Aleisha...I remember.

**Below is a letter written to my best friend of fifteen years. Two days before I went into the hospital for my scheduled induction - Aleisha, her husband (Joe) and daughter (our goddaughter) stopped by to see me. It was the first time we had seen one another in almost a year. And we had only begun speaking a few weeks prior to that. Looking back it was no ones fault... it was just a long strand of misunderstandings. I met their daughter for the very first time that day. It was the first time she'd seen me pregnant. I never got to see her during the nine months she was pregnant. We made amends within those few weeks before Lilly was born. I believe that our making up was a total God thing. He knew that I would need Aleisha during my darkest hours.**


Aleisha,
 I've been trying for quite some time now to find a way to say thank you. I've said I would get a card - but haven't. Maybe I'd thank you in person? No, to hard. So a letter it is.
 I remember Friday November 13th like it was yesterday, I can remember the heartbreak,agony,pain...and relive it most days. I can still see the urgency in the nurses eyes when they were looking for Lilly's heartbeat, I still hear Dr G tell me there was no heartbeat. I can recall Clif's screams escaping his lips - those screams still haunt me. I remember waking up from surgery hoping, praying that it was all a dream. One look into Clif's eyes and I knew this was/is my reality.
 I remember so many things about that day. All the phone calls, visits, cards...and most importantly the prayers offered up all over the world. There were so many tears that day, so many questions. The tears remain today, almost nine months later - and most of the questions still go unanswered.
 Though many details of that day are forever burned in my heart and mind - many of them are not. There are chunks of that cool November day that I do not remember. And several of the forgotten pieces have recently started coming back to me. Moments that were a blur are now clear,sharp...vivid even.
 One of those moments...memories, is of you. I remember you came to see me that evening. And I knew then (and know now) that you would have been there sooner if you could have been.
 I sit here today - and I can see a clear picture of you, me and Clif in the hospital room. I see you walking in, meeting my gaze - matching my tears almost tear for tear. You brought me chocolate, Dove and Lindor. My favorites. You made some comment about how chocolate always helps. I remember you hugged me and I latched on for dear life. In that moment every past problem between us disappeared. I remember you smoothed my hair and kissed my hands. Aleisha, I remember most that you were there. After almost a year of not speaking - you were there for me.

                                                             But there is more...

 When you arrived at my room, the nurse had just gone to get Lilly for us. It was the second, and last time we saw her while at the hospital. I wanted you to stay, and you did. How brave. You stayed by my side as the nurse wheeled in Lillian, wrapped in her Gigi-made quilt, all bundled in her hospital bassinet. You watched as the nurse handed me my precious baby girl. I remember tears falling. I remember you saying she was beautiful. and then - you asked if you could hold her.
 The nurses had held her, Clif and I held her, even our parents held her. Never in a million years did I think someone would ask to hold her. Who would want to hold a baby who was already gone??
 I can't imagine the things that must have been going through your mind. Trinity was only what? Four months old? Almost five months? You were the mommy of a precious baby girl - how hard it must have been to hold the daughter of your best friend. Her daughter that was born sleeping. But you did. I remember that to. You cradled her in your arms as tears fell all around the room.
 I will never be able to express to you how much that meant to me - and still means to me.
 So thank you. Thank you for not being afraid. Thank you for holding my Lilly. Thank you for loving me.

I'll love you longer than forever...

~Des