swing of things, re-entering the "real world". I have known since I was pregnant that we would not be able to afford for me to stay at home, not with the way we live (not that it's extravagant in any sense of the word...), the things that we have, and with the THREE babies we have. :) It takes more than one person working when you have three mouths to feed, and three butts to diaper. ;)
Please pray for me...that God may calm my nerves and my heart.
For the last three days or so, I have had some pretty hefty anxiety attacks. Like the ones I had between pregnancies. At first, I chalked it up to me being on yet another bc (had it changed last week due to some issues with the last one)... and thought that maybe it was messing with my body. Big surprise. But then, it occurred to me... there is a LOT going on with us right now...and though I don't feel "worried"... I guess my anxiousness about everything going on is taking a toll on my body? Who knows... we all know that I'm not exactly "normal"!
Also, if you think of it...please pray for Clif and I as a couple, that we may have wisdom and discernment in the decisions that we may face in the coming days.

*almost* seven months :) :(

I cannot believe our precious little babies are almost SEVEN months old!! Enjoy photos from our seven month photo shoot, a few days early!

in His hands...in His time.

Ugh! Sometimes letting go of your own life is one of the hardest things to do. But Who better to hold your life in the palm of their hand than Him?
I haven't been stressed for a while. And I do mean a while. You're probably checking the header of this page to make sure that you logged on to Desiree Smith's blog. :) Don't worry...you're in the right place.
If you know me...really, even if you don't know me but have read a good bit of my blog posts...you know that I have a worrying problem. Seriously. In the past I have worried about e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. No lie.
Oddly enough, since our babies were born back in July... my stress level has gone WAY down. Weird, I know...but that's me for ya...weird!
Anyway...on the reason for this post. I have never been good at dealing with uncertainty. Ever. And while Clif is better than I am... he doesn't do the greatest with uncertainty either.
As it stands, a lot of things in our lives are changing. For the good...at least, I think it's for the good. We are trusting that it's for the good. 
Stepping out on faith is something that you always hear about someone else doing. Not yourself. Clif and I have done a ton (literally) of praying, thinking, talking through things... and it looks like there may be a LEAP for us. And soon.
Please pray with us that we may make the right decision concerning these things. And also, that we may put our full trust in the Lord, and not look back.

prayer, jobs & teeth!

Another jumbled blog post...please hang in there! :)

 First off, please pray for a little boy that is in our local NICU, born at 36 weeks, and has underdeveloped lungs. <3 Also, a friend went to visit this baby... and met another family that had a little baby born at 23 weeks. I cannot imagine. I do have to say that hospitals, doctors, and nurses AMAZE me. And how far the medical world has come...
Did anyone read the article about the 9 ounce ( I think that is right ) baby that was born last summer and just went home a week or so ago? Simply amazing...

 Second, please pray with us concerning a possible lead on a job for Clif. I can't go into too much detail because...well, I'm sure you all understand, BUT...we put in his application and resume yesterday, and it just so happens that we know about five people that "know" someone within the organization...and they are all making calls or sending emails to the "Top Dog" for us. :) He actually put in two applications yesterday. We are praying praying praying that something will come from one of these, and quick! Two and a half months of night shift is nearing...

 Third...EASTON HAS TWO TEETH!! :) Well, kinda. They both have broken gum, but we still have a little ways to go. Eli has two that are completely through, one that  is partially, and one that is about to break gum and day now! :) Poor Little Princess has ZERO... but her gums have definitely thinned...and she's starting the teething process, just like both boys did.

 While it is exciting to have teeth coming in...and to have THREE babies...it's a little less exciting when they are all three teething. It's been a tiring few days around the Smith household. And it continues to be interesting with Clif currently working two weeks of nights >.< But...we are managing :)

hunt.

For a job that is. Not for me...for my hubby. Well, possibly. His schedule since starting at his current place of employment has been two weeks days (12 hour shifts), and two weeks nights (12 hour shifts).
A few months ago, the employees were told that they would be going to permanent days or permanent nights.
Last week they informed my husbands shift that starting in March,  they would be on 2 1/2 months of straight nights.
This doesn't work for us. At all. Especially if I were to go back to work this Spring... I would literally NOT see Clif for two months. Except for *some* of his weekends off.  Needless to say, in our eyes it would be really hard to maintain a marriage and family if he is never home at night.
So, with that being said...if any of my local readers are reading this... and know of a GOOD job, good benefits, and at LEAST $15hr (preferably 8-5,m-f) please let me know. You can email me at smithfam07@hotmail.com, or call if you have my number. I know that it seems like we are picky with what we are looking for... but we have to be. Why would he want to go somewhere where he is going to work crazy shifts for less money?? He could do that at his current place...for the same money.
Please pray with us concerning this situation...

Thanks!