Rest In Peace Uncle Rufus

Meet Uncle Rufus. One of the sweetest men you'd ever meet in your life. I didn't really "know" my uncle until his last living brother, my grandfather, passed away in March of 2001.

I was drawn to him...I guess because he reminded me SO much of my Papaw. I remember him staying what seemed like forever the day of my Papaw's funeral. I remember how he was there for us...especially my Granny.

Over the years - especially after Granny died in June 2002 - I kind of adopted Uncle Rufus as a grandfather of sorts. I grew attached to him very quickly.

This picture was taken at his surprise 90th birthday party - which his family/church threw for him. What a happy day. Clif and I are undecided... but are fairly certain this picture was taken 6-7 years ago. Time flies.

This morning, not long after I arrived at work... I received a text message letting me know that my Sweet Uncle Rufus passed away this morning.

We all knew it was coming... after all, he was just a few years short of 100 years old! He'd been doing pretty rough for a while, and took a turn for the worse a few weeks back. We pretty much knew it was just a matter of time...yet...it was such a surprise to me.

Uncle Rufus had been in Florida with his son for quite some time. I hadn't seen him for 2+ years. Though time and distance separated us...I will miss this sweet sweet man so much. I'm so blessed to have known and loved this precious man.

Rest in peace Uncle Rufus...

Until we meet again.

{not so} dysfunctional

...so the other day I heard some words that I'd never heard before. In fact, I never thought I would hear them.

"Your ovaries are perfect. No cysts. Everything looks perfectly healthy."

Um...excuse me Dr.G, could you repeat yourself?

Yeah. Needless to say - I was super shocked to hear those words come out of my good ole doctor's mouth! I really did almost ask him to repeat himself. 

Apparently I have stress in my life. Ha! I can't imagine WHY in the world I would have any reason to be stressed ;) Not saying it's a bad stress per say... just stress in the general sense of the word.

It all started about four weeks ago when I started having pretty bad pain in my left side. Actually, it constantly ached and there would just be sporadic pain shoot through my side. Soon after that started - my right side started hurting. At this point, I knew it was time to call Dr.G. I just knew that my ovaries were acting up - covered in cysts no doubt. Along with my self diagnosis, I already decided that I was going to have to have another surgery on my ovaries.

I called Dr.G's office... which is a whole new thing in itself. Since giving birth to the triplets - Dr.G has moved to a private practice, and it's become quite difficult to get in touch with him...let alone get in to see him. I spoke with a nurse that let me know that Dr.G was on night shift - and that she would pass along the message. The nurse called me back the next day saying that Dr.G felt like I should go in for an ultrasound and get checked out. That he "felt like something may be going on in there". Grreeat. This whole time, they were corresponding with Dr.G via email I guess... and it just made me more and more nervous. So, when I reached the point where the pain and worry consumed me...I called Dr.G at the hospital and asked if he thought I should come in. I mean, what if it were a ruptured cyst or something completely different all together? The doctor quickly calmed my nerves -he's always been kind of good at that, huh?- and assured me that I did not need to come to the ER that night :) Needless to say...the kind of ultrasound that I needed...yes, THAT kind of ultrasound, cannot be done at Dr.G's office....so I had to wait until they could get me in at another office. Originally it was going to be a week, but later - they had a cancellation and it only ended up being 4 days. Whew. 

Meanwhile...I got all worked up and had some kind of weird episode at work. My vision went blurry and I couldn't see for almost two hours. It was miserable. About 30 minutes after my vision went all crazy on me, I had a horrible pain on the right side of my head. Long story short... Velocity {Urgent} Care trip...AND an ER trip later... apparently I survived my first ever legit Migraine. Bleh. That was definitely an experience I do not care to relive anytime soon.

Yesterday was my ultrasound...and I was more than nervous. You all know me...Desiree the Worry Wart. I had decided that I was covered in cysts...maybe they would even find a growth or something in there.

Silly me! I thought that I would get results right then and there... but then realized that after they did the ultrasound - they would have to send it to Dr.G to look over. Ugh! All that waiting. I watched the screen as the ultrasound was preformed... and convinced myself that I saw at least half a dozen things wrong with my insides.

Side Note: foot tats are GREAT conversation pieces when getting THAT kind of ultrasound. HA!

Thank the Lord, Dr.G called me within a few hours of the ultrasound. I sat down, and prepared myself for the news he would have.

The news was nothing. Actually, it was better than nothing. He said that I didn't have single cyst on my ovaries. That they looked perfectly healthy. My uterus too! What? Seriously? Was he looking at the right chart?

All that to say...I'm pretty pleased. :) First time very I've been told that my ovaries are healthy. Kinda made my day.

Two years ago I was told that I had "Other Ovarian Dysfunction". Yeah...not so dysfunctional anymore! Way to go girls!

God is so good :) I am so undeserving of the blessings that He has given me.

Dear Lilly {1,272 days later}

...1,272 days.

   ...3 years. 5 months, and 25 days.

      ...181 weeks and 5 days.

            ...30,528 hours.

                 ...1,831,680 minutes.

Dear Lilly,
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday that I locked eyes with your daddy in the bathroom mirror... the night we found out that you were growing inside me.
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday that I saw your tiny bean-shaped body on the ultrasound screen... and heard your heart beat for the first time.
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday when Ms.V told us that we were going to be Mommy and Daddy to a precious baby GIRL. A little girl that we had already named Lillian Joy.
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday that Dr.G told me that there was a chance that I'd have to go out of work early because my blood pressure was too high, and that it was too much stress on you and me.
 Most days i feel like it was just yesterday that Dr.G told me that he would induce labor...since you were so stubborn, and didn't want to come on your own.
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday that I listened to some of your hearts last beats in that doctor's office. The last time I ever heard your heart beat.
 Most days i feel like it was just yesterday that you woke me up bright and early on your birthday... willing your way out. As if saying, "Wake up Mom! Let's get this show on the road!".
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday that the nurses on the L&D floor couldn't find your heart beat and called Dr.G on his way to the hospital.
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday that they rolled in the ultrasound machine.
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday that I saw your lifeless body on that black and white screen.
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday that my world was shattered, and my life came to a screeching halt.
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday when I walked into that operating room, knowing that there would be no happiness that day. Knowing that they would cut me open and take away the only connection I had to you.
 Most days I do feel like it was just yesterday...
 But today...just a few short days before Mother's Day  2013 - I feel like it's been decades since I saw your precious face. Since I held you for the first time... since I held you for the last time...since I kissed your chubby cheeks, smelled your freshly washed hair, and stroked your tiny fingers. I feel like it was a lifetime ago...and my heart aches to have those moments back. Just to relive them one more time. Maybe if I could see you one more time...hold you just one more second...maybe I could store a few more memories of you.
 Some days there are little things that I just can't remember about you...or your short life...and it makes me feel like I am losing you all over again.
 I try to relive those days in my mind from time to time...so I don't forget. Oh God...there are so many things that I won't forget about you. Your smooshed little nose...your soft brown hair...your big ole' feet... your long fingers...chubby cheeks...your soft skin...your big ears...your lips...your look of innocence. Perfection.
 I love you little girl...and I miss you more than anyone could ever imagine.

Always,
 Mommy