Day 26 - your week in great detail.

Hmmm. I think that I'll just make this post about the Walk to Remember that we participated in on this past Saturday.

First of all, I want to say a big thank you too all of my family & friends that came out to walk with us. You all will never know how much it meant to Clif and me to have you there with us. You guys ROCK!

Clif and I had to drive separately, because he had try outs for a new position at his work (last minute). I had a friend "K" ride with me, and then we met my parents, niece, nephew, Clif's mom, step dad, cousin, other cousin, aunt, an old friend "C" from church and her friend, and my friend "A" and goddaughter "T". Whew. :) Hope I didn't forget anyone.

We were actually the first ones there... I was surprised. Unfortunately, miscarriage, stillbirth & infant loss isn't as "popular" as other causes. There were only 35-40 registered to walk. But it was a blessing none the less.

There was a car that pulled up, and out came two ladies that I already knew. The first, "S", that I met with for my interview at the perinatal council downtown. She was actually heading up the walk with a nurse, "H" from the hospital that Lilly was born in. "H" was not one of my nurses during my stay, but she heard our story and came to meet us.

I remember her coming to my room that Friday morning and telling me how very sorry she was to hear about our loss. She hugged me, a complete stranger. She cried with me. She came back to check on me numerous times during our stay there.

Once they moved me from the labor & delivery floor, she even came to my room to check on me again. I had a bad reaction to either the spinal block or the tape that they used and I had a line of blisters that went across my back. She flipped out when she saw them - even though I had complained to my nurses before. She called Dr G and told him that he needed to do something about it.

Needless to say, this woman had a huge impact on my stay there. What an amazing, sweet lady. :) It was so good to see her again. I didn't think that she'd remember me...but at one point in the walk, she came and smiled (almost crying) and hugged me...for a long time. She told me that she was so glad to see me doing so well. :) And then hugged Clif as well. I was so surprised, with me not even being her patient, that she remembered me.

The walk started off with "S" & "H" telling a little bit about S.H.A.R.E. Then they had a chaplain come and tell her story, and have prayer with us. Her story was heartbreaking. She herself did not suffer a loss, but it was her mother, 40 years ago. She told of how her little brother was born still at full term, and how heartbreaking it was for her family. She was only 7.

After the prayer they opened up the floor, so to speak, for anyone in the group to talk about their loss. I couldn't speak...tears just streamed down my face as different men & women told their story. There was a young couple whose son was stillborn earlier this year, a couple whose daughter passed away at three months, one that passed away at eight months...and then they had suffered a miscarriage a month ago. I wanted to tell Lilly's story...but just...couldn't.

I heard my mom speak up (through tears of her own) behind me. She said that she was there, walking in honor of the baby she lost 30 years ago, and her granddaughter that passed away almost a year ago. Then my dad spoke of Lilly too...and of their baby.

We walked (only a mile) and then went to the Perinatal Council to "fellowship" < if that's what you want to call it.

There I was able to talk with other mothers who have suffered loss...well, really I just mostly listened. An RN from the hospital asked me about the shirt I was wearing.

I had made shirts for everyone to wear during the walk, but afterwards, I changed into the shirt that I ordered from Faces Of Loss. That's the shirt that the RN asked me about. I told her about the website that Kristin Cook launched, and how it had touched so many lives. That it started out as a blog where mothers could share their stories of loss, but quickly became a non profit. I also told them how there is now a place for stories of hope. Also, that there is a discussion board, ect. :) They were very excited to hear about the site (and one of the other mothers had heard about it somewhere on the news?) and said that they will add it to the list of their support resources.

The rest of the day went pretty well. Most of us went to McDonald's afterwards (I know, real healthy) to get a quick lunch. We all walked in with our shirts on (me with my 'Faces' shirt) and when I walked up to order our food, some chick said "did some boy die?" REALLY? I was very impressed with myself, because I did not lash out at her ignorance. I wanted to be like, NUMBER ONE, I have never heard of a BOY being named "Lillian". SECOND, it was a little girl that DIED. MY little girl. But all I said was, no, it was actually my daughter that passed away. She was like, "Oh...sorry" and walked off. It took all the strength that I could muster NOT to scream, or cry, or something. And not because it made me sad to talk about Lilly, but because people are so...oblivious, cold...and mean.

Anyways...this is a day late, and doesn't really go into detail about my week...but I wanted to share. :)