the most bitter cup i've ever had to drink...

Tomorrow will mark six months since my baby girl went to be with Jesus. Lillian Joy's death has been the bitter cup that I've been drinking from...

A few weeks after she passed away, a local pastor contacted me via facebook. He asked if it would be okay if he sent me a book that he wrote. It's called, "When the Will of God is a Bitter Cup". It's written by Dr.Don Woodard.

There are SO many things in this book that have helped me. I have truly enjoyed reading it.

With the six month anniversary of Lilly's home going coming up, and the constant reminder of the pain that I live... I thought that it would be fitting to share a few things with you all.

There are several chapters that when I read them, it was like this book was written just for me.

One chapter talks about how it's okay if you don't like the bitter cup. God has a purpose for our lives, and though I don't know His purpose for this bitter cup in my life... I trust Him with it. And believe me... I don't like it for one second. With every breath I take, I wish that my little girl was here with me. But I know that this is His will, and that there is something great in store for my life.

Next, God cares that I am hurting!! There isn't a single aspect of my life that God doesn't know about. And he cares that this is tearing me up inside. He loves me. He has given Clif and I strength that I never thought possible...and continues to give that strength to us on a daily basis. :) I continue to choose to praise Him in this storm.

Then there were two chapters that kinda walked hand in hand about how we can't be critical of those who don't understand what we are going through... how we can't be upset with them because their lives are going good (or at least it seems), because one day they may have a bitter cup of their own. It also talks about how we should not retaliate against people who don't understand. At the end of this chapter, Dr. Woodard makes a good point. Saying that our friends may begin to be critical of our situation and try to analyze our situation, make accusations, and maybe even betray us! He gives us a reminder though, saying to remember what our Saviour did when he was betrayed. He didn't retaliate or attack those people who betrayed him, he called them "friend".

This isn't even close to being all that spoke to me in the book, but I just had to share it. :) I think that I have shared some from this book before, but I was actually just emailing the author of this book today...telling him about how the book spoke to me, and thanking him for sending it to me...
and looking through the book and refreshing my memory, so many things popped out that I wanted to share.

I will close with this:

~And God Said~

I said, "God, I hurt."
And God said, "I know."
I said, "God, I cry a lot."
And God said, "This is why I gave you tears."
I said, "God I am so depressed."
And God said, "That is why I gave you sunshine"
I said, "God, life is so hard."
And God said, "That is why I gave you loved ones."
I said, "God my loved one died."
God said, "So did mine."
I said, "God it's such a loss."
And God said, "I saw mine nailed to a cross."
I said, "God, but your loved one lives."
And God said, "So does yours."
I said, "God, where are they now?"
And God said, "Mine is on my right, and yours is in the light."
I said, "God it hurts."
And God said, "I know."