am I ready for this?

A little late to be asking this question, huh?

But really...am I ready for this? Am I ready for the emotional roller coaster of this month. Am I ready to take more disappointment? And if I'm not faced with disappointment this month...if my prayers are answered this month...am I ready to handle the stress? The worry? Every day life?

Am I ready to be pregnant again? Is my body ready for it?

I am a firm believer when it comes to, "the Lord won't give you more than you can handle..." I want to believe that another baby wouldn't be taken from us, but...am I strong enough to make it through another tragedy? Could I go on with life if I lost another baby?

There is so much to think about...a lot to pray about.

I've prayed myself to sleep for the last few nights...prayed that the Lord would bless us {with a child} this month. That He would prepare our hearts for what we may {or may not} receive. That He will hold me close, just like He always does. I have prayed that if I do become pregnant this month {or any other month for that matter} that He will give me the strength to carry another baby...that He will calm my nerves...and my heart.

I'm wishy washy this month. In one sense...I can see myself being pregnant {again} this time next month. But then on the other hand - I don't see me ever being pregnant again.

I want this. We want this. Bad. Maybe too bad? I don't know...but we both ache for it.

While reading a fellow bloggers post this morning, it made me think of something. Some people reading my blog may think that another baby will solve my problems. But it won't...and I know that. I know that having another baby {whether biological, or by adoption} will be a long, emotional road.  No one...nothing...will ever replace my baby girl.

I think I am ready for that. I hope I am, at least.