Dear Lilly {1,272 days later}

...1,272 days.

   ...3 years. 5 months, and 25 days.

      ...181 weeks and 5 days.

            ...30,528 hours.

                 ...1,831,680 minutes.

Dear Lilly,
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday that I locked eyes with your daddy in the bathroom mirror... the night we found out that you were growing inside me.
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday that I saw your tiny bean-shaped body on the ultrasound screen... and heard your heart beat for the first time.
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday when Ms.V told us that we were going to be Mommy and Daddy to a precious baby GIRL. A little girl that we had already named Lillian Joy.
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday that Dr.G told me that there was a chance that I'd have to go out of work early because my blood pressure was too high, and that it was too much stress on you and me.
 Most days i feel like it was just yesterday that Dr.G told me that he would induce labor...since you were so stubborn, and didn't want to come on your own.
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday that I listened to some of your hearts last beats in that doctor's office. The last time I ever heard your heart beat.
 Most days i feel like it was just yesterday that you woke me up bright and early on your birthday... willing your way out. As if saying, "Wake up Mom! Let's get this show on the road!".
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday that the nurses on the L&D floor couldn't find your heart beat and called Dr.G on his way to the hospital.
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday that they rolled in the ultrasound machine.
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday that I saw your lifeless body on that black and white screen.
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday that my world was shattered, and my life came to a screeching halt.
 Most days I feel like it was just yesterday when I walked into that operating room, knowing that there would be no happiness that day. Knowing that they would cut me open and take away the only connection I had to you.
 Most days I do feel like it was just yesterday...
 But today...just a few short days before Mother's Day  2013 - I feel like it's been decades since I saw your precious face. Since I held you for the first time... since I held you for the last time...since I kissed your chubby cheeks, smelled your freshly washed hair, and stroked your tiny fingers. I feel like it was a lifetime ago...and my heart aches to have those moments back. Just to relive them one more time. Maybe if I could see you one more time...hold you just one more second...maybe I could store a few more memories of you.
 Some days there are little things that I just can't remember about you...or your short life...and it makes me feel like I am losing you all over again.
 I try to relive those days in my mind from time to time...so I don't forget. Oh God...there are so many things that I won't forget about you. Your smooshed little nose...your soft brown hair...your big ole' feet... your long fingers...chubby cheeks...your soft skin...your big ears...your lips...your look of innocence. Perfection.
 I love you little girl...and I miss you more than anyone could ever imagine.

Always,
 Mommy