dazed and confused.

Talk about a horrible day. *sigh*

Well...let's start at the beginning.

This morning I woke up at 6:20 and went to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready. I took my OPK test, and low and behold it was positive. I thought I was crazy...so I woke Clif up and made him come in there and take a look. I didn't tell him I thought it was positive. I just asked him to tell me what line was darker. He said, "the one on the left". Well, the line on the right is the reference line. The left is the test line. It wasn't just me. The test was positive.

So, with a glimpse of hope - we headed to the REs office. We show up, Ovidrel in hand. Dr S came to get me quickly, and took me back to the u/s room. He left for me to undress, and then came back a few minutes later. I told him about the test. He sounded hopeful.

The u/s started and I could tell by his face it wasn't good. He turned the screen for Clif and I to see - he showed us my ovaries, and the follicles. The eggs are not matured.

Dr S was puzzled. He said that he has no clue why I got a positive OPK this morning. He said it didn't make sense.

I got dressed and went to his office. He told us that if I hadn't told him about the test, he would have told me to come back in 5-7 days. But since I got the positive, he wasn't sure what to do. He told us that I could get the shot today and possibly (more than likely) waste $260 tomorrow for the insemination.

We asked him what he suggested, and he said that he would wait until Friday - come in and get blood drawn (at the lab - so it doesn't count as one of my appointments) to check and see if I ovulated. THEN I'll go back Monday at 8am for another u/s to see if the eggs have matured, get the Ovidrel shot , and go back Tuesday for the IUI. Possibly. But he didn't sound too hopeful.

It's pretty bad when your RE is puzzled. That's my body for ya though, screwed up.

I am almost to the point to give up, stop going to the doctor, and either do egg donor, surrogacy, or adoption.

My body has been through so much in the last nine months, it's not even money. If you want to get technical - I guess it's really gone through a lot since October 2008. *sigh*

I went back to work and talked with my boss...more like cried while my boss listened...for like an hour. And then she sent me home. I wouldn't have been worth anything at work today. I love my boss, she's the BEST.

So I'm upset...sad...disappointed. But I'll get over it...and I'm not going to lose hope. :) Keep looking up...that's what I keep telling myself.

My mom says that she is praising the Lord for the positive OPK - that she is viewing that as a shimmer of hope. Not to give up - to keep trusting God, and to find something to praise Him about. So - that's what I'm doing.

I'm praising God for the positive (even if it was false) test this morning - and praying that it wasn't a fluke like Dr S thinks that it may have been. That I will ovulate this month. Even if I don't get pregnant this month... if I can just ovulate, I would be so happy. We shall see...Dr S says that (contrary to what the OPK says - that the Clomid should not interfere with the test. However, the way I see it - the tests are 99.9% accurate. With my luck, I'll be in the 0.01% that is fluke.

Please continue to pray for us. Pray that the OPK test was correct - and that we may conceive even this week. :) He said to go with the "all natural" route tomorrow...and then we'll see what happens next week. Thanks to you all for the prayer and support that y'all give me.