4 years, 3 months, 3 weeks, and 5 days.

That's what I found when I looked at my blog for the first time in at least a year.

Four years, three months, three weeks and five days since I said hello and goodbye to my precious baby girl.

It's so hard for me to even wrap my mind around the fact that I should have a four year old running around in the midst of the chaos we call life.

A four year old.

I've been thinking about that should-be four year old.

I have a wonderful life. I have a wonderful family whom I love with all that I am. I think that I have finally come to terms with the fact that it's okay that there is a piece missing from "all that I am"... It's Lilly's piece of me. It's the piece of my heart that she took with her four years, three months, three weeks and five days ago.

Who knew a heart could be so full...yet still ache for the should-have-been.