I feel like every post I write is the same. I guess that's why I don't post as often as I once did. Though, it's still pretty often! :)
The last couple of days have been weird for me. I've had a lot of little things creep in...things that I have tried to block out...things that I try not to remember very often...things that hurt.
Today started off with me thinking of the morning I went into the hospital. I can't help but remember how I was a bundle of nerves...waiting to meet my daughter. We were so excited...so nervous. Never in a million years did we see such heartache coming...
Last night we went out of town to a funeral. I can't remember if we've been to one since Lilly died or not. That's pretty bad, isn't it? Anyway...sitting in the chapel...breathing in stale air, and room filled with the scent of carnations. I remembered the pain...pure hell that we went through, or so it seemed. For the first time in a while, I felt numb.
Ya know what's weird?? When you've been through the things that Clif and I have (and many others!)... and still don't know what to say to people who are suffering a loss of their own. It's hard to come up with words to say... because you know with all your heart that you can talk all day long, and nothing takes away the pain.
I guess that you can say that I've done a lot of remembering these last few days. I guess, in a way, it's good for me. But then again...maybe not.
It's been a weird & long eleven days. And I've still got a few left before testing... I'm nervous. I'm scared... I'm excited, yet... I don't "feel" pregnant. I feel like I'm spinning in circles. **Sigh** I hate this waiting...