...journey to motherhood

2012-02-17T16:26:00.000-05:00

Wow. Will life ever slow down?? I seriously feel like every time I think it is, something else pops up.
Before I go into the happenings of life in the Smith household, I'll ask that you please say a prayer for our family. Clif has an interview on Monday. If things were to work out the way we are praying, it would be SUCH a blessing.
Also, please pray with us as we prepare for me to go back to work. >.< I start on March 5th...and while I'm looking forward to being in the big people world again... I'm dreading leaving my babies. Thank the Lord we have my mom...she'll be babysitting for us! (<We asked her four years ago, before we even started trying to have babies!)
So definitely a lot of change going on around these parts ;) We are currently working on some updates with our house (we added a new roof, and porch that goes across the length of our house during the summer)...we are working on the kitchen and master bath. We have purchased new counter tops, we're painting, working on the cabinets, and putting down new flooring. We intend to put it on the market come Spring (oh my! We are almost there...)...and we figure, if we can't sell it right now...at least we are making it nicer for ourselves!
What's going on with babies? Eli now has four teeth, and I swear there must be another one coming in somewhere because he has been extra needy these last few days. As mentioned before, he is the baby that stopped breathing after he was born. He had a few different medications,but never had any other problems. But... apparently, preemies are prone to have a wheeze due to immature lungs. Well, his "wheeze" has gotten worse over the course of the last week...so I got to spend Valentine's day at the doctor, and pharmacy with Eli. The doctor said that this time of year, the wheeze will get worse... said it was nothing to worry about, and gave him some oral albuterol. :)
Easton now has two teeth...and we are currently (as in, as I am typing) his very first goose egg. :( This kid is EVERYWHERE...all the time. He even moves around in his sleep. He isn't quite crawling, at least.... not like someone would normally crawl. He gets his knees up and scoots on his forehead (pretty cute). Anyway, this kid LOVES to roll back and forth...and while he was rolling this afternoon, he rolled over and cracked the back of his little head on the hardwood floor. >.< After talking to my mom, my hubby, and my best friend... the convinced me that I didn't need to call the doctor. :) You know that over protective Mom that annoys everyone to no end? Yep...that's me.
Elliana still is all gums, and even more attitude! Such a Feisty Little Diva! No lie. She is a Mommy's girl all around...and I absolutely love it, and secretly enjoy when she comes to me instead of Clif ;)
Clif continues to be the wonderful Daddy I always knew he would be.His love for his family amazes me over and over each and every day. Love that man SO much! I love how he provides for his family, even when it's not how he would choose to do so. :) He truly is a wonderful man, and I am so very blessed to have him in my life... and that he is the father of my four beautiful children.
Me...I'm still me. :) Looking froward to get back into a work routine, and looking forward to two incomes again! I'm still doing weight watchers, have lost 77 pounds since 7/15, and 41 since starting ww. These last two weeks have been a constant struggle for me, because for the first time since September, I have gained weight. Only a pound... but it's about to drive me CRAZY! I'm fairly certain that it's my new bc causing the issue...which I'm not loving at all. :/ So...because of this, I've started working out :) Praying that this does the trick... because I'm not really suffering from any side affects, and feel decent. We shall see. :)
Any Mom's have any schedule suggestions for me? Also, any suggestions on how many meals they should be getting? Right now, they get lunch and dinner... but when I try to add in breakfast, it throws them for a loop every time. Here is how our day goes as of now:

7:45 - wake up, diapers, snuggles, ect.
8:00 - bottles :)
8:15-9:30 - play
9:45 - naps (normally lasting anywhere from 20-45 minutes. I would like this to last from about 9:45-11:15)
11:45 - bottle,diapers
12:00 - lunch (normally consisting of a veggie & fruit - sometimes oatmeal/fruit)
12:30-1:45 - play
2:00 - nap (again, anywhere from 20-45 minutes... would like to have this 2:00-3:30ish)
wake up -3:45 play
4:00 - bottles,diapers
4:15-6:00 - play
6:15 - diapers & dinner (consisting of a fruit, veggie & oatmeal/cereal)
7:00-7:45 - wind down, diapers, clothes change...ready for bed (every other night is bath night)
7:45 - bottle
8:15 - bed time

It's a "Dude that Sparkles" kind of day!

2012-02-10T08:41:00.000-05:00

Okay, Okay...I know. I'm officially fourteen years old. But I am sooooooooo excited about "Breaking Dawn, Pt 1" coming out tonight (at midnight).
In fact... I'm so excited, Clif is going to walmart at 12 to buy it! :) I don't know what it is that I love SO much about these movies (actually, I loved the books WAY more).

YAY!

change.

2012-02-09T09:29:00.000-05:00

Something that I have come to realize I don't take to well. :) I think that I'm getting better than I used to be... but still.
There are a lot of changes taking place in our lives these next months, and along with the change comes a lot of uncertainty. Something else I'm not awesome at handling.

*sigh*

I know and believe with all of my heart that God will provide, and take care of us in each situation that we face - it's just so hard to trust sometimes.
I feel like I've already blogged about these feelings... and if I have, please overlook me :) These days, I don't remember most of what I am doing/ have done.
As of now, I'm still not 100% comfortable with putting all of the changes out here for all the world to read (if we're close friends you probably already know what's going on, and if not...all you have to do is drop and email and I would be happy to explain further about what's going on...and get a few more specific prayers going up!).
I will say that it includes Clif's current career/job, future career/job, and me going back to work. Let me just say, I'm not looking forward going back to work... but then again, I am.
I guess what I mean is: I don't want to leave my kids. Plain and simple. I have been home with them for *almost* six months now. They will be seven months old on the 15th of this month. BUT... I do look forward to getting back into the swing of things, re-entering the "real world". I have known since I was pregnant that we would not be able to afford for me to stay at home, not with the way we live (not that it's extravagant in any sense of the word...), the things that we have, and with the THREE babies we have. :) It takes more than one person working when you have three mouths to feed, and three butts to diaper. ;)
Please pray for me...that God may calm my nerves and my heart.
For the last three days or so, I have had some pretty hefty anxiety attacks. Like the ones I had between pregnancies. At first, I chalked it up to me being on yet another bc (had it changed last week due to some issues with the last one)... and thought that maybe it was messing with my body. Big surprise. But then, it occurred to me... there is a LOT going on with us right now...and though I don't feel "worried"... I guess my anxiousness about everything going on is taking a toll on my body? Who knows... we all know that I'm not exactly "normal"!
Also, if you think of it...please pray for Clif and I as a couple, that we may have wisdom and discernment in the decisions that we may face in the coming days.

almost seven months :) :(

2012-02-06T13:02:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe our precious little babies are almost SEVEN months old!! Enjoy photos from our seven month photo shoot, a few days early!

in His hands...in His time.

2012-02-06T09:09:00.000-05:00

Ugh! Sometimes letting go of your own life is one of the hardest things to do. But Who better to hold your life in the palm of their hand than Him?
I haven't been stressed for a while. And I do mean a while. You're probably checking the header of this page to make sure that you logged on to Desiree Smith's blog. :) Don't worry...you're in the right place.
If you know me...really, even if you don't know me but have read a good bit of my blog posts...you know that I have a worrying problem. Seriously. In the past I have worried about e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. No lie.
Oddly enough, since our babies were born back in July... my stress level has gone WAY down. Weird, I know...but that's me for ya...weird!
Anyway...on the reason for this post. I have never been good at dealing with uncertainty. Ever. And while Clif is better than I am... he doesn't do the greatest with uncertainty either.
As it stands, a lot of things in our lives are changing. For the good...at least, I think it's for the good. We are trusting that it's for the good.
Stepping out on faith is something that you always hear about someone else doing. Not yourself. Clif and I have done a ton (literally) of praying, thinking, talking through things... and it looks like there may be a LEAP for us. And soon.
Please pray with us that we may make the right decision concerning these things. And also, that we may put our full trust in the Lord, and not look back.

prayer, jobs & teeth!

2012-02-04T09:14:00.000-05:00

Another jumbled blog post...please hang in there! :)

First off, please pray for a little boy that is in our local NICU, born at 36 weeks, and has underdeveloped lungs. <3 Also, a friend went to visit this baby... and met another family that had a little baby born at 23 weeks. I cannot imagine. I do have to say that hospitals, doctors, and nurses AMAZE me. And how far the medical world has come...
Did anyone read the article about the 9 ounce ( I think that is right ) baby that was born last summer and just went home a week or so ago? Simply amazing...

Second, please pray with us concerning a possible lead on a job for Clif. I can't go into too much detail because...well, I'm sure you all understand, BUT...we put in his application and resume yesterday, and it just so happens that we know about five people that "know" someone within the organization...and they are all making calls or sending emails to the "Top Dog" for us. :) He actually put in two applications yesterday. We are praying praying praying that something will come from one of these, and quick! Two and a half months of night shift is nearing...

Third...EASTON HAS TWO TEETH!! :) Well, kinda. They both have broken gum, but we still have a little ways to go. Eli has two that are completely through, one that is partially, and one that is about to break gum and day now! :) Poor Little Princess has ZERO... but her gums have definitely thinned...and she's starting the teething process, just like both boys did.

While it is exciting to have teeth coming in...and to have THREE babies...it's a little less exciting when they are all three teething. It's been a tiring few days around the Smith household. And it continues to be interesting with Clif currently working two weeks of nights >.< But...we are managing :)

hunt.

2012-02-01T08:29:00.000-05:00

For a job that is. Not for me...for my hubby. Well, possibly. His schedule since starting at his current place of employment has been two weeks days (12 hour shifts), and two weeks nights (12 hour shifts).
A few months ago, the employees were told that they would be going to permanent days or permanent nights.
Last week they informed my husbands shift that starting in March, they would be on 2 1/2 months of straight nights.
This doesn't work for us. At all. Especially if I were to go back to work this Spring... I would literally NOT see Clif for two months. Except for *some* of his weekends off. Needless to say, in our eyes it would be really hard to maintain a marriage and family if he is never home at night.
So, with that being said...if any of my local readers are reading this... and know of a GOOD job, good benefits, and at LEAST $15hr (preferably 8-5,m-f) please let me know. You can email me at smithfam07@hotmail.com, or call if you have my number. I know that it seems like we are picky with what we are looking for... but we have to be. Why would he want to go somewhere where he is going to work crazy shifts for less money?? He could do that at his current place...for the same money.
Please pray with us concerning this situation...

Thanks!

a little bit of this...a lot a bit of that.

2012-01-30T22:45:00.001-05:00

:) I know, I know... I'm getting pretty bad with this whole blogging thing. I have a million things rolling around in this head of mine that I would like to get pecked out on here... but to be honest, the majority of it probably won't make it.
My "spare time" (HA!) these days is devoted to: cleaning (aka, doing NOTHING other than baby laundry, baby dishes...and well, that takes up all my time), making baby food, feeding babies...changing babies...playing with babies...holding screaming babies! Speaking of screaming babies...there are currently three non-stop screamers that reside at my house. >.< Yep...you guessed it. Three teething babies. Poor Elliana has yet to bust one out, BUT... her gums are thin and swollen...she acts hungry, but doesn't want to eat...and yeah, she's teething. Eli has two bottom teeth completely through, one top that's half way there and the other top that should break gum any given moment. :) Easton's bottom right has finally broke gum... and whew boy! Let me tell ya... he hasn't been taking it well.
Okay, I am only two paragraphs into this post and already I am bouncing around. Let's see...
Tomorrow I will be 24 years old. Wow. Not a big number...but I'm here to tell ya I feel SOOOOO much older than that. Four, almost five years of marriage and four babies later...tends to wear a young body out.
Clif and I actually were able to celebrate my birthday this past weekend. We went out by ourselves for the first time in like five and a half months. :) We left the babies with our mom's and future sis in law. Definitely on the list of the harder things that I've had to do concerning the babies.
For my birthday, Clif got me a tattoo...some cute chunky bracelets to cover said tattoo (whenever I decide to enter the dreaded working world again >.<), some new clothes (more on that in a second), and dinner at Kabuki. We celebrated over the weekend because Clif is on night shift... and working tomorrow night. :( More on that too...
Let's go with the good first! I am really shy about talking about this, because I don't like the attention that it draws... BUT...Since July 15th,2011 I have lost 73 pounds. And since starting weight watchers I have lost 37 pounds. Very personal information here... but, I guess I can't be too embarrassed seeings as I did have THREE humans living inside me for a while ;) I started out in July in a size 14 (and it was TIGHT). Seriously, the biggest I have ever been. I didn't take it well, but it was soooo worth it. On Saturday, I slipped on my first size 8 jeans...in about 3 1/2 years. :) :) :) I'm pretty excited about seeing results! I have about twenty two pounds left to lose before I hit my "goal" weight...which will be what I weighed when Clif and I got together.
And the bad...Clif received word last week that his shift is changing. Drastically. He will be working night shift for extended periods of time. And as I'm sure most of you can imagine...we are not happy about it. To put it lightly. Not only are we "not happy" about it, but it just is not going to work for our family. Well, let me put that a different way. We know that if this is God's will...and He wants Clif to remain where he is... that the Lord will provide...and make it work. However, in my head...I don't see it working. ;) Guess that's why I'm not in control of my own life, huh? Please pray with us concerning this change. We are leaving it in the Lord's hands...with our desire being that there may be an 8-5 position open for Clif, so that he may not only be able to be at home with us every night... but also that we would be able to be in church together as a family every weekend.
Time is ticking away, and I know that I will find myself in the "job hunt" status soon. It's been wonderful staying at home with my three little blessings, but said blessings don't come cheap! We have been incredibly blessed in so many aspects, one way being that we have been financially able for me to stay at home. And while it's been amazing... Clif and I both know that it cannot be permanent. So...it looks like sometime after RSV season passes, I will be looking for a job :( Please pray with us that something may open with the company that I worked at previously when the time comes.
Speaking of RSV, Praise the Lord that our children have remained relatively healthy this winter...with the exception of a few little colds here and there. :) Clif and I are SO looking forward for the "rsv season" to be over and done with so we can get outside with these kids and breathe in some FRESH air! :) Not to mention that we've been locked up inside our house for way too long. We take the 3 E's to the doctor on Wednesday for their February Synagis shot, and then only one more for March! YAY! Soooo excited for it to be over with!
Well... I know this was a weird, all over the place post... but...that's me now-a-days! :)

Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus || Spoken Word

2012-01-22T10:00:00.000-05:00

A Cup Of Cake

2012-01-22T08:47:00.001-05:00

In attempt to keep my sanity...I have started baking cupcakes :)

It all started when my mom moved back to her own house, and I was left to care for all three babies while Clif pulls 12 hour shifts. :) That was the plan all along, right?

Well... it has proven to be a little crazy at our house some days. It's a semi-rare thing to find three happy/content babies at one time. Though, I do have to say I think I have some of the easiest babies EVER! Actually, even our doctor said that our babies were very low maintenance.

Anyway, back to the cupcakes. When the babies were in the hospital, Clif and I stumbled upon a local cupcake shop. Gourmet cupcakes. Oh.my.goodness. SO good cupcakes. And a regular cupcake is seriously the size of two of your average-joe cupcakes put together. Mmm. Okay...anyway. So after eating these a few times (before the weight watcher days)... I got the urge to make some of my own yummy cupcakes.

I don't know if it will go anywhere... but I have ordered some business cards, and a car magnet... and I'm trying to sell some of these yummy cupcakes! I've had a few people place orders, but mainly... I'm just having fun. :)

Here is the link to my blog (for cupcakes) : http://acupocake.blogspot.com/

Below are some of the cupcakes I have created thus far:

Peanut butter cupcakes with chocolate icing, lemon with raspberry icing, chocolate with almond joy icing...peanut butter with whipped peanut butter icing.

Andes :) YUM! Chocolate cupcake with chocolate-mint filling, topped with a mint butter cream icing and andes candy!

Pumpkin cake, cream cheese filling, topped with a cinnamon butter cream and chopped pecans.

Chocolate on chocolate...and OOOOOH so yummy. :) I think I have seriously found the BEST chocolate cake recipe!!

Mmmmm...Chocolate Peanut Butter Surprise. These were soooo yummy. Chocolate cake, peanut butter ball center, topped with cream cheese - peanut butter icing. The icing tastes like my mom's peanut butter pie! YUM!

Coconut cupcake, chocolate-almond filling, topped with cream cheese - coconut icing. Not as yummy as they look, but were not bad. Definitely looking for a new coconut cake recipe.

INK time :)

2012-01-21T16:45:00.000-05:00

I know that some people don't like tattoos. Actually, I know a lot of people don't like them. And I also know that everyone has their own opinions and takes on tattoos. It is what it is. I don't debate it. And I try not to flaunt my tattoos in front of those that I know would not approve. But on the other hand, I'm not ashamed of them.
I will say that my tattoos have meaning behind them. And my newest one (pictured above) is no different. Our journey through these last few years has taken a lot of FAITH. Faith that God has always had a plan for our family. That His plan was not to harm us. Faith that His plan was perfect. We had faith that God would carry us through the darkest days of our lives. And He did. We had faith that God would give us a family, one way or another. And He did. We had faith that He would carry our babies through their time in the NICU, and He did. We continue to lean on Him, and have faith that He is in control of every aspect of our lives :)
With that being said, I've very pleased with my newest tattoo. It was my birthday gift from Clif. Faith being a picture of all the trials we have struggled through, and Heb. 11:1 saying:

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

That verse alone says it all. :)

The tattoo above was Clif's Christmas present from me. If you look closely, you will see letters in the branches that spell, "J-E-S-U-S", and you can also make out the image of Christ on the tree.

{prayer requests}

2012-01-21T15:55:00.000-05:00

Hey Guys! I hate that my posts are few and far between, but...that's life when you've got triplets. :)
I have a few prayer requests that I'd like to share with you all. Please to take time and pray for each of these situations.

**There is a family that I have come into contact with since having the triplets. It's interesting at all the contacts you have when multiples are involved. Anyway, without going into detail...because I don't have all of them, and it's not my place... but there is a couple that had to say goodbye (too soon) to their triplet boys a few weeks ago. I am absolutely devastated for this family, as I know what loss feels like... but can't imagine having to deal with it three fold. Please be in prayer for these parents, that they may find healing and peace. And that, if possible, Clif and I might be able to be a blessing to them.

**Another family we learned of through friends of ours, had to say goodbye to their baby on the 13th of this month. The precious baby was just short of two days old when she passed away. Again... I know of loss, but this is completely different. I can't imagine getting to say hello, only to say goodbye so soon after. Please pray for this couple as they journey through their grief.

**A family just moved to our area, from out of state. The husband taking a job at a local Christian radio station (the only contemporary radio station I know of, around here). When they arrived to their destination (I'm assuming new home?) they realized that their two week old baby was not breathing. He was revived and rushed to the local hospital, and later was transferred to the hospital our 3 E's were in. This little baby has been in the PICU for 18 days now, and is on a ventilator. I just read an update that his dad posted on FB that says this little baby, "C", has a severe case of RSV & Pneumonia. :( I have only heard horror stories of RSV, especially for preemies. Please pray for this little boy, and his family.

Six Months :)

2012-01-15T22:47:00.000-05:00

Wow. Our babies are SIX MONTHS old...today. :) On one hand, I feel like it's been soooo much longer than six months since I had these little cuties swimming around in my belly. On the other hand... I feel like it was just yesterday. **sigh** Where does the time go? Seriously.
Here is a little update on the babies, and their 6 month pictures from their photo shoot with Mommy. :) I made them the little "6 month" onesies, and crocheted Elliana's hat.

Eli Zayne : Eli was the first born of our triplets. And is definitely our most "needy" baby. At birth Eli weighed 4 pounds .06 ounces, and was 16 3/4 inches long. Today, at six months old - Eli weighs 15 pounds 11ounces, and is 25 1/4 inches long. He cut his first two teeth nearly two weeks ago, and is currently working on cutting his top, middle-right tooth. Teething has been an adventure thus far, as Eli cries most of the time (when not being held), with a few happy times in between. Eli is his daddy made over. No denying this boy! Clif calls him "Catfish", because there is no mistaking his long Huntley mouth, and big rosy Watt's lips. He has massive hands, and cute little-big ears. :) He is a hand FULL (and then some), but his big open-mouth, toothy grin will melt your heart every single time. Eli loves to eat, suck his thumb, and his food of choice is anything that is not nailed down. Though, at the moment he is VERY fond of bananas.

Easton Layne: Easton is our middle child, and was the first to come home from the hospital. He is extremely sensitive, and doesn't care for strangers. Easton is the odd man out...where his brother and sister are darker complected with dark hair & eyes, Easton is pale, has blond hair, and beautiful blue eyes (perhaps, from his Great Grandma Holt?). At birth, Easton weighed 3 pounds 13 ounces, and was 15 3/4 inches long.3 oucnes, and is 25 1/2 inches long. He is n over achiever if you've ever seen one! He was rolling over at two months while the doctors told us not to expect it until at least four months. Easton has a HOT temper, contributed from all sides of the families, we are sure. Easton is built like a Smith, no doubt about it! Long torso, broad chest...but has Great Grandpa Watt's ears. He has his Mommy's nose, nd looks like a combination of his daddy & Clif III (as a baby). His smile will light up the room. Easton is a snuggler, loves to sleep through the night, and is partial to his bottle (not baby food!)... though I am sure that "real" food will appeal to him as time passes.

Elliana Rayne: Spoiled Princess does not even begin to describe this precious baby girl. Elliana is our easy going child (most days). She loves to smile, and give her daddy kisses. At birth, Elliana weighed a whopping 2 pounds 15 ounces and was 15 inches long. Today, at six months old, she weighs 12 pounds 10 ounces, and is 24 inches long. Though dainty and much smaller than Desiree was as a baby, she looks very much like her Mommy (as a baby)...right down to her chubby cheeks and dark brown eyes. You can normally find Elliana in a good mood, entertaining herself. She loves to giggle, and be mean to her brothers. Don't let those cute looks fool you though...she is super feisty! Elliana not only smiles with her mouth (wide open!), but she smiles with her eyes. Definitely brings a smile to the face of anyone that crosses her path. She had her set backs with her heart, but God is the Great Physician and saw fit to heal her little heart. Elliana loves to sleep in her crib, eats almost as much as her brother and loves peaches.

All three babies are very active, rolling in all directions. Their new found favorite thing to do is sleep on their bellies. We are experimenting with "baby food". I plan to make the majority of their food. All three babies are beginning to try their hand at crawling, and they all "talk" NON stop. It's a constant debate in our house...what will be their first words? Mama? Dada? NO? Or maybe their siblings name?

Ahhhh...we love our precious babies so very much. As always, we continue to find ourselves thanking God for blessing us with these beautiful gifts!

Moving up in the world...

2012-01-14T21:42:00.001-05:00

Just a short post to say that Clif and I have finally caught up with time!I am writing this post from my new smart phone.Scary, huh? Keep an
eye out tomorrow for our six month update :)

Glock in Hand :)

2012-01-08T00:03:00.000-05:00

Geez! So Clif is working night shift this week (bleh!) <---- please pray with us concerning this! We are so very blessed that he has been provided with a job, BUT... these shifts are killing us!
Anyway, back to the story...Clif is on night shift this week. The last few nights that he has worked have been REALLY stressful for me (not to mention the babies!). They are finally over their colds, but the boys are teething... AND we have been trying to switch their schedules (more on that later). So, tonight... my mommy came over to help me feed them their last bottles of the night, and put them down for the night.
Needless to say, the babies weren't having it...and it took us longer than expected. We were finally able to get everyone fed, asleep, and in their cribs by 9ish.
So I'm sitting on the couch, trying to teach myself how to crochet and I hear a vehicle coming up our driveway. My first thought was, "Did they let Clif come home for some reason?" I peek out the window to see a big (loud!) pick up truck, complete with redneck looking lights all the way across the front of the truck. Oh, did I mention that it was 10:30pm?
My first thought was, "We live out in the boonies...and I am home with three infants". What did I do? Went and grabbed the GLOCK! :) I looked out the window, hoping to see a familiar face or vehicle, but found neither. It was dark and all I heard was two truck doors open and close. By this time, adrenaline was GUSHING through my veins. I high tale it to the kitchen, which is where our back door is. Before I even reach the door, there banging on the door. Gun in hand, I went to the door...refused to open it... but did pull down the blinds and yell, "can I help you?" There were two massive men standing on my back porch...in the dark, and do you know what they asked me??? They wanted to know if I had seen their HOUND DOGS! Really? Are you serious? It's 10:30 at night, and you're going to bang on my door because you can't find your dogs?
They left after I told them that I had not seen their dogs *rolling eyes*, but continued driving up and down our road...and I would assume knocking on everyone else's doors. Too bad they didn't know that we have some "not so nice" neighbors. :) So I email Clif at work, just to let him know what was going on. He called almost immediately, and told me to call my dad and have him come drive up and down the road - and see if he could find the truck. Next thing I know, Clif is coming home on his lunch break. :) In the five minutes that Clif was home, he ensured that all the doors were locked, peeked in on the babies sleeping away in their cribs, and taught me how to use our 12 guage shot gun (as if the Glock wouldn't be enough...).
As I type, I have the glock by my side...and the shot gun is sitting in the corner of our bedroom.
:) Okay, done with my little rant/story. It's midnight and I am wide awake from all the happenings of tonight.
Keep your eyes out for a SIX MONTH update on the babies! I cannot believe that our Precious Little Ones are six months old. Seriously, it seems like yesterday that Dr.Slackman looked at me and explained that they had missed one, and that we were having triplets. I am so thankful for how far we have come! My Mom and I are headed to take the kids for their check up/shots on Wednesday. Look forward to posting about their accomplishments since the last check up! Annnnnd, our six month photo shoot will be taking place sometime this week as well. Yay! OH, and on the agenda for next weekend? Elliana and I are going to the mall to get her ears pierced! SO excited!! Stay tuned...

A year of BLESSINGS

2011-12-31T19:20:00.000-05:00

One year ago today, I wrote asking all of our blogger friends to pray that God may bless Clif and I with a second child (and possibly third).
Little did I know, as I sat there typing those words...there were three tiny babies beginning to grow inside my womb.
Today...one year later, I am sitting on the sofa snuggling my sick Eli, listening to my daughter giggling uncontrollably at her Daddy... and watching my Precious Easton sleep in his swing.
God has blessed us SO much during the year 2011. I only can begin to imagine the blessings to come in 2012.
Biggest (and best) highlights of 2011?

January 4th - Positive pregnancy test. :) I was wondering why I was SOOOO tired during our New Year celebration at Clif's aunts house...

January 5th & 10th - both blood tests with good results, and increasing Hcg levels!

January 19th - the day Dr.S told us that on or around September 14,2011 we would we be welcoming TWINS.

January 27th - the day Dr.S told us that he "missed on" and that we were really having triplets. :) This was also a sad time as he took us to his office and offered us an appointment with "Dr.Christmas" for fetal reduction. Really? Eat your heart out, Dr.Christmas! We have three HEALTHY babies...and they would have willingly gotten "rid" of one for us? Whew...don't get me started. I can't imagine life without my Three Precious Peas.

April 28th - the day God answered my prayers. Two boys and one precious little girl.

July 15th - the day that God delivered our three beautiful and relatively healthy babies into this world. :) And that he led us to one of the most amazing doctor's EVER to be here with us every step of the way (SO thankful for Dr.G).

July 28th - the day that the Lord saw fit to see Elliana through her heart surgery!

August 13th, August 15th & August 23rd - when we brought each one of our babies home.

November 7th - the day we were told that Elliana's PDA was closed. :)

I know there are SO many other dates that don't come to mind. The truth is, God has given us new blessings every day. Whether we have seen them as blessings or not.

This past year has had many ups and downs... but I would have to say it's been one of the best years of my life. The only thing that could possibly make our lives any better would be having Lillian Joy here with us, but as we've said before...we know that losing her was in His plan...though we still find ourselves searching for answers sometimes.

God is good, all the time. :) Here's to 2012...may you all be blessed the way that God has blessed our family in 2011.

a peek into our Christmas

2011-12-28T15:26:00.000-05:00

1,2,3 little snot nosed babies.

2011-12-28T13:49:00.001-05:00

:( Yep...our three little ones are sick. Well, Clif and I say they are sick. Dr.C still says that they are the picture of health.
Ha! Just little sniffles and stuffy noses... but they've never been this "sick" before. Poor little Eli is pitiful. Not only is my little guy stuffy-nosed (having to suction his nose every 45 minutes to an hour)...now he has a cough an is slightly hoarse. Not to mention he is teething...hard core. You can now see the tops of both of his little teeth. I must say... absolutely PRECIOUS.
Easton & Elliana are sick too, but thankfully not as bad as Eli. Little Princess is sleeping a ton, and her nasal congestion just continues to get worse. Easton actually seems to be getting over it. Thank God!
Sometimes I find myself wondering what it would be like to have just ONE baby go through one thing or another. :) But, three babies is all that we've ever known. I'm sure that having one sick baby is exhausting... but let me tell you...THREE? They've been sick since 1:00ish Monday morning...and Clif and I are dead on our feet.
I'm sure that Dr.C has to laugh a little after our appointments with him. He must think that we are the most over-reacting parents ever. Thankfully he is a very kind doctor, and just smiles. :)
Our babies are five months old. They have been home for four months. I bet we have called Dr.C's office at least twenty five times, not to mention a dozen calls to the on call doctor during non business hours.
Calls to the doctor/on call dr have included:
-our babies haven't pooped in almost 24 hours! (Go ahead, you can laugh. We have now learned that it takes a LOT longer than that to get a dr concerned...little Elliana is an every 3-dayer.)
-I used hand sanitizer and then 5 minutes later, Elliana sucked on my finger. Will she get alcohol poisoning? This also resulted in a phone call to poison control.
-Eli has vien looking indention's on the sides of his head. Is he okay??
-{Enter baby name here}'s temperature is 99.0...should we bring him/her in?
Those instances don't even begin to touch it. Clif and I have to look back and laugh at ourselves for some of the calls we have made in these last months.
All in all, our babies could not be more blessed. Dr.C continuously tells us that our babies are the picture of perfection. :) So far, at 5 months old (and going through flu/cold/RSV season)... Eli has had a very minor ear infection, and all three have had MINOR cold. And now this litte sniffly business. Considering that they were 9 weeks early...Clif and I couldn't be more pleased with how well they have done. And continue to do.
Those we don't mind, these last few months have come with a lot of HOME time. Unfortunately, the babies won't be leaving the house (other than doctor's appointments) until spring time. I know that many people may see this as extreme... but Clif and I believe with our whole hearts that this is what is best for Eli, Easton & Elliana.
We've offended many people along the way...and we feel horrible for doing so. BUT our main concern is the health of our children.
Along with keeping the babies at home until Spring, comes missing church. A lot. Clif works every other Sunday. The Sunday's that he works... I stay home with babies... and am not able to attend services. On his Sunday's off... we have decided that each of us will attend a service. It's stressful. First of all, we don't like missing church period. But then, we really don't like going to church without the other. >.< It's been such a long time since Clif and I were able to worship together.
Needless to say...we are really looking forward to Spring, RSV season being over, and being able to have our entire family in church - where we feel that we belong!
I hope and pray that each of you had a blessed Christmas surrounded with family, and all those that you love!

What's going on with the kids?

2011-12-24T11:25:00.000-05:00

Well... Easton is the most mobile out of the three. :) He is rolling over from belly to back and back to belly ALL the time. He loves it! Today I was in the kitchen and heard Elliana laughing...I peak around the corner, Camera in hand...and happened to capture the first picture above. First, he burped in her face...which is what she was laughing at, and then they were just sitting there grinning at one another.

The second picture? Well...those are Eli's little teeth that are getting ready to cut through. Thankfully he hasn't really fussed too much with them. He wakes up around 4am every morning (Tylenol wearing off?)... but other than that, he's a pretty happy baby.

One year ago today...

2011-12-23T12:24:00.002-05:00

This is where I found myself. :) One year ago today, is the day our Three Pea's came to be!

Merry Christmas, Mrs.L.

2011-12-23T12:17:00.000-05:00

This morning I got word that a lady I've known my entire life, and is very dear to my heart... passed away this morning.
I was shocked when I got the phone call. I knew that she had been having some health problems, and that she had moved in with her daughter a few months back - but, to my knowledge,no one was expecting this. At least not now.
She was probably one of the strongest women I knew. She battled so many illnesses (including cancer, if I'm not mistaking)... she lost her husband YEARS ago...she was just an all around AMAZING woman.
She will be missed by so many. But I can't help but think about what a wonderful Christmas this year, in Heaven...spending it with her Saviour. Not to mention her hubby that she's lived without for so long.
Merry Christmas, Mrs L. We love you.

We Wish You A Merry CHRISTmas!

2011-12-19T09:52:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas from the Smith's!

Here is a preview of what our Christmas cards looked like this year. We didn't send many...mainly just to the doctors and nurses that had a hand in our three little miracles being with us for Christmas 2011.

Speaking of, I can't think of this time of year without thinking of a year ago. This time last year I had just gotten the news that my insurance company had agreed to pay for five more visits with Dr.S. Turns out... I didn't need them. On the 21st, I went back for my mid cycle ultrasound...and the 23rd?? On December 23rd,2010... our triplets were conceived. :)

I love to think that as we were celebrating Christmas with our families last year...as we were celebrating the birth of our Lord Jesus...our three little bundles of joy were burrowing down into their new home. I love to think about how this is "technically" our babies' second Christmas.

Clif and I are SOO overjoyed that we have extended our family, and that this year... we have three little blessings to celebrate this very special time of year with! We are so incredibly blessed. I'm completely overwhelmed at the blessings that we continue to receive.

I hope and pray that each one of you has a very Merry CHRISTmas. Just in case I don't get around to posting before then ;) As you prepare for the 25th of December, before all the festivities begin...please take a second and stop to reflect on the true REASON that we celebrate this day at all. JESUS! God bless you all...

day 760.wow.

2011-12-13T06:00:00.000-05:00

Yep. Seven hundred, sixty days since we said hello...,and goodbye to our precious first born daughter. It's so hard to believe. 25 months ago...I didn't know if I would be able to go on.
If it wasn't for God, my husband, and my family... I have no idea how I would have been able to make it through that first week.
I remember even months after her death I would wake up out of a dead sleep, sobbing. At first I would be confused as to why I was crying... but reality always had a way of coming around and reminding me. It's good for that.
Twenty five months out...are we doing any better? Of course we are. We have learned how to live our lives without her, but that doesn't mean that it's any easier. We still think of her every day, and normally...somewhere in conversation, speak her name. Her picture is displayed throughout our house...along with many reminders of her short, but beautiful life.
The holidays are especially hard...every time I see a child that would be around her age, a little piece of me aches deep inside. I can't help it. She'll always be a part of me...
Happy 25 months in Heaven, Sweet Baby Girl. Mommy and Daddy love you even more today than we did on that cool November day...

five months?...already?

2011-12-11T18:37:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe that our precious little ones are going to be five months old in just four short days.
Life is crazy these days (why in the world would our life with three infants be crazy?), so I opted to go ahead and post tonight while the babies are somewhat calm!
The last five months have been some of the best times of my life. My dream has always been to be a mommy...and now that I have been given the gift of mothering three children on earth. Did I mention the three children on Earth happen to be absolutely breath-taking beautiful?? I'm totally not biased.
I have had a blast with our monthly photo shoots. First of all, it means that I get to keep my babies at home, opposed to taking them out and having some photographer at {insert random portrait studio} put their hands all over them...especially during the RSV season. Second, Clif bought me an expensive camera - and is wanting to buy me the professional flash to go with it - so I might as well put it to good use, and I am saving us money in the long run! Or...maybe I'm just paying for my camera.
Of course, I know that my pictures aren't "studio quality"...BUT... I enjoy it. The babies are in an environment that they know - and that's all that matters!
I am so thankful for these days that the Lord has allowed me to stay home with my precious little babies!
Happy {almost} five months, Eli, Easton & Elliana. Mommy loves you with all of my heart, and more.

1.28.2012

2011-12-10T09:43:00.000-05:00

The date has been set.

January 28th,2012.

This is the day that we (Clif and I) plan to leave the babies for the very first time. Yikes!

I know that sounds silly... but, we have never (both, at the same time) left them (other than in the NICU). I'm nervous...already. Ha! And it's over a month away. BUT...it will be just a few days before my 24th birthday, and I Clif and I really want to celebrate together. Just the two of us.

SO...the plan is to leave the triplets with my mom, his mom, and our soon to be sister in law (that doesn't know about it yet...)

AH! The funny thing is, we are literally going 20 minutes away to a Japanese restaurant an probably will only be gone for two hours tops. But that's a start...I mean, our babies are going to be six months old by then...and I think it's time. :)

Okay, okay...you can stop laughing at me now. But, if you know Clif and me on a real life basis...you know how we are, how we have been, with these babies. This is HUGE for us!

Though I don't even want to think about leaving our babies... I am really looking forward to time out with my husband...even if it is just for a few hours. Yes, I'm a mommy now...BUT...I'm still young, still {kinda?} newly weds...and we just need a little bit of "us time".

round TWO...

2011-12-07T08:24:00.001-05:00

My little boogers are headed to the doctor's office this afternoon for their second synagis shots :(
I love the fact that they qualified for the shots - and thankful that we were able to work it out where they can get them! But... I hate Hate HATE seeing them scream in pain. And this shot is SO much worse for them than their regular shots. Well, at least the initial shot is.
I've been in a baking frenzy, making cupcakes to take to the office today! On the menu? Andes cupcake (chocolate cake, chocolate mint filling, and mint butter cream icing. And of course, topped with an andes mint!) and Chocolate Peanut Butter Surprise (chocolate cake, peanut butter centers, topped with cream cheese peanut butter icing) YUM!
We thought that we'd take some goodies since it's so close to Christmas - and we won't be going back until after Christmas (for the babies 6 month appointment, and 3rd synagis shot). Also - we just want to express our thanks to Dr.C for being such a wonderful doctor! I can't tell you how excited we were when he chose to take the triplets on as patients! We've heard nothing but good about him...and we have experienced even more first hand. He is WONDERFUL with our babies. :)
On the prayer request front: I can't go into detail... but just please pray concerning some decisions that we have coming up.

This is not where I belong.

2011-12-06T19:17:00.001-05:00

I've heard this song a few times...and then I really heard it yesterday. I'll start by letting you read the lyrics.

Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive
I will keep searching for answers that aren't here to find

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.
Courtesy of lyricshall.com

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

When the earth shakes I wanna be found in You
When the lights fade I wanna be found in You

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

Where I belong, where I belong
Where I belong, where I belong

It says it all, doesn't it? I do sometimes feel like I'm on the outside. And even after all this time I sometimes find myself searching for answers that won't be found, this side of Heaven. And you know what? I can't help but take comfort in the words, "All I know is I'm not home yet. This is not where I belong".

This world is not where I belong. And when I finally check out of this world, I know where I'm going. Do you?

Ah...and then the words, "Take this world but give me Jesus". So many times I get consumed with things of this world. This time of year is perfect example. People (myself included) find themselves overwhelmed by the crazy happenings of the Christmas season. But that's just it, Christmas. I'd gladly give it up just to be with Him. Nothing in this world matters. Take it all...just give me Jesus!

what do YOU suggest??

2011-12-05T10:01:00.000-05:00

Okay Faithful Readers... I need some suggestions!
I don't know how exactly it started, but since Clif and I have been together... I've always made a homemade gift for him for just about every holiday. And since we have been together for almost seven years, you can understand why I am running out of ideas. :)
I always like it to be meaningful... and this year I would like to incorporate the triplets (of course)! But I am completely stumped as to what to do. Any suggestions??
Also...any suggestions on poses for the babies monthly photo shoot with Mommy?? I want to do a Christmas theme, but it will be for their five month pictures! :)

christmas time

2011-12-04T18:43:00.000-05:00

Looking at this constantly reminds me of how ever so thankful I am that there are three extra stockings hanging from our mantle this year.
The past two Christmases were SO sad in that aspect. I fully recognize that Christmas is NOT about gifts, or trees, or decorations... or about how many children you have... but it's just right down depressing when you think of what could have been, and isn't.
This year there will still be sadness... but the sadness will be mixed with a huge dose of happiness.

Here is Lilly's portion of our tree. :) The angel came from a blogger friend of mine, the heart is an ordament that I found last year that says "My daughter, My Joy", and the shell is an ordament that I made last year that says, "Every life leaves something beautiful behind"

And here is the triplets portion of the tree :) Little booties from a family on our church.

Day 30: I am SO thankful

2011-11-30T09:08:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for all the little things that God does for me, some that I don't even think twice about.
I'm thankful to God for providing for our needs. Not always our wants...though, most times those too, but our needs have always been met.
I'm thankful for our hot water heater, and for hot showers :) Especially after a long day. I'm thankful for our refrigerator...for a freezer with food in it, for the washer and dryer He provided for us after the babies were born - our old hand me downs would have never lasted with all the baby laundry we do!
Oh, I'm thankful for baby laundry...for toys all over the floor, and for poopie diapers!! We have waited soooo long for babies to fill our house...and man oh man is it filled now!
:) I am just so overwhelmed by the blessings I am given each day.

Day 29: I am SO thankful

2011-11-29T08:47:00.002-05:00

Today I am thankful for lazy mornings with my hubby...and cinnamon roll pancakes! Um, YUM! :)

Day 28: I am SO thankful

2011-11-28T09:26:00.002-05:00

Today I am thankful for time spent with my {not so little} family :)

week of fun!

2011-11-27T08:37:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty excited about this week. These last few days have been trying, mainly because there has been a major shortage of sleep in the Smith household. But that's okay, and this too shall pass. :)
I look forward to tomorrow and Tuesday, because Clif isn't working. YAY! He's going hunting first thing in the morning... and then when he gets back we are going to do some cleaning, and then get out the Christmas decorations! I'm really excited about getting the tree out and decorating it... I'm sure the babies will love to look at it. I was already excited and then remembered that I bought new decorations the year before last, black, silver and hot pink! Ha :) I don't know if I'll be adding the pink this year or not, but I am excited about getting our home ready for Christmas either way. I'll be sure and add pictures!
Wednesday and Thursday will be spent getting everything in order...and...packing! Yep... we are going to Tennessee for the weekend. Ah, a much needed getaway! I wasn't sure about taking the kids on such a long road trip - or really, just about taking them out of town. But we asked Dr.C when we took the kids in for their Synagis shots, and he said that he thought it would be okay as long as we kept them out of crowded places, and stayed in a cabin opposed to a hotel. :) I'm really really excited about getting away for the weekend. :) At least if we are out of town, I can fuss at people that won't leave my kids alone and not feel bad about it. haha!
Christmas is near, and I'm really looking forward to it!! Not for the lights, not for the gifts, but just for the reason we celebrate Christmas in the first place!!!

Day 27: I am SO thankful

2011-11-27T08:27:00.002-05:00

Today... I am thankful for my salvation :) My relationship with the Lord has been the ONLY thing that has truly gotten me through these last two years.

Day 26: I am SO thankful

2011-11-26T08:26:00.002-05:00

Today I am thankful for my couch...where I intend to spend most of my time today! This is one exhausted Mama!

First Family Pictures :)

2011-11-25T13:52:00.002-05:00

Day 25: I am SO thankful + Thanksgiving Day Recap

2011-11-25T09:46:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for fussy babies! :) I happen to have three of these... but at the moment, they are all FINALLY asleep. Thank goodness!

Yesterday, Thanksgiving Day (and actually, the day before), was... stressful. To say the least. :-/ I knew it'd be different with three infants...but my goodness! First of all, Dr.C told us that we should stay at home as much as possible during the winter months. Not to mention that he told me, "God will forgive you if you don't take your children to church until Spring."

I have a hard time offending people. Especially people I love. BUT... I've had to learn that my children's health and well being comes before all others. That's a hard pill to swallow.

At this point, Clif and I have decided that we will be attending church in shifts until Spring, keeping the babies at home. Just to keep from offending/hurting people, and keeping our babies out of harms way. It stinks, and I don't like it at all...but it is what it is, and that's just how it has to be right now.

Yesterday was stressful. At both mine & Clif's family get together, we kept the babies out of sight. >.< At my family gathering, we stayed on the second level of my parents house, taking shifts eating and visiting with family. When you have 20-30 people packed into one house, it's sooooo stressful trying to keep excited helping hands off your children. I hate being in uncontrolled environments with our children. At Clif's family get together, I ended up staying in a bed room with all three babies for 99.9% of the time. I was literally out of the room for 5 minutes before Eli woke up.

Apparently our babies (especially Eli) don't do well when they are not at their own house. Eli was awake (with the exception of 15 or so minutes) from 11am-6pm. I would get him to sleep, try to lay him down...and he would wake up FREAKING out within seconds. But as long as he was touching me, he was fine. I LOVE that feeling... knowing that just my touch is comforting to my baby, but it was frustrating at times... I felt as though we were being snobby, not passing our babies around to hold... or even to let them be in the same room as everyone (including a LOT of kids). But again, that's the way it is. Our babies safety is #1...even if it does make us look like brats. *sigh* I am so glad that it's all over with now.

In addition to all of that, we have decided that as far as my extended family get together (for Christmas) goes...we won't be attending :( Our gathering always takes place in a *very* tight space, and an hour away... and we just can't do it with the babies >.< We are praying that our friends and family are still speaking to us by the time all is said and done.

Day 24: I am SO thankful

2011-11-24T19:23:00.002-05:00

Today I am thankful for time spent with family, though it was very short lived due to babies ;)

Day 23: I am SO thankful

2011-11-23T12:53:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for a warm bed to sleep in :) And I'm also thankful for the sleep that I've been getting in my bed here lately!

Day 22: I am SO thankful

2011-11-22T08:26:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for days at home with my babies! :) I am so thankflul that God has given these children to Clif and I - and I am extra thankful that the Lord has made it possible for me to stay at home for the first part of their lives! SOOOO thankful. I am blessed.

where did YOU conceive?

2011-11-21T11:51:00.000-05:00

Okay... I'm not really asking you that. Just trying to make a point.

Triplets are cool. And I realize... it's not every day that you see a set of triplets. BUT... don't be so dang nosey people!

Where is all of this coming from? We were out eating with family & friends yesterday when this couple (and their teenage son) walk by. They see the babies...which we had hid in the corner, and exclaimed... "TRIPLETS?" Us: "yep"...them: "Oh! You're so blessed...blah blah blah...did you use fertility treatments?"

Why why why does it matter if my children were conceived by the use of fertility drugs? They are three beautiful, living breathing HEALTHY babies. And really... if you think about how personal INFERTILITY is, well... you wouldn't ask such crazy questions! Not only that... but when I said, "yes...but very little drugs" the lady looked at her TEENAGE son and was like, "oh, well our son was a "test tube" baby!" REALLY? Oh my gosh... I would never say that period, but about my son? My teenage son? While he is standing right beside me? Whew.

I'm sorry... but infertility and the use of fertility medications/procedures is a very personal thing that you DON'T ask complete strangers about. Like I said, I know that triplets is not an every day thing... and I will even go as far as saying that I understand that THAT question pops in your head. But you definitely do not ask it.

Now...you might be reading this and be like, "Desiree! You shared every little detail about your infertility journey on the internet!" Yeah, well... I know. Ha! And I know it seems silly. I control what goes on this blog, and if I feel like sharing it I do. :)

I'm still baffled at how complete strangers will ask you such personal questions! Geez...

So my friend and I decided that when people ask me that, I should start saying "Yes. Yes I did use fertility drugs. And where was your child conceived? My three were in Dr.S' office on December 23rd,2010." :) :) :)

Day 21: I am SO thankful

2011-11-21T08:21:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for early morning baby snuggles :)

Probably not the BEST thing... but I've kind of started a bad habit, that I love. As long as I'm fully awake, when the first baby starts stirring in the morning they get to come lay on the bed with Mommy. :) I love getting my early morning baby snuggles!! Love love love them!

Day 20: I am So thankful

2011-11-20T19:43:00.002-05:00

Today I am thankful for visiting friends :)

Day 19: I am SO thankful (post 500!)

2011-11-19T09:38:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for weekends home with my family! With the field that Clif works in, he is required to wok crazy shifts...which include three day weekends every other week. He also works 7 days of (12 hour) nights and 7 days of days >.< So not only is time together precious, but three day weekends together is even more precious :)

On to other news? This is my 500th post! :) I can't believe it...well, yes I can. I remember how I would sometimes post more than once a day when I would be going through rough patches, and how all my sweet followers would comment with words of encouragement! :) You guys have been the greatest of audiences! It takes a pretty awesome person to listen to my every day drama, and to keep coming back for more!!

This blog has been one of grief, of comfort, of healing and of joy. Thank you for taking the time to read!

Day 18: I am SO thankful

2011-11-18T07:57:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for health insurance. As you all probably know, we've gone round and round with them many of times... but I'm still thankful!!

Four Months :)

2011-11-17T16:11:00.000-05:00

So the triplets had their four month check up this morning :) And as usual, everything went wonderfully!

Eli - 12lb8oz, 22 inches long
Easton - 12lb7oz, 22 inches long
Elliana - 10lb, 20 1/2 inches long

I hate that the weight thing isn't uniform across the board. When we took the babies for their Synagis shots last week, the nurse that weighed them didn't deduct any weight for their diapers. Today, Dr.C's nurse deducted 3 ounces. :( So I'm sure they gained weight?

Oh well, Dr.C said that our triplets are the picture of perfection - the words that every Mommy loves to hear! All three babies are caught up with "normal" babies their age, well...length & head measurement wise. Dr.C said that they always catch up in measurements before they do in weight :)

Everything on my "question list" (don't laugh!) turned out to be "normal"...which it almost always does. Dr.C said that the only thing that was definitely NOT normal is that they sleep eight hours a night. :) He says that it's rare to see a singleton baby that sleeps 8 hours, and that he definitely has not seen multiple babies so young that sleep like that! Nothing to worry about at all, he says that we must have the magic touch. :) I explained that we have been able to keep them all on the same schedule since coming home from the hospital!

We are finally getting a little bit of a break - as the babies are not eating every 4 hours (most feedings, anyway) instead of three! :)

Also on our list of "yay" is that the babies no longer need their premature formula!! Woo hoo! :) We are switching to Similac Advance...yay! Of course, I'm going to let them finish up our formula supply of 20+ cans first!

All in all, another wonderful appointment!

Something cool that happened...while one of the boys was getting weighed, this nurse walked up to me and asked if we were the triplets...or if I was the triplet mom, or something to that effect. :) She said that she had seen their names, and knew it had to be me. Yep, I got to meet one of my blog followers today. Thought that was pretty cool... the very first time that I ever met one of my blog followers! :) So if you're reading this, I really meant it when I said that it wasn't creepy at all...it made my day!

On to another subject: I wasn't thrilled about having to take the babies to the doctor today. In fact, I would have much rather stayed at home...pulled the covers over my head, and slept all day long.

Two years ago today, I was sitting in our churches fellowship hall...picking at food on my plate, that my {awesome} church family had put together for Clif and me, and our families.

Two years ago today marks the day that we buried our baby girl. I can't help but play the events of that day over in my head. I remember waking up that morning, willing everything to be a bad dream. I remember struggling to get ready, not only mentally/emotionally, but physically, as I had just had surgery days before! I remember being mortified that Clif had to shave my legs for me, because I couldn't even bend over! *sigh* I remember the drive to the funeral home, and our arrival. I remember walking into the chapel with our family - many members seeing Lillian's little body for the very first time. I remember the feeling when I saw policemen standing in the intersection, stopping traffic, tipping their hats to us. I remember the drive to the cemetery...I remember walking beside my husband and he carried her tiny white casket, and I remember leaving her there.

That was probably {one of} the hardest thing I have ever done. I know she wasn't "there"... but her body was. Her perfectly formed, beautiful little petite body was there. And I was turning my back and walking away... leaving her to be put into the Earth.

I'm heartbroken all over again as I think of that day. But I am overjoyed knowing where she really is. I still get tingly all over when I think of all the love and support of our friends & family, and even people we never met. It's because of you {and our Saviour} that we made it through that dark dark time. And it's because of Him, and friends and family that we continue to make it through life on a daily basis. :)

Well... it's off here to take care of some semi-fussy little babies. And here's to praying that they don't react to the shots like they did at two months >.<

Day 17: I am So thankful

2011-11-17T08:01:00.000-05:00

Today, even though it may sound cheesy, I am thankful for our heat pump. I realize that there are so many people that don't have a warm place to go. Some people have the place, but not the money to pay for the {expensive} heat.
God has provided for us, and I am so thankful.

Day 16: I am SO thankful.

2011-11-16T08:55:00.000-05:00

Today I am so very thankful that God has provided for us, so that I could stay home with the babies for their first few months at home.
It's going to KILL me when I have to go back to work in January (if I am able to get a job), but I'm thankful and enjoying my time now!

November 13th, 2011...in pictures.

2011-11-15T13:45:00.000-05:00

I have had a BLAST playing with my new camera that Clif surprised me with a few months back. :) Pictured above is one of the lilies I bought in honor of OUR Lilly!

Cupcakes made in honor of Lillian Joy's birthday, and a letter from Mommy.

Happy Birthday {sparkle} leaves and balloons from Mommy & Daddy

Lilly's little siblings :)

Cupcakes made for Lilly <3

pictures of our tats and jewelry that we wear every day to remember our precious baby girl.

triplets visiting their big sister's {body's} resting place.

Day 15: I am SO thankful

2011-11-15T09:00:00.000-05:00

Today, as crazy as it may seem, I am thankful for microwaves. :) Ours died yesterday... well, I might have killed it.
I was warming a cup of water, and it might have spilled and shorted the microwave out. Not only did I mess up the microwave, but apparently spilling that water caused the electric/power not to work on that side of the kitchen. Appliances on that side of the kitchen include: Toaster, coffee pot, REFRIGERATOR, microwave and deep freezer :) And I had just mixed up a days worth of formula...so you can imagine how upset I was that our fridge wasn't working!!
Oh well, as silly as it sounds - I am thankful for microwaves. You don't realize how important they are until you don't have one!!

Day 14: I am SO thankful

2011-11-14T10:14:00.000-05:00

Today I find myself thinking about how thankful I am for the parents that the Lord blessed me with. They both have always been so supportive of me. I'm thankful for them both, and for everything they have done and continue to do for me.

Day 13: I am SO thankful

2011-11-13T06:00:00.005-05:00

Today I am thankful for the almost ten months that God allowed me to spend with my daughter, Lillian Joy. Thankful for those months of time with her growing inside my womb.
I am thankful to Him for giving Clif and I the experience of parenthood with Lilly, before any other.
I am thankful to Him for putting an amazing doctor in my path that cared for me before, during, and after my pregnancy with Lilly.
Most of all, I am thankful for my beautiful little baby girl that changed my life forever. I love you Lillian Joy, Happy Heavenly Birthday!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Sweet Lillian Joy!

2011-11-13T06:00:00.003-05:00

Dear Lilly Bean,
It's been a while since I spoke that name. Lilly Bean. Oh how Mommy misses you, Baby Girl. There is never a day that goes by that I don't think of you...think of the things that could have been.
I used to find myself saying, "the things that should have been"... but, God had different plans for your life.
Mommy will forever be thankful for the *almost* ten months that had with you. During those months, I watched you (and myself) grow. You went from being a little "bean" (blob, really)...to being my Lilly Bean...my beautiful baby girl.
I'll never forget the moment when I knew you were gone. Nurses were working around me, trying to find your heart beat...and I knew deep inside that you had already slipped away. All the hopes and dreams Daddy and I had for you had slipped through my fingers like sand.
I pray that you knew how much Mommy and Daddy loved you, Lillian. And still do! You were the first of my children to steal my heart... and you will forever have a very special place in it.
Who would have ever guessed that a little girl that never even breathed a breath this side of Heaven, could change the lives of so many. Including mine, baby. You have changed me...for the good. Never again will I look at life the way I used to. Never will I take the gift of life for granted.
It's so hard to imagine what you'd look like today...a two year old. Would you have blond hair, or brown? If you're anything like you're Mommy... you'd have pin straight hair. Would you be short?...tall? But those are things I can only dream of. You'll forever be my baby...and that's how I'll always see you. My little 5 pound, 9.5 ounce baby girl. The little woman that changed my life forever.
I love you Lillian Joy, forever...for always. And nothing that happens in this life will ever change that. You're my daughter, my first born...and I will never forget.

I love you,

Mommy

11.13.2011

2011-11-13T06:00:00.001-05:00

Today, like any other day, I find myself thinking of my Precious Lillian Joy. She would have been two years old today. But, instead of celebrating her second birthday here on Earth with us, she is celebrating with Jesus instead. :) I must say, as much as we miss her here...I'm sure that birthday's in Heaven are much more exciting than anything I could ever plan.
It's weird this year...having three babies at home, trying to take care of them...all the while being consumed by thoughts of November 13th, 2009.
Lillian Joy's physical body was born into this world on November ninth, two thousand and nine...just a little after ten o'clock that morning. Lilly weighed five pounds, nine and a half ounces and was nineteen inches long. She had Mommy's long fingers, and Daddy's big feet. She was (and still is in my mind) the picture of perfection.
For those of you that don't know, Lilly was born "still". Her little heart stopped beating just hours before I was wheeled into the operating room for my c-section. She may have been born without a heart beat...she may have been born NOT breathing, but... she was still born! She was a real baby...and we were anxious first time parents full of hopes and dreams for our baby girl.
Holding my daughter for the first time was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Hands down. But emotions were mixed that afternoon, it may have been the hardest thing I've done... but it was also one of the most precious times. Seeing the baby that was proof of the love my husband and I had for one another. Holding the child that God had carefully grown in my womb.
The day that was supposed to be a dream come true ended up being a never ending nightmare. There is never a day that goes by that I don't think of our precious baby girl, our first born daughter. And there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about how she changed my life forever...and the lives of so many others.

Day 12: I am SO thankful

2011-11-12T08:04:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for Doctor's. You don't hear me say that very often. I've never really "liked" doctors. Actually... it's not that I dislike doctors, I just hate going to them. The whole "white coat syndrome" thing, I guess.
First on my list, I will forever be thankful for Dr.G. He has been one of the wonderful things about my pregnancies! He has done nothing but make the best choices possible for me, and for the welfare of my babies. All four of them.
I'll never forget his reaction when we lost Lilly. I'll never forget the compassion that he showed towards us. The support.
And then the way he cared for me during my triplet pregnancy! He was a-mazing! He promised me when we lost Lilly, that if I were to get pregnant again... that he would do things a lot different. And he did (it might have had to do with the fact that there were THREE babies...ha!). Wonderful wonderful wonderful doctor. :) And so much more. That man has always gone above and beyond that which a doctor should. I will forever be thankful for him.
Next, Dr.S... and joining us on our road of infertility. I'm thankful for him as a doctor, and for the knowledge he has on PCOS. I'm thankful that he didn't give up, and that he decided to let me try that one last round of clomid before the shots! :) What a wonderful doctor, doing wonderful things for women like me!
Dr.D & D :) Remember... there are two! They both were wonderful! I am so thankful for female Dr.D, and how she sent me to the hospital the afternoon of 7/15. And I'm also thankful for how closely they watched my babies and me!
Dr.C, the babies pediatrician. He is a excellent doctor! Definitely couldn't have asked for a better doctor than him. We LOVE him. Just the other day - when we went to get the synagis shots, we weren't even scheduled to see the doctor, but when he saw us walk by...he followed us just to see the babies and see how they are doing! :)
Last but not least, Dr.P & S from the NICU. Dr.P met with us the afternoon the babies were born, before my c-section. He most definitely did NOT sugar coat anything. In fact, he had me terrified... yet, I was still calm. He was by far the most blunt doctor (even more so than female Dr.D!) I have ever met. He's also the doctor that told us the week Easton was discharged, that if our babies were in the Olympics... they would be preemie gold medalists! Both of these doctors were wonderful! :)

Day 11: I am SO thankful

2011-11-11T08:44:00.000-05:00

Today I am SO thankful for NICU nurses like the ones that took care of our triplets during their NICU stay.
It takes a very special person to care for babies the way that they do, and I am so thankful for what they do!!! :)
If you were one of our NICU nurses, and you are reading this...THANK YOU! You all are awesome...and you will never know how much it means to us that you took such good care of our children!

Day 10: I am SO thankful

2011-11-10T11:46:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for sleep. Well, really... I am thankful for a husband who let me take a two hour nap last night before bed... for babies that slept for eight hours straight, and for a husband and babies that let me take another four hour nap this morning!
I wasn't feeling well last night, and haven't been feeling the best this morning... so it was awesome of them to let me catch up on some much needed sleep!! :)

Miss you every day...miss you in every way.

2011-11-09T07:00:00.001-05:00

...but we know there is a day when we will hold you. I can't wait for the day when we will see you.

Today, November 9th is exactly two years from my due date with our precious Lillian Joy.

The above picture was taken on November 9th, 2009. Looking at this picture reminds me of that day...I remember how excited I was. How anxious. I couldn't WAIT to meet my little girl.

And though just a few short days later, I did meet her... it wasn't the way I expected at all.

Today I'm remembering my precious baby girl. I love you, Lillian Joy!

Day 9: I am SO thankful

2011-11-09T06:00:00.002-05:00

Today I am thankful that though it was extremely stressful, we were able to work out the issues with the delivery of the babies synagis shots!
We will be taking them to see Dr.C this afternoon, at two to recieve their first shot! :) Please pray for us, because the last time they had shots...Mommy and Daddy didn't sleep for a few nights!

Day 8: I am SO thankful

2011-11-08T08:04:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for a wonderful husband who provides for our family. Going back to work after thirteen weeks with me, and twelve with the babies, was hard. It just about killed the both of us, ha! Probably one of the harder things that Clif has ever had to do. But he continues to do it, because he knows that it's what needs to be done.
Please pray with us about some upcoming decisions...and if you think about it, you can go ahead and start praying for me as I am looking at going back to work after the first of the year >.< Pray that He will prepare me, and my heart - and that there will be a position for me to go back to!

Day 7: I am SO thankful

2011-11-07T12:38:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for my baby girl's HEALTHY heart! Elliana and I went to the cardiologist this morning, and LOVED the report we received! Her PDA is closed!! Praise the Lord! We don't go back until her one year birthday, because she has a slight leak from one of the valves in her heart <3 Praising God for this wonderful news!

Day 6: I am SO thankful

2011-11-06T10:00:00.002-05:00

Today I am thankful for God providing a new (to us) car. Well, okay... not a car... because we all know I'll never drive a car again. At least not until my kids are grown! I'm thankful for our Ford Expedition. The Lord worked out many details and made it possible for us to be able to purchase this vehicle - and to trade in our other two, paying off what we owed!
Our "new" car may not be the newest, or the prettiest... but it's what we needed. Once again, God has proven to provide what we need. And for that, I am thankful!

Day 5: I am SO thankful

2011-11-05T07:00:00.001-04:00

Today (and every day) I am thankful for my church family. Not too many people have been in ONE church as long as I have. Almost twenty four years now! And not only that, but many people that are still members of our church were there before I was born... and joined my parents in prayer (for nine years) for a chance at having a baby girl.
My church family has been an amazing support system for SO many years, especially these last few. :) If you're reading this, and you're a member (or used to be) of Gospel Baptist Church - I love you! And thank you from the bottom of my heart for always being there. I am thankful for YOU!

Day 4: I am SO thankful

2011-11-04T06:30:00.001-04:00

Today I reflect on how truly thankful I am that God allowed me to experience pregnancy. :) Of a singleton AND a triple pregnancy!
Both were so very unique in their own ways, and I wouldn't change either experience if I could.
It might have been uncomfortable...painful, and even miserable at times...BUT...I enjoyed ever second of both.
Many women can say that they have experienced pregnancy... but not too many (what? 1 in 8,000?) experience a triplet pregnancy! :) I have to say, I feel pretty special that He gave me the chance to experience it. And what an experience it was.
So...not only am I thankful for my four beautiful children, I am thankful that He allowed me to experience something I have dreamt of for a long time: pregnancy!

Day 3: I am SO thankful

2011-11-03T09:15:00.002-04:00

Today, I am especially thankful for the friends that have stood by my side over the years. Especially during our darkest times, these past two years. I love you guys... you know who you are ;)

Day 1 & 2: I am SO thankful

2011-11-02T11:58:00.000-04:00

Day 1 - I am so very thankful for the Godly husband that He has blessed me with. Clif has been such a wonderful part of my life for the last {going on} seven years. I love him so much...sometimes even I can't believe it. :) Clif has been an excellent provider for our {not so} little family, and I will forever be grateful. Not only is Clif an awesome husband AND Daddy... he is an amazing friend. The best one I've got. I can tell him anything, literally...and I know I can always do so without being judged - though he does give me feedback, most times. All this to say, I am thankful for the man that the Lord has blessed me with. I love you, Clif Smith!!

Day 2 - I am overwhelmed at how thankful I am for the children that God has blessed us with. Not only the three precious {sometimes CRAZY} babies that are here on earth with Clif and me, but for our first born daughter, Lillian Joy. I am especially thankful for Lilly, because I feel as if it wasn't for her... we wouldn't be where we are today. For as long as I can remember all I have wanted is to be a Mommy (and wife). And March 2009, that dream came to life <-- when we found out I was pregnant with Lilly. That same dream was renewed in January 2011, when we were told I was pregnant with TRIPLETS! We have been incredibly blessed... and for that, we are SO thankful :)

Now...if you all will bare with me. I really do plan to keep these posts up for 30 days :) But just remember I have three infants...and that it may be challenging at times!

Remembering LJS

2011-10-30T09:43:00.000-04:00

As November 13th draws closer, I can't help but being overcome by memories of these days...two years ago.
It's weird the things that you remember. Small things that don't even matter. Like...laying on the couch, texting Clif while he was at work. Telling him all about the crazy movements that Lilly was making inside of me.
Black jack tacos. Yes, tacos. Laugh if you want :) but Clif and I ate at Taco Bell every single day (literally) for the last two weeks of my pregnancy. Black jack's were by far the best taco that they EVER invented... and when I asked about them this last pregnancy, they told me that they had such bad feed back on them - that they wouldn't be bringing them back! So sad... but funny that even something as silly as a limited time taco will forever remind me of my little girl, and that it will always be something special between me and her...because apparently, no one else liked them!
The highlight of Halloween two years ago? :) Waiting for Clif to get off of work and take me into town (this was a treat considering I was on bed rest... I lived for car rides) to Sonic and get 25 cent corn dogs! Can you tell that a lot of my first pregnancy revolved around food? haha.
I remember sitting on my parents couch, every day that Clif was working, spending HOURS on facebook. Playing brick breaker...or something like that. A very addictive game...it was to the point of addiction for a while.
There were Chinese food runs, foot rubs, late night phone calls to my dad begging for ice pops...and the biggest highlight of my every day life then, my nightly shower. :)
And then there is the night of November 12th. I had been to the doctor that day, Dr.G checked me...and I was barely dilated a 1 cm (stupid cervix), and Lillian Joy sounded wonderful. Dr.G told us to go out and enjoy one last dinner before becoming parents. And we did. Logan's Roadhouse... I remember sitting in the booth across from Clif, feeling incredibly uncomfortable...but not complaining, because I knew it would all be over the next day. I also remember barely fitting in the booth...haha!
Most of all, I remember Lilly. I remember the thoughts running through my head as I experienced pregnancy (in all it's glory) for the very first time. I was so scared... but so excited. I remember feeling flutters for the first time...yes Clif, at the catfish ponds. ;) And I remember the day that Lilly (though we didn't know SHE was a SHE yet) woke me up kicking for the first time. *sigh* There are so many good memories of that little girl... in fact, all the memories I have of her are good...all except the memory of losing her. The memory of the nurses searching for her heart beat. The memory of them calling Dr.G, him coming in with the ultrasound tech, lights going off... and I am haunted by the memory of seeing her lifeless little body on the screen.
God is bigger though! Through losing our precious Lilly, we have learned SO much. We have learned to lean on Him more than ever, and we've learned to lean on one another. We learned not to take things or people for granted. We learned to let go. Ah, that little girl has taught us so much in the last two years... and continues to do so.
Though I dread it, I look forward to celebrating Lillian Joy's second birthday in Heaven, two weeks from today.
Clif and I plan to take the triplets to the cemetery...to "meet" their big sister, though we know that meeting won't come until Heaven. I've already picked out what we will fill her vase with. :) No flowers this year, just sparkly leaves.
I guess with every passing year, we take little steps towards healing. This year, I think I will make cupcakes in memory of her birthday...I'll talk about her more. I'll make sure everyone knows it's her birthday...and I'll tell of how a little girl that never took a breath, this side of Heaven, changed my life forever.
We love you Lillian Joy...and we always will, Baby Girl!

I'm Alive!

2011-10-29T16:36:00.000-04:00

So much happening...and so little time to write about it :)

Life with triplets has definitely proven to take up 100% of my time. Most days I don't even get a chance to SHOWER until 9pm or later. It sounds horrible, but taking a shower is one of the things I look forward to the most... a whole 5-10 minutes to myself (well, sometimes).
Would I change my life? Absolutely NOT! I love my life, my husband, and my children. These triplets might keep me on my toes 24 hours a day, 7 days a week... but it is so very worth it.
God has truly blessed me with the things (and people...big and small), and I will forever be in debt to Him.
Last Sunday was the debut of my Three Precious Peas (at church, anyway). I think it is safe to say that GBC is in love... but how could they not be? Ha! Enjoy a few pictures from the babies first church service...

It was a wonderful time introducing our children to so many people who have been such a huge part of my life for...well, most of my life! We chose to have our dedication service last Sunday as well, which went wonderfully :) That's why you see us sitting at the front of the sanctuary. We were able to voice our thanks to our church family, for all the prayer and support for the last three years. My dad (the pastor), Mr.Mason (deacon) and Sam Jr (my brother), all had prayer with us/ prayed over the triplets. My Mom sang...and it was just an all in all good service. It took us a long time to get to that point, so it was a very special time.

Last Saturday, I participated in the S.H.A.R.E Walk To Remember. It's put together by our local hospital's perinatal loss council. This was my second year, and it always proves to continue to help the healing process. Though through tears, I was able to share a little about Lilly this year - which I was not able to physically do last year. So that was a step in the right direction for me. Clif wasn't able to go this year, because of the triplets - but I was accompanied by my Mom, soon to be sis in law, Kristy, my niece Katie, and my sis in law Traci :) I was so lucky to have these four special gals by my side.
While at the walk, I was able to see and talk to one of the nurses that was a huge help during our loss of Lilly. Her name is Heather - and she is an amazing woman! I don't remember if this was mentioned or not, but while on the operating table waiting for the triplets to be born - in walked Heather :) That was huge! Not only was she there during our dark time, but she was with us during our time of joy as well.
Also, I encountered another RN from the hospital - and still do not know her name. She remembered me from the delivery room with the triplets, but not only that...she remembered me from the delivery room with Lillian :) She remembered all about us, right down to the purple dress that Lilly was put in for pictures...also the same dress she was buried in. That truly meant a lot. Not only did she remember us, and the dress, but Lilly's name. She'll never know how much that meant to me.

There are so many other things that I want to share! Things the babies are doing (Easton & Elliana rolling over...Easton holding toys...them starting to REALLY see ect.). There are emotions that need to/should be worked through as these next few weeks come at me... but there isn't time.
Will write more soon :)
If you are reading this, please pray for a fellow bloggers son, Cooper. Cooper is in the PICU with RSV. :( Praying for your precious little boy, Jen!

October 15,2011...we remember.

2011-10-15T20:45:00.000-04:00

Remembering our Sweet, Lillian Joy today...and every day. We miss you Baby Girl...and love you more than you could ever know.

An apology from the Smith's.

2011-10-09T17:26:00.001-04:00

To Whom It May Concern:
Let me first off start by saying that there are probably many of you out there. And...I feel horrible for that fact. But, it's life...and it will eventually get better. I promise. Well, it has potential to - if you allow it.
I married my husband going on five years ago. Even before marrying, I longed to be a mother. It's been my dream for a long time, and I would have literally given up anything on this earth to fulfil that desire. Anything. And now, after three long years... I am finally living my dream...though it was not easy getting to this point.
Towards the end of my pregnancy with Lilly, things took a turn for the worse. I won't say that I had the worst pregnancies that I've ever heard of... but you could say that both of mine were definitely not routine. Blood pressure sky rocketed, and there was nothing that I could do about it. I spent the last month of my pregnancy with Lilly, parked on the couch - doing everything that I humanly could to preserve her little life. Never in a million years did I think that my baby would die. But she did. November 13th,2009 was the most uncontrollable situation that I've ever experienced in my life. Unless you have been through it first hand...as in, it literally happened to you, you can never know the pain. You will never know how it feels to go into an operating room, to deliver your baby...your dead baby. And you'll never know the heartache of still expecting to hear that shrill cry of a newborn babe...and even know that sound will not fill your ears, you still will it to with all of your heart. You pray that the doctor's missed something...you beg God that your baby is okay. But she's not.
That day in November turned mine and Clif's world upside down. And the helpless feeling that filled our hearts that day will haunt me forever. My heart literally begins to ache, just thinking about it.
Fast forward to January 4th,2011. The day we had been waiting for. The day we got our first pregnancy test with the triplets. Talk about mixed emotions. Clif and I were overcome with joy, and thankfulness... but along with those feelings came fear.
Soon into my pregnancy with our triplets, my blood pressure became an issue once again. At week ten of my pregnancy, I was already on medication to help control it.
A triplet pregnancy in itself is high risk... not to mention my already existing history/problems. I feel as if there was not a split second that I wasn't asking God to protect our precious little ones growing deep within my womb.
There were several scares during my pregnancy with the three E's. Doctor's were called numerous times, not to mention all the times we called the emergency room & doctor on call. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I was sure that I would lose our three little blessings.
Throughout my whole pregnancy, I continuously bathed it in prayer. And an every day struggle for me was giving my children over to the Lord. A friend at church gave me a book that helped a lot... and showed me that God put these babies in my womb, and that He would take care of them. They weren't (and aren't) my children. They are His.
From January 4th,2011 until July 15th,2011 I silently stood by... waiting for the bottom to fall out. It's almost as if I expected something bad to happen. But God was faithful, as He always is. I only wish that I had trusted more.
Our little miracles arrived (semi-smoothly) on July 15th,2011. They all had minor issues at birth, but all in all - they did wonderfully. We couldn't have asked for a better outcome to have been born at thirty one weeks... not to mention that they are TRIPLETS!
As July 15th drew near, Clif and I talked a lot. Talked of things that may or may not happen...worst case, and best. We admitted to one another that we wouldn't experience relief until we heard our babies cry for the first time.
I cannot even begin to tell you the relief that we felt as Eli was born, followed by Easton and Elliana. All three screaming. Though, once Eli was born screaming...he stopped and was "touch and go" for a while, according to the doctors. He was given some medication soon after birth, and the day after.
Oh what a joy to give birth to three LIVE babies. Again, unless you have lost a baby yourself... you could never understand the feeling. Clif and I went through a lot, and my body went through even more... it took us three years, and a lifetimes worth of tears to bring three beautiful, relatively healthy LIVING, BREATHING babies into this world. It took a LOT to get them here. And we fully recognize that it was nothing that either of us did, it was all Him.
Clif and I believe with our whole hearts that Eli Zayne, Easton Layne & Elliana Rayne are gifts from God. And we realize that we cannot be selfish with our children.
That being said, please read on with an open mind.
Our babies spent close to six weeks in the neonatal intensive care unit. Our first triplet born was given medication to help his lungs because for a short time, he was literally not breathing. He, Eli, still has immature lungs - according to our doctor, as of two weeks ago. Our second triplet born had a hole in his heart. Since then, Easton was given medication to assist in closing that hole. Praise the Lord, as far as we know - he has no hole...and he is probably our healthiest baby. Our third born triplet was born with a very large hole in her heart, known as a PDA. Elliana underwent two rounds of medication to assist the closing of the hole. Neither rounds worked...at all. When Elliana was two weeks old, she had heart surgery to correct her PDA - as it had begun effecting her respiratory system. We were told weeks later that the surgery that has a 1% failure rate, did not work for our daughter. As of September 6th, our daughter still has an existing PDA...which has also caused her left heart to be enlarged. In the future, if this problem does not correct -we are looking at having to take her to UVA to have this permanently corrected.
Clif and I were extremely blessed in the sense that our babies were not as bad off as the doctor's may have thought that they would be. BUT...none the less, our babies were still sick.
And that's huge. There is nothing in this world that is more important to Clif and I than the health and well being of our children. And in the process of trying our best to protect them, we have hurt many feelings along the way. Of family, and friends alike. And though we cringe every time we have to face yet another awkward situation involving our children, and other people - it's what's best for our kids.
We learned SO much during our stay in the NICU. And where we may seem like over protective parents, we are doing what we know best... the best we know how. We had a very talented staff of doctors, nurse practitioners, and registered nurses that taught us much. Among the things we learned, we were given many pointers to live by - especially for the first two months of our babies being home with us.
Things that we learned include, but are not limited to:

*don't be afraid to tell people no.
*if someone is sick, don't allow them to be near the children.
*school age children should not be allowed to be near the children.
*smokers (of cigarettes or anything else) should not be allowed near the children.

While in the NICU, we were told about RSV (a respiratory Virus) that is extremely dangerous to preemie babies. Anyone with a common cold (or even if you don't know that your "sick") can carry it, and give it to the babies. If our babies were to develop RSV, it could very possibly land them back in the hospital. In our eyes, our babies spent enough time in ICU, and we don't want them going back there. Therefore, we have been extremely cautious when allowing visitors into our home.
People probably think that we are whacked because of how cautious we are. We screen our visitors before they come, and ask that they "scrub in" with the antibacterial soap that we have seemed to buy stock in. Call us crazy, but it's what we feel is best protecting our children.
Basically, it is what it is. We hate that we have hurt feelings along the way - and we pray that we will be forgiven. We are new parents...and maybe we are wrong in the way that we are caring for our children...but that's just that. They are our children.
Right now, we just ask that you bare with us. As of this week, we have two sick babies. Elliana is still just considered to have a cold. Eli on the other hand, has a cold...he is wheezing (on medication for it), and has an ear infection (on medication for it). Praise the Lord that Easton is still well, which we are trying to keep that way!
So, after all of that we ask that:

*if you have been sick, you're getting sick, or you have been around someone that is sick - that you not visit until the incubation period has passed.
*if you are a smoker, live with a smoker, or have spent a significant time with someone who has smoked in close quarters...that you not visit the babies.
*if you have children - you are more than welcome to visit, just not with your children.
*if you do visit, please respect our wishes - washing hands upon arriving, not wearing strong perfumes/colognes, avoiding contact with the babies face(touching,kissing,cuddling ect).

I know this seems bogus... but right now, with sick babies and flu season on it's way to full swing - these are our requests. These requests are not more Clif than myself, and visa versa. We both fully agree in the above stated.
We hope and pray that you can be open and willing to understand our fears when it comes to these babies. And pray that you will not be offended.
In the weeks that the babies have been home, there has not been a single night that we wake up and scramble to watch (or feel) our babies breathing. To make sure that they are okay. Not only does that come from them being early, and sick... but it comes from losing our first born. We feel that the situation we faced with our Lillian Joy, could not be controlled by us. And while we know that our children are not in our hands, but His, we feel that we have a little more control on their health... on their lives.
Even though they are all home, we continue to face every day scares. Them becoming sick, them choking and not breathing, SIDS...everything the average parent worries about - we worry about times three. So, just because they are home, does not mean the worry ended at the hospital.
God gave us these children, and we believe that He will take care of them. We also believe that we are here to see that these children are taken care of, and doing what we feel is in their best interest.
Basically, all we are trying to convey with this post is that - we are sorry if you have been, or will be offended by us. We ask that you forgive us, and love us in spite of the situation. We don't expect everyone to know what we are feeling, but we ask that you try to put yourselves in our place...and just imagine how you would be.
It won't always be like this... but for now, it is.

The Smith's (minus one)

2011-10-07T12:09:00.000-04:00

this and that...and me :)

2011-10-06T10:16:00.001-04:00

Do you ever just feel...off? Not like yourself? Yep... that's how I've been feeling for about three weeks or more.
I want to blame it on the new birth control that Dr.G put me on... it just makes me feel weird, I hate it! I really believe that it's screwing with my body :( Just called his office, and am waiting for a call back...hopefully getting it changed - and possibly going to see him about some issues that I've been having the last few days.
Anyway... back to not feeling like myself. Clif asked if I thought it was PPD, and honestly... I don't think that it is. I think it's more than likely a mix between exhaustion and November 13th rolling around...and this stupid birth control messing with my hormones (and body).
Bleh... I'm hoping that Dr.G's nurse will call me back - switch my medicine, and that I will be back to normal in no time!
Ugh, speaking of the birth control...you always hear about weight gain (fun stuff) when you go on it. Well, since I am currently going to Weight Watchers, it's not making it easy on me. That, mixed with my PCOS = a tough time trying to shed some pounds! BUT... I am determined. I don't want these babies to have a fat mama...ha! Slowly but surely, the pounds ARE coming off. It's taken work and dedication... but I've lost 8 pounds in the last three weeks. Doesn't sound like a lot, I know... but trust me... with my body, eight pounds in three weeks is awesome! Only eight more pounds and I will be back to my pre pregnancy weight... and then only 40 pounds to reach my goal weight. Don't know if I'll ever make it there again... but it's where I would like to be. Man, oh man... the things two pregnancies and four babies will do to one's body, huh?
Well...Monday is the day that our little family of five has been dreading. Clif going back to work... on night shift. Not the most awesome thing in the world, but we knew that it was coming... and I guess we might as well get used to it. My Mom will be helping out for a while, and I've had a few friends offer help as well. :) I think I can do it myself, if I can just get someone here during the day to let me sleep.
Actually, the babies have been doing much better at night! Oh Lord, hope I didn't just jinx myself. They slept almost five hours, and then a three hour stretch...so last night, we were actually able to get some good sleep! I'm hoping that this is a sign of what's to come... and that me being home alone at night will be a smooth transition. :)
Speaking of Clif going back to work, and me NOT going back to work...insurance. Omg. I guess I never realized the expense of insurance.The babies were added to my policy upon birth (don't even get me started on the headache that caused...and is still causing)... but I have to reimburse the company that I was working for, because I was out on UNpaid leave. Two months = almost $700. Ouch. THEN, Clif went and had me and the kids added to his insurance, effective Oct. 1st. He is currently on UNpaid leave, so we will have to reimburse the company that HE works for...actually, it will just come out of his first two checks. *Almost* $500 a month for our family plan. Wow. Insurance is ridiculous. BUT...can't go without it... so I guess it's just one of those things.lol.
Oh!
On the home front, we are doing some home improvements! Oh the joys of being home owners. Can you sense the sarcasm there? We discovered a few weeks ago that our roof is leaking... and that it would cause some major problems (on the inside of our house) if we don't get it taken care of. So, for the last week...we have been searching out the best deal for having our shingles replaced. Talk about expensive! But, we will be having that done in about two weeks (the soonest they could get to us). Currently, though, Clif and one of his relatives (too confusing to even say how he is related) are adding on to our deck covering. I guess that's what you call it. We have this small covered area on our back deck, right outside the back door. We are tearing that down, and taking the covering all the way across our deck - the length of our house. This has to be completed before the roofers come, because it will be covered with shingles as well. We've been doing a lot of home improvements lately... mainly because we plan to try and sell in the next two years, and everything we are doing is adding property value. Something I AM looking forward to...one of my dad's friends is going to come and plow our field. For those of you who know don't know where we live... we have about 3.11 acres of land. Past our yard, we have a very large field-type thing. It's been grown up (for the most part) since we bought our house, but Clif and my dad have been working on it this past month and have cleaned it all up (mowed it, cut down trees and bushes...dug up stumps, ect). This guy that my dad knows is going to come plow, and seed the whole thing...so hopefully, by next summer... we will have one HUGE yard. :) He is going to level it with our yard, so it will be one level slope. Pretty excited about having a larger area for the kids to play in. Well, okay... they aren't big enough yet... and probably won't be next year... but still.
Ah, well... enough blogging for me today! I have two babies waking up, ready for their bottles! Oh the joys of Motherhood. Sorry for all the babbling, and jumping around of subjects! More to come :)

what doesn't kill you...

2011-09-28T11:28:00.000-04:00

...will make you sleepier?

:) Though it sounds like it, I'm really not complaining. God has blessed me us with so much... and I know He won't give me anything more than I can handle. BUT...three babies might be a little more than I had anticipated.

If someone had told me a year ago that I would be as tired as I am... I would have just laughed. Wouldn't have believed them for a second. Now...oh my gosh. I have never been so completely exhausted in my whole entire life.

Clif and I (and my mom that has been "living" with us since Easton came home) have a ~~pretty good~~ fair system going at the moment. We all stay up until after the 11pm/12am feeding - and then go to bed. If one or more babies will not go to sleep, Clif takes them to the living room and stays up with them until the 2-3am feeding. For the most part, Clif handles this feeding on his own. The only time Mom or I get up is if more than one baby is screaming. I can't tell you how awesome it is that Clif takes care of that feeding... I struggle (really bad) with getting up at 2am. So after that feeding, Clif will go to sleep and I get up for the next feeding around 5-6am. Some mornings I'll go back to sleep for a while after this feeding, sometimes I don't. Just depends on how well I rested the night before - and if the babies decide to go to sleep. My mom has been helping with the 5-6am & 8-9am feedings, because Clif is generally sleeping until at least 10.

The bad part? This will all change as of October 10th. >.< That's when Clif goes back to work. And that's when things are going to get real "hairy". On top of us having to get used to the idea of him going back to work, he will be going back to work... on night shift :( For the first two weeks. Of course, I guess it doesn't really matter... because even when he is on day shift, he really won't be able to help much during the night because he has to be up at 5am for a 12 hour shift.

So...prayers would be appreciated! I don't know how much longer I will be able to keep my Mom at my house. Which, really... I need to learn to do this on my own. It will be hard, and I might {feel like I'm going to} die... but I know that I can do it.

Life will be ~~SO much~~ a little easier when the triplets start sleeping for longer periods of time. Right now, on average - they sleep for three hours. Sometimes (like this morning), they will sleep for four hours. God bless them.

I have another prayer request, and I know that it will sound completely selfish. Clif and I were talking about him going back to work...and looking at the calendar... and it looks like (unless his boss will consider giving him the day off) he will be working on November 13th... and the 17th. The 17th isn't as big of a deal as the 13th... but it's still overwhelming to think that I will be home, by myself with three babies on these days.

For those of you that don't know, November 13th will be the two year anniversary of our first born daughter's (Lillian Joy) death. The 17th? The two year anniversary of her funeral. I'm starting to pray now that Clif's boss will have compassion and let him have at least the 13th off.

I have not been looking forward to November for a while now... especially since the triplets were born. Mainly because of doctors appointments. I'm sure the receptionists think I'm a fruit loop when they give me a date in November and I have to check the calendar to make sure that I won't flake out while in the office.

So far, our appointments for November aren't the greatest of dates. I take Elliana to the cardiologist for her follow up on November 9th... my due date with Lilly. THEN, the kid's four month check up (and second round of shots) is scheduled for November 17th. Whew...talk about a challenge.

Well...that's all the writing for now :) My Lil' Peanut (Elliana) is awake and fussy (imagine that). Looks like it's time to start bottles!!!

two months...ten days late :)

2011-09-25T22:11:00.000-04:00

And there they are! :) I feel kinda bad because I don't know for sure if I took an actual picture on the "two month birthday". But this one was definitely taken just a few days before when they went and met Dr.G for the second time!!
Their two month appointment went wonderful!! Clif and I (and Dr.C, the kid's pediatrician) couldn't be more pleased with how well they are doing!! Dr.C told us that if there were a picture of what a preemie's growth should look like at two months, it would be a picture of our triplets. ;) I think he likes them! He definitely loves babies... you can really tell that he enjoys his job!
I guess it's kind of hard for the doctor to give us numbers like he would give most parents. Like, your kids is in the ___% for this, that ect. He told us that it will more than likely take about a year for them to catch up to where they would be had they stayed in my belly until September 14th!
Again...feel like a bad mommy... but I don't have lengths, and head measurements ect... but I do have their weights!

On July 15th, 2011....

Eli weighed 4lb.06oz

Easton weighed 3lb13oz

Elliana weighed 2lb15oz

On September 20th, 2011...

Eli weighed 8lb1oz

Easton weighed 8lb8oz

Elliana weighed 6lb2oz

They have all more than doubled their birth weights, and we couldn't be more pleased at how well they are doing!
As of today we have two sick babies...at least we think they are. Just a cold or something, they are headed to the doctor first thing in the morning... and we also have THREE teething babies. OH my. :)
I also took Elliana to the eye doctor this past Thursday, and though she is still considered stage 1 - there has been no change since the last time we saw Dr.F (three weeks ago) and do not have to see him again for six months... unless we think that she is not seeing as she should! Praise the Lord!!!

life with three.

2011-09-25T21:59:00.000-04:00

Life with three is...hectic. For the most part, I enjoy it more than I can express. Then other times it's completely overwhelming and I find myself wondering if life will ever be "normal" again.

Doubtful.

But that's okay. Clif and I have longed for this life for a long time now. Longer than I'd like to dwell on. It took us a long time to get to this point in our lives, a long time... and lots of bumps along the way.
I always wondered how it would be...having more children after losing Lilly. And it has proven to be...well, odd. But I guess deep down, I expected that. There still is not a single day that goes by that I don't think of our precious {first born} baby girl. If it wasn't for her...I don't think that we would be at this point in our lives. *sigh* I am overwhelmed at how much a little girl that I never got the chance to know {outside of my belly} continues to impact my every day life.
Having triplets attracts a lot of attention. Naturally. :) But along with attention comes many awkward situations...and questions.
This week, I found myself caught in the middle of one of the above mentioned situations. One that went like this..."Oh, triplets! Do you have any other children at home?" (no... it's not "good". Yes, we have a "ready made family"...but that doesn't take the sting away when people say things such as, 'oh what a blessing that you don't have any other children!' Please. I am content with three, but there isn't a day that goes by that I wouldn't give my own life (or anything else for that matter) to have all FOUR of the children that God blessed us with here with us, on earth.
That's another thing. Since finding out I was pregnant (and then finding out twins...then triplets), people have acted as if the triplets are a "fix" to our "problem". Like, all the sudden our grief and pain over losing Lilly would just evaporate into thin air. Some days it makes it easier to bare...and other days it just makes it worse.
As November draws near...my heart begins to ache a little more. I find myself wondering what she would have been like, what about looks? Would she still look like me...or would she have looked like Clif by now? Would her hair be brown? What about all the milestones that parents take for granted??? All the milestones we missed. Her first smile, her first word...starting to crawl...taking her first step...
Whew. Talk about an overwhelming feeling. All the things that I missed with the child we never knew.
It's okay :) I'm not losing it... I promise. Maybe a bit hormonal? A very good possibility. Dr.G gave me a new type of birth control that has been wreaking havoc on my post partum body. Bleh. Last night... I actually felt....well, pregnant! Ha... not exactly a feeling that I want to feel after having just been pregnant with TRIPLETS! Luckly, Dr.G didn't give me any refills, so I am just going to call him up in a week or so and ask to be switched. I heard there are a few types of birth controls out there that can help with the symptoms of PCOS...so considering just asking him for a specific kind!
Speaking of doctors, Clif is taking two out of three babies to the doctor in the morning. >.< Elliana and Eli have been hoarse for about twenty four hours now...and though we have called a few different times, because of them being preemies...and having had respiratory issues...we don't want to mess around with it. I'm trusting that everything will pan out, and that it will in fact just be a "cold" like they think.
OH! And they went for their two month appointment this past week. It went wonderful! Though it will be kind of backwards, I think I'll do a post about that next :) God bless!

going down?

2011-09-19T22:28:00.000-04:00

My weight that is :) As of today, I am down 40 pounds since I gave birth to our triplets. It's been a struggle too!! I think it was harder than it could have been, due to the fact that Clif and I were eating out 2+ meals a day while the babies were still in the hospital. I remember how easy (and quickly) weight came off after having Lilly. BUT, thinking back... most of my weight gain with her was fluid. I was SOOOO swollen. :) And I think that a lot of my weight gain with the triplets was actual weight! Just twelve more pounds and I will be back to my pre pregnancy {though, still very over} weight.
I joined weight watchers a week ago today. I'm doing the plus points plan. Basically, it's a fancy way of counting calories. So far, so good. :) It's working! I went to weigh in this evening and I am down 3.2 pounds since last Monday! Yay!
In honor of my new "life change", and losing weight... Clif ordered me an elliptical machine! Okay okay, Clif gave me his debit card and told me to order the one that I wanted. But still! It should hopefully be here by next week. I am SOOO looking forward to it. I had told Clif a few weeks ago that if I could just walk to our mailbox (a LONG way with a very steep driveway!) once a day - it would be great. Since saying that, I have discovered that actually getting to do that... not happening. By the time I would get the babies down to sleep...get dressed...go, and come back...the kids would already be awake and screaming! This way, I can break it (my workout) into smaller times throughout the day - and I can even exercise while the babies are awake and being entertained by swings & bouncers. Who knows... it might amuse them! Anyway, I can't wait!
I've been really concerned about weight loss, due to my PCOS. Poly cystic ovarian syndrome has caused me nothing but trouble in the past...and I am praying that I kick it where it hurts this time! Aside from having to fight the PCOS, I'm fighting weight gain from birth control. Fun stuff! Dr.G put me on the first months pills, and they were safe with breast feeding. But now that I am finished with that, he switched me again. Oh the joys. I told Dr.G that we definitely did NOT want to chance me getting pregnant again... and knowing my body, as soon as we're NOT trying to prevent... I'll get pregnant. :) I hate birth control, and I hate the way that it {generally} makes me feel.... BUT you gotta do what you gotta do. :) As much as I love my babies...I am definitely not in the market to add a fourth one to our home!
Clif and I opted not to get my tubes tied while Dr.G had me open...mainly because of me being only 23 (almost 24!!!), but also because I said that you never know when we might want another. Ummm...it's looking like no. :) We plan to call it quits with two pregnancies, four children, and three on earth. Whew... these kids wear me out! I seriously DREAM of the day when we can sleep through the night!
On a more serious note... I have a major prayer request. A young mommy that Clif knows through work lost her baby girl on Saturday. She was 37+ weeks pregnant... was found unconscious, and when taken to the hospital... the baby had already passed. The last we heard was that the doctors don't know what happened. The young mommy was/is in ICU, and we are told she was in a coma. She has since "come to"... but I don't know any other details. Please pray for this young lady, that God may wrap his arms around her. At times like these, I find myself saying... "I can't imagine". But I can. :-/

due date.

2011-09-14T10:10:00.000-04:00

Today was my due date with the triplets :) Though, after finding out we were having multiples, I knew that I'd never make it to this day. BUT...this is the day that I gave when people asked, "when are you due?"
I cannot believe it's been 9+ months since Clif and I found out that we were expecting... can't believe it's been 8+ since we found out we were having twins, then triplets! :)
This has been such an adventure...one that I've loved every minute of. Not to say that there haven't been scary times that I wish we didn't have to go through, but all in all... I wouldn't change anything when it comes to our triplet experiences!
Clif and I were talking this morning, and I can't even begin to wrap my mind around still having these three babies inside my womb. We're talking close to 22 pounds of baby! Now that's an uncomfortable thought... giving birth to DOUBLE the weight that I gave birth to two months ago.
Speaking of, our babies are going to be TWO months old tomorrow!! I can't believe it. They have come SOOOOOO far. And I still can't say enough, just how incredibly blessed we are!
We've had a busy week... and I feel like I haven't been able to sit down and *really* blog for ages. :) It'll get better...right? If not... don't tell me!
On Monday morning we all went out for our first family outing! Granted, it only lasted about an hour and fifteen minutes... but it was still a big step for us. AND...Mommy and Daddy were starting to go a little crazy I think, staying at home... and not being able to leave the house together. Only a few more weeks, and we won't have to worry about that anymore!
Anyway, back to Monday. What was our family outing, you ask? We took the triplets to meet Dr.G for the first (really, second) time. :) Below is a picture of him with the babies.

Though it wasn't for long, we really enjoyed our visit with him. Can't wait to take them back when they are older :)
Now, something quick that doesn't really have to do with the babies... though it has everything to do with the babies.
Clif applied for a job (within the same place he works now) a few weeks back. Last week, he was called for an interview. Please pray with us that if it be the Lord's will... that he may get this job. It would be a 7-4, Monday-Friday, and all Holidays off position. Which would be a HUGE blessing with three babies at home, and his current position requiring two weeks of NIGHT shift per month >.< I know that God will provide, and everything will happen in His timing. :) Please pray with us that He may make this possible for our family.

Elliana's Heart...again...and again.

2011-09-09T18:14:00.000-04:00

Okay...I'm a few days late, but I just wanted to update on Elliana's heart murmur (PDA).
I took her to the cardiologist on Monday afternoon - and we were told after an echo that the PDA is still very much there. She still is getting along very well, despite the PDA - so they are not too concerned.
Dr.W said that it was a small PDA, and that there is still a possibility that it may close. We have a follow up in two months to check it again. The doctor said that if it's going to close, it should be closed by the next time we see him.
Something that they were semi-concerned about was that Ellliana's "left heart" is slightly enlarged. Dr.W said that it could be that the PDA is beginning to close, and that he heart has not had time to shrink back to it's normal size. The reason he was so surprised over the enlargement was because her PDA is so small...normally you see something like that with larger PDA's.
Like I said, we take her back in two months and we will go from there. We were told that if her heart remains enlarged, there is a procedure that can be done (at UVA) to close the PDA.

:)

2011-09-02T19:34:00.000-04:00

Well...it's been a while since I have been able to just write. For me. Life has been absolutely crazy these last few months...and I don't anticipate things slowing down any time soon. But that's okay. I'm loving life, and my {not so} little family.
These past *almost* two months have been a blur. A blur of happiness, excitement...fear, not fear of having three babies... but fear of the unknown :) But, as I have said many times since July 15th - we are blessed, and God is good. All the time!
My surgery (csection) was much different this time. With the csection I had when Lilly was born, I didn't allow myself to show pain. I just pushed through it... "enjoying" the fact that I could at least feel something. This time... I was a bit more of a sissy. I think that the worst pain of all was the trapped air (gas) in my stomach. Almost the most painful thing I've ever felt (the worse being when I had my ovarian drilling back in November). But all in all, it was a good experience. As good as having your stomach cut open can be :)
I guess you'd say that I'm completely healed now? I feel great...my scar looks wonderful. Dr.G pretty much just combined me two scars, so it doesn't look horrible either. :) AND...the way that things are looking now, there won't be a third scar. At least not for a baby to come outta there!
Clif said from the time he found out that I was pregnant with triplets, that he didn't want any more children. I said that I was undecided. HA! I think I've pretty much made up my mind, unless for some reason God sees fit to change our minds! I'd say three is enough. And where our NICU experience was nothing but wonderful, I don't think that either of us could handle the stress of that again. Well, actually... I know that with God - we could handle it, but at this point in our lives, we don't want to. :)
My milk? It's gone. I started taking reglan, Dr.G gave me a prescription when I saw him last week. I would pump for 20-30 minutes, and get an ounce (where before I would pump for 20 minutes and get 8-10 ounces). So I decided... though it was tough, to stop. I was wasting time...and not getting NEAR enough milk to sustain one baby, let alone THREE.
I beat myself up over it for a few days... I hated that my babies had to be switched to ALL formula. BUT... they have taken to it well, not to mention it gives me so much more time with them - and time to do other things to!
Weight loss is...getting there. But not at the speed that I would like. I've lost 35 pounds since they were born. I'm *almost* back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. But even so, I have a LONG way to go before I am to the point that I want to be. I would like to lose 50 pounds. Then I'd be happy with myself :) We will see. I am joining "Weight Watchers" with my Mom next week, and am praying that it will be effective with my PCOS. That's what's fought against me in the past in losing weight.
NOT to mention... I'm on birth control now. >.< Awesome. I'm on some kind of weird BC that you can take while nursing, but considering I'm not nursing anymore... I will be calling Dr.G next week to switch to something that will help with my PCOS. Fun stuff.
Work. Hm, what's that? I feel like a bum. I haven't worked a day since May 27th. That's a LONG time. But it was for a good cause... actually, three good causes. And, for the time being... I'm not going back.
I won't go into detail - but God has and is continuing to work out the details that are allowing me to stay at home with our three little blessings. At least for a while. Clif and I are planning for me to go back to work sometime in January. Please pray with us that God will open a door with the same company I've been with for the last three years. I wouldn't know what to do if I had to get to know all new co-workers!
Some other prayer requests include Elliana. I took her to the eye doctor this week, and we were told that she has developed something to do with immature retinas? I honestly don't remember what it's called... but apparently it's something that is fairly common. I have to take her back on September 22nd for a follow up visit. Also, I will be taking her to her follow up with the cardiologist this coming up Tuesday. I am praying that they do an echo and find that her heart murmur/pda has closed.
Little Mr.Easton goes on Wednesday for his car seat study...we're really hoping that he still fits in his car bed so that he has a way of getting there! :)
And Eli...well, he's doing great. Other than spitting up through his nose on occasion and scaring the poop out of his mommy and daddy!
A few HUGE praises and I will close.
It looks like (as far as we can tell)... that the babies stay in NICU will be taken care of by my insurance, and whatever they don't cover will be picked up by Institutional Medicaid. There was a lady from NICU that called last week and asked if we would be interested in applying for it. The only stipulation was that the baby(s) had to be in NICU for at least 30 days. Easton was discharged during his 30th day, and Eli & Elliana followed him. Clif went and met with the lady at the hospital yesterday to fill out the applications. Just to show you what a huge blessing this is - we got an itemized list of what it would have cost for each boy WITHOUT insurance. Let's just say it's a combined total of $134,000. And I don't even want to think about what the total of Elliana's stay will be - especially with her having surgery! God has been faithful, and He continues to be!
Other praise seems so small compared to the hospital bills...but a few days ago, we received three cases of the Enfamil Enfacare formula that the triplets are on. I thought it was 16 cans, but Clif was quick to correct saying it's actually 18 cans. Which saved us $275!!! Which is awesome considering they are already going through a can+ every day!
Well... I decided to write this blog during my first time of being at home alone with the babies. It worked out really well until a few paragraphs ago. I currently have one baby that rousing in her bassinet, and another {very} hungry baby on my chest, rooting around on my face for food :) I am SO blessed, and enjoying very much this gift they call Motherhood!

July 15th, 2011...the story of three.

2011-08-31T11:24:00.000-04:00

So, I've been meaning to write about the day that our precious peas were born... but, as I am sure that you can imagine... I haven't exactly had much time. :) But, today... I figured that I would give it a shot!
Everything really started on the Monday before they were born. Well, Sunday night. The whole night, I felt as if Eli was going to kick...well, OUT. Seriously felt like the kid was going to poke a hand or leg through the exit at any given time. I had an appointment with Dr.G that morning (Monday). When I explained my discomfort, saying that there was a lot of pressure - and that I felt like a baby was going to come out, the doctor decided to do an exam...just to make sure nothing was happening. We were told that my cervix had softened.
On Tuesday night, I was still experiencing a lot of pressure "down there"... accompanied by spotting, and braxton hicks contractions. Clif called the ER, and talked to Dr.F about it (who at first was convinced I was in labor). He said to rest, drink plenty of fluids...and call Dr.G in the morning to fill him in on things. I called first thing that next morning (Wednesday), and he wanted to see me. When he did his exam, I was told that my cervix had shortened...but I was not dilated. Dr.G sent me to triage to be monitored for contractions. I was having contractions, but they were few and far between and only lasting for 10-20 seconds each. Nothing to write home about. SO, I received my first part of the steroid shot - and Dr.G told me that he thought the babies would be here within 7 days.
By the time I was discharged, and we arrived home... I thought that I would have to go back to the hospital. I was having more and more contractions. But they subsided...and I made it through the night. Thursday started out uneventful...we slept late, and then headed to the doctor (again) to get the second part of my shot. After getting the shot, we went and got dinner... and then headed home.
Thursday night was not a good night. I struggled for several hours with whether or not I should call the emergency room. I knew who was on call - and I didn't want that doctor to be the doctor to deliver... so I waited it out. I had contractions all night long, sometimes 15 minutes apart...sometimes an hour. So nothing that was really timeable. My back ached...and I was feeling horrible. I was awake the majority of Thursday night, well into Friday morning.
Funny thing, Thursday night - I had told Clif that I thought we should pack my hospital bag... but he said that we would do it the following afternoon. Friday morning, I decided for myself that we should go ahead and pack the bag before leaving for the doctors office...Mother's intuition I guess.
Again, upon waking (or rather just getting out of bed)... I called Dr.G's office and told his nurse what was up. I actually had an appointment with the specialist, Dr.D that morning...so they told me to let them know there and have them check me. We thought we were going to be seeing the male, Dr.D (older doctor) - but ended up seeing the female, and very blunt Dr.D. Which we are so thankful for. We first had an ultrasound and were told that the babies looked really good...and all three were super active. I told the ultrasound tech about the contractions - and she said that the doctor would be in to do an exam.
Nope...Dr.D came in and announced that she wouldn't do a pelvic exam. She explained that since Dr.G had been doing the exams, she didn't want to miss something and think that there was no progression... or a lot, when there really wasn't. SO, she sent me back to triage to be examined by Dr.G, who just so happened to be the doctor on call that day. Yay!
When we arrived at labor and delivery, we were told that triage was full so they put me into a room. Which I was excited and nervous about all at the same time! I honestly think they had forgotten about me at one point, but FINALLY...the ball started rolling. They hooked me up to monitors and I was told that I was having 9 contractions every ten minutes. I was in full blown labor and had absolutely no clue. I mean... I was experiencing some discomfort... BUT... I would have never guessed that I was in labor.
Dr.G came in the room for my exam, and announced that I was 1cm dilated. Which was pretty big considering my *very* stubborn cervix. :) He told us that there were medications he could try to give me to stop labor, but with my contractions...and my progression over the last few days - that if he sent me home, I probably would be back in by that night. Reality kicked in at this point, and Dr.G told us that he advised going ahead with the csection...that day. He left to put me on the OR list...which took some time, because there were a few people ahead of me...AND not to mention that I would need two OR's.
Needless to say - much of the rest of that afternoon is a blur to me. Nurses were in and out of my room, preparing me for surgery. They started an IV and started pumping fluids through me like crazy...so I had to make a couple of trips to the bathroom :) They came in and gave me some anti nausea medicine (the same as I got before...yummy sour stuff!)...and told me that I was next on the list.
Dr.G came in a few times to keep us updated - and they let us know that the neonatologist that was on the floor would be coming to talk to us... preparing us for things ahead of us. Dr.P came in to meet us, and explain things that may or may not happen that afternoon. We talked about respiratory issues...along with about a million others. We asked him a ton of questions...and he said he'd see us later that afternoon.
Next in was the anesthesiologist. He left a lot to be desired. Definitely not like my very first experience with an anesthesiologist. :) But that's okay. I signed the consent forms...and they began rushing me around for surgery.
Poor Clif's nerves had been shot since Wednesday morning when our nurse, J, told us that Dr.G said if I was the least bit dilated, it was baby day! Needless to say, during the time we were in the room before surgery...Clif bladder went through a lot! Seriously, you would have thought that he was the one that was pregnant!
Oddly enough, during that whole time... I remained completely calm. I wasn't nervous about the surgery... I wasn't nervous about the babies being okay... I was calm. I had peace. I had prayed for this peace my whole entire pregnancy...and God granted it to me. I knew that this day, like any other, and our children were in His hands.
Clif and I got one last picture together, and then I was taken to the OR. Whew. One of two OR's reserved for my delivery. They explained that the first baby out would be taken to the second OR.
I walked in the doors of the operating room, and immediately saw Dr.G. Any nerves that I may have been feeling were gone. I knew that he would take care of me.
He was actually HILARIOUS... because he was walking around doing the NURSES jobs. He said that if he didn't help them with their jobs, that he would be pacing outside the door. :) I guess he was nervous too? He helped me up on the table... took my blood pressure, got out the doppler...found the babies heart rates...and then it was time for my spinal block. >.<
When I had my csection with Lilly, the spinal went smoothly. This time... not so much. The anesthesiologist started by sticking the needle in...telling me to arch my back. Really? He kept telling me to lean forward...lean forward...arch my back. I wanted to be like, "dude...have you SEEN the belly on the front of me? I only can "lean forward" so much!". Geez. Dr.G stood by my side the whole time...first just with his arm around my shoulder,rubbing my back...telling me that it would be okay. And by the time that the second needle poke on my spine didn't go correctly (did the needle bend?) and he had to ask the nurse for a new needle... I thought I was going to pass out. It hurt. BAD. At this point, Dr.G was standing in front of me...arms around me, up on a stool...holding on to me, to be sure I didn't fall off the table from leaning forward so much. It was super sweet...while holding me on the table (did I mention that he was having to BRACE himself on the stool? Embarrassing)... he continued to talk to me...he knew it hurt, it would be okay...ect ect. He even rubbed my belly! :) FINALLY, they finished with the spinal... and laid me down.
Things went pretty fast from that point. The nurses put in my cath... and the anesthesiologist placed an oxygen mask over my mouth (saying it was for the babies). That's when I freaked out. I'm claustrophobic...bad. And I hate having ANYTHING placed over my face. I literally thought I was going to pass out. I couldn't breathe...which is funny if you think about it. I was really about to have a panic attack when a nurse came to my side. She had a mask, and scrub hat on her head. She leaned down and whispered my name and said how happy she was for me...asked how I was... ect. I was thrown off by her talking to me, and then she whispered..."it's me. It's Heather". Omg. She was in the OR with me during my first csection. She checked on me numerous times during my stay in the hospital during November 2009. She is part of the S.H.A.R.E group in our area, and she participated in the Share Walk To Remember that Clif and our family went to last year. She heard that we were there...and WANTED to be there. At least, that's what I gather. How awesome is that?
I started to calm down, but still had an overall sense of panic. And then I saw him...Clif. Go ahead, you can gag now. But as soon as he was by my side...holding my hand... I was okay. At least one of us was! Poor Clif was hysterical. When he saw me, he started tearing up. Seriously thought we were going to lose HIM! He actually thought he was going to have to send my mom into the OR to be with me.
When he sat down next to me - we immediately started talking about how we were feeling...and then I heard Dr.Garcia say something about my bladder being out. I'll never forget looking up at Clif and saying, "umm...have I already been cut open?" Before I could finish my sentence...I heard them say that Baby A was out, and gave the time of birth...and then I heard Eli scream for the first time. Clif and I both burst into tears...well, I burst into tears...Clif CONTINUED to cry...and then sobbed. :) It was a precious time for our little family. Things went FAST then. We were able to peak over the sheet and see each baby coming out (once, Clif looked too soon and saw Dr.G's arm shoved in my abdomen up to his ELBOW!). What a precious experience that we will NEVER forget.
Dr.G should seriously get a reward for record time triplet csection. From the time he cut me open (without me even knowing it) until the time he sewed me up...twenty one minutes. Wow!
Our triplets entered the world...

"Baby A" - Eli Zayne - @5:28pm - 4lbs.06oz - 16 3/4 inches
"Baby B" - Easton Layne - @5:29pm - 3lbs13oz - 15 3/4 inches
"Baby C" - Elliana Rayne - @5:30pm - 2lbs15oz - 15 inches

Clif left me in the OR and went with the babies to the neonatal intensive care. We had arranged for my mom to come into recovery with me. I think that the average time in recovery is 1-2 hours. I was there for 45 minutes ;) I came out of surgery just fine, though I was told later that I did lose a good amount of blood. Though, it wasn't to the point of needing a transfusion. Praise the Lord!
After what seemed like forever... I was wheeled to the 14th floor. NICU. I was taken in, and was introduced to my precious babies for the very first time in person. They were absolutely BEAUTIFUL. I couldn't help but cry. Ahh...thinking back on it now just gives me chill bumps!
After twelve hours, both boys were off of CPAP... and on room air. Elliana followed the day after. Doctors and nurses were shocked out the size of our 31 weekers...and at how well they did.
The only one that really had immediate problems was Eli. Apparently he came out screaming, and then stopped. They gave him a dose of surfactin for his lungs, and the following day - a dose of caffeine because of his heart rate dropping. But other than that, the babies did wonderfully.
Clif and I were/are so incredibly blessed with a wonderful staff that cared for both me (during and after my pregnancy), and for our children. Dr.G will never fully understand how thankful we are that God placed him in our lives. In our children's lives. All four of them (at one point, don't remember when...Dr.G did acknowledge that we have four children).
As for the NICU staff...we couldn't have been more pleased. They were ALL absolutely AMAZING. Of course...we did have our favorites... :) And they know who they are!
Another way we have been blessed is with a wonderful group of prayer warriors. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all the family, friends, and complete strangers that have prayed ( and continue to do so) for our children.
God is good...all the time...and we are living proof. He held our hearts through the biggest storm of our lives...and on January 4th, 2011 (actually if you want to be literal, December 23rd,2010)...he blessed us with not one, not two, but THREE rainbows.

Got Milk?

2011-08-24T21:59:00.001-04:00

**warning** Breast feeding talk ahead - probably TMI... but I need to get on my soap box for a sec. :)
Okay, first I have to say that I feel so incredibly blessed that God allowed me to exclusively feed my three little one's for the last *almost* six weeks. Today was the first day that I had to supplement...and it killed me.
I know that six weeks is awesome, considering there are THREE babies to feed. BUT... I hate that I can't continue to provide it for them.
Don't get me wrong... I plan to continue nursing/pumping until there is nothing left to pump.
I have been searching for different things that I can do to help increase my breast milk supply. I think that a lot of the cause of decrease was/is, lack of rest/sleep...not eating like I should (as busy as we are - I forget to eat half of the time), and not pumping as much as I should. Which, pumping every two hours...? Please. Who has time for that? Especially when you not only have three babies, but when you're living out of a hotel for five weeks... and then having to stay at home and run back and forth to the hospital for a week. Hm. Not easy. So yeah, I've been having a bit of a pity party over the milk issue. :(
Good news is... I'm still trying! People have suggested fenugreek...which the lactation specialist said not to use because it can mess with the babies' blood sugar, and make them gassy. Also, been told about "Mother's Milk"... but haven't had a chance to track that down.
My friends friend suggested that I ask Dr.G for a script called, reglan. Well... I went for my follow up yesterday and mentioned that my supply had decreased significantly. He suggested reglan right away! Yay. And though it's nowhere close to what it was, I can already tell a difference in my supply.
Speaking of Dr.G and my follow up/post partum appointment. :) I had that yesterday, before I headed to pick Elliana up from the NICU. It was my first visit in his new office, and it actually left a little to be desired. Ha! The office is just really outdated, and I am not entirely sure if the office has been in use. It's sad and depressing compared to his old office. And though his nurse is super nice...SO not 'J'. I'm gonna miss everyone at the other office.
Everything with the appointment went well. Dr.G did my exam, and said that everything is healing wonderfully - and he has lifted all restrictions. WHICH... I have to say, I definitely did not listen like I did following my first c-section. :) But still thankful that everything looks a-ok.
As I mentioned, he gave me a prescription for reglan. It's an anti nausea medicine that {for some reason} increases milk supply. Who woulda thought? Also on the menu at the pharmacy? BC. The first birth control that I've taken in...well, almost four years. I had started BC right before we got married, and was only on it for a few months before I decided to go off of it.
Dr.G did kind of freak me out a little bit - saying that I could get pregnant, even if I didn't have a period. Actually, he said that I'm more likely to ovulate if I don't pump {at least} every four hours. >.< I am a firm believer that God never gives you more than you can handle...I just think that I would absolutely lose my mind if the doctor told me, oh... by the way - you're pregnant. Whew...what a nightmare.
Oh, as I'm sure you all have gathered...Elliana is home, safe and sound :) Last night was her first night home with us, and though Clif and I didn't get to sleep together...we were able to sleep in shifts and get some rest. Thank God! :)
Well, it's 10 and the kids don't start their next round of feedings until 11:15, SO... I think Mommy is going to lay down and get a little nap. Yay!

coming home :)

2011-08-23T07:16:00.001-04:00

Going to my post partum appointment at Dr.G's office...then going to pick up my baby girl!!

this week...

2011-08-21T11:24:00.000-04:00

Talk about a busy week ahead of us!! I figured that I had better post about it now...just in case I don't have time to post later on in the week! :)
First off, if everything goes well...Elliana should be coming home this week. Possibly even Tuesday! Right now, the only things that she has to do is keep taking bottles & keep from having any spells! Her spell countdown will be over on Tuesday...she passed her carseat study last night - AND her feeding tube is out (she decided she didn't need it anymore and yanked it out for herself!). She has been doing wonderfully on her bottles... which is a huge improvement from just a few days ago! :) We are so excited for our little girl to come home to us!
So...tomorrow is pretty normal, just going to the hospital to visit Elliana...and taking care of the boys at home.
Tuesday morning, I have my 6 week post partum appointment with Dr.G (at his new office). That's at 9:15am, so if Elliana comes home - I will be going to my appointment and then going to pick her up from the hosptial. :)
Wednesday morning, Clif is staying home with Eli while I venture out to take Easton for his carseat study. Fun stuff! If everything goes as expected, and Elliana comes home on Tuesday... looks like I will be taking them BOTH to the doctor. Whew.
:) We are overwhelmed at how blessed we are. Cannot believe that my pregnancy is over, THREE babies are here safe and healthy... and that by the end of this week... I should have all three of them home with me!
God has blessed us SO much...

Elliana's Heart...again.

2011-08-17T16:58:00.000-04:00

I feel as if my sweet baby girl has all odds working against her. But she's a fighter!! We received a call from the cardiologist yesterday, explaining to us that Elliana still has a PDA (heart murmur). From what we can gather (it's hard understanding all the medical terms), her PDA was so large that the clip just couldn't hold it together and close.
Yep, that's right... we were told that Elliana is included in the 1% of PDA Ligation surgeries that do not work. The cardiologist that Clif spoke with yesterday said that he had never seen it in the ten years he has been performing the surgery, and the surgeon that performed Elliana's surgery said it's 1 in 100. Wow.
Praise the Lord though, because though the PDA is still there... and the hole is still very much open, it is now considered "small to moderate" where as before it was "moderate to large". From what we gathered before her surgery, it was a very large murmur.
Easton's murmur was also considered "small to moderate" before his round of medication, then it went to "tiny". Before he was discharged on Saturday, we were told that his echo came back "normal". So... there IS hope.
As of now, the plan of attack is nothing. Really, just waiting and keeping an eye one her. Monitoring her breathing (watching for the labored breathing like before her surgery), and her amount of spells. The cardiologist told us that they were not considering surgery, or any more medication because Elliana is not symptomatic. ALSO, the nurse practitioner told Clif today that she would call Elliana's PDA "restrictive"...meaning that the hole is trying to close. :)
The only plan as of now, other than just watching her to see how she handles it all - is performing another echo before she is discharged, and setting up a follow up appointment with the cardiologist three weeks from now.
We were also told today that Elliana is on her "spell countdown". She has not had a spell since the 15th, and if it stays that way - and she increases her bottle feedings... we are looking at bringing her home on the 23rd. If she continues to have spells, the nurse practitioner told us that it is a possibility that she may come home on a heart monitor. Whatever it takes to bring my baby girl home where she belongs. :)
We continue to praise God for the things that He has done, and is continuing to do in our children's lives. He hasn't given us more than we can handle, and we don't look for Him to start now!!
Thank you in advance for your continued prayers for our baby girl. Please pray that this PDA might very well be trying to close itself, and that when she has her follow up PDA before discharge - that it may already be closed. <3

there's no place like HOME

2011-08-15T15:18:00.000-04:00

And that's where we (Clif and I) have been since Friday night! :) It's weird being back in house, but a nice weird, definitely.
Easton has been home with us since Saturday afternoon, so two...going on three nights with Mommy and Daddy. The first night (Saturday) went a lot smoother than I thought that it would. Clif and I slept in shifts...me sleeping through the first half of the night and Clif taking care of him, and then Clif sleeping the latter part of the night and into the morning. Thank God for a wonderful husband who allowed me to catch about four hours of sleep Sunday morning, into the afternoon! I wouldn't have been able to function if he hadn't have.
Last night (Sunday) was a little more challenging. Clif hadn't slept but a few hours over a twenty four hour period...so he was extremely tired. As was I. We decided trying to sleep, both of us at the same time - with Easton in a crib by our bed. It worked out pretty well, except I seemed to be the only one getting up with him. Apparently Clif was sleeping really well. >.< I got up for the 2:15 feeding, took his temperature (he wasn't quite warm enough so I had to undress him and add another layer, then dress him again), change his diaper, and feed him his bottle. I then put him in the cradle, and pumped for twenty minutes. By the time all was said and done, my 2:15 feeding didn't end until 3:45. I was able to get Easton back into the crib in our room, and myself back in bed by 4. The alarm (Easton AND the actual alarm) went off around 5:30...and I had thought that Clif was going to get up with him. Well...we both ended up getting up. And I've been up ever since. *sigh* I feel decent, but I'm wearing down...fast.
Currently I am the only person in the house that isn't snoozing. Mom & Clif are taking naps, and so are the boys! I feel very left out... and very sleep deprived!
Clif, my mom, and his mom headed to the hospital at 7:30 this morning to pick up Eli - and were back sometime after ten. :) It's so nice to have both of my boys home, and I am anxiously awaiting my little girl being able to come home too! Eli actually passed his second car seat study, so he was able to come home in a big boy car seat! :) Everything went well, and he is beginning to adjust.
Yesterday was a rough one, emotionally. It was hard knowing that I had to stay at home and take care of Easton - but also knowing that I had two more little ones at the hospital. I wanted to visit them so badly, and had planned on getting to the hospital around 2:30... I didn't end up getting there until 4:15, and was only able to stay an hour or so before having to come back to be with Clif and Easton.
Yesterday seemed to be a good day for Elliana. Apparently, a light bulb went off in that precious little head of hers - and she started taking her bottles MUCH better than she has in the past. She finished two whole ones, and then the most of several others. When I left, she hadn't had any "spells" all day, reflux related - or other. But they said as soon as I left, she had a pretty bad one. Talking with the nurse this morning, seems like it was more than likely related to reflux. *sigh* AND she has had two today. SO...we're looking at a minimum of eight more days before she can come home. I'm praying big, but I'm thinking that she might even be there longer than that! I just want her well, and home with me, her daddy, and brothers. It's so hard being away from her.
With today being our first day with the two boys home, I won't get the chance to go and see Elliana. And to be honest, it's eating at me pretty good. :( I miss her so much... and hate that I am not able to spend quality time with her, like I want.
I'm not going to lie... though I've only been doing the whole "two babies at home" thing for a few hours - I know that it's NOT going to be easy. :( Clif went to take a nap, and I had to wake him up within an hour because the boys woke up an hour early fussing because they were hungry. And yes, hungry is the only thing that I can figure because they both ate - and are now sound asleep.
Tomorrow is their doctor's appointments...I'm excited. And nervous - only because I'm not super excited about taking them out in the car. Whew... though, I know that God will give us strength...not to mention hold our hands all of the way!
I'm happy to announce that though I don't know exactly how much - I have lost a LOT of my pregnancy weight! My tummy (though flabby) is just about flat again! So nice, considering I was asked several times during my first week of postpartum, "Awww when is your baby due?" Yeah. Not so pleasant.
I'm not sure when I will head back to the doctor... Dr.G is moving offices, and is not taking appointments yet. But health wise, I'm doing just fine. :)
Clif and I have been incredibly blessed... and if you hear me complain too much (or read about it), please remind me of just how blessed I am!
One more thing, and I will close for now...not because I want to, BUT...I need to pump (story of my life). My milk supply has decreased significantly. Does any one have any suggestions on how to get it back up? The babies are catching up with me and my supply...and it makes me sad! I want for nothing more than to be able to continue to supply milk for my little blessings... but it's getting harder! If I did have to switch to formula...I could honestly say that I gave it my best "go"...and did as much as I could. Right now our deep freezer is full of bottles of milk...and so is the freezer at the hospital. :) So yes, suggestions please!!!

a stressful kind of day.

2011-08-13T13:29:00.000-04:00

I hate to sound like a broken record, but...whew! What a day! :) Little Sir Easton is supposed to come home today. We've been here (at the hospital) since 7:45am...and we are still waiting.
This morning was a stressful one, that's for sure! We arrived just in time to do Elliana's care time (temp,diaper & feeding). So, I got on it right away. Today was picture day for all three of them too, so I went ahead and dressed her in her new outfit and pretty pink bow (LOVE it). After feeding her, I moved on to Easton. We knew that there was much to accomplish this morning, and as I was getting ready to move to Eli, in walks to the picture lady. She announced that she had a very busy schedule...and that we would have to take them to a different room, since there are three of them. Fun stuff. SO...our nurse said that she could feed Eli so that we could take the other two to start their pictures.
As we were getting ready to put Easton's picture outfit on, in walks the lady to do his echo (they wanted to do a follow up to make sure that everything looked "ok" before sending him home. If his PDA/murmur is still open he will have to have a follow up appointment with the cardiologist. We didn't want to hold the echo up, because we have to wait for the results before he can be discharged...so they started with him, and I started feeding Eli.
We finished up and wheeled Elliana & Eli down the hall to start their pictures. Needless to say, I wasn't impressed with the photographer. I didn't like her handling my babies... and I just, well... actually, I just all around didn't care for her.
After Easton's echo was finished our nurse brought him into the room...and we got a move on with the pictures. We got a lot of cute ones... but it stressed the babies out (well, all but Easton...he stayed asleep the whole time).Ha! Eli & Elliana had both just finished eating, and decided to spit up a few times... which scared Daddy, I think. He was ready to get them back to the nursery so that they could be plugged back up to their monitors. :)
We finished up with the actual picture taking in no time, and Clif wheeled the kids back to the nursery. Right after they hooked Elliana up to her monitor, she had another "spell"...and then threw up. Reflux. :( I'm really praying that she will grow out of this quickly.
The experience with the photographer after all of that was horrible. BUT...we got it done, that's what's important. Well, that... and my order being correct when it's delivered next week >.<
So that's our day so far. Currently, Easton is in the middle of his car bed study...which, we don't have high hopes for. Not only does he have to keep his heart rate up - he also has to keep his oxygen levels up...which he is struggling with. We are praying that he will pass and be able to come home with us this evening, BUT, if he fails...he will have to stay here until Monday at the least. *sigh* All in God's timing...and His will be done :)
Thank you all for your continued prayers for our babies! :) We so appreciate them. If you don't mind, please remember to lift Elliana up in your prayers concerning her reflux related spells. Please pray that she would be able to tolerate the food...and that she will be home with us soon, too! <3

together again...and homeward bound.

2011-08-12T08:16:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, Elliana got her first bath... and her brothers were able to come and visit her afterwards! :) What a precious time to have all three of my babies together again! They really enjoyed it!
On the news front (which I'm going to make quick because I am going back to sleep for a while... just up for pumping!)...we were told yesterday that Easton is on his "spell countdown", and so is Eli. Just so happens that Easton's spell countdown is over on Saturday. Yes, as in tomorrow. And Eli's is over on Monday. Oh.my.goodness. :) SO... as long as Easton & Eli behave themselves...they will be coming home in the next few days. >.< We are looking to have Easton discharged Saturday morning, and then back to the doctor on Monday morning! I can't believe the day of taking a baby home are finally arriving.
Sweet little Elliana is still behind her brothers. She is catching them in weight, but she's a lazy NICU baby...and doesn't want to take her bottles. SO, as soon as she can catch up with the bottle feeding...and get rid of this reflux which is causing spells...she will be home too! I really am hoping that it will only be a week or two past her brothers coming home.
It's going to be so stressful trying to take shifts going to the hospital when the two boys are home. But it has to be done. My heart already aches as I think about leaving her behind on Monday morning. *sigh*
Saturday morning, the babies will get their official hospital pictures! YAY! :) We are so looking forward to their first real photo shoot...not looking forward to the money spent ;)
This has been a dream of mine for a long time...bringing a baby home, I mean. And it's been a long time coming. I know that Lilly is up there smiling down on us :)
And what better day for her little brother to come home, but the thirteenth. <3

:) 3 E's

2011-08-11T03:09:00.001-04:00

Our babies are doing wonderfully. Actually, I can't believe how well they are doing. :) It makes me smile, and continually reminds me of how I should constantly be down on my knees thanking God for the three precious blessings he blessed us with *almost* four weeks ago. Whew... I can't believe they are twenty seven days old!
Okay, let me give you a quick update on everyone...

~Eli Zayne~
Eli is doing great, and is one step ahead of his brother and sister. Though his brother is bigger than he is - Eli has been consistent in weight gain, eating, and staying warm in his open crib. :) Such a big boy. He weighs four pounds, nine ounces now! He passed his hearing screening last week, and yesterday he was circumcised. Eek! He actually handled it rather well. Minimal crying, and a lot of grunting. The bad part was changing his diaper a little later in the day :( They tried doing a car seat study on him last week - but he decided to let them know (real quick, mind you) that he was too little. He had a spell within five minutes. So that's really all that he has left to do...he's in an open crib, he is maintaining his temperature...he has no feeding tube, he's taking all of his feeds... so that's about it, other than growing out of the "spells" that preemies are famous for.

~Easton Layne~
Easton is doing wonderful! Though he had his minor set back last week with his PDA, and had to go back into an open crib...and stop eating..., he has bounced back just fine. He is taking most of his bottles, but still has his feeding tube for lazy days when he doesn't want to finish his minimum of 35ml. The medicine for the PDA worked, apparently. His PDA went from "small to moderate" to "tiny" after the first round of medication. The other day we were told by the nurse practitioner that she could still hear the murmur, but it was not large. They are still hoping that it will close on it's own. Easton also got the little "snip snip" yesterday - but unfortunately didn't take it as well as his brother. Clif and I both were almost in tears due to him screaming at the top of his lungs. I was heart broken. BUT...all went well, and other than diaper changes he is fine. Easton was finally able to go back into an open crib the night before last - and has been maintaining his temperature perfectly! OH! And Easton is our big boy, weighing in at four pounds, thirteen ounces!

~Elliana Rayne~
Considering everything she has been through these past few weeks, Elliana is doing tremendously well. She's one tough cookie, that's for sure. After her surgery, she has bounced right back - full swing. She is now over four pounds, four pounds one ounce that is. :) She is up to full feeds too... now if she would just take her full feed, or even half, from her bottle. She is an all around NICU baby...SOoooooo lazy. :) She'll get there. Our only "concern" with Elliana as of now is that she is experiencing reflux. :( It wouldn't be so bad - but it's causing her to drop her heart rate. She continues to do well, and pull herself out of most of the spells... but it's still scary! The nurses tell me that she should grow out of this, and I am SO praying that she does! Elliana didn't have to get the big "snip" (of course...she was telling her brothers, "I am glad I don't have one of THOSE")... but she had a big day yesterday, too! She started her day with an eye exam. The doctor had to numb her eyes, and clamp them open. Can you guess why we didn't go to the hospital until after that was over? She has a follow up in three weeks...but the doctor did not see or anticipate anything being wrong :) She also passed her hearing screening yesterday afternoon! We are so proud.

Clif and I couldn't be happier with how well our babies are doing!

three weeks :)

2011-08-07T22:03:00.000-04:00

I feel like I don't have time to think, let alone write a blog post (or even pee for that matter). Having one baby in NICU is hectic, I am sure... but having THREE? Absolutely insane.
I've been nursing Eli for a little over a week now (I think), so we try to be at the hospital as much as possible so that he can get used to nursing! :) I've nursed Easton before, but since he had to go on the medication for his PDA, I haven't been able to nurse him - because he had to start over with his feeds. BUT he is back up to full feeds so I can start nursing him again tomorrow. YAY! Little sister is almost to full feeds...and I will be able to start nursing her soon too!
Babies are doing wonderful. Eli has been in an open crib for several days now, and has been maintaining his temp! He also got his very first bath this past Friday :) He loved it.
Elliana moved to an open crib last night, and had her picc line removed this afternoon. Easton had his IV taken out either last night or this morning, and is trying his best to keep his temp up so that he can move back to HIS open crib. All three babies are considered to be doing "perfect" by the doctors and nurse practitioners. :) It makes me feel SOOOOO good.
Their weights as of last night are:

Eli - 4lb8oz
Easton - 4lb10oz
Elliana - 4lb0.2oz

LOVE them <3

We're still here...

2011-08-04T21:00:00.000-04:00

:) Just wanted to say that we are still alive! Things have been hectic, but continue to go well.
Thanks for all the prayers for our precious little Easton. The first round of medication seemed to do the trick, and his PDA (murmur) shrunk. They first ruled it "small to moderate"... and when he was looked at again yesterday, they said that it's considered "tiny". We are praying that it might not cause any issues in the coming days - and that God may just close it completely! Elliana says that she's praying too... because she doesn't want anyone to take attention away from her! I tell Clif that she is going to use the whole, "I had heart surgery when I was 3 pounds and NOT EVEN two weeks old" card a LOT in her future. Ha!
Thank you for your continued prayers for me,Clif, and most importantly our babies! <3 Check out facebook (Desiree Joy Smith) for pictures!!

Short & Sweet...

2011-08-01T10:43:00.000-04:00

Busy busy busy... I feel as if all we have been doing is running around here lately!

Saturday, Easton was able to move to an open crib - and was followed by Eli yesterday! :) Such big boys! Elliana continues to do well since her surgery, her respiratory rate has been up and down - but they are saying that it's due to left over fluids AND the fact that she had to work so hard for so long to breathe. They started feeding Elliana again on Saturday (PTL!), and yesterday while we were at church...she took her first bottle! And drank it ALL (tho...she still only gets a VERY small amount). She managed to take another bottle during the night, and the nurse told us that she really wanted more after she had finished! :( That breaks Mommy's heart. She probably will not go up on her feeds for a few days yet.

Please say a prayer for little Easton. We were told a week an a half (?) ago that both Easton AND Elliana had heart murmurs. Easton's was small - and they said that more than likely it would close over time. We were also told that unless he started showing symptoms from the PDA (murmur), that they would not do another echo. Well, this morning we went in - and they heard the PDA again during his morning assessment. SO, they have an echo ordered for today. They don't seem to overly concerned. The nurse said that it's not loud enough to cause worry, but they just want to take a look at it. The "good" thing is that Easton has not been treated with the medication - so, if it gets to that point we are praying that the medicine might close it and that he will not have to go through the same surgery as Miss Elliana. :) We are trusting God with this situation, along with all others.

Another thing on the news front... the boys have begun nursing! Easton get's very frustrated...and normally ends up screaming, and being given his bottle (which by the time he gets to the bottle... he is so tired from screaming, it gets poured down his feeding tube!). Eli on the other hand is a Mommy's Milk Man. He nursed on and off for almost thirty minutes yesterday evening. They didn't even give him anything else down his tube because he nursed for so long, AND I'm producing a TON of milk. Not even kidding... I pump on average, nine ounces in less than 15 minutes. Yes, I'm a cow. I can't wait to see how Elliana will do once she gets to that point! <3

Well, that's all for now... we are headed back in to do the care times with the kids! God bless you all, and thank you for your continued prayer!

life is good :)

2011-07-29T22:31:00.000-04:00

Elliana is awake!! :) Talk about making a Mommy feel good. She was stirring a little bit this morning, but wasn't budging. Clif and I had to run some errands, so we didn't get to spend as much time at the hospital as we normally do. I'm sure that we bugged the nurses with all the phone calls to check on all the babies, but especially checking to see if Elliana had woken up.
We went back for the evening care times...and while I was pumping, she woke up! Her little eyes were so puffy from the fluids they gave her - it's hard for her to open them! But we did get to see her peek out a few times. :) I can't even tell you how much better that made me feel.
She still had her breathing tube in (she has been hooked up to a respirator since surgery), and her nurse tonight was chomping at the bit to get it out. :) She said that the tubes were actually hindering Elliana...that she was breathing on her own, and that she really needed it out. SO, the nurse finally got the "ok" from the nurse practitioner... and took the tube out! Thank goodness she waited until we left...but we just called back, and everything went well! She is breathing wonderfully on her own. Praise the Lord!!!
Eli & Easton are doing wonderful as well! They are both off of everything...except for heart monitors (which they will be on until they leave the hospital). Both of their isolettes are set at 27.5, which as soon as they get to 26.0, they can go into open cribs! They have started to wear clothes...which is absolutely adorable. :) They are wearing hospital shirts right now - but I just took their preemie clothes up there tonight! I can't wait to see them in real {little} people clothes! It will be PRECIOUS!
We were there for their weigh in's tonight...and...Eli is no longer the "big brother". Easton weighs in at 4lb3.3oz, and Eli is 4lb1.3oz. They are neck and neck! I was able to offer both boys their bottles tonight...Easton took 11ml for me, and Eli took all but 3 (out of 35) for me :) Made Mommy feel really good.
Tomorrow will {hopefully} be the day that I finally get to try to nurse them! YAY! :) I'm looking forward to seeing how they react! I think Eli is going to do great - he seems to have really good suction on the bottle nipple...so we shall see. And Easton tends to go NUTS when I'm holding him close to my chest, because he smells my milk :)
Well...it's been another long day, and I'm ready for some sleep...not before pumping, of course ;)

Elliana's heart (UPDATE:4:20pm)

2011-07-28T16:23:00.000-04:00

We just spoke to the surgeon, and he said that the surgery went well and was uneventful. Praise the Lord! We are currently in the Ronald McDonald Family Room, waiting to go in and see our precious baby girl! I can't say enough, thank you ALL for the prayers! You will never know how much your love and support (most of you complete strangers) means to us.
Doctor says that she is not out of the woods yet (of course)... they generally do worse for the first 24-36 hours, BUT, we have faith that God will see her through these coming days just as He did during her surgery!
Will keep everyone updated as we hear more.
Please continue to pray for our baby girl as she recovers over the next few days, pray that she makes a smooth and QUICK recovery...and that she catches up with her stinky ole brothers! <3
PRAISE GOD for seeing our {not so little} family through today!

Elliana's heart...(UPDATED:12:41pm)

2011-07-28T10:01:00.001-04:00

UPDATE:
I just left Elliana a few minutes ago. Clif and I were able to hold her for a while, and just love on her before she goes downstairs for her surgery. It was such a precious time for all of us. :) Also, since the boys do not have their picc lines - we were able to disconnect their few wires and hold all three babies! Our sons were able to meet their sissy this morning! It was such a special time - thanks to our awesome nurses, S & K for making that possible.
Elliana will be taken down for her surgery in approximately 15 minutes from now. Hopefully will know something in a few hours. Please continue sending prayers up for our precious (very tiny) baby girl, Elliana Rayne. Thank you in advance!

Just spoke with the surgeon that will be performing Elliana's surgery. Surgery is set for 1:30-2:00 this afternoon. We will know a more definite time when we hear from the OR. Please continue to pray for our precious baby girl. The surgeon explained in detail about the surgery, and I'm actually feeling "ok" about it. He seems like a wonderful doctor - and has been doing this surgery for 10 years. He said that he truly expects Elliana to come through just fine.

The surgery will take about 30-45 minutes, but by the time she leaves NICU and the doctor does the surgery and everything is finished, it will be about two hours before we hear anything.

We are trusting in God to carry Elliana Rayne through this surgery without hiccup. He has had a plan for her little life since before she ever appeared in my womb...and that hasn't changed yet! I believe that He has great plans for her life, and I love the fact that she has already touched many lives in her short 13 days here on earth (outside of Mommy's belly).

Elliana has been given blood this morning...they said that her levels were "ok"... but considering she is getting ready to undergo surgery, they went ahead and gave it to her. I'm waiting for the blood transfusion to finish up (it takes 3 hours), and then headed back to the nursery to hold her before she goes down for surgery.

Thank you all in advance for praying for our sweet baby girl, will update with more as soon as we know it.

Update on Elliana...please pray!

2011-07-27T21:17:00.000-04:00

Clif just spoke to one of the NICU nurses - and according to her, the nurse practitioner talked to the surgeon, and it looks like her surgery is going to take place tomorrow. We don't know 100% for sure, but it's very likely. The nurse told us that it would be a good idea for us to get to the hospital early in the morning, in case we need to meet with the doctors and sign consent forms.
Please pray for our precious baby girl, that the Lord might have His loving hands on her - and her heart. Not only that, but pray that He would guide the doctors that will be performing her surgery. That He may give them the wisdom to make the right decisions for Elliana. Pray for a smooth surgery, and a quick recovery.
And for the nerves of Mommy & Daddy. I know it's in HIS hands now, just like it always has been... but it scares me to death. Our little 3lb7oz baby girl is going to be undergoing heart surgery.
Whew...God is in control. God is still God, and God is still good.

Prayer For Elliana.

2011-07-26T22:38:00.000-04:00

Dear Friends,Family & Strangers...
Clif and I are asking desperately that you pray for our precious baby girl, Elliana Rayne. Elliana has a heart murmur that was noticed just a few days after her birth (11 days ago). She has been given two rounds of medications to try and correct the murmur (PDA), but neither round helped.
Nurse practitioners/doctors have told us that they generally do not like to give more than two rounds of the medication. Since her second round, she has been retaining quite a bit of fluids...which has become a concern of ours - and her health care providers. This morning, they did an xray of her shoulder (to check her picc line, it had coiled up yesterday) and they noticed that her heart & fluids around the lungs had drastically increased. She was scheduled to have another scan of her heart tomorrow, to determine whether or not the PDA had begun to close... but they bumped it up to today.
Verdict is in and the cardiologist says that the PDA is still there - and it has not begun to close. We still have not heard a finalized decision from the doctor and surgeon - but the nurse practitioner that we talked to today seems to think that the doctors are going to decide on surgery.
It's really scary... and it's one of the hardest (I'd say the second hardest) thing that I've ever had to face. BUT...we know that God is in control of our babies.
Please pray for Elliana as she may (more than likely) be facing this surgery in the next day or so - not taking away from her, say a prayer for Mommy & Daddy too! It's been a stressful day...the feeling of helplessness is absolutely consuming at times.
The doctors say that the surgery is very common, especially in preemies. Though, normally babies of Elliana's age generally correct on their own. They did say that they have had their fair share of surgeries on babies of her age. Of course, like with every surgery - there are risks...and that's what terrifies me.
*sigh* Please pray for us, and our beautiful baby girl in the days to come. Will update when we have more information. Thanks in advance for all the prayers sent up.
Not to leave out the boys... they seem to be doing well. They are currently competing in size/weight AND "spells"...I think they are destined to be a handful...or two. :) Please continue to pray for their health, and growth...along with Little Miss. Praying that all three will be home safe with us in the weeks to come.

For I know the plans...

2011-07-23T19:59:00.001-04:00

And I know He does. He hold the future of my family in the palms of His hands.

Just a quick note to ask you all to be praying for Elliana. Her heart murmur has not shrunk, and she has had the maximum doses of the medication. The doctor & surgeon met this morning and have decided to keep an eye on her, considering that she is still doing so well on her own. She is still on room air, and is doing wonderfully! The next step would be a surgery (that's "dangerous" but done all the time), where they go in through her side and put a clip on the artery to make it close. The surgery takes about an hour.

Clif and I are bathing this in prayer, and asking that you join us. We are praying that if it be God's will that he will heal this hole - and that she may not have to go through the surgery (not to mention Mom & Dad having to go through it too!!). We know that His will will be accomplished in the end...

Also, asking for prayer that when Easton has his next EKG that his small murmur will be healed.

Eli seems to be fine :) Growing - and chugging his bottles like crazy!

God bless you all... and thank you in advance for praying with us for our precious children.

blessed + stressed = tired mommy

2011-07-22T07:27:00.000-04:00

I'm exhausted. I've been setting my alarm clock two and three different times a night to get up and pump, and we're not even going to bed until midnight or later every night!
Last night was a struggle, and apparently my body was SO tired - that it finally just gave out.Can't say that I blame it... it's been through quite a bit during my pregnancy with the triplets, and a LOT in the last week and a half. I guess it decided to trump my decision to get up and pump and make me sleep. :) I slept through two alarms, that threw off my pumping schedule. Oh well... what's done is done. And I do feel a little more rested.
Yesterday started strong, and it ended with me laying in bed crying. I think the tears were because of several little things all piled together. I was exhausted, I was in a little pain from the surgery and waiting for the pain pills to kick in, I'm hormonal (they said to expect mood swings for a few weeks)...and then there were some little hiccups with the kids yesterday.
When we went to visit first thing yesterday morning, we were told that they had heard a murmur on Easton as well. So an ekg was ordered for both Easton, and Elliana...for her follow up (she finished up her three days of meds). We received the results yesterday afternoon...Easton's is not big enough that they are worried right now, they will just continue to keep an eye on it. Elliana's is still there, but the cardiologist did not write in the chart if it had shrunk at all. She will be undergoing another three day treatment with meds to try and help shrink the murmur. :-/ I'm a worry wart, as most of you know... and I'm so much worried about the murmur (because they are so common)... but, I am worried about her being on a 6 day straight treatment. The medicine that she is on for the murmur messes with the blood flow in her little belly, so therefore they cannot continue to feed her as they had been for the last several days before starting the treatments. She is getting all of her fats and vitamins/minerals through an IV... but still no milk for her until this treatment is finished. It is breaking my heart, and there is nothing that I can do about it. The nurse ensures me that Elliana won't be hungry, she said that it's very rare for them to show signs of hunger because of her age. Plus, she is getting everything she needs in the IV.
I did kangaroo time with her yesterday...and it's all I could do not to bust out in tears. We had friends visiting with us at the time (the friend is pregnant...maybe it was a mix of hormones? ha!)... and I really didn't want to lose it in front of them. Though, I know they wouldn't have cared. When the nurse placed Elliana on my chest, Baby Girl started "rooting" for the first time. She smelled my milk and was nuzzling all around, licking my chest...just like her brother did! My heart ached. And other parts leaked ;) Just knowing that she knew what I had, and the whole point of me not being able to give it to her in ANY way. Whew... so now Daddy has to do Kangaroo Care with Miss Elliana until she is able to start eating again. After lying down in bed last night, I just burst into tears over my baby girl.
Easton has had a few "spells", where he drops his heart rate. We are told that they expect our children to do this, because of their age. They've each had it happen now... and it's just right down scary. Even if it is normal and expected. :) Mommy and Daddy have a hard time handling it. Yesterday he had a spell during kangaroo care when Clif was holding him...my heart was in my throat, and I wanted to scream. It didn't get down too low... but still too low for our comfort. Reason being, he was so comfy on his Daddy's chest, that he had slumped his little head over - cutting off his airway...as soon as they got his head up and spanked his bottom he was good to go. Whew.
Eli seems to be the "good" child right now...not really having any troubles at this point. We had to run some errands yesterday morning and then we saw a movie before heading back to the hospital for the evening & night. When we called we were shocked to learn (and sad because we were not there) that Eli had been rooting around in his bed. His nurse K, said that he had been waking up before feed time... wide awake. He was on his tummy... and she said that he would open his mouth wide and try to suck on the bed. They gave him his pacifier and he went to TOWN on it... he's putting his hands to his face, and sucking his fingers. She spoke with the nurse practitioner on the floor, and the np told Eli's nurse since he was actually showing them hunger signs, to try and feed him through his bottle (instead of his tube) that time. He LOVED it. He finished 14 (I think, maybe 12) milliliters. What a porker! They also gave Easton a bottle, just because if brother is trying it...they wanted him to try too. He took about 11 mil and then went to sleep.
Apparently the bottle wore him out because that's when his spells started up. They said that they really felt that the bottle had tired him. Now Baby Boy Easton is back on the nasal cannula. He's only on .5 liter...so it's barely a little whiff!
All in all, our babies are doing wonderfully. We try our hardest not to complain because we know there are babies in our pod that are MUCH worse than our little ones. Nurses continue to tell us how well our babies are doing for their gestational age...AND their actual age. Which, by the way... they are a week old today (well, they will be at 5:30). I cannot believe my precious little miracles are 7 whole days old. Geez... this is going fast!

it's 4:52, do you know where your children are?

2011-07-21T04:52:00.000-04:00

I know where mine are! The hospital :) And I am across the street (in our very comfty hotel) pumping away. Fun stuff. Oh, and did I mention that Clif is sound asleep in bed. Hmmm... must be nice.
Things are going really well...and it's so hard to get my sleep deprived brain to think of things that we should update on.
Eli & Easton are up to 8 feeds a day, and tolerating very well. They've both needed a little help with their "stooling", and have been given some meds (Elliana was started on these meds a few days earlier because she had yet to "empty" things on her own).
Since I last wrote, we were able to start "kangaroo time" with all three babies! For those of you that don't know, Kangaroo time is a time of skin to skin holding for Mommy,Daddy, and babies. Generally during a normal care time, they swaddle the baby for you to hold... but for Kangaroo time, you strip from the waist up and have your baby (diaper only) put on your chest, and covered with a blankie. It's pretty magical. I have had this special time with all three babies now, and while my time with all the babies was special... my time with Easton was most memorable. :) He's a funny little guy. The nurse handed him off to me yesterday... he came to me crying, but settled as soon as reaching my arms. And then as soon as the nurse walked away...this kid went NUTS. He smelled my milk...so all he could do was burrow into me. He'd push with his feet, raise his head to look at me...start crying, and then flop his head down right between my breasts. Then (while still crying) he would start making sucking noises, and actually started to LICK me. Not suck...not even trying to suck... but LICK me. It was HILARIOUS. :) And then he found his thumb. Call me crazy, but I do have the pictures to prove it. He found his thumb, got JUST his thumb in his mouth...and really sucked on it. Craziness.
The only other update we have is that they told us a few days ago that Elliana has a slight heart murmur. They thought that it would correct on it's own during her first few days of life - but it has not. They started her on medications the night before last, and it's supposed to be a three day deal. At least for the first round. The only thing that breaks my heart is that she is not able to be fed during time of treatment, so she is having to rely fully on her nutrients coming from the IV. And she SOOO loves her nutrition coming from Mommy's milk. :( Only a day or so left...and I am so glad. Please pray that this one round will take the murmur away, and that we won't have to put her through this again!

baby update (from the outside!) weird...

2011-07-17T11:30:00.000-04:00

Our three little ones are ALL doing amazing. Doctors and nurses are amazed at how well they are doing, considering their gestational age.
Both boys still continue to breath room air, with no assistance. Eli's oxygen levels dropped slightly during the night, but nothing to the point where they had to put him back on cpap...or even a nasal cannula. :) It's actually apnea (which is very common for preemies) and they are treating it with caffeine. Weird! Dr.G says that we need caffeine when we get up (coffee), so babies should get it too! ha :) They say that the caffeine with last a few days, and his brain should be "old enough" by then to remember to breathe. Aside from that (and that's no big thing!) both boys are doing wonderfully.
Little Miss Elliana continues to do fine as well. She still has her nasal cannula. It's just pushing air into her lungs...she is not on oxygen either.
All three started their feedings yesterday (through feeding tubes, of course). All are doing WONDERFULLY with it. Keeping the milk down, and digesting it. Yay! A big praise.
I've been able to pump off and on... though I'm afraid that the colostrum is coming to an end. We are praying that my milk will come in during these next few days <3
I'm healing well from the surgery, with little pain from my incision. However, where my stomach was stretched open SO FAR during surgery, I have a crazy amount of air that remains in my stomach. It's probably one of the most painful things I've ever endured. :) But, it will be gone in time...and it's so worth it.
I still can't get over the fact that God has blessed us with three beautiful, HEALTHY, living & breathing babies! We will for ever be in debt to our Savior who has blessed us with so much.
Dr.G came in this morning to check on me...and we had a very nice chat. He continuously told us how well the babies are doing - and how he is thrilled that everything has gone so well with us, and him. We were able to give him his gift (a hand turned pen made by my brother). He cried :) We cried. We hugged...and, once again I can't say enough how much I truly love that man. He has been such a blessing to me and my family. I'm so thrilled that God saw fit to put him in our lives, and that he has been able to be a part of everything over these last two years!
More updates later....