ten months.

Dear Lillian Joy,

 It's been ten months since I heard the words "no hear beat". Ten months since our world came crashing down around us. Ten months since we saw your face for the first time. Ten months since we said "hello" and "goodbye" in the same breath.
 Ten months ago (today) my heart was full of emotion. Hate, anger, confusion, hurt, loss, sad, peace, acceptance and love. Though I was completely and utterly heartbroken, I had an overwhelming sense of peace. I knew that even though we were crushed and confused, that God has (and still has) a perfect plan for our lives.
 You were/are a big part of that plan. I know it. How could you not be? You brought Daddy and I closer together than I ever thought possible. You helped heal our broken family. You had a hand in healing broken families.
 I've never known such a little girl have such a HUGE impact on lives all around the world. You truly are an amazing person. I can only hope that one day I will have touched as many lives as you.
 It's official. As of today, you have been gone longer than you were here. I'm having a really hard time accepting and dealing with that.
 People probably think I'm crazy - but sometimes I still feel you. It's weird being ten months post partum, yet still having phantom kicks. Still waking up some days and thinking you're still here with me.
 I long for you. I ache for you. I miss you. But most of all I love you.


Happy ten months in Heaven, Baby Girl.


Mommy and Daddy love you more than anyone could ever imagine...


Love,
Mommy