when life gives you turnips...make limeade.

I'm starting this post off on a comical note, but I must warn you... it takes a turn for the worse...maybe worst. *sigh*



First off - we had a blast on our camping trip. Caught a lot of fish, froze our butts off at night...hiked, went on a two - three hour float... cooked hot dogs over a campfire, grilled...and ate smores. Of course there were some bug bites in there too. :) But all in all, it was a good trip. We played tons of games, and learned a few new ones too. Clif taught us dominoes and "A" & "B" (

When playing Taboo - we paired up as couples, since we know each other the best. I got the word "Lemonade". The timer started and I said "when life gives you ___" and Clif answered, "turnips". Really? Then I said it again, and we replied with "lemons", I said - "make?" which he replied with "Limeade!" HAHAHA! I about peed my pants. So - that's where the title comes from today. When life gives you turnips, make limeade. :)


Now for that sharp turn. It's a painful one...and I'm trying my hardest not let it get to me down. Let's just say it's easier said than done. It's definitely a challenge. :) But my God is greater than any of this stuff that's going on. I serve Him, and He is on my side.


I went to see Dr S this morning. Amazing how *literally* forty five seconds of ultrasound cost me right around $80.00. Seriously? I got there - he poked me with the "wand", looked for a few seconds - said that my ovaries look the same as they did last week - and that my progesterone came back "not consistent with ovulation". So I was told to get dressed and to come to his office to discuss our "game plan".


Hmmm...some expensive game plan.


I was told that he wouldn't give me any more Clomid. Three pills a day is the most that's been approved - and I was given four pills a day last month. He said that if he gave me Clomid again - that he was sure my body would not respond. Poo.


He said I have two options.


Option #1 - Follistimaq injections. I would go in for an hour long appointment with my nurse, and she would teach me how to inject myself in the stomach with the shots. Oh goody. A "woman like me" would get a lower dose more often instead of high doses less often. He said that the Follistimaq injections *almost* guarantee matured eggs. There is a 20% chance that *if* we got pregnant with these injections that it would be a multiple pregnancy. Most of the cases that Dr S has seen have been twins, and he said that he's seen several triplets too. Sometimes the Follistimaq causes too many eggs to mature, and they advise you *not* to try to conceive that month. For fear of being the next octo-mom. Gee.


Option #2 - Ovarian drilling. Sound painful? According to someone I know (who has had three similar procedures) they are extremely painful. They would go in and burn small holes in my ovaries. He said that in some cases, after Ovarian drilling, you begin to ovulate on your own. Now that would be a sight to behold. There still would be a very good possibility that I would need the injections, even with the surgery. But then again - there is always that chance that my body would ovulate on it's own - and that I could get pregnant without help. I honestly believe that my God is that big - He can do anything.


Ready for the good part?? The Follistimaq is (of course) *not* covered by my insurance. Dr S told me that it'd be right at $1,000.00 for the meds. When I called the nurse this afternoon, she said that if it's not covered - it could cost anywhere from $800-2200. Great.


I know I've said this before, but I'm going to say it again. I feel as if every time I "fall" I just get kicked over and over again. As if losing my daughter isn't enough - lets throw infertility & PCOS in the mix. Why not, right?


So I called the nurse and told her that I wanted a little more information about the surgery. She told me that it's called Ovarian Drilling - and that it's out patient. I'd be out of work for a week. It looks like if we go this route that it will be November 2nd before I can have the surgery done. Isn't that lovely? If we decide to go through with it - I will be bed ridden up until my (would have been) due date (with Lilly). I'll be recovering from surgery at the same time THIS year as I was last year.


I wanted to know how the doctor would code the surgery - I was told it would be coded as "PCOS". I was given two codes (he wants to do the Ovarian Drilling and check my tubes) to call the insurance company with, just to see if they could tell me what my part of the surgery would be. I was told that the doctor has to call in for pre authorization, and that *if* it was approved under my insurance, my copay the morning of would be $250.00. Of course I would go the day before for pre-op and other equally fun stuff. I only have one more paid visit with Dr S - unless my insurance would be gracious enough to let me have a few more paid visits. Which means not only would I be paying for the surgery, and the injections (more than likely)... I would have to pay for office visits and anything he does at those visits (mainly ultrasounds).


If I understood my nurse correctly, since my insurance said that I had to have pre authorization for the surgery - the Dr will have to sign something saying that we will not be doing an insemination. Which makes it that much better. Let's pay thousands upon thousands of dollars for surgery and fertility treatments and then take a chance at doing things the "natural" way.How can they make me say that I WON'T have an insemination done when they aren't going to pay for the insemination in the first place?? *sigh* I feel like I'm screwed no matter which way I go.


Honestly... I'm beyond words right now. I'm at a loss, and I'm hurting beyond relief. The one thing that I want more than anything in this world seems to be slipping farther and farther out of my grasp...