Going down?

Yup I am pretty certain that today is pity party day. :/ I don't want to feel like this, but unfortunately, today I do.

There's nothing that I can do about it.

I went to the doctor's first thing this morning. Just to get blood drawn. They couldn't fit me in to do my sonogram until next Wednesday. So now we wait. I'll call back tomorrow to get the progesterone results, which I'm pretty sure will not be the results that I want. According to the monitor, I did not ovulate this month.

The only little bit of hope that I have is that my ovaries have been hurting, like cycle cramping almost. That's a good sign, right? I mean...the first day I started testing it said low fertility, and then it went up to high fertility. Maybe that was my peak? I don't know... I'm just in a "blah" state of mind today.

I'm trying to keep my chin up, and have faith. But it's just hard. I'm trying not to get too impatient. I know that God will bless our life when He is ready to do so. It's just hard accepting that His plans are not always identical for ours.

I don't want to have to go to a fertility specialist. Dr G told me that he didn't anticipate any problems with me getting pregnant on Clomid a second time. I know he's not God... but I trust him, and I guess that he just got my hopes up.

We're going to the beach the last week of this month. I was hoping that plans wouldn't work out and we would have to stay home. Ya see, Clif and I agreed that if I got pregnant this month that we would not be going on vacation. Reason being that I don't want to travel.

The day after I found out I was pregnant with Lilly we left for Texas. I was terrified as we made the almost 20 hour trip...without stopping to stay anywhere. And I don't want to do that again.

But it looks like we'll be going. We'll be gone a week. While I love the beach and look forward to it, I really didn't want to be able to go this year. Another case of counting my chickens before they hatch, huh?

I know and have witnessed the amazing things that God can do. And I know that He has plans for my life...for our life. And I know that He had a plan in motion for us when Lilly went to be with Him. He knew that her short life within me would be used, and it has. And continues to be.

Not many mommies can say that their babies have touched the lives of people all around the world, but I can. And I am so proud.