Friday, April 29, 2011

20 weeks bump & baby shots :)

Here are a few ultrasound pictures to share with you all :) Also, my 20 week belly shot... taken with the "caution bump" sign that I have been searching for! Thanks to Sarah for finding it for me :) Enjoy...

-Our Little Man, Eli Zane (and all his manliness) - weighing in at 13 ounces-

--Eli's profile--

-Our Little man, Easton Lane (and all his manliness) - weighing in at 12 ounces -

--Easton's profile--

~Our Little Lady, Elliana Rayne - weighing in at 12 ounces~

~*~Elliana's profile~*~

*Mommy, Eli,Easton & Elliana - 20 weeks*

*Mommy and her three E's*


Eli Zane Smith

Easton Lane Smith

Elliana Rayne Smith

God has answered my {our} prayers.

Yes...babies in general (well, actually A baby) was our prayer. And we got our prayers answered times three. BUT there is something about that little girl. No, not a replacement of Lilly... but because of Lilly, little girls will always hold a special place in my heart. My girls. Oh my gosh... my girls. :) I am mommy to two beautiful baby girls... not to mention two precious little BOYS! Ah! We are SOOOO very blessed... I can't even begin to tell you!!

Yesterday's ultrasound went WONDERFULLY. :) First of all...fluids are PERFECT, which of course has been my main concern since day 1. Babies are very active and very healthy, as far as we can tell. Everyone's heart's,kidney's,stomachs,brains...ect ect look good...and they are measuring right on track! Eli was being a little bit of a stubborn brat... laying on his tummy and refusing to move (until we left the office, of course!!)... so we couldn't get all of the pictures of the heart that we needed. :) Which means that I get to see my Little Love's in two weeks!! How exciting! We were able to SEE his heart, the four chambers AND hear his heart beat (which all looked and sounded normal)... but apparently they have to have a front view too.

It's weird having Eli down so LOW in my tummy...almost like he is head banging on my pelvis! V said that it's completely normal with triplets though - because they run out of room to move!! Which...thinking about it, makes sense. :)

At my last appointment I was told that Baby A & C were boys... and this appointment I was told that Baby C is actually Baby B, and that Baby C is the one that was Baby No Name all along (now isn't that confusing!!).

SO... Baby A (Eli) showed his stuff to us first thing yesterday morning. In fact, it's the first thing that he showed us!! Apparently he is rather proud, and might even be braggin to his brother a little. :) Easton wasn't much more modest that Eli...flaunting his stuff for Miss V. I really felt all along that I was having two boys and a girl, but everyone kept telling me that we are having three boys. I mean, even up to the day... people were telling me it was cute how I thought there was a girl in there, but they were sure that there were three boys. Geez people, never go against a mother's gut feeling!!! As soon as V put the wand on Baby C (Elliana), we knew. There was no denying the butt in our face sporting three lines :) All I could do was laugh (and cry) and tell Clif, "I TOLD you it was a GIRL!" Needless to say, we were both VERY happy and poor Clif was a little shocked, I think.

However... he is happy that our little Elliana is going to have two protective brothers to watch out for her. Clif says that she will never get a date with Eli & Easton near by.

My blood pressure was better than it's been...well, since I've been pregnant. Well... not really better than it's been since I've been pregnant, but better than it has at any other doctor's appointment that I've had thus far. I think it's because it wasn't the first thing that we did! We went with V for our ultrasound (which, I've very impressed... she said it would take at least an hour & a half... it took right at an hour!), and after that was finished we waited like 15 minutes and Miss B came to weigh me (let's add four more pounds to total 26 pounds so far!) and take my blood pressure. I was all smiles (of course, and very relieved because I had just seen my babies in action). I was talking to B as she took my blood pressure, and when I asked how it was.... 130/80. Which is still higher than usual (at home & work anyway)... but everyone was VERY excited about it. Dr G told me that my new blood pressure medicine was to get an "quick scan" every appointment from here on out. I think that he was half kidding at first, but later told me that he would like (if possible) to get me scheduled for a quick ultrasound at every appointment to check heart rates and fluids. Have I mentioned lately that I LOVE my doctor?

Dr G started measuring for the first time yesterday. :) I was 20w1d, measuring in at 33 weeks. HA! He says that is right on track for triplets. Woo hoo. They were very impressed with my blood pressure, my size, weight gain...and how well I am getting around in general.

He asked me the dreaded question though... "when do you plan to stop working". Well doc... whenever you tell me to. He told me that he wants me to quit in four weeks. AH! Twenty four weeks and on bed rest. Fun stuff. :) Though - in the end, it's all going to be SO worth it. Paid time off will run out 6 1/2 weeks after I go out on leave, and then FMLA will be used up in 11. After that, I can apply for leave of absence which I think I can drag out for 40 days. *sigh* So after all is said and done... I might have to re apply for my job...if it's still there for the taking. But I'm trying to stay positive and not think about those things too much!

So it is looking like that the last full week of May (hopefully that Friday) will be my last day of work for a while. :( But ya know what - whatever is safe for my babies! I know that the Lord is going to provide what we need. Not WANT, but need. :) We will be okay!

A little information on the personal side (maybe TMI?)... I think that I have decided to go on birth control after the babies are born. I haven't decided 100%... but I think it's probably going to be for the best. I talked to my nurse, J, yesterday and she said that there is ONE type of birth control that I can take that is safe during breast feeding. :) I don't remember what it's called but it starts with an "M" (I think). More than likely, I won't have a cycle while breastfeeding anyway... but just in case. And though it doesn't happen TOO often, there is a possibility that I could ovulate before I actually have a period. SCARY! :) Clif is scared that we will have three four months olds and then find out we are pregnant with two more, naturally! haha. And too... with the PCOS that I have, I think that being on something will help me take weight off - because tho induced by medicine, my body will be doing what it needs to do. Once I stop breast feeding, all I have to do is call my doctor - and they will call in regular pills. Which, I have heard there are a few out there that actually HELP with the symptoms of PCOS. :) BUT...we will see. I know that God will not give us more children than we can handle! AND if He wants me to be pregnant with twins after the triplets are born... then birth control isn't going to stop Him!

More updates later. :) Off to an evening of resting at home alone, on the couch...with movies! :) Headed to my bestest friends baby shower tomorrow...can't wait! Oh...AND I am finally going to register (at Target) tomorrow! SO exciting! last thing I forgot to mention :) My cervix? CLAMPED SHUT! Which, this never was an issue in my past fact, it didn't want to budge. BUT it's nice to know that with the weight of three little babies in still is closed tight!

Thursday, April 28, 2011


Just wanted to say that everything went well today - but I am exhausted!! :) I will definitely write a detailed update tomorrow evening. Check us out of facebook for updates & pictures!!!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

20 weeks and a melt down :)

So...I had a slight melt down today. Not huge... it almost didn't happen. But then it did :(

Hormones have been treating me pretty good this pregnancy. Really good, actually. I can't think of any major break downs (other than when we hit a deer when I was 4 weeks pregnant). But today - I woke up feeling hormonal... and boy did that feeling show true at work!

I encountered someone today that wasn't aware that I was pregnant again, let alone with triplets! So after chatting a few minutes, saying that I was 20 weeks along (although I appear to be like eight months!)... and that we are having at least two boys. I shared about going to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully finding out what the third is, and then I was asked the question. "What are you going to do? You already have one at home, right?" Ouch. But I handled it pretty well, saying no... we don't, that our daughter passed away in November 2009. This person immediately apologized (and remembered) and felt awful. I felt pretty awful too. I always hate springing that on people... even if it's someone that I "know". So I finished the conversation and went about my way.

When I turned my back to leave... unannounced tears sprung to my eyes. They really surprised me, because I've been handling that question rather well during this pregnancy. I brushed it off and tried to get my mind off of it. I shot a quick email to a friend at work about it, and felt better.

THEN, I had to go and talk to someone else in our office... and this person mentioned how awful the person felt for asking me about Lilly. I said that it was no big deal, and that normally I don't think anything about it. They told me that I had handled the situation really well... and went on to say some other stuff, and all of the sudden the tears came back and this time...they won. They just started spilling out - and there was nothing that I could do to stop them. Embarrassing! Or, at least it would have been my boss for the first *almost* three years I have been at my job.

I was hugged, consoled... and then cried some more. :) Maybe I needed it? I don't know... but it was so out of character for me (at least ME here lately). Oh well. I was upset at myself for breaking down those. Geez. *sigh*

Whew. So needless to say, it's been a day (and a half!) and I am so thankful to finally be home, resting...and spending time with my Honey (and getting ready to watch American Idol!) HA!

Tomorrow is the big day... our anatomy scan, and HOPEFULLY the day that our Baby No Name (aka Baby B) reveals it's privates!! I'm so ready to stop calling it an "IT" and calling him or her by name! Please pray that all goes well, that each baby is developing as it should, and that they all have all the right parts! Also, please especially pray for good fluid levels :) And...I selfishly ask you all to pray for little girl parts! I really really really want my little girl... but will be JUST as excited about three little boys.

Praying for a good appointment...and will update tomorrow evening (probably somewhat late, because I have to go to the dr and then back to work until six). :) Wish me luck!

Monday, April 25, 2011

19 weeks :)

So this past Wednesday marked nineteen weeks pregnant with our precious triplets :) Eli, Easton & Baby No Name (which hopefully will change this coming up Thursday morning!!!)

Enjoy the below pictures of the baby bump & a few things that we have picked up for the babies along the way!

~From Gigi~ 
~From Mommy & Daddy~

~Boots for boys OR girls~

~from Daddy~

                                                                        A room full :)
~From Poppy & Gigi~

~From Ms Fay~

~From Gigi~

lillies for Easter & diaper bags

Saturday proved to be...weird.

It was a LONG day, to say the least. I was physically exhausted...because I had been on my feel all day long. It was nice, because I was able to spend the whole entire day with Clif. :)

We went to town and did some shopping at Wal*Mart. I felt weird when we went to the register to check out. In my arms I carried pink Lillie's to take to the cemetery (to take after a LONG time of not going...),

 a green polka dotted rug for the Skittle's bathroom... and a diaper bag. So I was buying flowers to place on my fist Born's grave while I bought items for the babies that we are praying to bring home in mid August. Weird.

I also had a pretty rough day emotionally. I've had a hard time feeling the babies move on a regular basis since they have started moving, I guess mainly because of the anterior placentas. But I DO normally feel them a few times during the day - and if I lay down, I almost always feel them swimming around :) Well, on Saturday - I guess because I was constantly moving I didn't feel them. It started to worry me, so I decided to lay down and rest. Still nothing. I went all day, and a good part into the night without feeling them move. I even ate a taco from taco bell with two packs of hot sauce..ha! Eli normally moves around if I feed him spicy food!!

FINALLY when Clif and I got home from my parents house I laid on the couch for a while, relaxed (while receiving a leg & back rub from my hubby)... and after a few minutes he finally started moving. :) I can't even begin to describe the relief. Clif, of course, never was worried...and I tried not to be. But sometimes it's just plain hard.

As I sit here typing about not feeling them move as often, I'm getting sweet little kicks to the bottom of my tummy from Mr.Eli. LOVE this feeling :)

Saturday, April 23, 2011

The Passion Of The Christ

I've been thinking a lot about this movie the last few days. If you've never seen it... I would suggest watching it. It may depict everything that happened all those years ago - but it's a beautiful, emotional reminder. I can say that I have never thought of the crucifixion of Christ the same after seeing this movie.
I will say that it's a very intense, graphic movie... and extremely emotional. But I thought it was great. It really makes you think...

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

nineteen with three :)

This week has been a pretty uneventful week. What a relief! I love weeks like this. Where nothing goes wrong... where everything seems to be fine. Weeks where I feel good (or at least as good as you can when you are 19 weeks pregnant with triplets!).

Today we reached the nineteen week mark. Can't believe we have made it this far with little to no bumps along the road! I feel calm most days. Of course, there are days when I feel like I am going to explode with anxiety... but those days are few and far between. I really just have a sense of peace with this pregnancy.

I'm officially past the half way mark (more than likely). I have made it farther (in weeks) than I have left to go. That's pretty exciting!! Seventeen weeks left until the 36 week mark, which is where I pray to make it to!

With two of my three placentas being anterior - I was really concerned that I wouldn't be able to feel my little Skittle's move around in there. I have felt "flutters" (more like fishies swimming around in my belly) since about twelve weeks or so. But then again... it could have just been gas! :) But now I feel definite movement. Not as often as I would like... but I felt them every day for the last week or so. Their movements are finally getting a little more force behind them. Clif was even able to feel Eli & possibly Baby No Name on Monday night. It was...well, one of the best feelings in the world.

If you have ever been pregnant... you know that feeling your baby(s) move is one of the most magical feelings you will ever experience. And then being able to watch the face of your partner light up when he feels the baby...priceless. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I love it.

As crazy as I may sound saying this, I can't wait to feel all three of them going crazy in there! :) Just hope that I'm close to a bathroom, seeing as I have had a few close calls already!

I love to watch people's faces when they ask when I'm due and I answer with "September 14th". :) It never fails to crack me up. They look a little surprised and then usually say something nice to cover up their shock. And when I tell them that I am carrying triplets - it's even better. I normally get the, "oh... I was thinking that you are kind of big to have that much further to go!" :)

Currently... I have mostly good days - with a few rough ones mixed in every now and again. I get REALLY tired...very easily. And I've started to swell with the heat. More of that to come, I'm sure.

We are SO excited about our April 28th appointment. :) It's for our anatomy scan...and hopefully to confirm Baby C's sex, and to reveal Baby B's (aka No Name) sex. We are still holding out for a girl...but not getting our hopes up too much. seems like every single pregnant person that I know (with the exception of like two) are carrying little boys. And the majority of people that have recently had babies...BOYS. I definitely think it's the season of the boys. :) this point, as much as I want a little girl... I really don't care as long as they are happy and healthy.

PLUS...there is always a next time **wink wink**


...and to the point.

Today I went to Wendy's for lunch (and yes, it was semi healthy. Well...kinda. I had a burger and baked potato...though I would have rather had a triple baconator & fries...and I think the babies agreed with me!).

After we said a prayer over our food - I noticed a Virginia State Trooper sit down across from our table. He put his tray on the table, removed his hat, and bowed his head to pray. He didn't speak out loud... though his lips did move. I could tell that he was sincere in what he was praying. This man not only took the time to bow and thank God for his food... but he wasn't concerned about what people might think about him. He took his time... in fact, his prayer lasted such a long time that I was beginning to wonder if he was okay.

Finally, after several minutes... he opened his eyes, unwrapped his burger and ate his lunch. I'm not really sure why this touched me the way it did... but, it did. It was nice to see for a change. :) And it was a bonus that he was a State Trooper... and that he didn't care about what he may look like. I happen to think that it made him look much more like a man. :)

Felt like I should share...

Sunday, April 17, 2011

half full :)

Eighteen weeks pregnant with my three little Skittle's.

Baby A = Eli Zane

Baby B = To be determined *hopefully* on April 28th. Hopefully "V" can work her magic and make stubborn baby show his/her stuff!!!

Baby C = Easton Lane

At eighteen weeks... for the most part, I feel great. Or as great as you can feel when you are eighteen *almost* nineteen weeks pregnant with triplets. :) My only complaints are that my back is starting to hurt, my ankles are *slightly* swollen from time to time, and I get tired very very easily.

Movement is hit or miss. They (especially Eli) tend to react to food more than anything! Just like a *little* man. Dr g said that it may take me longer to feel strong movements due to Easton & Baby B's placentas being anterior. So where they aren't STRONG movements... I do feel them swimming in there. Mostly when I'm still. Hopefully in a few more weeks they will be big enough for me to feel on a regular basis.

Blood pressure has been really good. Last week it was extremely low - and I was actually concerned about it being TOO low. We're talking 110s/60s...which is weird for me. This week it has been back up 120s/80s...which has always been normal for me. It's weird - when I am active, it tends to be lower. I guess it makes sense.

Weight gain :) Touchy subject., actually I have gotten past really caring. As long as the babies and me are healthy, that's all I care about. As of this past Wednesday, my weight gain is up to 20 pounds. Dr G told me in the beginning that I should gain 45 pounds. I have been reading a book written by a doctor that specializes in multiple pregnancies and she says (I think) between 60-75 pounds, even if you were overweight before becoming pregnant.

Speaking of weight - I told Clif that he may not ever want to see me without clothes on, but that I am going to be super skinny after these babies are born. I weighed 129 or less when we first got together. :) And that's what I'm pushing for after Eli, Easton, and B get here.'s Sunday morning and I am off to church. :) We have a missionary/Evangelist speaking this morning, and then out to eat. Clif is working :( So he will not be joining us. Hope everyone has a great Sunday!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Rose & Her Lily

Please head on over to Hannah Rose's blog and check out her first ever giveaway!! :) She is giving away a book written by Mary Beth Chapman, in honor or her sweet Lily...gone too soon, March 16th,2010. Love you Hannah!!!

Friday, April 15, 2011

Seventeen without L.J.S

Today marks two years since the day that we saw our little Lilly Bean for the first time, at least in my belly. J April 15th, tax day… a day that MOST people dread. But it’s a day that holds a special place in my heart.

I have to admit that even though I was thrilled to find out that two of our babies are boys, Eli & Easton, it was bitter sweet on Wednesday. Getting an ultrasound… finding out the sexes of two out of three of our babies… and knowing that two years ago we were experiencing the first little bit of excitement over our first born. I was just unexpectedly… hard.

I keep wondering about the three babies that are growing inside of me now. Will they look like Lilly? How will I handle everything?

Honestly? I think I’m going to be fine. I know some mothers stress about PPD… but I don’t. I’m the type of person who might get stressed out… I might even let me stress show sometimes. But for the most part I suck it up and deal with what’s going on – and get things done. And I really honestly think that’s how I am going to be when the triplets arrive.

Don’t get me wrong. I think that it will be hard, and emotional – for both me AND Clif. But I know that our God will never give us more than He can give the strength to handle. J And He hasn’t given us anything that we weren’t able to make it through thus far – I don’t see it happening in the near future.

I keep thinking about how much I miss her. And how much that I wish she were here to experience this new chapter with us. BUT…as I’ve told myself a million times I can’t allow myself to live in the land of what if’s.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


Well...we had our appointment with the nurse practitioner today! "T" was thrilled that she got to look at THREE babies. :) I was her first with triplets.
We were able to watch them play around for about 15-20 minutes, which was nice. Talk about some very active children. :)
After a little persuading...we were able to see Baby A & Baby C's "stuff". T, Clif, and myself are fairly positive (T says that she is 90% sure) that A&C are.....


Baby C is definite, at least in my book. :) She took a still picture of him. He was all leaned back, legs spread wide...showing his stuff to whomever wanted to look. That's a man for ya!
Baby A isn't as definite... but we are pretty sure that we saw floppage (that's my new terminology) between his legs.
Whew. I don't know whether to smile or to have a panic attack. TWO boys. haha. No, really...I don't care what they are... I am just ecstatic that they are doing well.
T says that all the babies look great, that their sacks offer great separation... and that their fluid levels are "excellent". Thank you LORD!
As much as I DON'T care what the third baby is (Baby B)...I am praying praying praying that IT is a GIRL. We just have so much stuff for a little girl - and I just can't bring myself to get rid of it. PLUS, every mommy needs her little girl.
I already told Clif, half joking... but half serious (maybe more serious than joking) that if there isn't a girl in there - once I get the triplets weaned from breast milk - we are going back to Dr S for some more treatments. :) At this point, not only do I want a girl, but I am willing to have as many children as the Lord will bless us with!
Well...back in two weeks (28th) for our 20 week anatomy scan. Hopefully "B" will cooperate with V more than "it" did with T. Please please please... haha... the suspense is KILLING me.
Please join me in praying for GIRL parts :)

Saturday, April 9, 2011

baby bumps!

Pictures taken with my best friend of sixteen years :) Aleisha is currently 33 weeks pregnant, carrying a baby boy...due to arrive on or around June 2nd. I, of course, am carrying triplets due September 14th - but hopefully they will arrive a few weeks sooner than that.
ANYway...Aleisha and I thought that it would be fun to take belly comparison shots, which it turned out to be very amusing :) Most of my weight gain (which actually, our weight gain is right at the same!) is mostly in my belly...and the But my belly is growing sideways as well as frontwards. Aleisha is carrying mostly out front, and slightly pointy.
I love having SO many people to experience this pregnancy with. It's been such a blessing.

Friday, April 8, 2011

happy birthday husband!

Happy Birthday, Clif! :) I love you with all of my heart. I hope that you have a GREAT birthday weekend. Enjoy it, because you deserve it. xoxox

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Incredibly BLESSED.

Wow. So I encountered this woman today - and I will admit that at first sight (actually I have seen her several times), I wouldn't think of her as a real "lady". I know that sounds horrible - but it's just the way that she carries herself.
If I had to guess, she is probably in her mid to late sixties - and just from the looks of it, she has led a really rough life. But she's always sweet as can everyone that she comes into contact with.
ANYway...back to my point.
So I was helping her with some things - and upon seeing my stomach (oh my gosh - I feel like I have gotten SO much bigger in the last week... I don't think I have any room left to pop) she asked when my baby was due. :) I love when people ask when my baby is due, because I always reply with... THEY are due September 14th, but will more than likely be joining us in August. So I said my line - and she looked at me, and I nodded. "Yes, there is more than one. Actually - I am having triplets.
I wish you could have seen this woman's face light up with excitement...for someone that she doesn't even know! She immediately started asking questions. Do I know what they are yet? If I had to choose, what would I want? How am I feeling? Do the doctors foresee any complications?
And then she asked me the question that 90% of people ask. "Are these your first?" My answer varies - just depending on the person, and the situation. But most of the time I answer with, "This is my second pregnancy". I think most people get the clue from that. I always feel bad for not telling people that this is my second pregnancy, and that our daughter passed away almost seventeen months ago. But I also hate making people feel uncomfortable. So...the "this is my second pregnancy" answer is normally how I answer their questions.
Moving on. So after this dear woman asks me the question, she asks if they were naturally conceived. Getting kind personal! But oddly, I really didn't mind answering. I told her that they were conceived through fertility treatments.
She smiled and then he eyes glazed over. She stated, "Well... I am so happy for you - and wish you the best! The Lord never blessed me with children. But if He had... I know that my life would have been completely different, and that I would have loved them with everything I am." She went on to say that she had prayed and prayed for children, that all she wanted was to make her father a grandpa. And that he had died before she had the chance.
And then she told me something that broke my heart. After telling me that the Lord had not blessed her with Children, and that she had desperately WANTED a child - and that her dad had died, never knowing the joy of being a grandparent...she told me that, thirty five years ago she delivered a still born baby boy. She didn't say much about him, just that he would always hold a place in her heart. And how she wished that he had lived, and how much she would have loved him.
Seriously? Okay with everything that Clif and I have been through in the last year...PLUS my raging pregnancy hormones... I'm really lucky that I did not absolutely LOSE it right then and there. And I thought that she would cry too.
But she went on to say that God must have had a purpose for taking her son. And that she would see him again one day.
The thing that broke my heart was... for the first half of that conversation she didn't even acknowledge that she had children. She didn't mention having a baby boy.
From what I hear, thirty five years ago... still birth was not spoken of. Many women who experienced that horrible situation are ASHAMED, almost. Like it's a big dark secret that they are never allowed to talk about. Many women never even were able to SEE their child, let alone hold, kiss, mourn. They have nothing left of those children except memories of their pregnancies that they store deep inside.
How sad! She said that she hadn't even thought about how long it had been until seeing me today.
I wanted so badly to tell her my experience, and tell her all about my precious little Lilly. But I didn't. I don't think that I could have held it together - and I don't really think that it was the time or place.
All I can keep thinking is how SAD that is. Any loss is heartbreaking - but to experience something like giving birth to a still baby...and things being like they were back then. *sigh* It hit me deep inside.
I am so very thankful that I was given the opportunity to hold my baby girl. So thankful that Clif was able to see her, and kiss her. Thankful for the nurses on the thirteenth floor of RMH that took pictures of our Lilly Bean for us to cherish forever. Thankful for the sweet lady at the funeral home that prepared Lilly's body for her funeral... taking extra care, just to make me feel better. So thankful for the support of loved ones...and complete strangers.
I can't imagine being alone at a time like that. And I can't imagine not thinking of my baby every single day of my life.
In the midst of our sorrow...we were so incredibly blessed. And we still are. And this lady helped me see that today. :)

Sunday, April 3, 2011

i still miss her.

With everything that I am.

With every fiber of my being.

I've missed her for 506 days...and I don't see that changing any time soon. She is on my mind constantly, every single day.

I can't believe it's been *almost* seventeen months since we said goodbye to her...before we even got the chance to say hello.

One fear that I've had since November 13,2009 is that I would forget. That I'd forget her...forget that day, forget the details of my pregnancy with her. Just forget. But I don't forget... I remember more and more by the day. Today, I am remembering the first time we saw our little Bean. April 15th,2009. In all reality, she didn't even look like a baby at that point...more like a blob...actually, like a bean :) I still remembering seeing and hearing her little heart beat for the first time. Laying there, Clif holding my hand... and tears running down my cheeks. There's nothing in the world like hearing the heart beat of your little baby.

Fast forward a few months - another ultrasound. In June... though I don't remember the exact day. It's the day that we learned we were having a Lillian Joy, not a Hayden James. I remember the look on Clif's face when V told us that we were most definitely having a little girl. "See those three lines," she asked, "you're having a little girl!" Again, tears rolled down my face...and I couldn't help but laugh. I'd been telling Clif all along that I was carrying a little girl inside of me.

A few months after that? Another TWO ultrasounds - 4D, actually. :) We saw what our little girl would look like. Kind of creepy at first, but amazing in the end.

All that to say - I still miss her. And just because this blog has had a lot of talk about our current blessings... doesn't mean that we have forgot our first. She is the reason for it all. And we will never forget.

Saturday, April 2, 2011


We made it to sixteen weeks! Actually, we're almost to seventeen now!! :) I can't even begin to express how truly thankful that we are for these special little blessings from God.
It's been a pretty exhausting week... and to tell you the truth, I can see now that Dr G is probably right when it comes to me having about eight weeks left of work. *sigh* As much as I hate to admit it... I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to handle the work load of every day life.
Please begin praying for me now, for the anxiety I am sure that I will experience when I am taken out of work. It's going to be rough...sitting at home, with my mind....knowing that after six short weeks we will have to seek out long term disability, unemployment options...and leave of absence from work. Well...actually, we will have eleven weeks before my FMLA is up - but only six weeks (maybe less?) will be paid time. need of even stressing over those kinds of things now anyways.
This week things have begun to sink in a little more...about having THREE babies. It's really hard to believe. It's very possible that at 16 weeks pregnant, I am half way through. I'm praying praying praying that we can hold out to 35 weeks. But I know that God is in control, and that His will will be done. :)
Speaking of 35 weeks...Clif and I watched an episode of "Make Room For Multiples" today that made me feel good. This girl (who was extremely small and petite to begin with!) was pregnant with triplets. She made it to 35 weeks! She was huge.ha! But she did it. She made it to the point that I pray to make it to every day. The babies were of course born via c-section. They had waited until that day to learn the sex of their three little ones. Three girls!! Their weights? 5.7lbs, 5.1lbs, and 6.2lbs. Can you believe it? I think one or two had to go to the NICU initially - just to be sure that they were breathing on their own, ect. But one went straight to the regular nursery. ALL THREE babies went home FOUR days after delivery. How awesome is that?
Now... Clif and I still expect our babies to have to spend time in the NICU - but we are also very aware that God performs miracles every single day - and that everything is possible...through HIM! :)
Ahhh... okay, it's 8, I worked today... and I am exhausted. I think it's time for the computer to go to sleep... along with one very tired mama!!! Happy weekend everyone :)

Total Pageviews

Design by Small Bird Studios | All Rights Reserved