What if... we had gotten to the hospital sooner?
What if... the doctors had done a ultrasound on November 12th?
What if... the induction was scheduled for a week (even a day) sooner?
What if... I had been put on blood pressure medication?
What if... bedrest had been insisted on at an earlier date?
What if... I had asked the doctor more questions?
What if... Lillian Joy Smith didn't die that day?
What if... Lillian Joy Smith lived?
What if??
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6 comments:
The what ifs drive me mad. I went to L&D twice before we went the final time, we actually were at L&D the morning she died, and she was 100% a ok and bouncy and happy. They even said "you have one happy baby!" :( What if they had delivered her then? Sigh.
Oh Desiree, I often wonder these things myself! Its so hard not to wonder. I could drive myself insane playing the what if game that I just try my best not too. I hate that we are in this boat together but I know that our boat is kept afloat by God himself! Sending prayers! *HUGS*
What if is a torturous question. My brother drowned on a church canoing trip over 22 years ago. He was 16, I was 14. I was there and watched him drown. I can not tell you how it used to haunt me that I did not throw him a life jacket in time to save his life. The exact second I picked up the jacket to throw it he went under and never came back up. I used to torture myself with what if... It will bring no good to do that. That is just satan trying to stir up trouble with your emotions. You are a great mother. You loved and cared for Lilly better than anyone could have. No matter what you would have done, this is what it is. It sucks, it is not fair, but sweetie rest assured you gave your daughter the best care possible and loved her more than anyone could have other than God.
xoxo
I know I think about the what if's and they drive me nuts sometimes.
Thinking of you so much.
{{HUGS}}
Caroline
A lot of what ifs to always wonder about...
I know just how you feel. I often struggle with lots of the same questions. It really stinks not to have answers...it really stinks to think of the possibilities of what could have, should have been. Lillian Joy is SUCH a beautiful name. She has brought such joy to her mommy's heart and the heart of so many others. What a darling, precious life. I like to play around with name combinations for when and if I get blessed with more children...Joy is one of my choices. Then we would both have our Lilys and our Joys. :)
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